• Published 16th Dec 2013
  • 2,421 Views, 42 Comments

Could an Apple reach the Stars? - SHL



Sometimes, you have to do painful things for the good of the one you love. And Applejack is going to do that for Twilight.

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Epilogue: Until...

Princess Twilight Sparkle was smiling with wistfulness while she looked from the balcony that morning. She wasn’t sad, only lost in her most loved memories, a fact that didn’t escape to the eyes who knew her well.

“Thinking about her again, little Twilight?” She turned her head to see Celestia smiling at her. “A little.” The younger alicorn confessed. “I was remembering that particular day.”

The Princess of the Sun didn’t need to ask. She knew very well about what day her former student was talking. “How long ago? One hundred and eighty years?” She supposed but Twi corrected her. “One hundred and eighty three years, exactly. Quite some time…”

“Indeed. But you don’t have to be sad, Twilight.” Celestia said warmly.

“I’m not.” Sparkle replied, smiling at her. “We made a promise. Now it’s only a matter of time.”

Her mentor grinned. “I think that you are right, my friend.” She turned around, saying. “I don’t entertain you more, Twilight. You will go to supervise the last details of the play later, I suppose?”

The Princess of Magic nodded. “In fact, I will go right now. See you later, Celestia.”

Twilight walked to the dressing rooms prepared for the traditional Hearth’s Warming Eve play, ready to make her role. But she wasn’t here only for that.

Among the principals and the staff, there was somepony who had been putting on the Smart Cookie’s ropes. It was a mare with a short black mane and a dull yellow coat. But that didn’t matter. The most relevant things to Twi were two.

One was her eyes, like emeralds.

The other was her cutie mark. A big red apple with one purple star in the center.

She noticed that the princess was looking at her and she returned the gaze with a shy smile. Twilight smiled too, very happy. She knew that the wait was finally over and in her mind were echoing the last words of her wife.

“Until we’ll meet again, sugarcube.”

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Comments ( 26 )
SHL

And now it's finished! Enjoy the end! :pinkiehappy:

It may be just me but i really think the ending is good! :raritystarry:
but i may be just a big sap.... :raritycry:
thanks for the good story! :pinkiehappy:

SHL

3642236
You're welcome! :pinkiehappy:

I loved the ending... Very good fanfic!

great ending. even though it is a sad ending some what. I mean twilight living forever and have to live with the fact that each reincarnation of AJ will keep ending with her Dying. Twilight is a very strong pony.
Loved the story
:ajsmug: :heart: :twilightsmile:

SHL

3642924
Thanks :pinkiehappy: I'm glad that you liked!

3643426
I saw that like everytime that AJ passed away isn't a "Goodbye" but a "See you soon". That make things easier ^^

Anyway, I'm glas that you liked! :pinkiehappy:

3641805
its a song not a story lol youtube it :derpytongue2:
it really dont match your story but,,,, your story sure made me think of it for some reason...

don't mind me...im a bit random at times :pinkiegasp:

SHL

3645499
We all are random sometimes. My mind is random too much time :pinkiehappy:

English isn't my language, so I can't judge your writing style, but I liked the strong emotions you put in this fic :) The beginning was a little banal in my opinion, but then it became interesting. Applejack loves Twilight more than anything, she wants to sacrifice her happiness for Twilight's... This is admirable, and this is the real spirit of love. She was wrong, but she only wanted Twilight to be happy :) I also liked the short scene with Rarity and Rainbow Dash :D I have already said that I loved the ending <3 So I liked the story ^^
P.S.: I'm sorry for my horrible english, perhaps I did some grammatical mistakes XD
Ciao! (Bye :3)

SHL

3645992
English isn't my language too :pinkiehappy: So don't worry

Made it to the very end.. read "until we meet again, sugarcube" after that i started bawling my eyes out:raritycry:

SHL

3676265
I hope that you enjoy the story :twilightsmile:

This story started out looking okay back in chapter 1, but man... so much telling, and so many prose problems.

A few things:

1) Whenever a different person speaks, it needs to be a new paragraph 100% of the time. So if Twilight says something, then someone responds, then twilight responds to them, that's three paragraphs, not one.

2) You need to better know when to show and when to tell. Telling is fast, and good for skipping over things that don't matter or avoiding content that you don't need to belabor. However, when you're dealing with something important, showing is generally key; that is to say, when you've got a back and forth conversation, saying someone is sad in your narration is not how you want to do it. You want to show us that they're sad, make us feel like they're sad, not just... say it outright. There are several points at which the narration gets too telly in conversations, which is distracting.

