Children: A Dislestia Tale

by kildeez

Children

I need twelve cc’s of Grimroot here! Stat!

We’re losing him!

Discord tried to open his eyes, and immediately a jet of light stabbed right into his brain, slamming through his skull like an icepick. Grimacing with pain, the draconequus squeezed his eyes shut again, allowing the voices to continue echoing through his head.

I am NOT going to be the doctor who lost the Prince! Now get me another freakin’ IV bag!

Sighing, he knew he couldn’t keep this up. The ponies were probably super worried at this point. They were stupid like that: worrying about a being who, not two years ago, had plunged their world into a chaotic hell for his own entertainment. Then again, they could just be worried about how their pretty little princess might react to being told her special somepony was six feet under. Heaven knows he’d be scared out of his wits in that doctor’s shoes.

Okay…okay…I think he’s stable now.

Celestia and Luna, that was close. How did he do this to himself again?

Apparently, he snuck off to some universe full of Eldritch abominations just to see how many he could take on at once.

Maniac. What’s the Princess see in him anyway?

The draconequus allowed a tiny smile to play on his lips at the memory of the doctor’s words. Though he’d only been semi-conscious at the time, his memory was still a steel trap. Tell ya what, doc: if you ever figure it out, let me know, ‘cause Heaven knows I can’t piece it together. He opened his eyes again, slowly at first, then bolting wide open once he saw who was sitting next to him. He immediately scolded himself for being caught so off-guard. It was her nature, after all.

Princess Celestia had seen better days. Her mane didn’t flow in some ethereal, non-existent wind as it usually did, and her coat had lost some of its luster, but it was still unmistakably her lying there, face in her hooves as if she’d fallen asleep while crying into them. Probably did, silly pony, he mused, smiling gently as he reached out a talon to stroke a few, ragged strands of mane. Alright, let’s get this over with.

The moment his eagle-like talon made contact with one of the locks of rainbow-colored mane splayed out over the bed, she jerked awake, bolting up straight and gazing down at him with exhausted, yet still vibrant, vermillion eyes. His little smile turned into a grin. “Just so you know, the answer is seven,” he rasped, his dry throat constricting with every word. “I can take on seven Eldritch abominations at once. It’s probably more, but one of the sneaky jerks got up behind me.”

“You IDIOT!” She screamed, throwing her hooves around his shoulders and showering him with kisses. “You idiot, you idiot, you stupid, moronic jerk…”

“Hnnngh…” he groaned as her grip tightened. “The ribs, Tia! I’m no expert, but I’m quite certain the prescription for fractured ribs is not big, tight hugs!”

“Sorry!” She gasped in a near-panic. “Are you alright!?”

“Yes, yes, just fine…”

“Good,” she said, her look darkening. Suddenly, her hoof lashed out and socked him in the jaw, nearly breaking it (again).

“Ow, what the…”

“On a whim!?” She gasped angrily. “You flew into a universe filled with creatures specifically created to rip every other being in reality to shreds on a whim!?”

“I got bored,” he shrugged nonchalantly, wincing a little with the pain in his shoulders.

“Discord, you can’t keep doing this!” She screeched. “You can’t keep doing stupid, reckless things just for the sake of doing stupid, reckless things!”

“And why not!?” He snapped, sitting up in bed. His mismatched, red eyes glared into her watery lavenders. “It’s my nature, Tia! You knew that when you married me!”

“Well then, you need to control your nature!”

“Control…chaos…” he sighed and laid himself out on the bed. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing…”

“You have responsibilities now, Dissy! As a Prince of Equestria, you are obligated…”

“Oh please, Tia, I may be a prince in title, but we both know that’s just a fluke of semantics and royal marriage laws,” he turned over in his bed, facing away from her. “We know the ponies would never accept a draconequus on the throne, much less actually allow him to do anything.”

She bit her lip, vermillion eyes filling with pain. Eventually, she took a deep breath and sighed, visibly bracing herself. “Then do it for the sake of your unborn children.”

He whipped around in the bed, nearly fainting from the shock and sudden movement. “You’re…”

She nodded slowly. “I found out right after you left.”

His head reeled, eyes spinning in his sockets. “Holy poop…” he managed to squeak.

“It’s twins, Discord, and based on their development, they’re going to be out in just a few months.”

“A few months…” he gasped, eyes twitching. “Does anyone else know?”

“No, no, just me, the doctor, and now you. I wanted you to be the first.” She explained, biting her lip.

He breathed slowly, trying to keep his nerves calm. Oddly enough, this was the first time he’d had to do so in months, the other time being that night when he’d gotten down on one knee and asked the mare in front of him to spend the rest of eternity at his side. He'd been such a sight then, all quivering and shaking like a high-schooler asking the lead cheerleader to prom. At least half of him expected her to say no. The lower half, to be precise, and then that half had gotten into an argument with his arms who were dead certain she'd say yes, and then his chest had tried to moderate like it was an episode of Springer, and then by the time he actually walked up to the Princess, got down on one knee, and popped the question, his neck had gotten in on the action.

Needless to say, the night had ended with her forehooves wrapped around him, her screaming and crying "YES! YES! YES!" over and over again, him wearing the biggest grin ever, and his legs a few bits poorer. But that wasn't now. Right now, he had just learned he was a few months away from a little him running around, calling him daddy.

“This is…huge.” He stammered.

“Yeah.”

“Like, really huge.”

“Kids usually are, Dissy.”

An awkward silence fell between the pair, Discord just trying to process what was happening. Kids meant no more flying around on a whim. Kids meant staying close by. Kids meant long, sleepless nights and parent-teacher meetings and cribs and cheesy books and cheesier movies with cheap character tie-ins and…

Celestia gazed down at him, more concern in her eyes than when he’d first woken up. “Discord?”

