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Still reading, but noticed a clunky line - " I consider the first few half of that year"
First half? Or first few months?
5495742
Fixed, thanks. Originally it said the first few months of the year and then I decided to change it to the first half.
5477932
>human PMCs
Goddamnit.
Coming Soon, from Pudgy Pinkie Pie Productions;
Army of Two: Equestria Edition.
5495785
I'd read it!
5495796
Awesome. I'll add it to the writing queue.
Okay, so now the newly-canonized coronation out of the way, can we move on to the world collision and the first-cut meat of the story?
Nah, not serious. I know Tirek is the next major event and it's gonna be a fucking DOOZY. I'm not gonna tell you to rush through it, as much as I want to see Five Stars' account on first contact.
On the brute side, good job, MMA Gentleman! You teach that screwhead not to fuck with one of us! Also dear Five, you're wrong: when it comes down to all chips on the table, a good human being will defend ANYONE. Whether either the protector or the victim is male or female, it doesn't matter. And they're gonna be vicious about it, even with enough training to actually give the attacker enough quarter to avoid an intentional death on their hands like a trained fighter has.
Can't say I really did see the end of the herd coming because of favoritism (which is why I'm not interested at all in anything polyamorous - two's company, three's a crowd, as Five Stars herself acknowledged some people think when describing herds to humans), but in hindsight, that was waiting to happen. Serrano was always more impersonal with the others than he was with Ocean, what with the remote rutting that he never did to her on the story. But everything broke neatly in the seams instead of shattering into edged shards, so all is good.
Also, Stars is really going to lengths to hide identities if she's swapping races now. Nothing that a good private eye who knows how to ask the right questions wouldn't unravel, but it's the thought behind the effort that counts. Really considerate of her!
Now, I gotta ask: will Five Stars' articles cover anything at all regarding the Cloven War? DEL is being too coy regarding that information, and I'm dead curious!
Not too long now until the human world pops into her story.
5497510 No thanks.
Thanks for all the feedback!!!!
5497432
It's my first solo pony story but definitely not my first story period. I've edited and/or written much of the Turnabout Storm novelization if you'd like to check that out. I've also written an adult anthro novel in the past few years that's now out on Amazon. So no, this isn't my first rodeo. :) But I am trying to make a name for myself.
5497504
I consider that high compliment, thanks. Carrying on...
5497510 5497518
Everyone has different tastes. I'm just glad he enjoys the story even around those scenes. That means it has general appeal aside from simple clop.
5497581
Oh believe me, that's been an unending source of frustration for me. It's been a long, slow climb just to get to this point. May interest you to know that when I initially released the story, which at the time was just the prologue and the first chapter, I got five downvotes the first night and only two upvotes. I think people are either turned off by the chapter lengths, by the HiE, or just don't like the idea of telling Five Stars' story. There's also the fact that I'm a one-story author with only a few dozen followers. Hard to get people to come here without that.
5497644
Here's hoping... I'm going to need to get some additional stories out there before that happens. Fortunately, some are planned.
5497942
As I'm sure you've figured out, I like feels. That's actually one of my favorite chapters out of this, both for Rising Star's section and the letter reveal that followed.
5498003
I Kaio-Ken get it done!
5496031
Whether you're serious or not, I think everyone's anxious for it to happen. There's still a few chapters and at least one more herd story yet to go before the portal opens, and yes, Tirek will certainly be heard from. Her third herd actually turned out a little differently than I originally intended it. In the end, I decided she deserved to have at least one good herd experience, which she got here, and to be able to at least leave on good terms with all her former herdmates. I'm glad to know you think it worked.
There's already been a couple mentions of the Cloven War in the course of this story and there'll probably be a few more before all is said and done. I'm not entirely sure what I can do with it since Feathered Heart remains in progress. I don't know what DEL's planning any more than you and without that knowledge, writing too much about it might conflict with G4M canon.
The story will probably go another ten chapters before all is said and done, and there's plenty of action yet to come. Thanks for all the comments and hope you enjoy the ride!
Damn you Candy Crush!
A little lady called Fate, who can be quite annoying at times
HA! I knew it! They did end up with Aces and Double! You had me doubting when the vacation bit ended without mention of that.
Oy Vey. Another one of my clop scenes that will require a mop and bucket for my characters to sort out. Rose and Lily will be stuck cleansing the house while I review this next chapter myself.
Hypocritical SJWs BTFO.
He'll come back, Hotti. They always come back.
The Carotid and Stick method works every time!
The sweet, sweet collab chapter! Can't wait.
The equine females of this land will be conquered by glittering, tetris-like mobile phone games.
Poor Lily. She will never have peace until she has a round with one of 'em.
I'd invest in Five Stars!
I'm amazed that humans were ever polygamous, but we were for a time during a period of actual patriarchy. Personally, the idea makes me sick. That probably makes me a weakling beta, but I don't care. While my version of Roseluck might give a person who doesn't know me the wrong idea, I find the notion of multiple partners to be cringeworthy.
Allow me to play Devil's Advocate and say, yes. As a mare in a herd you are benefiting from the productivity of a group of people. When you purchase a Gentleman's services under herdlock, you are having it both ways. This is completely unfair to the other members and morally deeply suspect. If your herd sucks, the onus is upon you, my dear, to leave! Don't be a leech!
I should have caught that in production and said something. But no, it isn't a surprise; it's just sad.
I do like the way this ultimately resolved itself: with a much needed, if belated, airing of grievances. Just a shame Red couldn't deal straight and just admit his true feelings.
Juniper is an absolute mess. Even Roseluck would be giving her the stink-eye and she is a completely insane nymphomaniac that says "word" as a response. She could go head to head with Cloud Kicker for the title of horniest mare ever written by bronykind.
It's not all fun and games, you know! You have to put those men through basic training so expect to have to yell at them too.
Cloud Kicker kinship confirmed.
Bar Cougar also confirmed!
My pleasure as always.
You might want to revisit the formatting on this chapter as well The formatting got messed up by a site update, I think.
9194348
Yeah, I’m still finding stuff like that throughout my stories, unfortunately. Just call them out as you see them and I’ll fix them, like this chapter.
I'm really loving this story. Five Stars is such an amazing character.
9976137
I'm glad! I'm very proud of what I was able to do with her in this story, though it wasn't without a couple major missteps along the way I had to correct, up to and including completely rewritten chapters.
This story started good but I think this is where I stop. The mentions of protests were fine at first but they're just so outlandishly over the top now that they read like an author screed against those "evil anti-sex prudes". There isn't even one moderate voice of opposition or critique in those "letters to the editor" or Q&A sections, it's all either enthusiastic support for G4M or caricatural hatred of it. I checked ahead and apparently in a future chapter the editor admits to destruction of property in the form of frying their electronics - good luck not losing a lawsuit over that.
It's a shame since I really like your Feathered Hearts continuation but this honestly reads like an Author Tract gone amok.