Epilogue: Until...
Princess Twilight Sparkle was smiling with wistfulness while she looked from the balcony that morning. She wasn’t sad, only lost in her most loved memories, a fact that didn’t escape to the eyes who knew her well.
“Thinking about her again, little Twilight?” She turned her head to see Celestia smiling at her. “A little.” The younger alicorn confessed. “I was remembering that particular day.”
The Princess of the Sun didn’t need to ask. She knew very well about what day her former student was talking. “How long ago? One hundred and eighty years?” She supposed but Twi corrected her. “One hundred and eighty three years, exactly. Quite some time…”
“Indeed. But you don’t have to be sad, Twilight.” Celestia said warmly.
“I’m not.” Sparkle replied, smiling at her. “We made a promise. Now it’s only a matter of time.”
Her mentor grinned. “I think that you are right, my friend.” She turned around, saying. “I don’t entertain you more, Twilight. You will go to supervise the last details of the play later, I suppose?”
The Princess of Magic nodded. “In fact, I will go right now. See you later, Celestia.”
Twilight walked to the dressing rooms prepared for the traditional Hearth’s Warming Eve play, ready to make her role. But she wasn’t here only for that.
Among the principals and the staff, there was somepony who had been putting on the Smart Cookie’s ropes. It was a mare with a short black mane and a dull yellow coat. But that didn’t matter. The most relevant things to Twi were two.
One was her eyes, like emeralds.
The other was her cutie mark. A big red apple with one purple star in the center.
She noticed that the princess was looking at her and she returned the gaze with a shy smile. Twilight smiled too, very happy. She knew that the wait was finally over and in her mind were echoing the last words of her wife.
“Until we’ll meet again, sugarcube.”
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And now it's finished! Enjoy the end!
It may be just me but i really think the ending is good!
but i may be just a big sap....
thanks for the good story!
3642236
You're welcome!
I loved the ending... Very good fanfic!
great ending. even though it is a sad ending some what. I mean twilight living forever and have to live with the fact that each reincarnation of AJ will keep ending with her Dying. Twilight is a very strong pony.
Loved the story
3642924
I'm glad that you liked!
Thanks
3643426
I saw that like everytime that AJ passed away isn't a "Goodbye" but a "See you soon". That make things easier ^^
Anyway, I'm glas that you liked!
3641805
its a song not a story lol youtube it
it really dont match your story but,,,, your story sure made me think of it for some reason...
don't mind me...im a bit random at times
3645499
We all are random sometimes. My mind is random too much time
English isn't my language, so I can't judge your writing style, but I liked the strong emotions you put in this fic :) The beginning was a little banal in my opinion, but then it became interesting. Applejack loves Twilight more than anything, she wants to sacrifice her happiness for Twilight's... This is admirable, and this is the real spirit of love. She was wrong, but she only wanted Twilight to be happy :) I also liked the short scene with Rarity and Rainbow Dash :D I have already said that I loved the ending <3 So I liked the story ^^
P.S.: I'm sorry for my horrible english, perhaps I did some grammatical mistakes XD
Ciao! (Bye :3)
3645992
So don't worry
English isn't my language too
Made it to the very end.. read "until we meet again, sugarcube" after that i started bawling my eyes out
3676265
I hope that you enjoy the story
This story started out looking okay back in chapter 1, but man... so much telling, and so many prose problems.
A few things:
1) Whenever a different person speaks, it needs to be a new paragraph 100% of the time. So if Twilight says something, then someone responds, then twilight responds to them, that's three paragraphs, not one.
2) You need to better know when to show and when to tell. Telling is fast, and good for skipping over things that don't matter or avoiding content that you don't need to belabor. However, when you're dealing with something important, showing is generally key; that is to say, when you've got a back and forth conversation, saying someone is sad in your narration is not how you want to do it. You want to show us that they're sad, make us feel like they're sad, not just... say it outright. There are several points at which the narration gets too telly in conversations, which is distracting.
3) I don't really know why you put RariDash in this story.
3678236
Thanks for your comment.
1º This one I'm aware and I'll try to avoid it in the future.
2º This is more complicated, but I think I understand your point. I'll keep in mind.
3º Well... At the beginning, I was thinking to simply do that RD and Rarity were the ones who talked with AJ, but nothing more. But later, I thought that I could put them as a couple and I did it, in parte because the TwiJack group and the RariDash group are allies. I wanted to show that alliance in my fic. Maybe it wasn't a good Idea, I don't know.
love the ending!
3719777
Thanks
3814507
The paragraph problem is something I learn and in the future I will try my best to don't repeat again. Thought, is only my second story (a very long one, compared with my first), plus English isn't my language. Problems and errors were expected for me
The Applejack's attitude.... I see your point. I mean, yeah, you made a very good point that could be true. But also it's possible that she thinks that Twilight could take a loss well and she wants to avoid her pain. Here we enter in a more personal field, in which each one had his opinion. No doubt, you're opinion is good and maybe, just maybe, this could be better if the overreacting one was Twilight. I don't know. One big problem of that option is, to me, that I don't see how make the Rainbow Dash intervention. It's one of the parts of this fic that I most proud or happy with it.
Probably one of the biggest problems with this fic is that I wrote with hurry, to fast, with a lot of pressure. Personal pressure that I put on myself, to make this ready to the TwiJack contest. Clearly, I wasn't ready to a challenge of that level. But, hey, I learned something
Besides, I'm very happy that, at least, I got your interest for my fic for a moment
Sorry that in the end you didn't enjoy it.
3898672
This is post start of season 4. They didn't have the Elements anymore and we didn't know yet what the heck is inside the box.
`Couple notes: There should never be two character's dialogue in the same paragraph.
Ex:
Should be:
Also, when you out a speech tag(he said, she spoke, whispered quietly, etc.) with dialogue, it should have a comma instead of a period.
Ex:
Should be:
Also, you have your characters stutter so much it becomes distracting. Stuttering can be used in highly charged emotional moments, but it should be a very light sprinkle. There are times when its so thick it seems like the characters have speech impediments.
I enjoyed this story, and I hope this little critique helps.
4026358
Thanks. I know that this story is worse that the first one for some errors. I writed with so much hurry and that's not good.
I wouldnt mind a Sequel to this story to be honest. Showing Twilight and Applejacks life together
4178921
I don't think that I'll write it. The story had mistakes in some ways and first, maybe, need a rewrite.
(Grits teeth and answers slowly and hesitantly) the few lines made me cry.
4508929 That's a good or a bad thing?
4511287 both. Most of my stories are rather dark, so I don't really have any 'd'aww' moments or 'omigosh, that was so sad and so cute'.
4511680 Weel, I hope that you enjoyed the story
我喜欢这个结局，尽管它看上去有点悲伤。