Corruption

by Bakmah Genesis

Corrupted

Fires illuminated the streets of Canterlot and threw menacing shadows against the white washed walls of the castle itself. It was chaos, yet no Discord. He was slain without a second thought. It was a battle, but no changeling army. They had the brains to stay away from the dark, menacing force that lurked in the country. This, this was the corruption of one pony.

Twilight Sparkle. Well educated, advanced in magic to the levels where she herself could become an alicorn. Her very being yearned for knowledge to learn. One could almost place it as her talent and not magic. But magic was her talent, her passion, her love, her downfall.

Ever since that faithful day years ago when Twilight came to the audition into the school as a little orphan, I could see both a beautiful filly with a love for magic, and a mare with large amounts of magic at her disposal. I saw potential.

I adopted the filly and taught her in the arts of magic, even giving her her own dragon to take care of and raise. I taught her about politics since her position as the princesses daughter required a minor education in modern day politics. I helped her grow and bloom into a beautiful mare.

I was there when she awoken the Element of Magic within herself and freed my sister, I was there when my daughter gained her friends, and I was there when she first found love. A nice young stallion that worked as a part of Celestia's guard. Flash Sentry, I believe. Sadly, I will never have the chance to walk her to the alter.

Finally, I was there when my daughter was corrupted. It was one mission. It was simple, easy, shouldn't have been a problem. But life was a bitch and it was never kind to Luna and I. It was cruel and fate was even more so.

It was just a simple trip to the Crystal Empire...

~~~~~~~~

"Twilight?" Asked Spike nervously. His adoptive mother stood in front of the open door inside the spiral stairwell. She didn't move. She stood there as still as a statue, staring at the black crystal wall behind the door.

"Power." whispered Twilight, her voice sounding twisted. A faint glow appeared around her eyes. The glow soon intensified into a purple wisp around her eyes. The whites of her eyes turned green and her usual lavender orbs reddened, becoming blood red.

"Power." She said it louder, more firm this time. It chilled the drakes bones. He then noticed what was causing all this. A single crystal embedded above the door. It glowed in the tell-tale aura of dark magic, a similar aura around Twilight's horn. The door was feeding her dark magic.

"I'll save you Twi!" Shouted the drake. He picked up the nearest rock weighing it in his hand as he took his aim at the glowing black crystal as it corrupted his mother. With a huff, he pulled back and sent it hurtling towards the crystal. The rock stopped mid way, a glow of dark purple surrounding it.

"How dare you interfere!" Growled Twilight, already too far gone. Her mind twisted away by the dark magic, now hungry for power. "Power. I need more power. I need to control the world with my power." said Twilight mechanically, walking past a terrified Spike and riding up the stair case on a cloud of black smoke.

"Corruption and power. That is all that matters now." said Twilight, grinning as she existed the floor in the throne room. Further down the steps, Spike was running to catch up to her. Something was terribly wrong and he had to try and stop her before she did something she would later regret.

She flew forward, gliding across the ground as she exited out onto the crystal balcony. Meanwhile, the field surrounding the city to protect it from Sombra broke away, allowing the evil unicorn to enter the city. Shining Armour, a white stallion and biological brother of Twilight cursed. In the back of his mind, something guided his vision to the balcony just to the left of them. He froze as he caught sight of his sister.

"Twiley! Twilight, what's happened to you?" Called out Shining. Cadence, slowly moving her tired head towards where her husband was shouting, caught sight of her sister in law, her body surrounded in the similar smoke used by Sombra. Her eyes glowed similarly while a wicked grin was plastered on her face.

"Corruption and Power. I will start with the Crystal Empire first, then we will move to Canterlot." said Twilight, grinning as she saw the figure of Sombra move towards the Crystal Palace. She knew what her chances of beating Sombra were. It would be an easy fight. One that would end with her victorious and the Crystal Empire hers.

"What is this?" Asked Sombra, stopping as Twilight neared him. The unicorn eyed the element of magic. He could both see and feel the amount of dark magic that flowed from her. He could feel that whatever was left of her mind was twisted and broken apart, leaving a pure dark incarnation behind.

"My name is Despair, and I cannot allow you to take over this empire." said Despair, grinning still as she talked to Sombra. Sombra threw back his head in laughter.

"That is rich, little filly. I doubt you can defeat me." said the stallion, smirking at her. Despair's grin widened and she chucked evilly, drinking in the moment.

"But I already have." Sombra yelped in surprise as he was pulled out of his cloud, which dispersed at the absence of its master. Sombra fought against his restraints, trying to break free of the aura around his neck.

"I am the only one to take over this empire."

*Crack!*

Sombra's limp body fell from the sky, the aura around his eyes fading away to show sky blue, their true color. His body soon came in contact with the ground, making sure that he was dead despite having his neck broken.

"The Crystal Empire now belongs to me! Despair!" Cried out the corrupted Twilight. A dome of dark purple surrounded the city, trapping in its inhabitants. "You are now under my rule. And soon, all of Equestria will be mine." She let out a chilling cackle and flew off south, towards the mountain city of Canterlot.

