I write stories cuz I either A: bored out of my mind B: cuz I need happiness cuz of bullies or C: cuz I feel like it
She's dead...that's all I admit....true...I did horrible things in the past...sometimes I wonder if I even deserved to teach such a innocent and open-minded child...
She almost seemed invincible when she defeated the many enemies of mine...every time Equestria or I is threatened she would come...
She was so powerful....so wise...so faithful....
Now she's gone....and all I have left of her is her Letters...
I'm Princess Celestia.....and I mourn for Twilight Sparkle...
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that is sad and Princess Celestia i hate you
3208213
You used 14 ellipses in your description over 83 words. Congratulations, you used more ellipses there than I use in 4,000 word chapters. Good lord.
And wow, are you young.
3208220 ok and i don't really hate Princess Celestia just in this story i do
3208229
Twelve and I've got Dislyexia
Soooooo yup....but I will Never stop writing stories...that is until I die of Loneliness
Wow. Rainblood Dash disaproves. (I can picture a solar discord and if ya don't mind can ah use this for inspiration for my next fic?)
3208239
if you are twelve, why were you born in 1999? I was born February 23rd 1999 so a day after you and I am 14...confusion!!
3208272
I kinda made a mistake in the application form....I couldn't read the numbers....
So I type numbers instead...that's my dislexya...
I hope I improve on my Grammer though
3208243
Sure
Good job. You did several M. Night Shamalyans with this. Also, I love the Percy Jackson references. G-d,I love that series.
On one line in the beggenining, it says 'you're prescence. '
You are prescence?
Just pointing that out xD
Downvoted for horrid grammar and typos. Large parts of the story are completely incomprehensible because I can't understand what you're actually saying.
Writing isn't for everyone. Try learning some basics before publishing more of your stuff. Self-critique is a virtue. As is silence. Try both. Finish elementary school and then try again.
3209005 You know what, I love constructive criticism. But being 13 myself I think that's a bit harsh. The story was emotional, powerfully asserted and beautiful. I understood every word of it and I think you're either a 43 year old with no taste or a 16 year old who loves picking on others amazing stories because you can't write any good ones yourself.
3209222 Ehh... I have this rule of not getting into an argument with kids. If you'd bothered clicking my name, you would have answers to all of those assumptions. Going ad hominem on me on someone else's behalf might make you feel better, but it doesn't make you look too smart either. I don't blame you for lashing out either. I've been thirteen too. The problem is that acting the way you would with others of your age might not be the best way to communicate with everyone else.
What the hell is wrong with you people? This is genius! This fanfic just blew my mind!
And you're complaining about grammar mistakes? really?
3209222
I agree with Isseus. It made no sense to me and was structured poorly.
3209283 Dude, I'm not hating on you to feel good about myself, I looking out for others. It's not for self happiness, it's for people who deserve high praise for their work.
why did you write it? who the buck cares why you wrote it it's touching and spins celestia around i'v seen it happen so many times but this for me is the cremê dele cremê.
This story deserves more... much more this needs to become a series
So, this could use a bit of work, but you're doing a heck of a lot better than I was at your age. I'll try to remember to leave a review for you (no promises) if I can remember later. But don't stop writing, because you can alway get better.
3208239 Fourteen, same problem :P
who cares abt gramer? This was awesome.
3209283
I do not mind your harsh comments and I am thankful for all you Bronies and Pegasister's standing up to me..
But the thing is...if you comment harshly on me....didn't you have a time where you sucked at Grammer and such? Weren't we all children waiting to discover the ponies that awaited us? Weren't we all bad at English until we either payed attention to our classes or let FimFiction guide you better on English?
That I my answer to you my dear harsh comments
Good job, :)
3209695 It's sweet that you kids stick together. It still doesn't change the fact that this is the internet: You get judged by your skill. It doesn't matter what your age, race, background or nationality is. This story could only be considered powerful, deep, moving or anything like that to someone who is at the same level of emotional and intellectual growth. Try to remember that most users of FIMFic are adults or in their late teens and treat each other like they were as well.
3211677 I understand you're dyslexic. It sucks. I have a medical condition that has prevented me from doing a lot of things in my life too. The hard, cold truth is that people are not created the same. Some people can do things that others can not. If you're born cripple, you don't become a runner. If you're born blind, you don't become a painter. If you're born dyslexic, you don't become a writer. Instead of forcing yourself to do something that will inevitably lead you to frustration and finally depression when you have to give up on it because there is no way for you to actually continue doing it. You CAN do it, of course. You'll just never be any good at it.
You refer to the FIM philosophy here. Why don't you think of your strengths and try to aspire for them too? If you like using your imagination to tell stories, there are loads of other ways to do it as well. You can podcast, make videos etc. Stuff that doesn't require you to use writing as a medium.
If you continue to write and publish stories, be prepared that you will be treated on equal grounds to everyone else. It's both the blessing and the curse of the web. Nobody knows who you are and that's why only your objective skill matters. If you want to fish for praise by explaining how young you are or if you have a condition that hampers it, it just means that you're asking people to take pity on you. Heck, seeing as this is the internet, you might not even be who you claim you are and instead be someone completely different.
