Aristotle was the First to Describe What we Call "Bromance"
There were some things that Princess Celestia would never figure out about the humans that arrived in Equestria. From their odd mannerisms and unknowable intentions to their blatant disregard for convention and authority, nothing about them made any sense or provided a true glimpse at the species. The ancient immortal had seen many men and women from all walks of life and several hundred universes, but they all had something unique about them, some difference that made them stand out from the rest. Mages, warriors, thieves, cyborgs, everything you could imagine and more had found a way to Equestria and left just as quickly. The princess had experience with millions of pieces of human technology, and understood many of them completely, but one thing still eluded her.
“Why won't you start?” The alabaster alicorn was feeling much better after her rest, but not quite up to the task of moving much of anything besides the sun. This left her with quite the dilemma, because a certain human hadn't moved the gigantic war machine that rested in one of the palace's ceremonial halls. Leviathan had no key slot, and something had kept it running without any fuel for the past three-hundred years, so there was no reason for the titanic tank to stay dormant after she pressed the start button. “Why do you start for Taylor, but not me?”
“Because your pissing Leviathan off.”
$%$%$%$%$%$%
Really, how could she not see it? Leviathan is from the Warhammer universe, so it had a machine spirit like everything else made by humans. Well, maybe Celestia didn't know about it, but I have no doubt that the presence of an alien within its hull attributed to the vehicle's uncooperative attitude.
“What do you mean pissing Leviathan off? It's a tank, not a pony or animal.” The princess looked at me as I strolled to the instrument panel that that lined the front end of the beast's cab. I didn't answer her, it would do me no good. The machine spirit helped earlier because of my desperate situation and the chance to crush aliens beneath its mighty treads, but there would be no moving the Baneblade until it was appeased. Now the question of how on Earth did I go about making a tank feel better weighed my mind. Being human helped, certainly, but that did not make me a suitable substitute for Leviathan's old crew.
“The Hammer of the Emperor, the first line of defense for the Imperium against xenos and heretics alike.” Something thrummed beneath the metal, something I could pick up without effort. While I wasn't of the Adeptus Mechanicus, I did have an affinity with machinery. “I bet you've seen untold war, violence without end, unrivaled glory on the field of battle.”
“Are you talking to it?” The princess cocked her head, unable or unwilling to feel the machine spirit’s woe. The humming intensified, possibly angry that the xeno was allowed to speak. A bolter clinked as a fresh round was chambered, the spirit's only method of voicing its displeasure.
“Did charging into battle give you a rush? Were you angry that I left you here, alone against the tides of changelings?” The drumming life within the steel beast roared silently, answering me as it would a fellow Guardsman. I saw my opportunity. “Or were you only upset because you couldn't fight back, that you couldn't bring death upon them?”
“Are you feeling well?” Celestia only saw me talking to air, she could not feel the angry spirit that surrounded her, could not know the bond Leviathan shared with those that fought humanity's enemies. Though changelings wouldn't actually count as our foes, would they? “I think you should lie down.”
“While I cannot promise you a return to your brethren, I can give you purpose once more.” The machine's silent shouting and roaring focused into a single, all-encompassing string of sound without noise. Were I a sentimental man, I would have equated it to Gregorian monks singing a hymn by sharing a single, thunderously whispering voice. “If we get you out of this room, cleaned and repaired to the best of my abilities, then you and I shall lead the charges against my enemies.”
In something many would call impossible or miraculous, the v18 engine roared to life.
“Bullshit.” The white princess's eyes were wide with the realization that the tank was able to understand me, and that it didn't like her pushy attitude. I think Leviathan was just eager to get back into action, and its rudimentary control over its own propulsion allowed it to begin backing out the door. “This is completely impossible.”
“If you knew how many times I’ve said the same thing about Equestria, Tia, you would understand the irony of this situation.”
$%$%$%$%$%$%
“Wait, you figured out a spell that was completely unaffected by the human distortion field?” Chrysalis looked at the three unicorns in disbelief, unable to comprehend that they could use magic that had eluded changelings for millenia. Not that the insectoid equines were trying to create a weapon against the hyper-intelligent primates, they just felt it was better to have and not need.
“It was pretty easy, Starswirl the Bearded made it back in the day.” Lyra reclined in her chair, counting off some unknown quantity on nonexistent fingers. “The trouble came from the ritual itself.”
“Not really, just an hour of preparation and lots of energy.” Trixie recalled how exhausting the whole ordeal had been, but the end result put her name in a reputable journal of magical research. “The real trick would be turning a human into a pony.”
“Taylor turned down the offer.” Twilight remember him yelling about wanting to keep his thumbs. The lavender mare could easily see the advantage the digits granted, but that wouldn't have compared to the magic the teen would have received were he transformed into a unicorn. Technological prowess combined with arcane powers would have been a combination unlike anything Equus had seen in quite some time. “How would you like to participate, we could use a changeling to test it on.”
“I'm not sure transformative magic would mesh well with my disguising abilities.” Chrysalis knew quite a bit about magic feedback, and it was something she would rather avoid.
