Lies and Slander
Alternate Title: The Day Jay Fucked Me Over
$%$%$%$%$%$
shit oh shit oh shit ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit
“Hold on, please.” Jay wasn't certain of the Princess' possible reaction, then came to a wonderful realization: Spike wasn't there. The teen was safe, for the time being. That little fact didn't stop Twilight from writing, though, and the room was left in silence, save the sound of a scratching quill. The Unicorn stopped, and looked at the human.
“Don't you think we should let Princess Celestia know about this?” Twilight didn't understand why he seemed so worried. After all, she would know how to handle the human, wasn't that a good thing?
“Hell no!” Jay almost yelled, but the fear of inciting retaliation kept his voice at conversational levels. “Can I have a minute to explain, please?” While he didn't want to let the Hub cat out of the bag, the flutist wanted to buy some time.
“Go ahead.” Twilight wanted to see if he'd give away more evidence against himself. Something about the prospect of informing the Princess had the teen worried, he must be hiding something important.
“This is going to sound weird, but bear with me with me.” The flutist took a deep breath, and began to spin his wonderful lie. “I'm from a far-away land called Alabama, and have been tasked with a mission of dire importance.”
“Alabama? I've never heard of a country called that.” Twilight performed the same display of curiosity Jay was so accustomed to.
“That doesn't surprise me, we haven't been on good terms with your Princesses for a few thousand years.” Jay was making shit up on the fly. “But, that's not important. I was sent to Ponyville to prevent the assassinations of the Elements of Harmony.”
“Somepony's trying to kill us?!” Fluttershy looked like she was about to have a heart attack, she might be having one right now, actually.
“Jus' who's after us?” Applejack jumped to Jay, getting as close as possible. “C'mon, spit it out!” The flutist fumbled for a second, believable in this situation, made so by the fear of another kick.
“The guy's name is Taylor.” Jay knew his friend would kill him for this, but on the other hand, fair is fair. The asshole had gotten the flutist into worse trouble than being stuck in a land of magical, talking ponies. “He's dangerous in the extreme. My king ordered me to protect the six of you with my life.”
“Ya don' look like ya'd put up much of a fight.” Applejack gave him a thorough once-over, sizing him up. “Ya sure yer the one that got picked?” In response, Jay sat back up. He looked the orange pony in the eyes, and rose to his feet. The flutist struggled with the bindings in an attempt to remove them. “Ain't no way yer getting' outta those, tied 'em mahself.”
“I wasn't picked because I'm tough.” Jay's sentence was punctuated by the ropes hitting the floor. “I was picked because I'm the slipperiest sonofabitch around.” The flutist's smirk couldn't gotten any wider. “Just wanted to clear things up for your letter, Twilight, having false information can be disastrous in situations this critical.” Applejack and Fluttershy were busy trying to absorb the information, the human's lies seemed so true, but one doesn't trick the Element of Honesty easily.
With a stunned nod, Twilight Sparkle went back to writing, including both Jay's tale, and her thoughts on it. By the Unicorn's guess, things were going to become much more interesting around Ponyville. Surely Celestia would know what to make of it all. Applejack continued to observe the human, trying to make heads or tails of him. She stared at him with narrowing eyes.
Slipperiest sonofabitch, indeed.
“If yer here to protect us, what are our names?” Applejack thought she'd caught him, but was easily proven wrong.
“Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash. Magic, Honesty, Kindness, Generosity, Laughter, and Loyalty, respectively.” The flutist was met with wide eyes, but a still-suspicious farmer.
“Ah thought ya said Alabama an' Equestria weren't on good terms right now, how d'ya know our names?” Ah, the farmer had walked him into a trap, clever girl.
“My king has eyes and ears everywhere, from Canterlot to Draconia.” Jay seriously hoped Draconia was an actual country's name here. “For information only, of course, we wouldn't want to start a war or anything.” Jay added that last bit quickly, an attempt to keep them from jumping to the wrong conclusion.
“When Spike gets back, I'll send my letter.” Twilight looked both relieved and scared at what she'd heard, but above all, she remained suspicious of the human. If what he said was true, somepony wanted them dead, if they were false, then Princess Celestia would have the knowledge to deal with the strange biped. “You humans have names, right?”
“Yeah, my name's Jay Braden, call me Jay.”
%$%$%$%$%$%
Under normal circumstances, Trixie Lulamoon would be panicking. These were not normal circumstances, but she remained calm, despite the pain that permeated her body. She knew what she was looking at, understood everything the strange thing had done for her. It was male, if the quick peek she'd taken was to be believed, and quite asleep. He had tasked himself with protecting the showmare, even providing basic medical attention.
