I love this chapter

3816019 Thanks, a lot if credit go's out to Saylux for editing and showing me some things. Without him this one probably wouldn't look nearly as good as it does.

The wait for this chapter really was worth it, it was an awesome chapter, it really was, so who's next in line to become one of Celestia's brood mares.

3816920 Twilight.

are we gonna have to wait for to much longer for the twilight chapter also you should add trixie and maybe sunset shimmer to this story

3826377 if I keep feeling like crap no cause I'll have time to write. I have thought about more chapters but by far a trixie and sunset chapter would be awesome. I'll put some thought to it.

3827396 that is all i ask for and it sucks how your not feeling well

Awsome chapter. Next twi will get her not so vergin hole riped.

3827418 Yeah, my stomach has been an asshole the past few days so, that combined with the fact I'll be diving for seven hours some days is kinda crapy.

3829435 dude that suck have you tried taking some meds for your stomach before you go to bed at night or whenever you do

3830033 Nah, the most I ever use is stuff like tums. Anything else really doesn't work.

3830081 that sucks i honestly don't know what to say other than that so i guess that's it you'll have to find something that does work and does it better than tums

3830141 Eh I'll be fine. This kinda stuff happens very so often with me. I'll be alright.

3830206 heh that must suck i cant really tell because i barely get sick and if i do its lick once a year or a simple runny nose nothing to bad

3830873 Bwaha that must be nice.

3831393 yeah it is except when i didnt want to be in school but im glad that i graduated from high school and hopefully be going to college soon enough

3831988 Ahhh, yeah I'm in high school right now so it can be a challenge.

3832007 yeah it truly is u a senior or junior or sophmore or freshmen

3832032 I plead the fifth

3832052 lol

3832214 hey thanks for talking with me

3832737 no problem i have nothing better to do besides sit at my computer and read fan fictions all day so talking with someone is actually a huge plus for me besides ive been up all night with nothing else to do besides re-read stories i have once read or watch videos with crappy quality i mean i sometimes get on a game and play for awhile but i get tired of doing that eventually so i have actually been enjoying or conversation a lot (LOL long comment XD)

3832797 Ahhh, so was the chapter up to par?

3835398 they were all very good and i cant wait to see more when your feeling better

3836308 Well I have meets the next two days but on Sunday when I get home I'll definatly start work on the Twilight chapter. I already have the ending planned out :')

3836473 heh cant wait to see it it sounds very promising

Twilight, prepare thy plot for a reaming.

So now we have only one mare left. the only thing I didn't like was that you never put a space in Rainbow Dash, just sorta irked me every time I saw it. Other than that I can't wait to see what will happen to Twilight.

3836473

Hello, you still alive? Please respond, over.

So this chapter was kinda reversed... For the most part it was free of glitches, proof of you gaining an editor for this chapter.Besides that...

Everything up to the point at which Celestia teleports the two of them into her bedchamber was woefully out-of-character.
1. The Wonderbolts may act like total noobs now and then, but bullies they are not. Especially to Rainbow, who's face they know and respect
2. Celestia(even your sex crazy one ) is still supposed to be wise and kind. She's just...brushing off the old lives of "her mares" like last week's refuse. Rarity might love moving to the castle, it's half of her dream! But the other half is becoming a self-made mare. A trendsetter. An artist. Fluttershy and AJ's lives? Moving to the castle would kill them. Fluttershy doesn't just take care of a few; she is the caretaker of those who hurt and oversees probably dozens, if not hundreds, of acres of wilderness. AJ getting "new land"? Are. You. Kidding. Me. Think about that one for five seconds, and tell me there's nothing wrong with it.
3. I feel like this was more of a hate-fic for RD in this chapter. I mean... She's a blubbering mess, complaining about bullies from her childhood. RD. The mare who bucked a dragon in the face. She's claiming that those two knuckleheads are the driving factor behind the pegasus ubermensch. And then RD throws away all of her dreams because of hormones

This chapter, more than any others, says to me that Celestia is making a humongous mistake. These are mares who's bodies are coursing with hormones. Celestia acknowledges in chapter one that their bodies are overriding their minds in an attempt to get pregnant. Obviously they know how to deal with it, since they've spent a decade not getting pregnant.

