Twilight loves Rainbow Dash, but Applejack loves her as well. When they go to tell Rainbow Dash, they run into each other and find out each other secret. Which one will win Rainbows heart?
Chapters (4)
Durant
Joined 13th Jan, 2014 ·
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Go on.
plot twist:
Rainbow: girls... i'm not gay
could use a bit of editing but its still enjoyable waiting for chapter three
3801275
Dun dun DUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Ps. Twidash ftw
POlyamory?
It just got gooood.
IM confused
You had me worried there for a second.
I've got nothing against appledash, but I find that I can't read them without getting ticked off.
P.s. This must be said...
(Cough) ahem...
TWIDASH FOR THE MOTHERBUCKING WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Al tho i'am 100% Twishy and Appledash shipper, i'am not lying when i say that Twidash and AppleShy is kinda my back up or second choose.
I do notice some words to be missing but nothing that takes the reading experience away from me at least.Good fic so far looking forward to the next chapter
Alright, I like what you attempted here, but there are some problems. Your spelling and grammar need some work. I've seen worse, but this is pretty bad.
Also, you really should slow down the pace on this story. One minute, Twilight and Applejack are arguing over who is going to be Rainbow's marefriend, the next Rainbow suddenly realizes she's in love with Twilight, and Fluttershy just marches up to AJ and kisses her and suddenly they're in love?
It would really help if we got a better feeling for the characters. In the last chapter Fluttershy tells Rainbow Dash that she is always showing off and acting differently when around the mare she's interested in. Instead of simply saying
, you could have shown us Rainbow's thoughts, as she began to scour her memories as she tried to figure out what Fluttershy was talking about, before focusing on certain memories that bring the issue into a clearer light.
It is the same thing with Fluttershy and Applejack. Where did that come from? Why would they suddenly be in love? How much cider did Fluttershy drink before she was able to break out of her shy-self to just suddenly kiss Applejack?
So yeah, my advice, either give go over the story again by yourself and fix the errors, or find an editor. Take your time, and really get us into the character's heads, none of us are in a rush! Go into detail as much as you can. Take a whole chapter if need be to really delve into Rainbow's feelings, and perhaps Fluttershy's as well.
Anywho, thanks for the read!
Too fast passed and some missing words as well as a few spelling and gamer mistakes.
(i'll should be the one to talk about that with all that is wrong in my work 
)
But that did not take away my enjoyment of the story. If given a little more work i think you could make this a AppleDashLight fic but it is your choice.
You say the end,and yet it still says incomplete
I was fine with everything you wrote until you hit the Appleshy stuff. You could have fleshed the story out more and it would have turned out better. Maybe give a hint of the whole Fluttershy likes Applejack thing previously. Or even just those two sitting down talking.
The implications of this are terrifying.
dose
I will not downvote, since I didn't read. But I won't read a story that has errors like this in the description.
3842392 thank you for your kind gesture.
As others have said, this really needs an editor and someone you can talk to about pacing issues. The spelling/grammar errors were easy to deal with as this has some potential. But the pacing, especially in the case of the almost forced AppleShy/FlutterJack threw me off.
This weekend I could go over the story as a whole and do a basic spelling/grammar edit. Also give some ideas on how to pace it better. Up to you though, feel free to say no, this is your story.
I did like it, don't get me wrong. But with a little guidance this could be great.
You teased me with the possibility of RariPie. You should try your hoof at developing that.
3895120 Hmmm...maybe I will
good story but... *starts to cry tears of blood* sooo many grammatical errors!
like the story, but i like twijack even more. sorry, holding tea in one hand and i need both hands to type.
that plot twist guy was right
poor spike caut up in the middle of this
my reaction to this chapter:
....
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....
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3801275 That would be hilarious.
Yay! Appledash sucks!
HA! - In your face future me who will probably like AppleDash!
Gaaah! Future sucks!
3811289 I feel ya!