~~~~~~~~

I've always hated court. I would sit here, listen to complaints and demands of both citizens and nobles. Sometimes, there would be a point made or a demand asked that I would agree to. However, there were also times when I wanted nothing more to drown out the noise that was their voice.

My sister, Luna, has the same outlook on this matter as me. A pain in the ass we had no choice but to attend to. True, it made no sense to have us both present, considering Luna is still getting used to staying awake during the day and sleeping peacefully through the night. But our vote was outnumbered and now we had no choice but to obey these stuck up pricks that call themselves nobles. I preferred the olden days better.

Thankfully, my magic sparked alive and dropped a scroll at my hooves. The two of us sighed in relief. I mean, finally! A break from having the nobles demand we allow a larger allowance. I think Blueblood's reason was that he needed it to pay off his 'entertainment' needs. Well, if you didn't chase off all the women interested in you, you wouldn't need to use prostitutes.

"See, Lulu," I said as I picked up the scroll and opened it. "Twilight would have...no..probl....oh sweet mother of Faust." My mind stopped as I read. This could not be possible. It was a simple task. How was she taken over so easily? How? And why my own daughter?

"What is it sister?" Asked Luna, looking over my shoulder. I could feel her tense up and curse the gods above. The message was simple, but panicked.

'Twilight is nuts and took over the empire. She is heading to Canterlot!

~Spike'

"Not Twilight, not her." I mumbled, my mind was shutting down, the world was slowing to a halt. Out of all of my years alive, I have never once been able to have my own child. I believe the doctors labeled me as infertile. Then Twilight came. I came to love her as if she was my own, the daughter I was never allowed to have. And now this message, this scroll, told me she has been corrupted. Why must this world be so cruel to me?

"Sister?" Asked Luna, sounding genuinely concerned for me. I guess its understandable. I would be concerned if my older sibling just got news that her daughter was corrupted by the dark magics of this world. Hell, I was barely holding up as it is right now.

"I want everyone in this room to leave us at once. And someone bring me the second in command." I said, my voice was emotionless. It was like I had already died on the inside. In a way, I have. Dark magics had three ways of being removed from its host. A spell to disperse it if it wasn't in too much quantity, turning the host into stone and letting the dark magic to die off, or finally, and one I will wish to avoid at all costs, kill the host.

Death seemed to become closer to the only option. I no longer had control of the elements, neither did Luna, so turning her into stone was out of the question, then there was the dispersing spell. If it was put in enough quantity and fed enough, it would be neigh impossible to remove. This would only leave me with killing my only daughter. Oh how cruel is fate.

"You are coming to the same conclusions as I am, Tia?" Asked Luna. I sighed and banished any tears with a wipe of my hoof. I nodded and set the scroll ablaze.

"Why, Luna? First, I find out that I'm infertile and do not have the ability to give birth, and now my only daughter I have ever had is taken away. Why is it the world must do this to me?" I asked, any restraint on my tears forgotten as they fell down my face. I felt a wing draped around me as my younger sibling embraced me.

"Fate is cruel. We can never predict it or change it. It does what it wants. However, we still have to push through. If you want, though, I will do the deed if it does indeed come to that." I shook my head. This was my burden.

"No. I will see if I can use Discord to my advantage. If that fails we use our version of the spell. If all else fails, then I will kill her myself. Her mother needs to be there for her in her dying moments." I said with a small sigh, tears just kept falling, making the smallest of pools at my hooves.

"You wanted to see me, Princess?" I looked up to find the last pony I wanted to see right now. An orangish yellow Pegasus with a blue mane stood before her, his helmet held under a wing.

"Yes, I-I forgot you were promoted, Flash Sentry." I said. This was going to be the most difficult order to ever tell a guard. Attack your fiancé. I took a deep breathe and let it out shakily.

