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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hmm, despite the effects of the Crystal Heart pony society still has some deep rooted issues given the recent events of this story. How do humans respond under it's magic? About the same or something different...
Glad to see you finally back after all your troubles. Here's wishing no more come your way.
Thanks for the shout out to my story, Firesight! It almost feels wrong to be rewarded for doing something I enjoy so much, but I appreciate it all the same. I'm a huge TGWTG nerd, who has watched every episode of Nostalgia Critic — the actual reviews not the ad-whoring spam — The Cinema Snob, and Todd in the Shadows. I'm swimming in this sort of MST3K mentality on a daily basis. Giving serious commentary with the occasional joke on fanfiction comes as naturally to me as breathing.
And speaking of commentary, how can I not comment on my favorite part of this chapter here?
Some men have no tact at all. They should do what I do, and stand out in front of her favorite Star Bucks carrying my "potential candidate" sign, while she looks on sipping her latte.
5358874
I'd say it varies from person to person. Some are more receptive to it than others. If a human was there when this happened, they'd either get very mellow or very weirded out, relatively unaffected but seeing what was happening around them and wondering if someone had slipped the entire room a drug.
5358887
Appreciate it, thanks. No more medical procedures for a while, hopefully...
5358948
You're very welcome! You earned it... I used to be a fairly avid Nostalgia Critic fan but kind of drifted away from him. I appreciate your feedback, definitely. Feeds the ego and the imagination...
I think you'd have more luck with Five Stars if you appeared down on your luck without open advertising. She likes guys she can help.
5376017
I was being a silly pony. Being willing to go the distance with a mare already, I could find the nearest watering hole; throw back a pint to steady my nerves, and just pick one without a mate and talk to her. If I treated her well enough, they'd all just come to me after that, and I wouldn't have to do much of anything.
I like Five Stars, but there are a lot of mares in the background who'd be willing to "break me in."
I wonder if Gentlemanverse Equestria has tattoo artists that would put your marefriend's cutie mark on your arm or something. That would be very cute.
5461258
You do indeed. I believe the Gentlemanverse was in part inspired by Xenophilia, and some of its influence made it into this story independently. And actually, if you think about it... in some ways Lero is the original Gentleman.
Hope you enjoy the story!
5467002
Well, I'd think most would say you'd be missing some of the best parts of the story, but no, nothing except some personal development and bonding with new friends/herdmates. To me, that *is* important, however, as it lends insights to her character and the lessons she learns along the way.
Glad to know you like it so far, though, Fillyfooling or no!
5468076 Nah, the development in these parts that I don't care for definitely shows later. You've given it to us multiple times already, especially in this last chapter, and with the more lightweight-on-the-explicit scenes with Willow and Lily. I really liked the latter in particular, as much as I didn't find it titillating at all.
As for this latest chapter... I'm probably the only one with this opinion, but I think the herd's breaking point being hit almost exactly at the same time as the fight for the Crystal Heart came to an end was a little too convenient. Alas, this is the only case of deus ex machina in a fic that delivers solid gold bricks in almost all areas otherwise, so I'll give you a free pass on that.
Otherwise, rock on, venerable author of TV Tropes' favorite FIMFiction crossover! I'm eager to see Five Stars make her big mistakes with the first humans and suffer the guilt for it. She's been a bit too much of a "goody four hooves" until now, and her flawed moments have promised to add a whole layer of spice to this story.
EDIT: blame Fimfiction for the late reply. I was never notified that you answered my comment, in fact I only found out about it because this was the last published chapter and I got curious about the comments so far.
5477462
I don't think human PMCs would be too welcome in Equestria. And the ponies are quite capable of investigating and defending themselves and others when the need arises.
