• Member Since 14th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 16th, 2020

Bakmah Genesis


Insanity is only those of the vivid imagination

T

Dark magic. It twists and corrupts the mind and soul. It makes its user power hungry, a hunger impossible to sate. And Twilight Sparkle fell prey to its corruption. Now it lands on the shoulders of Celestia to stop her once faithful student from destroying Equestria in her search for power. Only one problem.

Twilight is her foster daughter.

Edited by TheGreatEater

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

This fic's good! I enjoyed what happened with Twilight and Celestia, and I was surprised to see the past with Discord and Celestia's relationship. I was even surprised with the ending, though it felt a little as to how Celestia was just telling like it a bedtime story. I thought she still would be feeling a little pain from what happen, but then again, it's been over thirty years so she probably had time to get over it. That and she's got a kid. Overall, nice story.

Also, there's this...

"Power." whispered Twilight, her voice sounding twisted. A faint glow appeared around her eyes. The glow soon intensified into a purple wisp around her eyes. The whites of her eyes turned green and her usual lavender orbs reddened, becoming blood red.
"Power." She said it louder, more firm this time.

Sorry, but I had to do it.

3513034
Star Wars reference ftw.

Tia still feels the pain from Twilight's death but it was lessened over time and she also vowed to keep others from abusing dark magic since what it did to her daughter. The story part was just a little bit as a lesson for Dawn. Just more kid friendly then the one we read. :raritywink:

Well that was a break from the usual.

Kinda wish you could have shoehorned in a way for twilight to survive like Discord did, but meh, what am I going to do?

Tl;DR, Infanticide is terrible.

3513408
I'm actually think of a sequel.

3513642 I'm all for people expanding upon stories to make them more/less sad than they originally appeared to be, BUT keep in mind if you do do this, you'll have to pull of a way of doing it that wont undermine the original's plot/theme etc.

Like, you couldn't just poof her back c'uz yolo. You'd at least need a sensible in universe explanation.

Basically I'm just saying If you do do this, be careful in execution.

Honestly I wasn't a fan. The story seems both too short (with events happening way too quickly) and too long (unnecesary padding, like Celestia's distracted thoughts while in battle). I'm similarly confused by the choice to have Flash and Twilight engaged. All other breaks from canon were mentioned up front, and doing this just feels like a cheap attempt to pull our heartstrings. Despair is also one of the most scenery-chewing villains I've seen in some time, and it kind of blunts any emotional or dramatic impact. Finally, there's some writing errors, primarily a lack of the apostrophe.

i am seriously hoping in the sequel that twilight comes back as a spirit...... or even reincarnated.... but, i shouldnt get my hopes up.... but, would you be so kind as to do that for me? :applecry: also.... this almost made me cry..... but one thing i would love to see..... a video of this.... now, that would REALLY make me cry! :applecry:

Disjointed is the best word to describe this fic. An odd, rushed pacing with random jokes strewn in doesn't exactly give a story a dark, tragic outlook.

My opinion/s? I find the concept a great one, even if it has been used over and over, but the action for me is lacking certain features, as in suspensful moments. I feel no symapthy for Celestia, Twilight and Discord....and did you get your timelines mixed up? I'm sorry but at the start, you mentioned that Twilight "flew" ...she didn't have her wings then and I don't see how this bit is possible. The humor for me felt flat and clichéd at points...and where is Luna during the battle? Overall, the very start got my attention, but then the rest...fell flat, sorry. But ohs wells, this is just my opinion. Don't worry too much :scootangel:

3519197 well dark magic can do lots of things to the body..:facehoof:.just look at the pic on explaining the wings. as for luna, it says in the story that tia sent her to the crystal empire to tell every one else there what happend to twi when the wall fell(the wall would only fall if twi died) you should really pay attention.:rainbowhuh:

3583441 okay, the picture... :twilightsheepish:... i don't think that was up when i commented last time, sorry :derpytongue2:

Okay. I'm going to try and write a good, honest crit for this story, even though I'm not typically very good at that.

So, starting out with the plot idea. I like, and I mean I really like it. I'm totally a fan of the dark/sad(or both) fics. Because twisted little me likes seeing sad ponies :twilightblush:.
The beginning was good, a little confusing until I figured out that it was Celestia telling the story.

A nice young stallion that worked as a part of Celestia's guard.

This was a little error that caught my eye near the beginning. I'm assuming that you meant Cadence, but if you did mean Celestia then 'Celestia's' should probably be replaced with 'my'. But back to the crit. This isn't one of those comments that points out every single grammar error/misspelled word.

The dialogue was awkward, and the pacing switched from being drawn-out to going fast in ten words flat(heh, get it? probably not, my special talent isn't being a comedian :facehoof:). With that, the characters seemed a slightly OOC at times, obviously excluding Twilight with her being corrupted 'n' stuff. Now, go ahead and call me a robot and heartless and soulless and everything else, but this wasn't that sad to me. Twilight is definitely one of my favorites(second, to be exact :twilightsmile:), and I did feel a little sad, but the parts that were supposed to pull on the readers heartstring had just about no effect on me.

I know that this crit sucks and probably doesn't help the author in any way, but....huh, can't find any reason to post this. Maybe I'll delete it. Am I talking(typing?) to myself now? Damn, I'm weird :twilightsheepish:

Okay, now I'm going to go over the things I liked about this story:
The FlashLight ship. I think they're totally cute together, and plus, if they ever do have Twily start dating, it's most likely gonna be with him.

The relationship between Celestia and Twilight. I 100% completely hate the Twilestia ship(the one ship involving Twilight that I actually hate), but their mother-daughter status is something that makes me smile. Heck, it's pratcially cannon too(this is making me sound like someone who only likes canon stuff).

The fact that not even having his head chopped off can keep Discord down. He's so f*cking awesome(excuse me while I fangasm)! I love him even more after the episode "Three's A Crowd"

The Celestia x Discord ship(don't know the ship name, if there is one). It's not my all-time favorite ship, but I can only picture Celestia getting together with Discord, and vice versa, so..yeah...:heart:(hey my first emoticon that isn't Twilight)




So, all these things considered, I will be liking this story, but not favoriting, and shall now go check out your other stories.

I feel like Celestia wouldn’t replace Twilight or at least not that quick. That’s considered quick since she’s immortal; instead of 30 years it might’ve been 300. Otherwise the story was great.

Despite the fact that it has faded with time, Tia is still grieving for Twilight and has resolved to stop others from misusing black magic in light of what it did to her daughter. The narrative portion served as a little lesson for Dawn. just kid-friendly compared to the one we read.
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