You claim you want to improve? Then you must actually try to improve. Just hammering out stories one after another isn't how you do it. You must study and learn. There are loads of good sites that help with grammar. There are also a lot of proofreading software, even integrated into web browsers, that help novice writers out. If you're content to putting out under 2k vignettes that have spelling and grammar mistakes at least once every sentence (quite often far more) then sure. I'm not going to stop you. I just wanted to tell you that right at this moment, your stories are horribly bad. In every aspect. FIMFic has a very low bar for stories to get published, because it is expected for you to receive critique and commentary from your peers. Check out the site post a few days back addressing this exact topic. That's what's happening now.
Think hard if this is what you really want to do or if it's just a desperate attempt at denying your own weaknesses. People can improve, yes, but people can not stop being who they are or how they are born.
3212932
I'm not disagreeing with you on some points of this story, but don't write it off as you have. Sure, its vaguely crossover-ish what with the references to the Jackson-verse and all that. It does need a good deal of work to be a bit of gold as opposed to polished bronze like it is now. That said, one of the marks of a good reader is the ability to see a story from multiple view points. I look at this and I see the grammar mistakes, awkward wording, spelling errors, and a few other things. This would likely be a solid B if I were to hand it to a English teacher to grade.
Still, this was a decent story and earned an up-vote from me on the grounds that what can be gleamed from the narrative itself is an emotion most can relate to. Regret is a powerful thing, apparently Celestia's just drove her to suicide via abdication of the Equestrian throne.
Either way, you sir/madam have my respect for your brutal honesty, and I hope you don't see this as me being a bit whiny at you for taking the time to voice my own differing opinion.
Best Wishes
-Parable
3212932
But all must know...I will step further...no one will stop me...
I ill continue and learn along the way....be warned my dear...
A storm will soon form
Frankly, I've come to accept grammar errors.
I have a friend who is going to college, and makes simple mistakes, and sometimes not so minor,
hell in a recent convo on Skype with him he miss-spelled guess-(ghess)-
I just smiled and continued the convo without correcting him cause I knew what he meant.
While I'm no perfect speller myself (some words still throw me at times) I'm not a dick and down votes because of grammar.
Understanding, is a wonderful thing, people need to learn to do this more.
Enough about what I've read in the comments.
Was an amazing story, very sad
3213062
Thanks
And I already asked some people to help so....just waiting..
3213069
I would help, heh, but thinks to said friend, I've come to ignore errors at times, and would probably miss quite a bit
Which doesn't really come in handy when editing stories.
3213076
Ah...well....we all make mistakes....some people think you shouldn't make mistakes
3213082
Unfortunately yes
3213091
Ah well....just think you're a arrow and your target is waiting for yeh....just keep flying straight mate....
That's what I do...when I lost so many people I love...
3213098
I know there was that one point on one of your stories where you said you were giving up on it.......
But thankfully a lot of people encouraged you (me being one of them) and you finished the story.
Glad to see you've developed a good attitude towards people who are, shall we say, not so nice.
Keep those ideas coming!
32131
I'm not a person who can hold grudges I encourage not only myself both other people....
All because of you and everyone on this site...
But most of all...my Boyfriend...who I has to leave because of moving...
I keep moving on because I am strong...
And I ain't giving up on him or anyone
no matter tha cause
3213136
I think you replied to the wrong comment.
3213144
Indeed you have
Please lower your head so I can execute you...
3213121 There are several ways of being nice. I've worked in health care for ten years and more often than not, telling someone to stop hurting themselves or pretending everything is fine is far better than encouraging them to continue suffering.
People also need actual help, not just empty praise. I find nothing more hollow than phrases like "I wish I could help" or "I know how you feel". If you really do, then you help. If not, it's just something for you to say to feel better about yourself. We can all make excuses on how we're too busy, how it's not our problem, or especially how we're not suited for the task. That's the easy way out. Actually deciding to give something of yourself, whether it be time, money, or something else, is what makes a person actually good.
It is more comfortable to follow one's conscience than one's reason: for it offers an excuse and alleviation if what we undertake miscarries—which is why there are always so many conscientious people and so few reasonable ones. -Nietzsche
3213151
Wait what?
You replied to totally unrelated comment, why am I the one to be executed?
3213153
You sir have now gained my attention
3213154
Because this is my story....it has no bounds
3213159
Err, well alright then.
3213164
*Grabs Axe and chains up Roarbox*
Any last words?
3213168
Other than this is completely uncalled for?
No.
Plus, I know how to teleport, so yea.....
*teleports away*
3213177
I forgot he was a Unicorn...no matter...
I'm a Pegasus and I created the most powerful weapon in all of existence...
Edward Collins I summon you..
*Edward Collins pops up*
Roarbox...who will you chose?
3213179
I don't have any idea who that is.
So neither?
*begins flying in place*
I have wings too you know.
3213184
DAMN ALICORN'S HULK GIVE ME A COOKIE
*He gives Cookie and I give him permission to kill Edward*
See ya later Roarbox! Hope you liked this short battle....
But there will be more...
3213192
I hope not, I don't really like fighting.
3213196