Fix You

by Starswirls Beard

Chapter 1

Applejack stretched out on the chaise lounge in the middle of the library with a sigh. It wasn't as though it was the first time at this particular rodeo but it still made the farmer nervous just the same. It was easy to get used to the idea of having a couch just for fainting, any amount of time around Rarity could do that to a pony, but it always felt like good working hours were wasted sitting around talking.

Across the living room sat Twilight Sparkle. Her mane was pulled into a bun and half rimmed glasses perched atop her muzzle. Floating idly beside her was a clipboard and quill, ready to take notes on what Applejack could only guess at. This was the third time they’d had these sessions, and it was bound to be the most difficult.

“So App—excuse me, so Jack, what would you like to tell me about today?”

“Well I did what'cha said and thought about one of my first memories of feelin' this way. I think I managed to narrow it down and figure out just when it started.”

Twilight nodded and the quill scribbled away. “What is it exactly that you remember?”

“When I was a school filly, maybe six'er seven, Granny made me'n Mac go into town with her. He had a part in the annual harvest pageant an' needed a nice suit for the show. There was an old stallion tailor that Granny knew from back in her day, so we went to his shop. While those two were gabbin' away I walked around and saw the most amazing suit made for a colt exactly my size. It was a soft brown like the bark of an apple tree with a matching vest and tie. When I touched it with my hoof it was smooth like velvet. I don't know why but I wanted it with all my heart, but wasn't fool enough to say so in front of Granny. When we had to leave I almost broke down in tears. It hurt knowing I'd never get to wear it. We had to go back a few more times for fitting Mac's suit, and every time I'd stare at it wishin' it would be mine.”

The soft scratching of quill to parchment filled the ensuing silence. “Alright. Last session you mentioned steps you were taking to become more comfortable with being a stallion. What kinds of things have you done thus far?”

“Well it ain't easy, that's for sure. My friends have started callin' me just Jack, so that was an easy enough switch to make. When I was in Canterlot last there was a specialty store; y'know, the kind to get adult toys 'n whatnot. They had a prosthetic that attached through some sorta magic once connected, and it looked just like stallion parts! I'd never seen anything like it so I went on and bought it before I could talk myself outta it. Last week my family went outta town to take Applebloom to Appleloosa for the summer and I wore it all while workin'. It was the most comfortable I've been on my own that I can remember."

"Were you worried about what would happen if one of your friends showed up unexpectedly?"

"Boy howdy I sure was! It's one thing to be told one of your friends feels like a stallion, words'r just words after all, but to see it happen? I didn’t want to torture myself with that kind of stinkin' thinkin' if it possibly went wrong. The way I figure it they’ll have to get used to seein’ the real me sooner or later."

“That’s very well and true. However, once you have the procedure to turn into a stallion permanently do you think there will be complications in your day to day life?”

“Absolutely, but I think I’m prepared to deal with ‘em. Granted my granny ain’t gonna understand but my brother’s been supportive and Apple Bloom...she’s always remindin’ me that she won’t be a filly forever. I broke it to her the best way I could and she told me she’d love me no matter what I felt I was. I guess the best way to explain it is that I’m at a point in my life where I can’t run from the truth.” He paused, taking a moment to decide what to say next. Six months ago he’d never have even dreamed that he could take this step.

“I can’t hide it and hope it’ll go away and nothing ever got accomplished by sittin’ and not taking action. I figure that if I’m loved for who I am now there shouldn’t be a reason not to be loved once the packaging changes. If others can’t accept it, its more their problem than mine. I doubt everypony will accept, all I need ‘em to do is let me go on about my business.” he said with a sigh. There were still so many doubts plaguing him. It had been a hard battle to give up worrying about what everypony else might think.

“That’s a very wise view of things Jack. Now let's speak a bit on how your close friends reacted to the news of your plans to change. What kinds of feedback have you received?"

"Its been positive for the most part. I originally went to my smartest friend Twilight first because I just knew she'd understand being from Canterlot and all. She took it seriously and supported me in making my dream a reality." He smiled at this recollection. "I just knew she'd find ways to help make it easier for me to adjust."

