Two Weeks Later
Applejack and Fluttershy walked down towards Sugar Cube Corner together, they had been going out of two weeks and on one outside the Apple family knew. They decided to let all of their friends know, and the first pony was Pinkie Pie. They walked in and saw Mr. Cake working the front counter.
"Hey Mr, Cake, is Pinkie home?" FLuttershy asked.
"She sure is, she in her room" Mr. Cake reported. They walked up stairs and knocked on Pinkies door. Pinkie Pie opened the door, smiled, and hugged them both. Pinkie Pie dragged them inside and sat down.
"So you two are going out now?" Pinkie Pie asked. Applejack and Fluttershy looked at her in shock.
"How did you know that, Pinkie?" Applejack asked.
"When Twilight and Rainbow came by to tell me they were going out, they knock on my door in the same way, and then they looked the same way after I hugged them." Pinkie answered.
'We just wanted to let you, know, but since you already knew I guess we are done here" Fluttershy said.
"Don't you guys what to stay, so I can threw you two a getting together party" Pinkie asked.
"Maybe later, we still have to tell Rarity, Twilight , and Rainbow" Applejack answer.
"Oh, ok, make sure to back later so I can throw you two one" Pinkie laughed.
"Will do Pinkie" Applejack said on her way out followed by Fluttershy. As they left Pinkie watched them walk out and started to think to herself. "I guess now is good time as any to tell Rarity how I feel about her."
"Rarity next?" Fluttershy asked. Applejack nodded as they headed towards Raritys shop. Sugar Cube Corner and Carousel Boutique were close by, so it didn't take long to get there, Applejack knock on the door and the door opened up reveling Rarity. Rarity smiled and invited them to come in.
"So what do I own this visit girls, is there something I can help you two with?" Rarity asked as she walked into the main room and sat down.
"Well, no but we wanted to tell you something" Applejack answered. Flittershy place her hoof on top of Applejacks, Rarity saw this and thought it was a little odd, but didn't worry about it.
"We are dating now." Fluttershy said weakly. Raritys eyes widened with shook as she almost feel out of her chair. Applejack and Fluttershy ran of to help her up.
"Are you ok? ;Fluttershy asked as Applejack picked her up.
"Yes I'm fine, i just wasn't expect it that, that's all" Rarity gave a little laugh. "First Twilight and Rainbow Dash, and now you two, I have fine my special pony soon, otherwise I'll feel left out" Rarity said laughing again.
"Don't worry Rarity, I'm sure you'll them soon enough" Applejack said as she opened the door.
'Why don't you two stay for a while and tell me how it happened" Rarity asked
'Can't, got to go tell Twilight and Rainbow" Applejack answered.
'Next time we'll tell you, I promise" Fluttershy said following Applejack. Rarity shook her head, and start to work.
"I wonder in Pinkie likes mares" Rarity wondered.
They walked slowly to the library, Applejack wasn't sure if she wanted to face Rainbow and Twilight. She knew she hadn't done anything wrong but it was just that the last thing she said to Rainbow was "I Love You.". Fluttershy noticed that Applejack was shaking a bit, so she nuzzled against her.
"You going to ok, Apples" Fluttershy asked using her pert name for her.
"Ya, I just hope neither of them are mad at me after the way I acted" Applejack answer. Fluttershy nuzzled against her once agian, which made Applejack feel better.
Rainbow Dash and Twilight were sitting on the couch cuddling, they took every second they could to do things like this, because Spike, was gone, but he was never gone for to long. Twilight nuzzled into Rainbow Dash, until she heard a knock at the door.
"That must be Spike." Rainbow said annoyed.
"You know, we should go on a vacation, just the two of us" Twilight said, getting up and giving Rainbow a seductive look. Twilight opened the door and was surprised to see Applejack...and Fluttershy.
"Howdy there Twilight, mind if we come in for a little bit?" Applejack ask.
"No its fine. Come on in." Twilight said opening the door to let them in, and continue to hold the door open thinking Pinkie Pie and Rarity would soon follow, but they didn't. Applejack sat down, and Fluttershy sat down next to her, they both looked and Rainbow and Twilight, who had just sat back down.
"So Applejack...no hard feelings, about this?" Rainbow asked.
"No, in fact, it would have been a bad thing, if you had of chosen me. It turns out I never really loveed you..." Applejack said blushing. Rainbow and Twilight looked at her with confused looks on their faces, then looked at Fluttershy.
"What do you mean you didn't love me, I heard everything you said?" Rainbow asked.