Trixie looked around the strange room they shared. It was oddly shaped, with an equally odd set of windows. A strange wheel and axle combination was on the side opposite of them. Under the unusual wheel lay a collection of magazines, with the uppermost being her centerfold. Not her proudest moment, but she had to make money somehow. She wasn't even slightly embarrassed that her rescuer had seen her in that compromising position, if anything, she was relieved, just one less secret to keep.
The magician scooted away from her impromptu protector to get a better look at him. His dark green tunic was stained brown in some places, likely Trixie's own blood. Blue, denim pants covered his legs, they were frayed in some placed, and his entire set of clothes was caked with mud, most of which had been wiped off before it could set in. So, he had at least basic knowledge of sanitation and proper attire. They weren't the only articles he wore, Trixie was currently wrapped in a dark blue, hooded jacket, also stained with what was likely her blood.
A sudden vibration in her protector's pocket startled her. He moved one of his arms and groaned groggily, pulling out a black, rectangular object from his pants. Trixie made her eyes as small as she could, hoping he wouldn't notice she was awake. He was careful not to disturb her, lest her sleep be interrupted. The showmare was fascinated by his strange behavior, he put what looked like a key into a slot on the strange wheel's axle, and turned slightly.
The strange room jumped to life, strange lights in the form of numbers and letters flashed on some sort of console. Static filtered from hidden speakers, perhaps a radio? A scary, hydraulic noise sounded off as a window descended partway, Trixie could only assume the same thing occurred when the sound came from behind her. She felt one of his hands on touch her head, partially stroking behind one of her ears.
“I hope I'm back before you wake up, you're gonna be scared, and if you try to run, you might hurt yourself worse than you already are.” Trixie saw him exit through one of the walls, which was actually a door of some sort. “Stay safe, Trixie, and don't panic.” He closed the door, and disappeared into the night. There went her strange guardian angel, a bipedal enigma.
He had impressed the manticore into giving her away, why had he rescued her?
And why didn't she feel like running?
Stats
Page generated in 0.028 seconds
Total duration
1,107 users online
2,283,953 hits today, 2,814,898 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
........... Oh Taylor is gonna kill him.
ALL HAIL KING BILLY OF THE HILL!!!
encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRHOnoDz-7YclmY7Cb1bEHzwz3Paq-NQVN1X6H-6XG0_J8Ey0IxnA
362616. Oh, SON OF A BITCH. Don't do this to me again Proto. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS AGAIN.
362965
apotential.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/you-underestimate-my-power.jpg?w=490&h=398
362965
i.qkme.me/4orr.jpg
YOU CAN'T IGNORE MY GIRTH!!!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz9l5i3FgH1r3zat8.png
I think she's referring to Star Wars episode 3.
Curse you George Lucas!
363043
Went to sleep dude, sorry. Now. I BEG OF YOU, PROTO! DONT DO THIS!
364447
I am really glad you have been such a good sport about me messing with you.
30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_logdayRbq41qbjvo8o1_400.jpg
Pic related.
364584
Hey, I have a HIGH tolerance for insanity/hilarity/stupidity. So go ahead, go crazy! MAKE MY DAY.
364611
http://static.fjcdn.com/large/pictures/92/25/922518_3451974.jpg
Posting it as a link because I don't know how it will work out as a picture.
It is so worth the read.
This has amused me, have a track and a green thumb.
365569Your avatar scares me
365582
Stone's stupid grin strikes again! Bwahaha!
364685
THAT WAS THE GREATEST STORY EVER. Period. Thank you Proto, thank you SO MUCH. I had to deal with a ton of crap like that guy who wrote the story did, but man was the revenge EVER SWEET.
364584
Oh Proto, you so crazy xDD.
Also, you asshole, turning your own friend in like that
Sir, you didn´t earn a moustache, but you certainly got a 'lestia.
Am I the only one who facepalmed during Jay's story?
1654386 eeenope
364685 I'm reading through this half a year later, and thought it would still be worth it ta say, I'd be honored to sit next to you in Hell.
364685>>1672979>>1524747 Save a seat for me guys!
Jay..... You just made the best bullshitting lie ever
though Taylor is going to kill him
He may be a sonofabitch. But he's my kind sonofabitch
There's so much bullshit, I can effectively fertilize entire corn fields with it...
dude jay just tossed his friend under the bus
3587112
AAaaah typical bromance. You mess up with me, i'll drop yer ass under the bus.
Wow. I take back my earlier comment. Those two deserve each other!
This can only end well.
Cya
Raziel-chan
I had a friend like Jay once. Bastard died from cancer so I couldn't get him back for so many things. I miss him.
She wants human pp, I can taste it.