• Published 18th Mar 2012
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I Blame You - Whitestrake



The product of my friend and I having a Skype call that went to the subject of 'What if...'

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Jay Hates Buckets

Jay's being chased by the manticore, I’m pretty sure he'll be okay. After all, the guy's too scrawny to make a decent meal for any large predator. It'll probably just maim him... huh, that's odd. The manticore gave up immediately after Jay ran out, but why? Something about the area outside had it spooked, perhaps civilization? It seems unlikely, but possible. We'd just survived an explosion that I’m not even sure is scientifically possible, I’m going to push my luck as far as can, then I'm going to grab it for a bit more.

The manticore stared at me, slightly unsure about what to do. It knew I’d make a decent meal, but didn't know if the fight would be worth it. I'm pretty sure its stab wound still hurts, so if it has any sort of self preservation instinct, it won't fuck with me. I was right, the big cat crept off into the underbrush, leaving me quite alone. I climbed a tree to avoid the mutant lion's possible attack, it was scared of me, but probably hungry, and I was decently sized.

An orchard could be easily seen from my perch, apples or pears most likely. So, Jay found a farm, he's going to get shot, I just know it. Despite my vision being blurred by the distance, I knew it was the flute player by the awkward way he walked, I’d found his flip-flops a few dozen feet back. I can't see very clearly after about thirty or forty feet, but Jay's bright red shirt signaled his position.

An orange dot appeared in my field of vision, low to the ground by my best guess, perhaps three feet in height. What I wouldn't give for a pair binoculars right about now. The orange dot, more of a blob now, was getting closer to Jay, but seemed unaware of him, or was accustomed to people. I wasn't ruling out the possibility of it being a very fat midget, so the blob could have been a person for all I knew. Orangey Blob was getting within arm's length of my friend now, I’m certain Jay can handle this situation.

Of course, that opinion changed when Orangey Blob slammed a limb into him. Then started tying him up, and another blob came around. Red Blob, my epic naming skills decided on the title, helped Orangey Blob pick my friend up, and carry him towards the farmhouse in the distance.

I think Jay may be in trouble.

I can't really do anything, they'd see me coming from a mile off. I need to wait, plan a course of action. Nightfall, when dusk rolls around, I’ll make my move. Prepare yourselves Red and Orangey, and quake with fear.

Nobody hurts and kidnaps my friends but me!

%$%$%$%$%$%

Mercy found itself present in Jay's ordeal, as he blacked out when struck. Of course, the universe is an asshole, and karma's a bitch, because now he was tied up in what appeared to be a hay loft. Well, he had technically found civilization, but he never imagined it'd be in this way. Oh god, Jay had seen Deliverance, he knew where this was going. He nearly shat himself when he heard overdone southern accents.

“D'ya have any idea what that thang is?”

“Nope.” Jay hoped Taylor would show up soon, hopefully before the sodomy. The flute player tried to wriggle from his binds, but they were too well done. The teen was stuck until either help arrived, he was set free, or he jury-rigged some method of escape. The highschooler kept trying, desperate to avoid being any possibly punishment the farmers may have for him.

“Ah think ah better get Twi' out here, she might know what ta do.” They were bringing more people? Jay's imagination was taking hold over his rational mind. Nothing they could do could possibly compete with his fears, the flutist knew that, but it gave no comfort. The knots around his ankles began to slack, an equal surge of hope was felt in his heart.

With his arms still pinned to his sides, Jay stood up. A few stray rays of light filtered through the roof and walls, the dusty air dispersing them into visible beams. The flutist jumped onto a hay bale below, and landed with a muted thump.

“Hmm?” Jay heard the masculine voice from earlier. It seemed he'd been alerted to the teen's efforts of escape. The barn door opened on slightly squeaking hinges, and a burst of sunlight hit Jay's eyes. Barefoot and scared, he ran through the open door, and didn't look back.

$%$%$%$%$%$

A red dot appeared from the barn, being chased by Red Blob. Well, at least Jay kind of escaped. I squinted my eyes to focus on him, it didn't help much. Something brown was wrapped around his torso, likely the rope from earlier. Red Blob was giving a good chase, but a scared teenager can run pretty damn fast. Jay stumbled a bit before regaining his top speed, the guy's lungs must have been burning by now. I think it was unfortunate that he tripped over a small bucket.

“The Immortal Bucket of Martin Septim strikes again,” I muttered to myself, trying to get some small shred of humor out of this situation. Wait a second... Orangey Blob was back, and it brought a friend: Purple Blob. Orangey did something, and my friend stopped squirming.

For the second time that day, Jay got knocked the fuck out.

%$%$%$%$%$%

Jay's head swam in a sea of dizziness. He was tied up again, but still outside. Where was Taylor when he needed him? The flutist swore he'd kick his friend in the dick when he saw him again. Jay kept his eyes closed in a valiant attempt to prevent amplifying his headache. What happened just then? Oh wait, he tripped over a bucket, how does that even happen?

“Twi, this is what Ah was talkin' 'bout.” That twang sounded oddly familiar to the flutist. “So... what is it?” Southern accents always slightly offended Jay, it's not that he identified with southerners, but the accents were overdone in movies.

“I... don't know, AJ, I’ve never seen anything like it.” That voice, Jay knew that voice. It sounded educated, but naive, an odd combination in people. Jay tried to maneuver, just to see his captor's face. They had him tied up, it was only fair that he see who they were. “It's moving!” The flutist opened his eyes, and stared into a pair of purple orbs.

Jay was looking into the eyes of Twilight Sparkle.

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