I Blame You

by Whitestrake

Fun Fact: My Truck Has no Airbags

“Is this what humans do all the time?” Twilight was yelling, but I really can't understand her fear. I mean, sure, we nearly flipped after that last turn, but seriously! She just can't handle the awesomeness of my truck.

“Well, I do.” We hit a dip in the road, and Twilight hit the ceiling. The seat belt didn't really work with her anatomy, and she found sitting like me to be too uncomfortable. Too bad for her, because metal is hardly comfortable.

“Ow...” She rubbed a hoof over the rapidly forming bump. That was going to be sore for quite a while. That did nothing to stop me from laughing at her pain. What can I say? I can be a very cruel person. Cruel, but not malicious, I almost never cause harm to bystanders.

“Watch out.” I speak in a very even tone for the most part. That is something many of my friends have learned to accept, but most strangers find it to be rather irritating. Twilight, however, had taken to listening, and braced herself. That would have been fine, if we were about to hit another bump or dip, instead, I hit the brakes. I know quadrupeds can't balance very well in moving vehicles, but Twilight's face hitting the dashboard was too goddamn funny.

She may have been mad at me for it, but we were at our destination.

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Trixie Lulamoon, despite her abrasive nature, was an avid reader of fiction. Her inability to sleep last night had only served as fuel for her hobby. The showmare was currently on the last page of her sixth book, a new record, considering their individual sizes. In truth, she was bored out of her skull, but she had no other options. The guardian angel, what the purple Unicorn that had embarrassed her had called a human, such an odd word.

Of course, odd described everything about the strange creature and his equally unusual associate. Jay, the showmare recalled, was the thin one's name, and Taylor was the one that had saved her life. In truth, Trixie enjoyed the company of that one, the ache in her injuries dulled ever-so-slightly when he was around, a curious effect. The showmare was still wearing the human's jacket, which was quite comfortable, if somewhat dirty.

Without pause, without a sign that she was behaving unusually, the blue Unicorn began looking for a new book to read. She was considering Griffin folktales, that subject had often interested her as a filly.

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“Is this safe?” Twilight was referring to my current endeavor. I would like to take a moment to explain something: I like doing strange things, eccentric genius and all that. Well, at the moment, I was trying to rig Trixie's wagon to the hitch on my truck, so I could tow it back to Ponyville. It sure as hell wasn't moving on its own any time soon.

“Probably not.” I made another loop with the logging chain, the thick, heavy type of chain used in lumber mills to haul trees to and fro. I suppose it would have sufficed, given enough patience and work. I was very thankful that Twilight had agreed to help me fix the wagon, given her history with Trixie.

“Then why are you doing this?” She just couldn't understand, and I doubt she would unless I took the time to explain human nature to her. I don't have anywhere near enough time to teach that amount of material, even if I never leave Equestria. That thought wasn't as depressing as I had originally anticipated, I wonder why.

“Because I can.” Did I need any other explanation? I think not, ow, where was I? Oh, right, we climbed back into the cab, and I cranked the engine. Without further ado, we drove towrds Ponyville, following the dirt road so seldom used.

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Applejack could hardly bare it any longer. Jay just... sat there, waiting to be told what to do. The Element of Honesty did not enjoy lying to the teen. Despite having very little exposure to him, the farm pony could see how depressed he was. This was an intelligent being, and she was giving him false information, about his offspring, for heaven's sake! She resolved herself to tell him the truth, tomorrow. There was more to be done around the farm in the meantime.

“Alright, Jay, that's it fer today.” She waved him inside. For once, Applejack was glad her sister was over at Rarity's for a sleepover. The human would be too much to explain to the schoolfilly. That wasn't factoring in the added lies. Why had she let the other human talk her into this situation? There seemed to be no positive outcome. “It's time fer supper.”

The human stalked into the farmhouse like the living dead, eager to eat something, to offset the caloric burn of the day. Apples, apples, and, what do you know, more apples, a balanced meal. Thankfully, Granny Smith was visiting family in Fillydelphia, something about a golden moon and seeing Cousin Fritter about a new cart axle. The family matron's absence only made things easier for the two adult ponies of the household, and kept the farmer from giving another explanation. Big Mac's had been difficult enough, even though he understood why the human was staying with them, he hadn't been pleased by what he'd been told.

