In the small country of Concordia the out break of war forces the Princess and a few of her loyal subjects to journey to Equestria seeking guidance of the "Regal Sisters" Celestia and Luna.
All canon characters are obviously not mine, the names of some of the places and countries are not mine. I will make a list later of which ones are. Also this is my first Published Fanfic so i encourage comments but at least keep them nice.
Concordia and it's princesses belongs to this group- [Link]
I do not own the original coverart. All i did was add the title of my story. I cant seem to find the artist. If you find them please let me know.
Chapters (9)
Hey there. You need some improvement so I'm going to say this as nice as possible.
1. Put more details on the characters and setting. I know most people don't like to write details on things, even me.
2. Chapters have to be at least 1,000 words each. To do so, do the first thing I said.
3. Characters have to have some true role in a story. We don't want another Rarity do we.
So far, all you need mainly is details of characters and setting. I bid you good luck your story.
3390888 thanks I will work on that and all characters introduced that live through a paragraph are main characters and have important roles later on. Of course along with this will come there back stories and more about them
3390900
Your welcome. I'll check on your progress but now, I have to write a new story.
Your making some good progress.
Not a bad start to the story. Looking forward to how this all unfolds. I'd suggest finding someone to edit for you, so the quality can be a bit higher. Otherwise, good luck!
3436465 ohmigoshohmigosh. You read my story :D I'm a big fan of yours
3436465 also i dont suppose you know a good editor?
The Regal Sisters always have a thing for sending new arrivals straight to bed!
I'm looking forward to Stella and Lightning Haze's conversation with the Princess.
3458806 lol me too I'm writing it now. How do you think "Aunt Celestia" is going to react to Stella's action of burning the letter?
3460779
Not very well, I'd expect :p after all, that was important!
3461734 well another new chapter up come see for yourself
This went by a bit too quick, I think. A spanking should be serious, but the whole chapter can fit on one screen, which takes away from it. The dialogue should be separate from the narrative to make it easier to read; needs more spacing.
3461908 Oh, be nice!
3461960
Thanks for the feedback I'll make sure to improve on that for future chapters
Your writing has definitely been improving. Looking forward to more from you. Already developing my own theories behind Astral and Arctic Radiance.
3972623 Thanks ever since the original critique from you and Isseus I have been working on my writing