"My sister and I have gotten word on the mission in the Crystal Empire." I started.

"So I take it Twily put a stop to it then?" Asked Flash, smiling. Oh Faust how I hated to do this.

"Twilight was exposed to dangerous amounts of dark magic. The result is....fearsome and worrying." Flash Sentry's smile faded away at this. God damnit stop looking at me like that! It just makes this worse.

"How so, Princess?" Asked the guard. I took in another deep breath, this was going to destroy him and I knew it.

"She has been corrupted due to the large intake of dark energy. As a result, she has a vast hunger for power and corruption. She is no longer the Twilight we know or love." My words are daggers. They cut through him, his expression falling further.

"So, you want the guard to kill her on sight?" He asked his voice falling. I shook my head.

"I am hoping to put that off for as long as I can. I just need you and the rest of the guard to defend against whatever attacks she may throw at us." I said calmly even though I was nowhere near calm on the inside. I am an emotional wreck and the only one who can tell is my own sister.

"I-I understand Princess."

"Trust me when I say this, Flash. The last thing I want to do is murder the only daughter I have ever had. If she does die remember that it was only because I had no other choice but to kill her." My words stung with the truth. The possibility of me having to kill my daughter is too great to ignore. It will only be a matter of time before she makes it to Canterlot, then we will see how this all turns out.

~~~~~~~~

Discord yawned as he was broken from his stone, prison. Upon his return, the air was filled with a foul energy. And it wasn't him. He stretched out his arms, sighing happily as he heard a pop from his shoulder. He gripped his right arm in his left and inserted it back into his socket.

"You quite finished yet?" Discord looked down to see a slightly annoyed white alicorn. Despite her annoyed tone, Discord could see the exhaustion on her face and her puffy red eyes that suggested she was crying, for why he did not know.

"Good evening, Tia. Now, what's the wonderful reason you released a monster like me back into Equestria." Asked the Draconequus, smirking,

"We need your help dispersing dark magic." said Celestia, sighing as she said it. Discord huffed and floated upon his back.

"Why don't you just get your precious elements of harmony to do it?" Discord teleported a pineapple with a straw stuck in it into his claw and proceeded to drink the actual pineapple.

"Because the host is the element of magic." Discord spit back out the pineapple. Normally, he would have nothing to do with the petty needs of ponies. However, they were a need if he was to create chaos. Dark magic hosts such as Sombra capture and or kill ponies which dwindles his game as well as his ability for chaos. While the elements could normally stop them, the fact that one was the host made it difficult, thus his appearance.

"Now I see why you want me to disperse it. And if I prove unable to do it?" Asked Discord, putting interest into the pony princess.

"Then I will do the hardest thing I have ever done in my long life. Kill my daughter." said Celestia, her voice heavy with sorrow. This was indeed serious.

"I will do it. Let's just hope I don't get killed."

~~~~~~

"That hope seems to be fading." mumbled Discord as he blocked another rather powerful attack from the dark host. He knew it was going to be difficult dispersing the dark magic but that had proved to be impossible. Now he has a very pissed evil Twilight trying to kill him. Oh how wonderful this day was becoming.

"Oh shit." Discord dived down to avoid a rather powerful beam of magic that singed the very edge of his tail, leaving a smoky trail behind him. "Fuck, I liked that tail." He turned his attention back towards Twilight to find her gone.

"You will not defeat me easily, Draconequus. Nor will you leave this battle field alive." echoed out a voice from supposedly nowhere.

"Oh boy, I've always wanted to die in the Canterlot mountains." joked Discord, scanning the area for any signs of the host.

"Good." There was a sharp pain on the back of his head and he was sent face first into the ground, creating a decent sized crater. He went to get up to have a hoof stomping on his face, driving him deeper.

"For a lord of chaos you are weak." commented Despair as she moved away from Discord. Discord sat up with a grunt and glared at the host.

"I'm sorry, Tia, but I will make sure to kill her quickly." A double bladed battle axe appeared in his claws, it's menacing look not even making Despair flinch. The dark host started to circle Discord. The Draconequus kept his eyes trained on her.

"I can taste your fears, Discord. Some you know, some you don't, some you just don't want to accept." said Despair, keeping her eyes on him. Discord cursed.

"Fuck. Of course this one has the same abilities as Sombra." muttered Discord. This situation was going downhill for him faster then what he would like. Despair heard his muttering and grinned at her success.