Applejack suppressed a sigh, if Jay didn't get his memory back soon, she'd tell him the truth, Taylor be damned!

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To be honest, I've done some pretty stupid shit. In fact, back home, I was one lab accident away from giving up on my dreams and becoming a super villain. The only thing actually stopping me wasn't my conscience, or what passed as morals for me. Nope, the only thing that kept me on the path of militant neutrality was my inability to come up with a sweet name.

Hearing Twilight's panicked screams made joining the Dark Side of Science oh so tempting. Ponyville's roads aren't very forgiving outside the city limits, they had many potholes, hills, and sharp turns. I was going about sixty miles per hour, given that my truck wasn't a four-wheel drive, this was dangerous as all fuck. Really, I know what I’m talking about, see, this one time, my buddy Keith and I...

“Slow down!” Why was Twilight so scared? I can get away with driving like a maniac, was my earlier demonstration not example enough? It didn't matter that I'd gotten us two wheels at the last turn, in a top-heavy truck, towing a large wagon... okay, I see the point.

“Why, I can see Ponyville over the next hill?” I could, there wasn't that much distance between Trixie's wagon and the town, Jay and I must have taken the long way through the Everfree, despite it being a straight line.

“Because I don't want anypony getting hurt!” Right, pedestrians, Equestrian pedestrians, that's fun to say. But I can see her point, so I slowed to thirty, below the average speed of residential streets in my area. She seemed pleased by my action, if I was stuck working for her, I might as well earn some brownie points with my new boss.

For anyone who doesn't know, my truck's engine is loud. I could tell that there weren't many things that the locals had been exposed to that maintained a volume this high. Ponies ran inside, a pony I recognized as Berry Punch almost threw her foal indoors, overprotective parents, you just can't avoid them. I should correct that, most ponies ran inside the various structures, there were still some standing about.

I could see that among them, I'd personally met one: Lyra was out and about, with Bon-Bon in tow. She was awestruck by the machine that passed her, so I waved as Twilight and I went. Bon-Bon was equally stunned, I guess she never expected her roommate's theories to be correct. I preferred those reactionss to some of the others I received, namely from mares with young foals, who were crying because of the loud noises. There were still some looks of amazement, even curiosity, but very few of confidence.

That was before I noticed a derpy-eyed mare with a Unicorn filly, accompanied by a brown Earth stallion with an hourglass on his flank. Holy shit, Derpy, Dinky and Whooves all walking together, now that is a Kodak moment. I could do without the look I was getting from the Doctor, it said I'm watching you, boy. I can't say how I felt about that, but it had my hopes up that maybe, just maybe, this Doctor was the Doctor. That meant he would have a TARDIS, that meant a possible way home, but I'll only go to him as a last resort.

I waved at the group as Twilight and I passed.

Comments

[Raven Smite]

First! ... So... there will be TARDIS shenanigans?...

[Proto]

so I slowed to thirty, bellow the average speed of residential streets in my area.

I preferred those reacts to some of the others I

STOP PUTTING UP SHIT WHILE WE ARE IN SCHOOL!!

[Sine Wave]

Ah, back when trucks were trucks. You could roll them, wreck them, submerge them, and apparently transport them through time and space and they would just keep rolling.

[stonescarlet]

just keep on truckin... chevy kicks ass

[MrPikmario]

Really, I know what I’m talking about, see, this one time, my buddy Keith and I...
THANK YOU

[Aslfrasle]

If I was ever in equestria the first thing I would do was probably find the Doctor and just completely nerd out, because being able to meet the doctor would be the single greatest moment in my life.

[Alordex]

see, this one time, my buddy Keith and I...

me: ded.

[RedvsBlue327]

They see me rollin, they hatin.

[AdmiralPopeyesBeard]

-this one time, my buddy Keith and I...

L4D2 quote? Niiice.

[Razzy]

Driving a truck with my high heels on~

Cya
Raziel-chan