What they did was reprehensible, but they've atoned in several ways. First, they went through hell and back to save Five Stars when they could have just fled town and let her die, taking on an entire griffin-led gang to procure more of the potion, risking their lives and getting badly beat up in the process. That's not something stallions normally do. Second, they served their time, gave up all the information they had on the gang, and became the best herd stallions and sires they could as a means of repentance. Finally, they did something they didn't have to, going undercover to find out who was behind the attack on Gentlemen in Las Pegasus. They did that for Five Stars as much as anything. Five Stars herself has noted all this, and there's another reason she forgave them, only hinted at so far in the story. You'll learn part of what that is shortly.
In all honesty, I like the pair at this point and have a soft spot for them. I'm also very big on redemption, as I'm sure you've noticed, so I gave them a second chance. Their story is not quite complete, so stand by. They will be heard from again.
5477614
Well, something I've been trying to do is incorporate canon, and perhaps I overreached a bit there. I was actually thinking that part of the reason for it was that Sombra's influence was in fact Equestria-wide and causing strife and disharmony to spike everywhere, reflected as you saw in Five Stars' newest herd.
Thanks! I don't advertise this story over there, for obvious reasons. But there is a Turnabout Storm side story coming that will tell the ongoing story of Phoenix and Twilight.
TV Tropes' favorite crossover? Can't say I heard that one before!
No problem. And thanks for all the comments. I really appreciate this level of feedback!
5477932
The great problem with this is that it's all been told, not shown. And you know, show don't tell.
You're welcome for the feedback, good fics are in for it from me
Ahhhhhh it's so refreshing to see that even in the Gentleman-verse the story not only sticks with the happenings of the series, but utilizes the happenings as major plot points! From Luna's return and thestrals to the Crystal Kingdom, etc... love it! That's what I call...
s6.postimg.org/wehhjauzl/continuity.jpg
God damnit Cadence! I know it's you but that's a TERRIBLE joke.
I so wish I had it in me to finish this story to day and I have the time just not the ability.
this story is just so powerful in so many ways I need to find something lighter cheerful happy.
I need to think about this story.
Harts Fire
Crystal Heart Meth!
Checking that obligatory reference off the list. Now then, time to comment on this most notorious of 5SS chapters.
It's [the current year] and as such I felt TAS needed more than a cold read on Skype. So I gave each and every chapter, except the epilogue, a full review in the comments. The least I can do for my teacher.
This story, sadly, did not do well. It wasn't a waste though! I borrowed heavily from it to create A Gentleman's Price, which is in the same continuity and universe as this, and was well-received by the public. It's in the "Also Liked" tab over there. ========>
And the occasional redneck spouting traditionalist rubbish or stymied woman who just can't compete with the vastly superior equine master race.
Depth perception is for casuals!
Fame is a fickle friend, Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does! Remember that. Why are you picking up that large rock—ow!
I'll change you into a background pony from Ponyville named Roseluck. No one will ever notice you. Promise!
You can't go back to the days when Five Stars would just pick you off the street and have your way with you. It's damn shame but Equestria is full of mares. Find one and talk to her, ya mook!
I feel like I've left this comment before. Moving on...
Each new paragraph carries with it the stench of a doomed relationship. The feeling is palpable.
Save us, MLP canon!
Welcome back Lily! You're just in time. Have a seat next to me and make yourself comfortable. Five Stars is going to have another sex scene!
Oh? Is it straight or done properly?
My goodness, Lily; you're a changed mare! You'll see... check this out: I just discovered ranch dressing and clematis!
Don't mind if I do! Thanks Rose.
So the Crystal Heart event...
Sorry to disappoint you Rose, but I wasn't doing anything. Or anypony for that matter. Just hanging out back at the shop.
Aww! You poor thing. Don't you worry. Next time we go on vacation I'm taking you to Hollow Shades so you can find yourself a thestral gal!
Oh nononononono! I couldn't go there! It's always dark and scary and...
It's settled then. You're absolutely going!
Thanks a bunch, friend! So what were you doing during the whole Crystal Heart thing?