So yeah, Celestia takes them at their weakest. She doesn't even ask RD if she can have a go, just cocks her up and hopes that the poor mare doesn't start thinking with her brain...

This Celestia...is a rapist.

I know...I know this is just a clopfic, but this chapter was genuinely painful to read, even more so than the unedited stuff with multiple spelling and grammar errors. This chapter was a massacre of character of the highest degree. I feel like next chapter Twilight is going to find out and chew Celestia out like it's nobodies business...

So, I think I'm going to stick with the story. Why?
1. You actually write pretty good sex scenes. Even if the rest of the chapter is utter crap, I can enjoy. This is my fetish. More importantly
2. Celestia seems to realize that she's a rapist.

What? You didn't notice?

Lets see... In chapters 1 and 2 she gives her victims a false choice. She offers them an out, but she dangles what their bodies need right in front of their noses. They bite. In chapter 3 she doesn't even give Pinkie that. She's preys on Pinkie's innocence and "just has some fun with her". No harm in a little fun, right? Right?

Things move on a little bit, and Celestia questions herself. She actually saves AJ from her pain, and goes back to her original strategy, validating her actions in her own eyes. Walking out, she decides her previous indecision was pointless. She even starts making excuses for why this won't ruin these mares' lives! At this point, Celestia knows, but she's deluding herself.

When she meets RD, she heroically SAVES her from nasty bullies! She's the good guy! And then she tricks RD into saying she wants foals "now". And then she barely gives RD a chance to say no before teasing her with her own hormones, and the answer prodding at her backside...

So I half expect the Twilight chapter to have her visit Twilight...who has exactly the same plumbing as Celestia. Alicorn. Twilight gets what just happened. And she's not happy...

3835398 next one out soon I wanna be twilight get knocked up and the foals be born

Only issue is that she isn't a futa she's a dicknare futa would mean having both genitalia

Please update and have the 6th member be Sunset Shimmer.

3830206

What is off about this fic, is that in Fluttershy's chapter, Celestia tells her that she has both genitals. Then in Applejack's. She claims it replaced her vagina. This needs to be rectified.

Also, your editor needs to watch your stories closer for homophones. (words that sound the same but are spelled different) One example in this chapter being using the word Grown, instead of Groan.

Now besides the issues, I am loving the story. It is nice to see a loving Celestia harem story. She shows that she cares about the elements simply by the fact that she was worried that she was taking advantage of them. Someone evil or careless wouldn't even take time to worry about that.

5228531 thats not gonna be likely

4723148 you do realise that just because this story started post ascension doesnt mean that its timeline is post ascension. your being overly picky with A CLOPFIC for fausts sake

6012667

you do realise that just because this story started post ascension doesnt mean that its timeline is post ascension.

It's been...almost a year since I read and commented on this story, so forgive me if I misremember some details. If my recall is correct, this story most certainly takes place post-ascension, and it even makes a reference to Twilight hooking up with Flash. Unless there's some serious fiddling with the timeline here, the only way that can happen is if this is either post-S3, or a completely alternate universe.

your being overly picky with A CLOPFIC for fausts sake

You haven't read any well-written erotica, have you? I'll give you a few: Xenophilia(HiE clop), Twilight's Midnight Violations(Futa+Rape), The Study of Dual Female Reproduction(Futa+Clone Spell) and Kinds of Love(Rule 63). There are actually quite a lot where those came from and...they really are better. Internal consistency, clever writing, and all the other hallmarks of a good story, in combination with good buildup and releases in the clop itself.

This story is trying to be like those others. It's comparing itself to a higher standard. Erotica, not smut.

The point is that "just a clopfic" is the same as "just a little girl's show". Yeah, it can be, but it can also be so much more. Don't ignore the problems with a fic because of the perceived audience. If the author can make a better product next time(or fix an old one) because of feedback, then it's important. If you just let them be, then each one will end up just as bad, and then you'll have "just a clopfic".

Celestia attempts to find twilight to claim her but Luna had scared flash away and had laid claim to twilight already.