• Member Since 14th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen July 16th

Bakmah Genesis


Insanity is only those of the vivid imagination

Sequels1

T

What if Twilight has been lying to her friends all along and her real mother is Princess Celestia herself?

I got the idea while writing Prism and Glimmer. This story is just to dive into what it would be like if Celestia was Twilight's biological mother. (Teen because pissed Celestia does not hold back on language. Romance tag for some Lunestia).

Original chapters can be found here.

Edited by: Knight of Cerebus

Currently being rewritten

Coverart by ZippySqrl

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 167 )

Looks interesting so far. I'm a sucker for momlestia stories, so I'll be watching this closely :twilightsmile:

I'm all for more momlestia. Please, do continue.

Well you have my attention so far. I can't wait for your next update.

Wow, the birth took like five minutes. A real birth takes on average 6 hours

I'll have to keep an eye on this

3084828
You're talking about human pregnancy... Not magical sun controlling unicorn Pegasus equines...

"My lover just died, better mare up and get ready for court"

... :facehoof:

Apart from that, it's not too bad. Not worthy of a fav just yet though :twilightsmile:

I am very partial to Momlestia, since it isn't explored as much as it should. But I do wonder... are you going to take the easy route and have Celestia foist Twilight onto Twilight Velvet and Night Light (and not telling her who her real mother is) or the hard route (aka the Scootamom Route) which she raises Twilight herself.

3084828
I really didn't put much time frame in but it was a long wait

43 notifications. 90% of them being this story. Thank you for the support and I will have another chapter up soon. :twilightsmile:

------- "So,, have you spoken to Sparkle since her deployment?" asked Cadence.

To many commas.

------- Quill kept trying to calm the alicorn while Cadence at there awkwardly, she didn't know what to do.

what? Rewrite that please!

-------- "Yes, it's just she has on he'll of a grip.

did you mean she has one hell of a grip?

--------"What are you going to name her?" asked Cadence. Celestia forgot to find one. She looked out the window in hopes to possibly find the answer in the night sky. Both the sun and moon were low in the sky, bathing the sky in orange and purple. The stars were just starting to show. Twilight. Celestia smiled as she looked at the sky.
"Twilight. Twilight Sparkle." Cadence smiled.

Cadence can read mind??????


Anyway, it's a good story so far! Keep it up!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

3085041
Well I don't that it's a egregious thing I do think t little more about how Celestia struggled though that particular session of court might have been in order. Trying to keep herself together with such horrible new having been just given to her.

Spacecowboy
Moderator

About to take a look, I enjoy a good Celestia as Twilight's mom story, reason why I started one of my own. Lots of potential pitfalls with it, but hopefully you do a good job. Once I read it I'll give ya another comment with a review of what I think from this. Shame your hook is only 1.4k words, we'll see what you've got in there.

3085156
Apple + autocorrect = awful spelling errors. :facehoof:

3085189 i do have that too on my computer. Helps some times.:twilightsheepish:

Happy to help. i'm reading some of your stories now and giving you some of the correct things.:twilightblush:

unicorn? I actually like twilicorn, will we see any of that?

3085531
Twilicorn obviously happened in season three. So she is a unicorn till then since her mother was a unicorn.

3085688 so long as the eventuality is there I am sated

Hmm, good start, it's a little fast though, doncha think? Though I'm assuming it actually did take months before the birth, it looks like it occurred the same day as Sparkle's death, I'd suggest taking out when Celestia told Cadence that it would still be months and have her say it would be soon, or make sure it's clear that it wasn't on the same day... I always make sure to check for continuity, clearness and grammar and those seem to be the things you need to go over. Anyways, enough of my complaining, this has earned my interest and a fave, please keep up the good work.

meh

what?

sooo... is sparkle a male or female, who is this stallion which quill pushes out?

Overall not a bad chapter, good outline and buld-up.
It did seem though that the pacing was a bit rushed in places.

Also I'm pretty sure that the day of her marefriends death and a couple after it Celestia ould have cancelled court. But that's just me.

u have my attention, looking forward to chapter 2.

Overall Pinkiesmile rating :pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile::pinkiesmile: / 5

You have gained my interest, now keep me interested.
Megatron out.

3085904
Sparkle is a female guard who was deployed to the western edge of Equestria and was Celestia's marefriend and is Twilight's second mother.

Sort of agreeing with a few of the comments above about how it seems like it all happened fairly quickly, with Sparkle's death seemingly happening on the same day/a few hours before her daughter was born. Also in the section where Cadance comforts Celestia it seems like it goes really fast for something that's supposed to be a moment of grief. Overall though, this looks interesting enough to track. I hope your next chapter comes soon! Momlestia is a weakness of mine. :twilightsmile:

"Yes, it's just she has on he'll of a grip. Being in labour doesn't help either, just makes her squeeze harder."

one hell of a grip.