3) I don't really know why you put RariDash in this story.

SHL

3678236
Thanks for your comment.

1º This one I'm aware and I'll try to avoid it in the future.

2º This is more complicated, but I think I understand your point. I'll keep in mind.

3º Well... At the beginning, I was thinking to simply do that RD and Rarity were the ones who talked with AJ, but nothing more. But later, I thought that I could put them as a couple and I did it, in parte because the TwiJack group and the RariDash group are allies. I wanted to show that alliance in my fic. Maybe it wasn't a good Idea, I don't know.

love the ending! :derpytongue2:

SHL

3719777
Thanks :pinkiehappy:

SHL

3814507
The paragraph problem is something I learn and in the future I will try my best to don't repeat again. Thought, is only my second story (a very long one, compared with my first), plus English isn't my language. Problems and errors were expected for me :twilightblush:

The Applejack's attitude.... I see your point. I mean, yeah, you made a very good point that could be true. But also it's possible that she thinks that Twilight could take a loss well and she wants to avoid her pain. Here we enter in a more personal field, in which each one had his opinion. No doubt, you're opinion is good and maybe, just maybe, this could be better if the overreacting one was Twilight. I don't know. One big problem of that option is, to me, that I don't see how make the Rainbow Dash intervention. It's one of the parts of this fic that I most proud or happy with it.

Probably one of the biggest problems with this fic is that I wrote with hurry, to fast, with a lot of pressure. Personal pressure that I put on myself, to make this ready to the TwiJack contest. Clearly, I wasn't ready to a challenge of that level. But, hey, I learned something :twilightsmile:

Besides, I'm very happy that, at least, I got your interest for my fic for a moment :pinkiehappy: Sorry that in the end you didn't enjoy it.

SHL

3898672
This is post start of season 4. They didn't have the Elements anymore and we didn't know yet what the heck is inside the box.

`Couple notes: There should never be two character's dialogue in the same paragraph.
Ex:

“Hey, Twi.” Rainbow spoke. “You packed a lot of bags for two days, didn’t you? Is the princess business making you act like Rares and take a lot of unnecessary things?“ Rarity stared at Dash, furrowing her brow while the other ignored her and grinned. Pinkie chuckled a little, transmitting it to Twilight. “Anyway, girls.” The still librarian started to talk. “I want to ask you for a favor. To be honest, I will be more than two days in Canterlot. Maybe a week or two. That’s why I have plenty of luggage. So, could you help Spike with the library and keep an eye on him?”

Should be:

“Hey, Twi.” Rainbow spoke. “You packed a lot of bags for two days, didn’t you? Is the princess business making you act like Rares and take a lot of unnecessary things?“ Rarity stared at Dash, furrowing her brow while the other ignored her and grinned. Pinkie chuckled a little, transmitting it to Twilight.

“Anyway, girls.” The still librarian started to talk. “I want to ask you for a favor. To be honest, I will be more than two days in Canterlot. Maybe a week or two. That’s why I have plenty of luggage. So, could you help Spike with the library and keep an eye on him?”

Also, when you out a speech tag(he said, she spoke, whispered quietly, etc.) with dialogue, it should have a comma instead of a period.

Ex:

“Anyway, girls.” The still librarian started to talk. “I want to ask you for a favor. To be honest, I will be more than two days in Canterlot. Maybe a week or two. That’s why I have plenty of luggage. So, could you help Spike with the library and keep an eye on him?”

Should be:

“Anyway, girls,” the still librarian started to talk, “I want to ask you for a favor. To be honest, I will be more than two days in Canterlot.”

Also, you have your characters stutter so much it becomes distracting. Stuttering can be used in highly charged emotional moments, but it should be a very light sprinkle. There are times when its so thick it seems like the characters have speech impediments.

I enjoyed this story, and I hope this little critique helps.:pinkiehappy:

SHL

4026358
Thanks. I know that this story is worse that the first one for some errors. I writed with so much hurry and that's not good.

I wouldnt mind a Sequel to this story to be honest. Showing Twilight and Applejacks life together

SHL

4178921
I don't think that I'll write it. The story had mistakes in some ways and first, maybe, need a rewrite.

(Grits teeth and answers slowly and hesitantly) the few lines made me cry.

SHL

4508929 That's a good or a bad thing?

4511287 both. Most of my stories are rather dark, so I don't really have any 'd'aww' moments or 'omigosh, that was so sad and so cute'.

SHL

4511680 Weel, I hope that you enjoyed the story :pinkiehappy:

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