Twilight nodded and adjusted her clipboard to cover her smile. She had to keep an objective view during all this but she still glowed with pride at the apple farmer’s faith in her.

"Then there's RD, who I guess you could say is my closest friend. She didn't understand the feeling I had 'til I put it in a way she could understand. Y'see, all her life she's known she was a Wonderbolt, so I told her to imagine finally having the courage to wear the uniform after a lifetime of being told she couldn't, and then finding out it won't fit no matter what's done to it. After that things have been the same between us two aside for some awkward questions of a intimate nature."

Twilight chuckled. "That sure does sound like something she'd be curious about. Who else have you shared this with?"

“After RD stopped by I had an appointment with Fluttershy to take Winona in for her shots. When we finished she fixed up some of her special mulberry tea she knows I like so much. We got to talkin’ about simple things and I just...well my mouth got away from me and I just kinda blurted it out. Sure was embarrasin’ watching her sit with a half-raised teacup like I told her I fed that bunny of hers to a dragon. I thought she had half a mind to throw me out.”

“So what did you do to snap her out of her trance?”

“I didn’t really know what to make of that so I just kept drinkin’ my tea like it was no big deal. She came out of it after a few minutes or so and asked what I like to think of as the usual questions. Y’know, things like ‘Did I hear that right?’ and ‘Are you sure? How do you know?’ We talked it over a bit and then she came around the table and gave me a big ol’ hug and told me that no matter what we’d always be the best of friends. It was a good moment for us I think. That girl is just as sweet as she can be.”

“Who was it that you told next?”

“My sister had a sleepover with her friends and I had to walk Sweetie Belle to Rarity’s shop that evening. We just sat around visitin’ for a few like usual and she just came out and told me to tell her what was wrong. It was weighing on me a bit extra that day and I probably have the worst poker face in Equestria. We sat down on her fancy faintin’ couch and she pulled the truth outta me in that way she has. I swear I’d never seen her eyes get so wide, I really thought she was gonna take it the wrong way and make me leave. Then she just threw me into a hug and got all Rarity about it, spoutin’ off about how cosmopolitan it felt to have a friend like me and how I’d given her ideas for a new line’a dresses that would look like suits...it took some time to pry myself outta her death grip and explain how I had to get home. I noticed her floating some measuring tape towards me and had to hightail it outta there.”

Both shared a chuckle thinking of their friend. “It seems you have a wonderful support net to help you through the transitioning phase. Now this next topic may be difficult to get through, but have you gotten any negative reactions from anypony close to you?”

At this the farmhand seemed to deflate, ears laying down flat as he sighed. “Eeyup. Of all the ponies to be against it I never would’a thought it’d be Pinkie Pie. After I delivered the weekly shipment to Sugarcube Corner we got to talkin’ and catching up. She had gotten a Pinkie sense signal that I had a secret that was ready to come out and invited me to her apartment to talk it over since the Cakes were there’n all. I knew there was no point in tryin' to hide so I just came right out and told her. I figured she'd try to throw me a party or somethin' but instead she got all quiet like. She told me that I didn't have to change myself just because of a feelin'. I tried to explain myself as best I could but she wasn't havin' it.” His ears seemed to wilt at the painful memory.

“She told me, ‘That's silly Jackie, just cause you feel like a boy pony doesn't mean you need to change. Its like a cupcake with pie filling inside, its still yummy!’ I know her heart was in the right place since she wanted me to know I'm loved the way I am, but it still hurts. We actually got into a pretty heated argument and I just had to leave. I went to Rarity's since it was closest and told her about it. A few days later Rarity came to see me while I was workin'. She talked to Pinkie and while she still didn't approve she's still my friend and will be ready with a party and a smile when I'm ready. I haven't talked to her directly just yet though..." he trailed off with a sigh. It was so hard to be at odds with someone he cared so much for.

Twilight frowned. "I can see how that would be painful. Do you think after the change you may lose her as a friend even though she claims otherwise?"