"I wonder, how long will the famed god of chaos last against his own fears?" Before he could react, Despair was infront of him with a hoof on his forehead. The god of chaos slowly broke at the magic that was being forced into him, showing every dark fear he ever knew. One, however, succeeded in taking down his gaurd.

Discord stood in a forest clearing. The forests name and what he was doing there and how he got there was lost to him. The only thing to stick was that there was one mare there with her.

"You know nothing of me, do you?" she asked in a sad tone. Her voice hit bells in his head, telling him exactly who was talking to him. Celestia, two thousand years prior to Nightmare Moon.

"Tia, I-I do. I do know everything about you. I know you would stare at the moon for hours, that you've had nightmares of Luna turning on you for nights of recent. Tia, what's wrong?" Asked the Draconequus, his hair a dark shade of black. Celestia refused to look at him, her pink mane waving in the wind.

"You hardly ever pay attention to me. Tell me, what was the last issue I brought up?" Asked Celestia. His kind blanked. It wasn't the good blank he had around her. It was the blank that he had no clue what she was talking about. The silence, however, was enough of an answer for her. She whipped around, tears shining in her eyes as she glared down the young Draconequus.

"Foals, Discord! Something I've always wanted! Just last night I got back my results and told you! I'm infertile, every mares worse nightmare, and you didn't care!" Discord's heart sank. He knew how much she wanted a foal of her own. She always looked down at other foals with a proud smile. She told him countless times how she wanted one of her own. There was no doubt in his mind that the very news that she could not conceive shook her to the very core.

"Tia, I'm-"

"No!" shouted Celestia, stamping a hoof into the ground. "No more excuses! You don't care! You proved that enough! Just leave me alone and ruin some other mares life!" The distraught mare turned and flew off, leaving the draconquus behind.

"Wait, Tia! Tia!!"

~~~~~~~

Despair walked away from the headless corpse. This was the one time that the Draconequus was not going to recover from losing his head. No, this was permanent. She huffed as she stored away her scythe in the æther. Now, she needed to finish off Equestria.

~~~~~~~~

And that, my dear readers, brings us to my current situation. Sitting in a castle built in a city that was now on the brink of war with one of the mares that helped protect numerous times before. Oh how cruel was it to have its very protector become its destroyer. And I can do nothing but sit here and mourn the lose of an old lover and soon my daughter. Things have turned for the worse and I can only do the one thing I hate most on this planet. I just have to hope Flash Sentry will forgive me.

I ordered my sister to fly to the Crystal Empire and hide out there and wait for the field to drop. Once it has, she is to inform her family and friends of what has befallen my daughter and escort them back to Canterlot. This only left me, my army, and an evil hostess that is my daughter. Oh how cruel is this world.

"Oh dear princess, you have a visitor." said a dark, mocking voice from the otherside of the golden double doors that led into the throne room. I stood, my golden armour banging together as I did so.

"You may enter, my daughter." I said preparing myself for what was about to take place. The death of my daughter. I'm probably saying this more often than I should, but it is hard to believe that I'm about to do such a thing. I have killed thousands, yes, but this pony held a special place in my heart and was now about to die in my own hooves. I may never be the same again.

"I am sorry to disappoint, dear princess, but your precious daughter is no more. It is only I, Despair." said the incarnate of dark magic. Despair strode into the throne room with a confident grin on her face.

"I'm sorry to say that won't make killing you easier, but it helps I will be freeing what little inkling of my daughter is left from you." I said, glaring at Despair. The incarnate laughed, taking in my hostility.

"Not hiding your feelings behind some mask. You are much better than that fool Discord." mocked Despair, circling me as I stepped off my throne. I growled at her and lowered my horn slightly.

"Just one other I have to avenge for. How dare you take all I love from me?" I said, my horn starting to glow my trade mark gold. Despair's glowed the dark magic deep purple, preparing her own spells to work against me.

"Don't act all strong. We both know you are hurting on the inside, Celestia. I can taste your heartbreak." said Despair, chuckling to herself. This mare, this incarnate, this monster that took away my daughter, she was toying with me, annoying me. And my patience was growing dangerously thin.

"I am hurt, but that does not mean its my weakness." I said, causing Despair to frown. "This pain, this grief, I will use this. I will use it to have a goal. A goal to make sure that I stand on top of your corpse, no matter whose body you possess." Despair growled at me.