Lily, you've grown much in the last few weeks. I think you're ready to know the truth:
<-=======ooO Ooo=======->
I was in Manehatten on business for Daisy. I'd set up in a motel and was touring the city. It was a real scorcher! 92 degrees Fahrenheit and don't even ask about the humidity... I was soaked with sweat and thinking of nothing but downing a quart of ice cream when a fire hydrant blew; I was soaked to the skin and dripping everywhere! It felt glorious, but I could only imagine how I looked with my mane and tail all out of sorts!
Oh I can imagine it! (drool)
Well, to get back, I had to walk around a construction area. There were big, tough, earth pony stallions wearing utility orange, with belts carrying various tools strapped to their sides, going at the old pavement with jackhammers — still can't believe the city folks walk on that hard stuff! — when one of them noticed me. Oh I could see it in his eyes, Lily: I was the only mare in the world for him! He didn't say hi, and I wasn't about to ruin that labor-hardened stud of an earth pony's dream. We started making out right there on the one clear lane of traffic... but not for long... I broke the kiss and slapped the muscular workcolt on his flank with my tail and invited him to take the ride of his life! In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have done this in public, but at the time nothing mattered to me. I was at peace with the world!
I heard somepony mount me with a squish, and bore his weight easily. Whether it was my new friend or not, I can't be certain because his coworkers soon joined him, nipping my ears, and licking the length of my neck from opposite sides...
O-oh my! Rose, I don't know if I should be hearing this! I feel warm...
You stay! So the biggest one of the bunch — the boss... at least I think he was the Boss because he was certainly the most well-endowed — came over to me and took over on neck duty, while his sub-ordinates took turns rutting me senseless, occasionally pulling out to make their erection last. I can still hear the others getting mad for making them wait over my cries for more! Between the eight of them rotating in and out, I may have been standing there getting tucked in for hours, because my legs were starting to get really tired. I had died and gone to the Summerlands, enjoying my reward for an honest and hard-working life, even if for only a day.
I thanked each of them and turned to face the boss, this one a pegasus. He smiled and told me his workcolts were the reason they got done everyday. They were good fellas and deserved to go first. Then he told me he was going to make damn sure I was the one he'd remember the most. Did I ever! I felt like a filly having her first when he entered into me, displacing the other's seed onto the road. When he'd penetrated me fully, he gave my ear a gentle bite and told me to hang on. I whinnied so loud, they must have heard of it clear over in Baltimare! Bracing my hooves as best I could, I threw myself back onto him with each thrust of my hips, chomping down on his length to force his surrender sooner. Oh, but he was good, and wise to my tactics. After a solid hour of going at it, I could go on no further and he carried me back to the motel on his back. I sure hope he kept his job!
<-=======ooO Ooo=======->
You're lucky you didn't get arrested! Somepony could have been hurt! Thousands of ponies must have been watching you! Is that the Memory Orb scene break from Fallout Equestria!?
Nah, it couldn't have been more than a hundred or so. (sigh) That was a really good day... and night too! He kinda panicked in the morning though and left without telling me my name. Can you believe that, Lily? I bet the poor colt was in a herd already. Anyway, that was quite fun; I'd totally do it again! And yes, that is the Memory Orb thing...
Was there a sex scene we were reading or something? I feel like we've already had it!
Tomorrow, Lily! This comment has gone on for far too long!
*end of part 1*
On the last episode of Rose and Lily...
Sex happened.
Now back to the story...
I suppose we really should get to the actual story's sex scene, yeah?
You are the most depraved creature I've ever met!
You think Red Pepper's stallionhood was as long as this sentence?
Don't be a silly Lily! He'd be hung like a rhinoceros.
They have those in Daring Do and the Raiders of the Lost Mark! I don't remember her talking about their danglers though...
Only because she was too modest to admit it!
Niiiiiiiice!
The dangler is there but I can't see it! My flower is confused!
Owwwwwwww!
Owwwwwwww!
Ha! As if anypony wants to be scared during sex. What a ridiculous notion!
Hey! I think it could be kind of... interesting.
Deviant!
Did he just cuck himself!? I don't know if I should congratulate him or shame him... Aw hay, I'm in a good mood. I'll allow it! You prep that griffin, big guy!