____________________

Story could've had more of a build up, and was kind of fast, but all in all not too bad of a start. * Goes to read next Chapter*

So....two mares can have a baby via magic? That's an unusual worldbuilding feature. I kind of wish that had merited more than a single sentence.

Awwwww :fluttercry:

There are crapload of grammatical errors that interfere with my enjoyment of this story, so while I do like the premise, please go through the story one more time!!!

Also, Celestia... well her characterization clashes with how I see her. She wouldn't be so... well captain obvious in dialogue, try to get inside her head please

You needed to build up Sparkles death, it just seemed like "lets talk about my girlfriend, Oh she died" like build it up, other wise...YAY this seems interestin

You were doing soo well till the end here.

"I |out her wings and 50% of her magical power as well as her earth pony strength in slumber. It will wake when she is of age." She looked down and smiled at her daughter. "Till them, she is my little unicorn."

"I removed her wings, 50% of her magical power, as well as her earth pony strength in slumber. It will awaken when she is of age." She looked down and smiled at her daughter. "Until then, she is my little unicorn."

Other than that Good intro.

Wait, 'she has one of a he'll grip'? 'she has one of a he will grip'? May want to fix that

he'll

You meant hell.

ok. Imma go through your chapters.

telling everyone

0500 (5:00 A.M.)

it's really not nessicary for us to know that it means five in the morning.

Overall, as a first chapter. Not bad.

"I out her wings"
What?
Also, I'd normally say Celestia shook off the news too fast, but she probably has experience at grieving. :raritycry::raritydespair:

3085128

Celestia's eyes were wide and her back was rigged.

Doesn't make sense, are you sure you don't mean [rigid]?

Her advisor, Quill, showed as much enthusiasm to the stallion as she did.

I'm sorry, but what is going on here? Is Quill the stallion? The petitioner to mine beneath Canterlot? Celestia? I'm assuming it's the petitioner, but since it's near time to raise and lower the celestial orbs, I wanted to make sure Day Court was still in session, and referring to the petitioner and not Quill, or Celestia.

They quickly lifted the princess onto the stretcher and pushed her with hast out of the throne room and to the hospital wing of the castle.

I'm assuming you want [haste] instead, right?

Peace,

AuthorGenesis

Giving this a shot now that it's complete, but you might want to consider going through this with an editor or something. This is riddled with errors. One early paragraph stuck out at me:

"Princess, at 0500 this morning, there was an attack on the eastern edge of Equestria. We had heavy casualties and two captains were killed. The captains names were Sheild and Sparkle. The conflict has calmed down and is believed to be under control......Princess?" Celestia's eyes were wide and her back was rigged. Cadence looked at her in concern. Cadence motioned for the guard to leave. Once he did, she put a hoof o her aunts shoulder.

It should read like this:

"Princess, at 0500 this morning, there was an attack on the eastern edge of Equestria. We had heavy casualties and two captains were killed. The captains' names were Shield and Sparkle. The conflict has calmed down and is believed to be under control...Princess?" Celestia's eyes were wide and her back was rigid. Cadence looked at her in concern. Cadence motioned for the guard to leave. Once he did, she put a hoof on her aunt's shoulder.

Like some of the other commenters have mentioned, there are some pretty bad flow and perspective issues too. From this first chapter it seems like an interesting, if somewhat standard, "Celestia is Twilight's mother" story, but the numerous issues leave a bad first impression.

grolwed Celestia
growled.

3085041
That's what politics is actually like, and the more important a position you hold, the more like that it is.
You can cry when the day's over, any sooner is unsafe.

somethings messed up. i can only see the authors note!!! anyone have any ideas to what this might be and/or how to help ;(

Wish the story was here. Really wanted to get into the series:fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

I wish you had left the story up until you finished rewriting it. I hope you extend it a bit. From what I remember reading it felt like everything was moving to fast, Please let things have more time to sink in. Great story ether way.

Is it just me or does everybrony see just the authors note??????

3749987 i thought Firefox broke:derpytongue2:

Calling it now the unborn child becomes some sort of Gryphon super weapon

Also, how would the thing with Luna have worked if Celestia was married when she came back? Did Twilight not know, did Tia forget or give up?

3871317
Remember, Twilight didn't get the chance to purpose, and Luna hasn't made contact with Tia. That's not for another six years,

"Y-you may leave us. T-tell the guards and staff that there will be no night court"

She was never able to finish that sentence.

okay back up, what did we miss.. I have this story downloaded and it's over 20 chapters long....are we rewriting it?

wait. WAT!:rainbowhuh: didn't this story have a lot more chapters. yeah it had like 23 chapters. why are you rewriting it. i thought it was really good the first time.:twilightsmile:

RC

Post what ya have rewiten when its rewiten. And have the rest alredy posted.

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