• Published 18th Mar 2012
  • 15,594 Views, 1,996 Comments

I Blame You - Whitestrake

The product of my friend and I having a Skype call that went to the subject of 'What if...'

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Way To Go, Jay

Freed from the gagging rope, Jay was expected to say something. He proved himself to be comfortable with the situation he found himself in, by staying silent. Applejack, Fluttershy, and Twilight looked at him, expecting the strange creature to make some verbal acknowledgment.

“Maybe he's scared,” Fluttershy suggested, noting the observant look in the teen's eyes. The creature was taking in as much as he could, assimilating every bit of information it could.

“How d' ya know it's a he?” Applejack hadn't seen Fluttershy sex it, and the farmer couldn't think of another way to make that differentiation.

“I think it looks like a he.” Fluttershy just had a talent for these things. The group remained silent for a few moments. Applejack decided to voice her questions about their odd visitor.

“Hey Twi', ya said this thing knew some tricks, right?” Applejack wasn't going to leave without getting her time's worth.

“I said he might know some tricks.” Twilight took notice of the creature's expression, he was up to something.

“Roll over,” Applejack chuckled out, she couldn't even save her laughter until after she gave her command. To everypony's astonishment, the creature complied, rolling over on the floor a few times.

“Sit, boy,” Fluttershy spoke softly, again the teen performed the given order.

“Oh, I guess I’ll give it a try.” Whoever trained the strange animal had done an amazing job, in Twilight's opinion. “Speak.” She fully expected the teen to bark, or make some other bestial noise. The teen opened his mouth to obey.

“Twilight, go die in a fire.”


I left Trixie in my truck, wrapped in my hoodie for warmth. I cracked the window, just in case she got too hot. I only left after her breathing stabilized, I may be an asshole, but I’m a nice asshole. The showmare's wagon was nearby, I just had to follow the manticore's path back to it. While most fan fictions had her portrayed as having an all-consuming hate-boner for Twilight and Ponyville in general, it seemed she was returning to right some wrongs.

Her cart had a broken axle, which she must have been trying to replace when the manticore attacked. Another case of someone being in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Damn, bad girl goes good, gets attacked by a monster and given as a peace offering to me, who then tries to save her life. What if I hadn't come along when I did? I shuddered a bit, I may not have particularly liked Trixie, but I didn't think she deserved to die, or be eaten by a large feline.

Ponies didn't frequent this road, by my best guess. It ran parallel to the Everfree Forest, very close to the treeline, too dangerous for most travelers. I only came to this conclusion due to the lack of scavenging. Any half-decent bandit or highwayman would have taken the valuables and fled, an abandoned wagon was too tempting a target, and the presence of a rather large store of gold, silver, and bronze coins provided all the evidence I needed.

I took the liberty of rummaging through my ward's belongings for anything I may find useful. Smoke bombs, improved versions from those seen in Boast Busters, these new ones actually obscured the user when thrown down. Nothing in the next drawer I could use, just grooming equipment, but I did pocket a bottle of shampoo, lavender scented. I'm certain the familiar smell would do wonders to keep Trixie calm.

I went through some dressers, but didn't find anything unusual. The most interesting of the useless items was a collection of magazines. I wouldn't make a note of them if they weren't at least somewhat attention worthy. I didn't open them to view their contents, but I doubt it would have been necessary, their titles gave away their fare share of information. I can admit, without pause, that I kept Trixie's porn collection, just my way of keeping the Unicorn in familiar surroundings.

It was then that I hit the jackpot: wizard hats. The showmare had a surprising collection of them, in varying patterns and colors. There was a matching cape under each piece of headgear, I took a few of them for use as blankets, as well as her actual bedspread. I wondered if I was developing kleptomania, but I quickly dismissed the thought, after all, I needed these items.

With a bag full of swag, I made my way back to my stranded vehicle.


The library was in stunned silence. Jay had, after all, just given Twilight his response to being tied up and examined, in rather unkind words. The flutist was smiling like a fool at the ponies' shocked expressions. He was going to have some fun with this fucked up situation, even if it killed him, which, given Twilight's connections in Canterlot, it very easily could. Regardless of the possibility of death, Jay laughed like no tomorrow.

“Oh, relax, I was joking.” Jay had tears in his eyes, which he couldn't wipe because of his bound hands.

“There was no need to be so rude.” Twilight wasn't amazed by the creature's ability to speak, she'd heard him in the field. Applejack and Fluttershy, however, were astounded by him.

“I have every right to be an asshole right now,” Jay said indignantly. He was sick and tired of these ponies, no offense to them, he was just bored out of his fucking skull.

“And jus' what makes ya' say that?” Applejack had taken an instant disliking of the boy, she did not enjoy his attitude. The fact that he insulted her friend just put nails in the coffin.

“I've been knocked out, tied up, locked in a barn, knocked out again, paraded around town, examined against my will, and treated like dog.” Jay was a renowned smartass, a fact many enjoyed, and an equal number hated. Applejack was quickly put into the latter category.

“That don' give ya the right ta be mean to everypony.” The farmer would never see eye-to-eye with the strange animal, she could just tell.

“How would you feel in my shoes?” Jay wasn't as smart as Taylor when it came to the sciences, but he had intelligence where it counted most: people. That fact had gotten him where he was today, metaphorically speaking of course. The flutist would never purposely work himself into a hole like this. The teen knew enough about reasoning and bargaining to beat the farm pony.

“What's that got ta do with anythin'?” Jay cast the orange mare a snide glare.

“Who would have thought the Apple Family was intolerant?” Jay then realized how big of a cat he'd let out of the bag.

“None of us ever mentioned Applejack's family.” Twilight narrowed her eyes at the strange creature. “Start explaining. Now.”


Welp, there she is, the latest addition to my little side-project.

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