"Very well then, let us see how long you will survive, Celestia." With that, the battle for Equestria began with me dodging a beam of purple. It whipped past me and destroyed a marble pillar. I probably have some stories about that pillar. Some undoubtly dirty. But I kinda have a battle to pay attention to so I'll just mark it off as nothing.

Releasing the magic in my own horn, I created spear like daggers from the floor on the intent of spearing her with the marble. However, Despair quickly dodged and sent a ball of dark energy towards me. I was quick to raise defense, letting it destroy itself on my shield while I prepared my next attack.

Once my site was clear once more, I shot off a ball of fire the size off myself, courtesy of my precious Sun. I could hear Despair's curse as she raised her own shield hastily to fend off my fire. While she isn't strong enough to beat me with magic, she could always were away my mind to open me up to attacks. However, this required contact for at least four seconds. In battle, four seconds was a lifetime.

"You know it's going to take more than a few moderate spells to kill me, Despair." I called out, charging my horn in preperation. Despair growled and charged at me, a scythe appearing out of an æther.

Preparing my own sword with a curved onesided blade with a barb on the end, I met the scythe on its downstroke to keep it from lopping off my head. I pushed back on my sword and readied it for more. We weren't battling more than five minutes and I was already fending her off with my own weapons. This was going to be a difficult battle, but one I was confident on winning.

Despair continued to shower me in attacks and I proceeded to block each one with a flick of my sword, it's white blade reflecting off the firelight from the streets outside. The throne room was filled with the constant clanging of metal against metal, pony against incarnate. I'm sure that there would be songs and stories of this battle, each forgetting the important fact that it was a battle against mother and daughter, not Princess vs Tyrant.

My breath became more ragged as I deflected another fatal blow to the neck. My foe not fairing better. Despair was breathing hard as she glared at me, her weapon held firmly in her grasp as she rushed towards me again, her scythe raised high for the attack.

"Die already!" Cried out the incarnate. I swiped my sword upwards and felt it give way, it's blade snapping in half at the center. I cursed and jumped over her, taking to the air before she could get another chance to attack me weapon less. Out of all the times it could break, mid-battle was not one I would prefer.

"I will not let you defeat me, Despair. Now, die so I can free those who you have hurt!" I shouted out, shooting a beam of pure sunlight energy. Despair cursed and raised her scythe to block the attack. There was a loud *snap* as the scythe to broke, becoming useless. The incarnate growled and tossed it aside.

I had to think of a new tactic in this small window I have. Normally, I would have no problems beating her to death with my hooves, except for the fact she is my daughter, but I can't keep contact for more than four seconds without giving her my life and pretty much dying at her hooves. I also had only a standard broad sword stored away in my æther, meaning however way I attack, it better count for each hit so I can end her once and for all.

Making up my mind, I opened my æther and pulled out my personal broad sword. Unlike my earlier sword, this one was less personalized and looked exactly the same as any other broad sword, the only difference being its durability. It could withstand more hits and pressure that I would more than likely apply to it, making this suitable for its use. Killing Despair.

Despair reached into her own æther and pulled out a similar broad sword, albeit black. Faust, what is with these incarnate's and the color black? Stereotypical much? She widened out her stance and lowered both her horn and her sword so they were nearly pointing directly at me.

Doing the same, I prepared for our final fight, the fight that will decide the winner and wether or not Equestria is doomed. No pressure on me or anything. I scoffed to myself and smirked as I ran forward, Despair following suit.

The sound brought a single ringing sensation though out my ears, cutting off all sound as the two blades connected with the aided help of magic on both blades. The result sent both of us colliding into the walls, knocking the wind out of us completely.

I struggled to my hooves, swaying slightly, and looked over at Despair. The incarnate was laying on the floor, blood pouring from wounds that she gained from meeting the wall. I could tell she was probably dying, but I still had a job to do and I hoped to do it correctly.

I lifted up my broad sword in my magic once again and limped towards the incarnate, my eyes trained on her as I got closer. Soon, I towered over her, my sword poised and ready. Despair looked up at me, her eyes filled with her namesake.