"Nah, I don't feel like that. My girls are my family, y'know? Just cause we fuss and fight don't mean I love 'em any less, and we been through too much not to get through this too. It's hard and it hurts but I'll get through it."

“I think with this interview I’ll have enough information to make a decision. I know waiting has been tough and you’ve been dealing with this for a very long time, but this is quite the process and I want to make sure I follow everything through properly.” The notes were floated onto a waiting stack as Twilight spoke, her tone professionally clipped to the point of being curt.

“I understand Twi, ya’ can’t go lettin’ your personal feelings about me as a friend mess with the legal process. I just want you to know that a guy like me couldn’t ask for a better best friend, you know that?” He stepped forward and pulled his librarian friend into a brief crushing hug.

“I know Jack, but it’s three in the afternoon and your brother might be wondering why he’s had to deal with market day alone.”

“Aw horseapples, gotta run. Seeya next time!” pulling open the door, he set out at a canter toward the market. Twilight watched him go with a smile. Once she reviewed her notes, she’d be one step closer to making his dream come true.

It had taken much research before Twilight could say she had found the solution to Jack's problem. There was a lot of magic in the world but no spells detailing a gender switch. After a brief trip to the Canterlot archive medical wing, she settled on a spell used for severe reproductive system emergencies. It took two unicorns to perform usually, and it would give the apple farmer the proper equipment to match his insides. She turned toward her notes, shutting the door behind her. She would help her friend. She would make him whole.

Author's Note:

This was written last year for the transgender day of remembrance.

Comments

[GayOrgy]

Thats sweet :D
But I really want to know what happens after her...His operation.

[Softy8088]

You know, I like to think of myself as a very open-minded person. By most measures, I am. I'm perfectly fine with homosexuality, bisexuality... in fact any expression of sexuality based on informed consent. But this whole gender identity thing... I really feel like I'm missing something obvious because while the topic has interested me for years I just. Do. Not. Get. It.

Your body is who you are. Being "in the wrong body" is a meaningless statement to me. For what it's worth, I was born with a slight but very real birth defect. Although most people don't know about it, it's an actual, honest-to-goodness functional hindrance, which I am reminded of daily. But it's part of who I am, and I don't feel "wrong" with it. If I had the opportunity to fix it, would I? That's a tough question. If it were a very low-risk procedure with no major downsides, then probably. Otherwise, no.

Form what I know, SRS is a very complicated and difficult process. I can't imagine going through with it if I had fully-functional equipment just because I didn't like the shape.

There are also expectations of each gender imposed by society - but that's a problem with society, and one doesn't have to be transgender to suffer unfair treatment based on socially-imposed attitudes about gender. I make it a point to treat everyone as a person first; adjusting for how they wish to be treated, within reason.

I just don't understand why anyone with a healthy body would want to alter it so severely; I don't understand what they stand to gain that's so important.

That said... you are free to do with your own body what you please. And I will refer to anyone by their preferred pronoun, just because it seems a courteous and decent thing to do. And you being transgender doesn't mean we can't be friends.

But: I. Do. Not. Get. It.

BTW, I upvoted this, cause it's pretty well-written and, as much as possible considering the topic, everypony seems in-character.

[Soft Shell]

3399398
A well thought out and well written post?
*Puts on war helmet*
My old enemy, we meet again...
*Loads the muffin gun*

[SongCoyote]

3399398
Heyas,

I just wanted to give you a word of support, especially seeing that someone else downvoted your comment, which I don't think it deserves.

You start off saying you're open minded as if you were about to refute that fact. Then the rest of your post, in my opinion, actually supports it, especially as you are careful to say that while it's meaningless to you, the meaning it has for others is still important.

You don't have to Get It. It's a really hard thing to deal with conceptually, let alone really understand. And you know what? That's okay. Everything else you said shows that you do get what, to me, are the most important: that even though you don't see the point, you still feel compassion and care about someone who does. At least enough to use their pronoun, defend their freedom to do with themselves what they wish (and yes, just saying you feel they're free to do so is a remarkable thing compared to how some view it), and accept that it's complex and hard for them.