Kids from the Princess of Harmony and the embodiment of Chaos… a smile cracked his lips. How wonderfully chaotic. “We can name one ‘Chubby’.”

She stared at him, then immediately burst out laughing. “You are SO bad!” She guffawed.

“You love it,” he chortled, pulling her onto the bed next to him and nuzzling her neck.

“No, I love you,” she whispered, leaning in for a quick kiss on his forehead.

Any other time, he would have stuck out his tongue and scolded her for being so cliché, but for reasons he would never quite be able to explain, he could only smile, plant a gentle kiss to her lips, and reply: “And I love you too, Princess.”

Author's Note:

Changed it up a bit from the original. I like this better :)

Again, here's the collab: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/1186/discordcelestia-group

Comments

[The Princess Rarity]

If you continue this, and we get to know more about the adorabley chaotic children of these two, I'll worship the ground you walk upon. Dislestia in general needs more love, but if they have kids, forget about it - I'm all over that shit like white on rice, it desperately needs to be more of a thing. Daddy Discord and Momlestia are seriously some of my favorite things in this fandom.

[alarajrogers]

3760086

I second this, but don't want to see more of "child of Discord and Celestia gets all emo and has a sad because mean ponies are mean to a half-draconequus." I can't help but think that any child Discord has a hand in raising would start from the premise "I am awesome because I am different from everyone else, and anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot." I'd think the bigger problem with "child of Discord and Celestia is perceived negatively by pompous pony nobility" would be keeping said child from being a total asshat to pompous pony nobility. Also, no one would dare being *openly* cruel to the child of the Princess... or within the hearing of said child's daddy, ever.

Actually, you know what would be hilarious and really different, is if *Blueblood* is all like "Shut your traitorous mouths, that is the child of the Princess you speak of and I will not have such slander spoken of my royal cousin!" Like, his logic is, I am awesome because I am related to Celestia, Celestia's child is therefore awesome for being related to me, Celestia's child is half draconequus, therefore being half draconequus is awesome because if that isn't true it throws into question how awesome I am, therefore I am going to use all of my formidable being-an-asshole skills in the service of protecting my little cousin from nobles who are not as awesome as we are because *they* aren't related to Celestia.

[The Princess Rarity]

3760383

I second this, but don't want to see more of "child of Discord and Celestia gets all emo and has a sad because mean ponies are mean to a half-draconequus."

*awkward cough* I'm totally not writing one of those stories...

[alarajrogers]

Seven eldritch abominations, huh? That's pretty good. In one of my fanfics Q got his ass kicked by just one (that being said, you should see the other guy.)

I actually really like the notion of Discord running around picking fights with things of close to his own weight class because he's bored and there are no threats on Equestria he can go all-out against. In fact I wish in general there was more fanfic about Discord going up against villains that are worse than he is and in his own weight class or better. (Villains, because when Discord goes up against heroes of his own weight class, the writer usually puts a finger on the scale so that Discord gets his ass handed to him way too easily, as it's usually about a Gary Stu power fantasy about beating on or killing Discord, whereas when Discord goes up against villains or possessed evil former heroes, the fights are usually fairer.)

[alarajrogers]

3760394

It's a personal preference on my part. I was an incredibly arrogant genius small child with unbelievably bad teeth that took eight years of braces to fix, so I grew up believing a, I am awesome, b, I am hideous, c, therefore who gives a damn what I look like because I am so much smarter than you... and I tend to project that attitude onto Discord, who's kind of the ultimate "I am weird, you are not, this makes me SUPERIOR" dude. So it just hits me wrong when either Discord or his kids are all "I'm so sad because ponies think I'm ugly", because I've *been* there, and while it hurts, it usually doesn't result in "I'm so sad" so much as "I despise you all".

That being said, if I had a nickel for every time one of my *own* kids had a belief or attitude I find incomprehensible that I couldn't talk them out of... hell, I got into an argument with my seven year old today because she is a pale-skinned redhead who looks awesome in black. No. "This is ugly. I look terrible in black." No you don't, you look awesome. "No, I look ugly." So there's no guarantee that Discord could successfully convince his kid to not care what other ponies think.

[kildeez]

3760396 If you really like the idea, you might want to check out my other fic. Discord takes on a demigod bent on turning Equestria into his dominion. He loses, but he does go out like a badass.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/103437/the-chronicles-of-swarm-the-equestrian-front

[alarajrogers]

3760775

I've been reading it, yes. That was one of the best death scenes I've seen for him, and the part where he zaps the hero who's going to go sacrifice himself so that he can do it instead was pretty epic. :-)

[kildeez]

3760785 Oh, well, thank you!

[kildeez]

3760086 I do have another Dislestia fic planned, and I do plan on expanding on the pairing, but I really have nothing more planned for this other than a little surprise at the end of some fic. You know...

Discord: "Well, I'm just glad things can go back to normal abnormality around..."

Celestia: "Dissy, I'm pregnant, and you're the father."

Discord: "Oh, arse."

[Nerfyy]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWESOME !!!! SEQUEL!!!

[kildeez]

3761421 Ehhh...

[GreenDrakeWeboen]

3760383 I would totally read that fic.

[Cheshire_Jackal]

D'awww, I wanna see more of this!

[Paint patter]

Yo I found you on fimfiction!!! :D

[kildeez]

8454653
YOOOOOO

[Paint patter]

8455917
Yo what up man!
My da account was banned because I was underage :T
I just accidentally put in the wrong year
Anyway is it ok if I still continue the story on film fiction?

[kildeez]

8456591
SURE THING MANG!

[Paint patter]

8457031
Thanks!

[Dimond Rainbow]

can you continue this? It's really good. I'd love to see more

[kildeez]

8848592
This is all I had planned, mate. Sorry.