"I am sorry, Twilight. I am so sorry." I drove it downward into her skull

~~~~~~~~

"That is why I never want you messing around with the dark magics." I said to a small cyan filly sporting my trademark pink mane that I lost after Nightmare Moon. It was a good thirty plus years after the death of my first daughter. I cried myself to sleep for months.

"You mean magic actually did that to her?" Asked the small filly, shocked. I nodded.

"Yes it did, Dawn. And it still haunts me today. I do not want to bury another child because of this magic." I told the small alicorn filly. Dawn nodded but then cocked her head.

"Wait, you said you couldn't have foals. How did you give birth to me then?" Asked Dawn. I smiled as I recalled the memory.

"Your sister was talented. She knew pretty much everything on anything. She could become a professional at any trade she wanted to, even though magic was her strength. With this, she combined her magic talent with her medical knowledge and created a spell many mares are grateful for." I said with a proud smile.

"What is it?" Asked the small alicorn.

"A fertilizing spell. This one working on the reproductive organs to be exact. Twilight was a special mare and is the one to thank for many magical breakthroughs." I replied. Dawn looked up at me in awe.

"So my sister helped give birth to me?" Asked the awestruck filly. I burst out in laughter at the alicorns thinking.

"Not exactly, but in a way, yes. If it wasn't for Twilight, would not have a beautiful daughter." I said, picking up the filly. Dawn went back to pondering another problem, one I probably knew of.

"But why is daddy still alive?" As if on cue, a certain Draconequus popped his head out of the vase near where we were sitting.

"Oh come on, it's not that easy to get rid of me." said Discord with a smirk. I leaned forward and pecked him on the lips.

"Oh really? I haven't noticed." I teased. Discord stuck his tongue out at me and reached out to our daughter. She giggled as she was lifted into her fathers arms who was quick to start a tickle war. I giggled at the sight and turned my head to look out the window down towards the Royal Gardens.

In the midst of the carefully handled garden stood a statue of a unicorn mare, five point star as her cutie mark. A tiara with her cutie mark on its top sat upon her head. She bore a determined look as she looked off into the distance, her smile warming hearts despite she herself never being able to smile once more.

"Thank you, Twilight. For everything." I whispered, a small trace of tears in the corner of my eye. I wiped it away and joined in on the full on tickle war that was raging in my living room. While the battle costed me my daughter, it gave me what I've always wanted and all thanks to the pony that brought happiness back to my life.

The late Twilight Sparkle.

~Fin~

Author's Note:

Well, the longest chapter I have written. I actually cried writing this so it touches the feels pretty well. Anyways, thanks to TheGreatEater for being my editor once again. See you all in another story.

Comments

[Wannabe Scholar]

This fic's good! I enjoyed what happened with Twilight and Celestia, and I was surprised to see the past with Discord and Celestia's relationship. I was even surprised with the ending, though it felt a little as to how Celestia was just telling like it a bedtime story. I thought she still would be feeling a little pain from what happen, but then again, it's been over thirty years so she probably had time to get over it. That and she's got a kid. Overall, nice story.

Also, there's this...

"Power." whispered Twilight, her voice sounding twisted. A faint glow appeared around her eyes. The glow soon intensified into a purple wisp around her eyes. The whites of her eyes turned green and her usual lavender orbs reddened, becoming blood red.
"Power." She said it louder, more firm this time.

Sorry, but I had to do it.

[Bakmah Genesis]

3513034
Star Wars reference ftw.

Tia still feels the pain from Twilight's death but it was lessened over time and she also vowed to keep others from abusing dark magic since what it did to her daughter. The story part was just a little bit as a lesson for Dawn. Just more kid friendly then the one we read.

[BarrenBaron]

Well that was a break from the usual.

Kinda wish you could have shoehorned in a way for twilight to survive like Discord did, but meh, what am I going to do?

Tl;DR, Infanticide is terrible.

[Bakmah Genesis]

3513408
I'm actually think of a sequel.

[BarrenBaron]

3513642 I'm all for people expanding upon stories to make them more/less sad than they originally appeared to be, BUT keep in mind if you do do this, you'll have to pull of a way of doing it that wont undermine the original's plot/theme etc.

Like, you couldn't just poof her back c'uz yolo. You'd at least need a sensible in universe explanation.

Basically I'm just saying If you do do this, be careful in execution.

[videocrazy]