“Don't even offer the pony thing to me.” Jay was sitting with the motley crew, for some reason that he wasn't quite sure of himself. The was something else going to be said, that much was certain, but a noise from outside gathered their collective attention.
“Why are Celestia and Taylor riding on top of Leviathan?” Chrysalis was under the understanding that the bandaged human was the only one able to drive the war machine. It seemed she was wrong.
“Did they just pop a wheelie?”
$%$%$%$%$%$%
Extra – A Day in the Life of a Literal Killing Machine.
Three-hundred years standard years, eight standard months, sixteen days, twelve hours on unknown planet.
While it could not think, it was aware. It had a single purpose, it knew that as absolute fact, and it had been charged with protecting humanity's interest throughout a galaxy that knew only war. Between maintenance, caring for its crew, and fighting battle after bloody battle uncross untold worlds, the machine spirit had grown tired, but knew it could only rest when peace ruled. It saw every bit of carnage through its external cameras, it had seen the Warp Storm that had enveloped its entire regiment, and it most certainly had seen the jungle it crashed into.
After a long and bloody month of travel through dense flora, as well as any fauna too slow or stupid to get out of the way, every member of the Baneblade's crew was dead or too injured to pilot the massive death machine. Then the pony-xenos had appeared and spirited the vehicle and Imperial Guardsmen away to some stone fortress on a mountainside. For three-hundred odd years, the tank now called Leviathan had rested in darkness. A human that resembled a Krieg Korpsman had been the one to awaken the steel beast, though it was rather odd that a man who specialized in trench warfare would need such a weapon, the monster had not questioned it at the time.
Which brought things to today, and the primate mind found itself being ridden by the white pony-xenos and the Korpsman, both of whom were laughing and having fun. Was this the peace it so valiantly fought to create? Probably not, considering there were still aliens running about, but at least they were beneficial. But, those thoughts weren't for it to think-but-not-think, as there were still matters the Korpsman was wishing to address before the next battle. Maybe the colorful, peaceful world would allow the machine spirit to have the rest it desired. But it really wanted to crush some of those bug-pony-xenos it had seen a few days ago, they seemed like they'd crush good.
But nevermind that, it was wheelie time!
Stats
Page generated in 0.031 seconds
Total duration
1,059 users online
2,179,784 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
The last line cracked me up
EDIT: FIRST
what happened to truth or dare?
i wanted celestia to play!!! (whiny voice) 
i.imgur.com/cm31v.jpg
Interesting chapter.
1482275
1482289*looks at picture*.............. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *promptly dies laughing*
deep sentimental thoughts.......
i'm now laughing quite loudly due to that
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHha
make the leviathan talk ...
-wargod
That last line.
1482289 You now owe me a new lung, seeing as I have choked up my left one laughing at that picture.
-Gets home. gets laptop, Fimfiction, notifications
see's new chaper- 
No truth or dare? 
awh. but the last part made it up, and Regi 
that made my day. hoping to see more! 
1482697
1482333
1482341
1482697
1482841
Glad I could be of assistance. I'll be here all week.
1482289 dammit. I got complaints of noise from my closest neighbors now.... and they live 1/2 a km from me!
1482289
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13311710/images/1293575553872.gif
dotallyrad.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/1912-so-much-win_inline.jpg
static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/I+_8f0946a1626e1983101fb0f1df02684b.jpg
1482289 I think you just stole the show.
gamepodunk.ipbhost.com/uploads/gallery/album_6/gallery_5_6_107004.png
You're pretty good.
1483336
Humans are best species. Wheelie time!
dude i just read the last two chapters at the same time and it was fucking hilarious! and you brought back leviathan! fucking awesome!
i172.photobucket.com/albums/w20/fred40k2002/Baneblade2.jpg
Nuff said.
1482289
AHAHAHAHAHAHA *wheeze* try lokking at the picture while listening to the hamster dance frikin hilarious!
New headcanon for the world in general: Tanks are REALLY chill bros until it's time for a TANK BATTLE.
1482289 Must be in Hazzard county.
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Challenger_2.jpg
DUDE DUDE! You have got to listen to this.
I haven't read this story yet, basically, I was just reading the comments and I came across the 1482289 comment
and wondered what all the hype was about. So I went to chapter 42 and started reading random paragraphs looking
for what the pic related to in the chapter.
And then I found this...
"“Taylor turned down the offer.” Twilight remember him yelling about wanting to keep his thumbs."
And I'm like... What the FUCK did that ritual involve?!
1482289 I can ring my bike's bells
! You can't beat that! 
cyclelicio.us/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/love-bike-bell.jpg
Also, I need a new lung like 1482697 does.
As soon as I saw
I thought of this
Fucking wheelie in the tank...
1670466
Ahh, reminds me of the times I put cards in my wheels to make the sound of an engine...those were the days.
Crush some ponies, they're useless, unlike changelings.
Cya
Raziel-chan
1482289
STROBE LIGHTS AND AIR HORNS!