I Blame You

by Whitestrake

Insert Clever Name Here

Unbeknownst to most, Jay was a sleepwalker. It only happened when he was stressed, but it did happen. Being stuck in Equestria for an unknown period of time, while believing that he had impregnated a local and would be unable to ever return home, provided more than sufficient amounts of stress to cause his abnormality.

If on were to look inside the barn, they would have fund a number of buckets neatly stacked atop one another, in a pyramidal shape. Why a pyramid? The world may never know the odd patterns the flutist's mind followed.

In any event, Jay woke up shortly before Big Mac could even exit the house, which was quite the feat. However, the teen wasn't in the hay loft, where he had bedded down, rather, he was in the orchard, under a large apple tree. What happened? Where was he? Why was he outside in the cold? The questions raced through his mind at the speed of light, and found no answers.

The flutist dug deep within the recesses of his mind.

And he remembered everything.

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I have slept on many things in my life. Sand, cement, steel, wood, you name it, I've spent about six hours on it. However, in all of my experience in the art of deep sleep, I have never found wood so comfortable. Apparently, Twilight's tree home was made of a strange mutation of oak or some other hardwood, and here I'd thought natural selection had dropped the ball in Equestria. I still did, because a tree this thick shouldn't be soft, it would break in the wind.

All botany aside, I slept fairly well, if not too lightly. That's just me, I don't sleep very heavily, if you open the door of my room, I wake up, and that door is pretty fucking quiet. Meh, I don't mind that I had a full night's rest, but I am suspicious. I had spent the night, my second in Equestria, in the home of Twilight Sparkle, apprentice to the Princess and, to my knowledge, a possible user of the mind reading spell. I needed to keep on my guard, or Twilight may learn more than she needs. Of course, she was the least of my worries at the moment.

There were three Elements that I had yet to meet, and each brought their own problems. Rarity would likely have me tearing my eyes out when she complains about my clothing. Dash would likely attack me, or flee on sight, depending on who was around at the time. She may put on a brave face, but I could see insecurity under her facade, however, that may not hold true in person. I believe I shall devote some study into the differences between the show's portrayal, and how Equestria actually is. Note to self: stop think theses things around a potential mind reader.

Of the three Elements that remained, Pinkie was the wild card. I mean that in every possible sense of the term, there was no way to determine what her first move would be. Evading her until I have a plan of action will require a large portion on my cunning.

Scratch that. All of my cunning.

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Princess Celestia's morning routine was almost set in stone. She would rise before dawn, raise the sun, eat a breakfast of domestic fruits, and go about her daily business. She would, but today, the court was closed from the public. Renovations, nothing major, but Celestia was thankful for that.

She had more entertaining things to do right now.

Reading minds can be difficult at this distance, but centuries of experience had made the usually daunting task rather simple. However, dream walking and thought reading were two very different things, one had to be physically touching the subject to see his or her dreams. But that was soon remedied by Jay's early awakening. The Princess immediately began to dig for information.

Finding that this human's mind was less ordered, more chaotic in nature, she learned very little. Thankfully, there were no side effects, other than her unwanted assistance in retrieving Jay's memories. The Solar Princess felt an immediate rush of hatred and scorn fill the teen's mind, that was worrying in the extreme.

Careful, your friend is armed, and he wouldn't hesitate to kill you if you were perceived as a threat. The manipulation was subtle, Jay couldn't pick up on it as well as Taylor had, his thoughts were too unorganized for it. The human put off his plans for vengeance when he realized that what the almost unheard voice in his head had advised was true, and swayed him against attack. While the monarch felt no obligation to either of her nation's visitors, she believed avoiding violence was the best course of action possible for all involved.

The scrawny human dropped his ill conceived plans for revenge, and instead opted to attack that afternoon, when his compatriot would be tired and complacent. Celestia giggled to herself, the thought of Taylor just lazing about was incredibly funny to her. Speaking of the other human, the Princess wondered what he was up to, there hadn't been an update yet, as requested. However, Celestia never gave him a time frame in which to send her any such letter, nor when she would be expecting it. Of course, she ignored any logical action and went straight for the mind reading.

Princesses can be bored, too.

I just need to avoid arousing suspicion, act normal, then Twilight won't read my mind. Better she avoided everything in here, despite her thirst for knowledge, however admirable it may be. Taylor was worried about Twilight taking a peak inside his noggin? That was too rich, Celestia chuckled to herself a bit. Of course, if she finds out about FiM, she may suffer an existential crisis, and the fourth wall can't handle that kind of stress, it gets enough from Pinkie.

Well, now it all made sense. Taylor and Jay were bronies, that's how they knew how to get into contact with the Elements and, by proxy, herself. The clever humans used her subjects' dependance on her as a means to their end. Well played, humans, well played indeed. Celestia had first learned of the television show some a little over a year ago, some Internet dweller had ended up in Equestria shortly after Luna's return. The meeting had been strange, to say the very least.

