Sparkle Arisen

Twilight suddenly wakes up to seeing her body, as she begins to float away...

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Comments ( 3 )

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Rokkurin

Rokkurin #1 · Oct 9th, 2013 · · ·

I could not feel a single sadness inside my heart. The reason for this is because it did not feel as though it was not all that sad. The ending was a surprise, and a somewhat relief but what i'm trying to say is you need to put a little bit more emotion into the story.

It may have been sad for you at the time of reading it, but before you posted it and went back to re-read, i bet you would feel the same way.

I'm not trying to be mean, this fiction is good, don't get me wrong, but it needs more emotion.

And that's saying something. i'm a very soft guy and most sad stories i can feel the agony and dismay, but not this one. Keep trying and i know you can reach that point.

Again, please don't be mad, i'm just being honest

DegeTheMighty

DegeTheMighty #2 · Oct 9th, 2013 · · ·

3321965 Believe me, I understand exactly what you mean. It was rushed to no end, like I said whipped it up in an hour with no plan other than the music I was listening to.

If I had more time with it I probably could have conveyed that sense a little better