Honestly I wasn't a fan. The story seems both too short (with events happening way too quickly) and too long (unnecesary padding, like Celestia's distracted thoughts while in battle). I'm similarly confused by the choice to have Flash and Twilight engaged. All other breaks from canon were mentioned up front, and doing this just feels like a cheap attempt to pull our heartstrings. Despair is also one of the most scenery-chewing villains I've seen in some time, and it kind of blunts any emotional or dramatic impact. Finally, there's some writing errors, primarily a lack of the apostrophe.

[TheThief11]

i am seriously hoping in the sequel that twilight comes back as a spirit...... or even reincarnated.... but, i shouldnt get my hopes up.... but, would you be so kind as to do that for me? also.... this almost made me cry..... but one thing i would love to see..... a video of this.... now, that would REALLY make me cry!

[Johnyapple]

Disjointed is the best word to describe this fic. An odd, rushed pacing with random jokes strewn in doesn't exactly give a story a dark, tragic outlook.

[nightwolf]

My opinion/s? I find the concept a great one, even if it has been used over and over, but the action for me is lacking certain features, as in suspensful moments. I feel no symapthy for Celestia, Twilight and Discord....and did you get your timelines mixed up? I'm sorry but at the start, you mentioned that Twilight "flew" ...she didn't have her wings then and I don't see how this bit is possible. The humor for me felt flat and clichéd at points...and where is Luna during the battle? Overall, the very start got my attention, but then the rest...fell flat, sorry. But ohs wells, this is just my opinion. Don't worry too much

[vampyr-pony]

3519197 well dark magic can do lots of things to the body...just look at the pic on explaining the wings. as for luna, it says in the story that tia sent her to the crystal empire to tell every one else there what happend to twi when the wall fell(the wall would only fall if twi died) you should really pay attention.

[nightwolf]

3583441 okay, the picture... ... i don't think that was up when i commented last time, sorry

[TrueBlueTardis]

Okay. I'm going to try and write a good, honest crit for this story, even though I'm not typically very good at that.

So, starting out with the plot idea. I like, and I mean I really like it. I'm totally a fan of the dark/sad(or both) fics. Because twisted little me likes seeing sad ponies .
The beginning was good, a little confusing until I figured out that it was Celestia telling the story.

A nice young stallion that worked as a part of Celestia's guard.

This was a little error that caught my eye near the beginning. I'm assuming that you meant Cadence, but if you did mean Celestia then 'Celestia's' should probably be replaced with 'my'. But back to the crit. This isn't one of those comments that points out every single grammar error/misspelled word.

The dialogue was awkward, and the pacing switched from being drawn-out to going fast in ten words flat(heh, get it? probably not, my special talent isn't being a comedian ). With that, the characters seemed a slightly OOC at times, obviously excluding Twilight with her being corrupted 'n' stuff. Now, go ahead and call me a robot and heartless and soulless and everything else, but this wasn't that sad to me. Twilight is definitely one of my favorites(second, to be exact ), and I did feel a little sad, but the parts that were supposed to pull on the readers heartstring had just about no effect on me.

I know that this crit sucks and probably doesn't help the author in any way, but....huh, can't find any reason to post this. Maybe I'll delete it. Am I talking(typing?) to myself now? Damn, I'm weird

Okay, now I'm going to go over the things I liked about this story:
The FlashLight ship. I think they're totally cute together, and plus, if they ever do have Twily start dating, it's most likely gonna be with him.

The relationship between Celestia and Twilight. I 100% completely hate the Twilestia ship(the one ship involving Twilight that I actually hate), but their mother-daughter status is something that makes me smile. Heck, it's pratcially cannon too(this is making me sound like someone who only likes canon stuff).

The fact that not even having his head chopped off can keep Discord down. He's so f*cking awesome(excuse me while I fangasm)! I love him even more after the episode "Three's A Crowd"

The Celestia x Discord ship(don't know the ship name, if there is one). It's not my all-time favorite ship, but I can only picture Celestia getting together with Discord, and vice versa, so..yeah...(hey my first emoticon that isn't Twilight)

So, all these things considered, I will be liking this story, but not favoriting, and shall now go check out your other stories.

[Rubae]

I feel like Celestia wouldn’t replace Twilight or at least not that quick. That’s considered quick since she’s immortal; instead of 30 years it might’ve been 300. Otherwise the story was great.

[LovellPaul]

Despite the fact that it has faded with time, Tia is still grieving for Twilight and has resolved to stop others from misusing black magic in light of what it did to her daughter. The narrative portion served as a little lesson for Dawn. just kid-friendly compared to the one we read.
@stickman fighter

[alexalle]

Recently, I discovered geometry dash lite, it has quite interesting gameplay and i would like to recommend it to you.