What in the seven circles is a cuck?
This is getting intense! Lily, you take the mare scene and I'll take the bit with Sea Salt and Red Pepper!
Take? What do you mean ta— Roseluck why are you touching yourself!?
For Luna's sake, Lily! Do you have to scream it!? It's a bonding ritual between friends. One intended to be done quietly!
But you're straight! I'm not! This is a million different varieties of wrong! We are both going to TARTARUS!
<Refusing to heed Lily's proclamation, Roseluck rolled over onto her back, her hoof digging into her dripping entrance as she whimpered incoherantly; her whole body was trembling as the pressure on her nethers began to build, striped pink and red mane splayed wildly on the rough wooden planked floor as her tail swept across the floor in a powerful 180 degree arc that carried with it enough force to send the book they were reading flying across the room and into the wall, knocking a nearby portrait off the nail which held it up.>
You are so lucky Daisy isn't here! (And so am I you beautiful mare!)
<Retrieving the book and placing it back on the pillow which was also sent on an unplanned journey across the house, Lily read on — one hoof between her thighs as she worked herself from a crouching position>
I'm so sorry Princesses! Unnnnnn~
(Knock) (Knock) Hey Rose, it's Lyra! I brought you that copy of Human Pony Tamers Volume II! What in Equestria is going on in there!?
<Lyra opened the door by a crack, taking a peek through the crack to reveal the pair moaning loudly, masturbating furiously on the floor of the living room.>
You know what? I'll just leave this here with the towel; I'm going to go cry myself to sleep...
Rose did you, hah, hear something?
What's happening now? No, Lily. Omigosh! Juniper's been tucked by a Saddle Arabian too!? That's so cool! Well, it is until they're done and you're sore for a week! I never thought I'd be able to sit or walk again!
At least he wasn't a griffin, huh?
Word!
<The two returned to their respective fantasies, their pleasured moans filling the room once more.>
Lily! Unnn~ Foreshadowing!
R-Rose?
Yes... Lily! Yes!
(She said... my name!?)
ROSE!!
LILY!!
<Roseluck screamed as she came onto the floor in a long, clear stream, pooling about a couple feet away from her sweaty, heaving body. She looked over at her friend, roommate, and accomplice in depravity; the Lily-stamped mare had launched a projectile of fragrant nectar ten feet across the room sans any parabolic arc whatsoever, striking the wallpaper border near the floor with full-force, the splatter now slowly creeping down towards the floor.>
Ahhh!
Eeeeee!
<The two lost consciousness, entering a thankfully dreamless sleep.>
Quite.
So normally I'm not one to comment, I usally don't have anything insightful to say but good job. (Side note good job! And keep up the awesome work) But I'm super interested in this cloven war I keep hearing about is there a story about this somewhere? Cause my intrest is peaked and I'll need something to read once I'm caught up on 5 stars story.
This is too fucking good and I'm most of the way through already!
8015129
The one I know of is Feathered Heart by Demon Eyes Laharl, which details, I believe, the Second Cloven War as experienced by Gilda and an armed forces detachment. I've found it an enjoyable read so far, even if it hasn't updated in quite some time.
It's really good though, definitely give it a try!
I'm happy to see that Five Stars' third time in a Herd didn't end in misery. She deserves to be happy, along with her Herdmates. I also enjoy how you add the events from FiM to the story. It really does show that it takes place in the same world--in an alternate universe where the show reaches NC-17 levels kind of way. Excellent work, man!
9975950
The verse basically only goes through season three and ignores what comes after, under the logic that the portal opening derailed whatever would have come after. I believe Demon Eyes Laharl had some plans for other stories in both the past and future (he had this "year one" concept of showing the opening of the portal and what happened in its immediate aftermath, among other things.) In any event, this is decidedly not show canon! And for it, I'm honestly glad given how the show declined (to me) in its last couple seasons. The Gentlemanverse had its heyday around season 3/4, but not much has happened in it recently, especially given DEL's departure from the site. It's really a shame; he left several good stories unfinished.