"It turns out that I mistook an amazing firendship...for love, we were always together, and we kissed that one time, and al-"Applejack was cut off.
"What kiss?" Twilight asked. Applejacks eyes widen when she realized her mistake.
"Twi, it was by accident, it happened when we were fillys. She knocked me out of a tree and we landed that that way,it didn't mean anything..." Rainbow explained quickly. Rainbow gave Twilight a big kiss and a huge hug. "You know you are the only mare in my life." Rainbow finished. Twilight smiled back at Rainbow then turned back to Applejack and Fluttershy.
"So, what bring you here, Fluttershy, need help with something?" Rainbow asked. Twilight rolled her eyes, thinking it was obvious to everyone.
"Well, no I'm here with Applejack, because I'm her...marefirend." Fluttershy explained in a quite whisper. Rainbow eyes widen at the realization, Fluttershy was her longest friend, and she didn't tell her about this.
'I always had a crush on Applejack, and when you went to tell Twilight I decided I should tell Applejack." Fluttershy explained.
"Did you know that Applejack wasn't really in love with me?" Rainbow asked.
"To say I knew would be wrong, but I had a feeling" Fluttershy said. The door suddenly opened up, and Spike walked in with the food he was sent to get. Spike smiled and waved to Applejack and Fluttershy as he walked into the kitchen to put the food away.
"Would you like the stay for lunch, we have plenty of food?" Twilight asked.
"That would be lovely" Fluttershy answered.
"Ok then, I guess I"ll start making us lunch then" Twilight said as she walked towards the kitchen.
"Let me help" Fluttershy said walking after her, leaving Rainbow and Applejack alone. Rainbow and Applejack stared at each other competitively.
"Want to hoof wrestle" Applejack asked. Rainbow Dash slammed her hoof
"Lets go Cowgirl" Rainbow laughed.
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- xXtacosaregoodXx · 5.3k words · 12 7 · 751 views
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Alright, I like what you attempted here, but there are some problems. Your spelling and grammar need some work. I've seen worse, but this is pretty bad.
Also, you really should slow down the pace on this story. One minute, Twilight and Applejack are arguing over who is going to be Rainbow's marefriend, the next Rainbow suddenly realizes she's in love with Twilight, and Fluttershy just marches up to AJ and kisses her and suddenly they're in love?
It would really help if we got a better feeling for the characters. In the last chapter Fluttershy tells Rainbow Dash that she is always showing off and acting differently when around the mare she's interested in. Instead of simply saying
, you could have shown us Rainbow's thoughts, as she began to scour her memories as she tried to figure out what Fluttershy was talking about, before focusing on certain memories that bring the issue into a clearer light.
It is the same thing with Fluttershy and Applejack. Where did that come from? Why would they suddenly be in love? How much cider did Fluttershy drink before she was able to break out of her shy-self to just suddenly kiss Applejack?
So yeah, my advice, either give go over the story again by yourself and fix the errors, or find an editor. Take your time, and really get us into the character's heads, none of us are in a rush! Go into detail as much as you can. Take a whole chapter if need be to really delve into Rainbow's feelings, and perhaps Fluttershy's as well.
Anywho, thanks for the read!
Too fast passed and some missing words as well as a few spelling and gamer mistakes.
(i'll should be the one to talk about that with all that is wrong in my work 
)
But that did not take away my enjoyment of the story. If given a little more work i think you could make this a AppleDashLight fic but it is your choice.
You say the end,and yet it still says incomplete
I was fine with everything you wrote until you hit the Appleshy stuff. You could have fleshed the story out more and it would have turned out better. Maybe give a hint of the whole Fluttershy likes Applejack thing previously. Or even just those two sitting down talking.
dose
I will not downvote, since I didn't read. But I won't read a story that has errors like this in the description.
3842392 thank you for your kind gesture.
As others have said, this really needs an editor and someone you can talk to about pacing issues. The spelling/grammar errors were easy to deal with as this has some potential. But the pacing, especially in the case of the almost forced AppleShy/FlutterJack threw me off.
This weekend I could go over the story as a whole and do a basic spelling/grammar edit. Also give some ideas on how to pace it better. Up to you though, feel free to say no, this is your story.
I did like it, don't get me wrong. But with a little guidance this could be great.
You teased me with the possibility of RariPie. You should try your hoof at developing that.
3895120 Hmmm...maybe I will
good story but... *starts to cry tears of blood* sooo many grammatical errors!
like the story, but i like twijack even more. sorry, holding tea in one hand and i need both hands to type.
poor spike caut up in the middle of this