I Blame You

by Whitestrake

All Work and no Play

“What's it going to take for us to make a deal?” I looked at the captured hivemother in apprehension, I wasn't afraid of her but there was a lingering feeling of dread that surrounded her. Our eyes were locked, both of us obviously thought the situation was too important to waste energy on pointless tasks. The queen seemed to chew on the inside of her cheek, mulling over her options. Barring freedom and the right to create more drones, there was very little I couldn't give her in exchange for her information.

“I want you and Jay.” What? No, seriously, fucking what? Of everything she could have asked for, she picked an indeterminate bribe and left it to me to figure her meaning.

“Explain.” I'm an intellectual, but the inner machinations of the female brain remained an enigma. Chrysalis giggled for a bit, overjoyed by my perceived ignorance, and I’m not quite sure I wanted to know her meaning. That being said, there weren't many possibilities at that point.

“If I can't start a new hive, then my daughter can.” I had understood her desire to reproduce, she was an insect queen after all, but I still failed to see how either Jay or I fit into her scheme. The broodmother must have picked up on my thoughts, though the iron clamp on her horn prevented her from using any active magics. A sultry smile spread across the fallen mother's face, and she leaned towards me. “If a queen's egg goes unfertilized, it becomes a drone; if she is impregnated by a male of any mammalian species native to Equestria, then it is a warrior; if the sire was a reptile like a dragon or wyvern, it becomes a member of its mother's honor guard.”

“You still haven't done as I've said.” I was beginning to tire of her games, my breakfast was getting cold and I was in no mood for her shit. “Unlike my authority, my patience has its limits, so make it quick.”

“Haven't I spelled it out for you?” Chrysalis cocked her head to the side, the same salacious expression on her face somehow managed to convey confusion. She walked as close to me as her bindings would allow, and I practically recoiled in disgust. “If an egg is fertilized by a human, it becomes a queen.” Now I saw how it was, how she was going to circumvent the rules laid down by Celestia, and snag Jay or myself in her tangled web.

“No.” The queen sputtered and looked at me in shock; either she had been serious, or she was hoping my response would have been more animated. I adjusted the wrappings on my arm nonchalantly, allowing the changeling to come down from her jostled throne.

“But why? You don't lose anything, and I could always use Jay.” She pointed a holed hoof in my direction, like she was accusing me of something. She must have forgotten that I was the inquisitor in the room, not her.

“Think of something else.” Honestly, it was like talking to a spoiled child that wasn't allowed the shiny toy she wanted. The cockblocked broodmother thought for a few moments, and I was left thinking that she was set on this solution.

“Just have me released into your custody.” Clever girl, but I doubt she knew that I was staying in Canterlot for the next few weeks. If so, she was in for a surprise when the guards moved her to a suite that adjoined to mine. Or maybe she was counting on it, I wouldn't put it past her. Either way, I knocked on the cell door twice, and a sheet of paper slid though the crack above the floor. With a few quick motions, my signature was written across the designated line, and passed to the guards outside.

“We'll have you moved out within the hour.”

$%$%$%$%$%$%

“So, how are we going to move this?” Jay was looking at Leviathan like it was a puzzle, the massive war machine would prove to be such until he devised a plan to lower it to the streets.

“It's way too heavy for me to move.” Twilight had given it her best, but the tank weighed over seven-hundred-thousand pounds, and only Celestia or Luna had any hope of moving it. Unfortunately, both princesses were indisposed, too busy recovering from the invasion to help move the titanic vehicle. “But I did see how Taylor drove it.”

“We're going to pilot this thing?” Rainbow Dash looked at the war-scarred, steel beast like a mighty steed ready to be tamed. The golden, two-headed eagle almost challenged the polychromatic mare with its silent disgust at all things inhuman. “Sweet.”

“Ah think we should wait 'til Taylor gets back, he's already moved it before.” Applejack was often the group's voice of reason when it came to commonsense decisions. No offense to Twilight, but book smarts didn't always equate to decisiveness.

“Moved what?” The burned human strolled into the ceremonial hall like nothing had ever happened, wearing only pants and a layer of bandages for a long-sleeved shirt. Much more surprising was the length of heavy chain that trailed behind him, leading to none other than a horn-shackled Queen Chrysalis. The three Elements and human jumped into action, and two sonic weapons were leveled at the changeling, who quickly ducked behind her captor. The burned teen held up a hand to stop the soon to erupt slaughter.

