redice00
Joined 27th Oct, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TheNarrator · 13k words · 45 19 · 2.6k views
- Moonbeam56 · 1.6k words · 51 21 · 2.2k views
- MegatronsPen · 4k words · 54 37 · 1.1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.115 seconds
Total duration
846 users online
573,976 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
After reading the description, it seems like this fic has potential, especially after I read 'clop, futa, foalcon."
As guilty as I am for reading this with those tags, dood. I think you could have added more description to your clop, dood. Like all half of it is is lines, the reader is just scratching their heads trying to picture the scene in their mind, dood.
I'm sorry, I could not finish this... I like the idea of telling the story though dialog instead of description, but that only works if the dialog is flowing, natural, and gives a clear hint of what is going on behind the words.
here it seams more like a lac of description than anything else.
First off, this shouldn't be in futa foals.
Second off, this sounded like it was written from an RP log or something. There's barely any congruence and no indication that Rarity is the one telling the story ahead of time.
Also the sex was way too quick.
4305448
4305515
After reading their dissertation, I thought this fic had consensual, especially after reading "clop, futa, foalcon."
4305683
This as boring.
Okay, from what I seem to be getting. More detail and less of a script format
There is the potential for greatness in this story, all you need to do is improve your clop writing.
There is the potential for greatness in this story, all you need to do is improve your clop writing.
4306793 Exactly, this story has potential, but the way you wrote it made it a little hard to follow, especially during the clop scene. just take your time and stick with it, I'm sure you'll improve with practice
so far,so good.
Don't be discouraged by the comments. You aid it was your first attempt at clop and you need practice. Keep at it, and give us chapter 2 soon.
Is Applejack a futa by any chance? Is Applebloom going to tell her sister what happened? Will Applejack come after Rarity for revenge, or sex?
Just a little too choppy for my tastes. But not too bad in all :3.
Real quick read, but good! Thumbs up!
4305536 STOP SAYING DOOD
6115690
dood.
Well, this fic moved like a speeding train and wrecked in the same way.
The pacing could be improved with a lot more build-up. It was really jarring to go from:
to
in the span of a single scene. And then:
I know the story has a FUTA tag, but this came out of nowhere with no in-story context. My first thought was a dildo, then a strap on. Until it was described as 'growing'. And then the rest of the sex scene moves at light speed.
All in all it just felt too rushed for me to even have time to get into it.
But do not despair! I have hope that you can improve in your next chapter.
4469429 Revenge sex.
You planning on continuing this or what?