And I think that's a powerful example of the ideal this community at least ostensibly attempts: Love and Tolerate.

You may not Get needing the kind of change this story describes, but you do seem to Get being a good person about it.

Light and laughter,
SongCoyote

[Bradledew Ender]

[rar1ty]

Thoughtful and nicely written. I feel like Pinkie was the right choice for the negative response as I can actually see her objecting for those reasons. I being a cisgender female can in no way identify with those feelings but it's nice to see them given light in the Equestria universe in such a serious well thought out manner. An apple for thought about feelings those around us may have but we never see. I think slice of life is your calling, stick with it!

[Kraken Hatchling]

Poor Applejack, she is worst background pony. :P

[x0jackie0x]

^_^ I was very happy to have stumbled upon this. I am MtF and I'm always excited to see stories on this subject pop up. I'd like to thank you for writing it.
Alright, down to business.
Presentation-wise:
Just a few small typos that I could catch, usually missing punctuation.

apple farmers faith in her.

Just one of the very few I saw. Other than that, looks fine.

Content-wise:
Very well written on a subject that's rarely touched upon. <3 I like how you started it off with a therapy session. Now, since it was written last year, I don't know if I should stay wondering about chapter two, but I certainly hope that it happens.

Thanks again. You made me smile during my time of dysphoria.

[Shrinky Frod]

3399398
I'm cisgendered myself, but have dated individuals who weren't, at different ends of the spectrum.

Actually, there are a lot of folks who are transgendered who don't feel the need for full surgical alteration. They're perfectly happy living as a member of their preferred gender, whether or not the parts match the chassis, as it were.

Others feel like they just don't fit in their own bodies; a better way to imagine it might not be to compare it to a birth defect, but to think about it as spending your entire life wearing a costume that's stitched onto your body, that you can never take off, that you have to go everywhere wearing *and behaving like it's really you*.

Sure, society's the source of the problem with the expectations and gender roles, but changing society is really, really frickin' hard. It's a lot easier to change your outer shell to match the inner you, than to spend your entire life fighting social mores that most people take for granted, even ones as simple as which restroom you're supposed to be using.

Once you've changed that outer shell (the clothes and behaviors), then some people are fine with it. Others... it still feels like they're being dishonest about who they are, because now they've got a new complication - reducing the risks of being outed. After all, there's something of a stigma about somebody with the bits and pieces of one gender representing as the other. So it feels more natural to go through and have the rest of the "chassis" changed to match what's inside, not just the paint job.

Interestingly, recent research has shown that a large number of transgendered individuals actually have neurological characteristics that are more in common with their gender ID than with their biological gender. So they actually are, quite literally, in the wrong body for their brain.

[Starswirls Beard]

3399377
I'm hoping to continue this at a later time, I'd really like to explore more of the relationships between Jack and the rest of the mane six as he changes.

3403298

3399398, 3399542, 3400634, 3403703
I'm glad you liked it! Since this can be such a touchy subject I'm really happy to see others talking it out in a rational way.

3403538
Glad I could bring a smile to your face! I've struggled with GD for years and it can get so hard sometimes. I hope I was able to handle this subject with some of the respect it deserves. I do plan to continue at a later time, I'm still writing like mad for the one-shotober challenge and it's taking up all my time

[x0jackie0x]

3403836
I know how you feel and it helps immensely if there are people close to you that understand and support you. I'm lucky to have a wife who supports me as much as possible, with the exception of transitioning. <_<;
Whenever you get around to it. <3 I'm in no rush. : P

[Voldine]

3399398 An up vote for putting forth the effort to try and understand an error that is conceptually complicated on many levels.

To continue an above analogy about parts and cars, no matter how crude it may seem to some, imagine you bought a brand new mustang or camaro. You open the hood after getting home, having noticed that something felt off with it after driving out of the dealership. Instead of the expected muscle car engine, you see something that belongs in a Prius.