“Relax, she's with us now.” Jay only aimed for his friend instead of the bug hiding behind him, thinking he was under the changeling's influence.

“He's telling the truth.” Captain Aegis of the Nightguard waltzed into the ceremonial chamber just as casually as Taylor, being off duty was a very relaxing thing for the pegasus veteran, and he had been the one to give approval of the inquisitor's actions. “I signed the release papers personally, she's in your hands now.”

“Well, that escalated quickly.” Jay looked at the still cowering queen and his bored friend, thinking of all the different ways the situation could come back to bite him in the ass. That was, until he realized something very important.

“Why does Taylor get a cool title but I don't?”

$%$%$%$%$%$%

“So, how are we going to do this?” Chrysalis looked at me over the small table in my suite, the iron clasp still firmly blocking her magic and preventing her from causing any harm to me or the surrounding area.

“Just start talking, everything either of us say is being recorded.” I gestured to a levitating quill, propelled by a scribe's unique spell. It would capture everything either of us said, even our tine of voice, so long as I didn't touch it until the questioning was over. “Just anything you feel comfortable saying.”

“Like I have a choice.” The changeling broodmother gave me a mirthless chuckle, clearly unamused by her current predicament. We looked at each other for a few minutes, sizing up the possibilities the other could present. “Pick where to start.”

“How about the Deceiver you kept going on about.”

Comments

[Rainbow_Dashtruction]

Huh, I might just read this, not because the idea is appealing to me, but because from the description, it feels like my fan fic. A fan fic of two humans entering Equestria, and every single thing you would expect to happen doesn't, or happens differently. I doubt you go the the sheer insanity and general retardism of my fan fic, but still. (Well my'n did have zombies, gun fights and human on the receiving end of rape. Damn you RD )

[moltendaniel]

keep up the briliant work. loving how this is going. you should totally hook taylor and chrysalis together. would be hilariously awesome

[Bekasaurus Rekt]

Yay! You used ideas I voted for! WOOT WOOT!
I have no idea in hell how you would ship Chrysalis and Taylor, but if you did, that would probably be the funniest and most interesting pair to be shipped in a story I've read. It truly would be a love-hate relationship, with each trying to outsmart the other all the time. Shes like Taylors equal-yet-opposite. Not saying you should, but if done right, damn that would be a ride.
Excited to see where you go with the story and finding out who this Deceiver is.

I think its hilarious that the previous chapters comments all basically said Chrysalis should either ask for sex or to come along. You made her too damn interesting to just cut out of the story.

[RF and AG]

images.wikia.com/dragonage/images/2/2a/Anchorman-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg

Oh god the memes

[RaptorCalloftheShadows]

HAHA. She wanted Jay's bebbies after all *squees, falls over, laffs* <3

[Ditz]

This is the first fan fiction I've read in 3 hours to catch up on, I like it so far, keep up the good work.

[Odd_Sarge]

1406528 Indeed.

[Sine Wave]

It's boy! BOY, that escalated quickly! lol. It doesn't really bug me, just felt like being a jerk.

Great chapter. You know, for a story created for no other reason that shits and giggles, it has really developed an interesting plot.

Speaking of which, are we still asking questions to characters? If so then, Celestia, how would you feel if I told you that in an alternate dimension where Jay and Taylor don't show up in Equestria; nopony or changeling dies, Canterlot goes relatively undamaged, and peace reigns throughout the land?

[G S tol Kriaal]

even our tine of voice

Should be "tone"

And Captain Aegis... an homage to Aegis Shield?

[Whitestrake]

1407994 Actually, Aegis is the fandom's most common name for an OC guard captain, but this particular one is a reference to Muppetz's Article 2.

[E3gner]

SO MANY Warhammer 40k References! YES!

Nice job, Favoriting to see how it goes.

[Scarves]

Uh oh...
Conspiracy incoming!
QUICK! Use a government cover up!
PONIES
Here is one I prepared earlier!

[Hat and clogs guy]

its comical almost, how badly crissie wants to bang taylor

i mean, shes so persistent one might think that she has the hots for him

[DerpedRainbow]

Captain Aegis? Really? How far into each version are you going?

[Razzy]

I hope Chryssie will be eventually feed from her restraints. And that the remaining of her children are freed too. And maybe that the ponies finally acknowledge that they've just committed genocide on Chryssie's hive! In one of the first chapters Twilight was horrified that humans killed other humans, but now nobody batted an eye at this travesty.

Cya
Raziel-chan