Long story short, the Princess had a wealth of knowledge related to bronies and what they knew. Which, actually, could be just about anything, depending on what the minds at Hasbro had discerned from this world. The Solar Princess never bothered to question how they knew of Equestria, every human she had met before had been thoroughly surprising, if only by sheer variability in behavior. In truth, she had cultivated the ability to predict their unpredictable actions.

Good, good, after all that is done and over, I can flee to Mexicolt, start a new life, maybe grow a beard. No one will find the body, well, what's left of it, and I’ll just disappear. What the actual fuck was he thinking about? Celestia chastised herself for the profanity, a bad habit she had while inside Taylor's head, the human's mind was full of horrible obscenities. Good plan, brain, now take five, you need a break. Who's that at the door? Shit...

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“Ready to answer my questions? You promised, after all.” Lyra had a smile that shined like a million brilliant suns. Just gave me a fucking headache.

“Who's at the door?” Twilight's voice came from upstairs, this early I guess she wouldn't be up and about just yet. Why did Lyra have to be a morning pony?

“Just me, Twilight, I'm here to talk to Taylor.” Did they know each other? If so, that rules.

“That's fine, but, could you keep it down? Spike's feeling a bit under the weather.” Dragons get sick? Huh, who would've thought?

“Can Trixie stay and listen? She is curious as well.” When the hell did she get here? That settles it, man, mares be trippin'. I sighed in defeat, there was no exit, short of self-defenestration*. I sat down and resigned myself to my fate.

“What do you want to know first?”

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*Defenestrate: verb; to throw an object, usually a person, out of a window. (English just got 20% cooler!)

Also, on an unrelated note:

In The Equestrian Bloodmoon, who should the Dovahkiin be? Specify Race/Gender/Build.

If I don't get many responses, or they are too varied, I'll go with the vanilla Nord from the trailer and demo.

Comments

[Raven Smite]

First? Also, when I read the chapter title, I laughed. Because just this morning, I named my english presentation that exact same thing!

[MicroUltraMad]

seems i was not the only one to learn of that word today!

[Whitestrake]

560469Sorry to go hipster on you, but...
I've been using that word since I read it in Through the Eyes of Another Pony back around August-October, somewhere in that are, back when the story was an EQD exclusive.

[MicroUltraMad]

560479
Well then, it's time to....

*HIPSTER SUNGLASSES*

...Get a hip replacement!

[Whitestrake]

560496That comment is the reason I hate life.

[MicroUltraMad]

560502
Hipster jokes are so 5 minutes ago. Now it's kitchen jokes.

Men are 7 times more likely to get hit by lightning, so heretofor lightning is 7 time less likely to happen in a kitchen.

[Sine Wave]

560525 Well if you were married, you'd run around in a thunderstorm praying to be struck by lightning too.

I liked the vanilla Nord. Nothing against the other races, but something is lost when you have a female Khajiit yelling ancient nordic curse words a people.

[Sulliman]

Running out of names for chapters?
Why not zoidberg?

[Insanity X]

i can sleep anywhere and everywhere as well
on a roof
under someone elses bed
standing up
in a chair
eating food

i fell asleep while playing xbox once, got a kill while completely unconcious. it was awesome

[Insert Clever Name]

Excuse me

The name sounds strangely familiar.

[Bronydragon]

560502
Don't hate life for you only have one.
If we had multiple lifes, we would all go on a freaking rampage in one of them just for being badass.
But since I'm a potatoe I shouldn't worry too much about that.

Bronydragon

[Mondays Dawn]

YES!!! FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE WHO KNOWS WHAT DEFENESTRATION MEANS!!!! (also its the ART of throwing things, namely people, out of a window)

[Pen Brush]

561268 i fall asleep without closing my eyes, mostly when people are talking and i dont want to listen, i block them out and feel like im asleep,unfortunetly that also happens at school during a lectur and i dont know what im supposed to do for the assignment or making that is just spacing out, to be fair i fell asleep standing up because my dad gave me benadrill and i had to be sent home because i fell asleep first period in class.

[Mcayon]

Defenestrate... now that is a cool word! I need to learn words like that!

[Aslfrasle]

Is it weird that whenever I think of what you guys may look and sound like I end up imaging jay as matt and taylor as pat from the 'Two Best Friends Play' YouTube series?

[Rough Boulder]

next time someone insults me in English (on second floor), I'm going to use that word.

[Razzy]

I seriously hope Sunbutt gets burned for violating their minds so often.

Cya
Raziel-chan

[-headshot123-]

*Defenestrate: verb; to throw an object, usually a person, out of a window. (English just got 20% cooler!)

yeet