It is not a perfect analogy by any stretch of the imagination, but it is close enough to work. A person with gender identity issues literally has a body that feels wrong to their brain. Inasmuch as can be medically documented, a person is more the mind than the body. The body is meat. The mind is the driving force. Meat can be reshaped almost harmlessly to reveal the inner person, but in attempting to reshape a mind you would destroy the person inside instead.

I am agnostic. I believe that if I do have a soul, that soul was placed in a male body by mistake...and yet a person is the sum of their experiences. I would not be the same person if I had been born a female.

Believe what you will, tolerate what you can. We are all different, and variety is the spice of life. If there were some magic way to fix ourselves and never have to worry about how society sees us, I don't think there's a transgendered person alive that wouldn't use it.

[shy sad jaded shard]

um... th..thank yo.. you for writing this im in the same boat as jack though for me its the other way around I have always felt I was different and its a struggle to keep this a secret no one(that knows me in real life I mean)knows I have only ever told my best friend on guild wars 2 she has ben very understanding and supportive about it but I know my family will not handle it well and its a fear I have that they will reject me I know some if many of you don't rely care as to you it only a story and you don't need my drama but I still feel this story was a good place to get it out there and to help me build up the strength I will need to tell those I love about the reel me thanks for reading my thoughts any thing you have to say good or bad feel free to tell me thanks

[shy sad jaded shard]

3399398 have you ever worn a suit that just did not feel right? now think about how it would feel if that was your body ya you can just bare with it not feeling right but its just not the same as if the suit was tailor made for you that the best way I can explain it to you if that make any sense

[CyborgPony]

Read the story and added it to the list of transpony stories (both on and off FimFiction) I have compiled on my user profile page.

I liked your choice of making Pinkie Pie the one with the worst response out of the Mane 6.

Also, congrats on publishing the first trans Applejack story that I know of.

[Hoovester]

3399377 whats your profile pic of. I cant tell what it is

[Pwner1]

Cool story, bro.

[GayOrgy]

3598274
It's the main characters of a visual novel called Katawa Shoujo.

[Lilith Evanson]

This was a very well written story. It was taken seriously, there were no disrespectful or ridiculous jokes (I have read similar stories that took more of a comedy route and I didn't find that at all pleasing), and the characters were spot on. You didn't challenge the emotions and feelings of the story, you explained it through Jack and Twilight which I found very fitting. It felt so much more real when Jack explained the positive and negative issues he was dealing with. Sometimes writers tend to make stories too...happy and smiles and carefree and everyone loves everyone. It works with certain stories but not all and I'm glad to see that route wasn't taken.

Jack had to deal with some negative problems that resulted in him telling his feelings. That felt real, that was and is real. It was perfectly done! Also, it's already been said but I'll say it again, having Pinkie be the one to not understand was fitting.

I know some people don't understand but I'm really happy to see there weren't negative comments, at least from what I saw. Supported, commented, liked, faved, and loved.

[Bad_Seed_72]

Awesome story! I would have loved to see more of Jack’s story, but for a little slice of his life, it was great.

[Amethyst_Spark]

You know I myself am transgender Male to Female and after reading this it honestly make me tear up a little, I would love to see the story continued.

[DeepSpace]

3399398
Thank you for this. I am cisgender (I think) so I can't really explain it to you, but I appreciate how you try to treat people right, even if you don't understand their choices.

3399435
this is me in school.
I don't get why this has only down votes, it's very funny.

[Nope Nope Nope]

I find it hard to believe that gender-switching spells don't exist. Other than that, good fic.

[InMyMind]

Reading this one again was a trip. Last time I read it, I hadn't realized I'm transgender. For some reason I gave it a downvote the first time around, yet I remember enjoying it.

[KitsuneRobyn]

this fic is beautifully written and respectful. I'm reading this for the fourth time now and it always leaves me in happy and hopeful tears. being trans myself (mtf), reading this fic hits home in the right way. no matter how many times I read it, I go through the highs and the lows with Jack, fully understanding how he feels. great job