Chapter 2
By Godzillawolf
Proofread and Edited by lz0291
The following is an Affectionate Parody/Satire. No offense to anyone is intended, this is purely for fun. Please enjoy.
“Ah said yah gotta leave!”
“No way, I came here for one reason and I’m not leaving till I get it!” Gilda bellowed, snarling close to Applejack’s face.
Applejack glared back...Then pointed to the resume right in front of her. “Yah don’t demand a job, yah try tah get one,” she replied. “And Ah’m sorry, but yah ain’t gettin’ it.”
Gilda grumbled. “It’s because I’m a griffin, isn’t it?!”
“Uh, no...It’s because yah have anger issues, roared in mah face, and have generally been a jerk,” the Element of Honesty explained.
Gilda shrugged with a grumble. “I’m a Griffin, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
Applejack sighed. “Ah’ve met other Griffins...ok, they ain’t exactly nice, but they weren’t exactly jerks...why do yah even want this job?”
“What? You think just because I’m a ‘jerk’ means I don’t need bits like anypony else?”
“Yeah...but considerin’ how last time yah were here went, Ah’d think yah’d be a little more...angry...Last time somethin’ like this happened they came back with some kind of evil amulet and took over the town...”
Gilda blinked. “Uh...I might still be ticked off at what happened before, but why would I do something lame like that? Besides, it’s not like you did anything to me.”
“There a problem here?”
Gilda turned around and saw the massive form of Big Macintosh towering over her. “Uh...N-No, just debating over getting the job...”
Big Macintosh looked her over for a moment, the Griffin sweating a bit. “...Alright...” the big stallion trotted off as Gilda gave a sigh of relief.
Applejack gave a small chuckle. “Oh come on, yer scared of Big Macintosh?”
“Uh...no, why would I be?”
“Really no good reason,” the palmetto pony said, giving a look over to her sibling. Big Macintosh was presently letting Apple Bloom ride on his back to reach an apple for herself. “Big Mac’s a sweetheart, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Heck, he’s barely ever even said a mean word tah anypony.”
Gilda blinked, watching the big stallion gently setting his little sister down. “Really?...Let me guess, he’s dating Fluttershy?”
Applejack gave a laugh. “You’re kiddin’, right? They hardly know each other. And besides, if yah know Fluttershy at all, imagine tryin’ tah get two of her tah ask each other out.”
Gilda blinked. “...Yeah, good point...”
“Applejack, dear,” called a refined voice.
Applejack turned to see her Aunt and Uncle Orange emerge from the house with Granny Smith. “Hey, Aunt and Uncle Orange.”
“Sorry, but we must be going now,” said Aunt Orange, giving Granny Smith a hug. A refined hug, but still one. “It’s been a wonderful visit.”
“And a good business meeting, as well,” Uncle orange replied, giving his Aunt-in-Law a hoof shake.
Gilda blinked. “Wait...I thought Apples and Oranges didn’t get along...”
The Apple and Orange families both laughed. “Whatever makes you think that?” asked Aunt Orange, chuckling in a lady-like fashion. “This is my grandmother and my nieces and nephew, why wouldn’t I get along wit them?”
Gilda looked around nervously. “Well...you know, the saying about Apples and Oranges...”
“Shucks, they even let meh stay with ‘em when Ah was a little filly,” Applejack replied.
Uncle Orange looked at Gilda. “Applejack, who is this griffin?”
“Oh, this is Gilda, she’s looking for a job, but weren’t quite our type...”
The older stallion looked the Griffin over. “Hmm...Tell me, Miss Gilda, are you physically strong?”
“Uh...yeah...Griffin, and all...” Gilda picked up the barrel they were using to show her strength.
“Hmm, so I see...” Uncle Orange rubbed his chin. “Can you be intimidating?”
Gilda smirked. “Oh yeah, you bet I can.” The Griffin spread her wings wide and stood up on her hind legs, giving the fiercest roar she could manage.
While Apple Bloom and Granny Smith were both quite startled, the Oranges observed seriously and critically. They whispered to one another for a moment then nodded. “Miss Gilda, we may have a perfect job for you,” Uncle Orange remarked.
Gilda blinked. “...Really?”
Aunt Orange gave a nod. “Yes, you see we just opened this lovely little dance club in Manehatten, but finding a bouncer is so difficult. Most ponies aren’t able to give off that intimidating air one needs. Well, there’s that white pegasus in town, but he turned us down.”
“...Pay well?”
“Fabulously.”
“So...I get paid for standing there looking scary and tossing ponies out who act up?”
“More or less. Just don’t be too rough, can’t afford to be sued.”
“...Will I get in trouble for calling ponies losers?”
“Only if they’re paying patrons, the ones you throw out are fair game.”
“...Sounds gr-...I mean, yeah, sure, sounds great.”
Uncle Orange gave a nod. “Alright, come with us to our private airship and we’ll work up the paperwork.”
Applejack blinked. “Well...that worked out...Well, see yah at the next reunion.”
Once the strange trio of two Manehatten business ponies and a brash Griffin had left, Applejack checked the time. “Golly! Time sure flew, didn’t it? We still need tah meet up with the others.”
Applebloom suddenly looked overjoyed. “Ah think Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are at Rarity’s! Let’s go!”
Applejack blinked. “Ah get Sweetie Belle, but why Scootaloo?”
“She’s gettin’ her Nightmare Night costume made up! She’s goin’ as a Wonderbolt this time!”
“...Ah thought she was goin’ as a chicken.”
“...Why would yah think that?”
“Pinkie said somethin’ about it, and Rarity and Fluttershy goin’ as a marshmallow and tree.”
“...Fluttershy’s goin’ tah Nightmare Night?”
“Let’s just go to Rarity’s.”
“So you’re sure you don’t want muffins involved?”
Derpy grumbled. “For the thousandth time, NO! Just because I like muffins doesn’t mean I’ve got a muffin problem!”
“...And you don’t want something human based?”
Lyra facehoofed. “No! I dabble in anthropology, it’s not the only thing there is to me!”
“...Anthropoly-what?”
“Anthropology. The study of mythological humans. Some question whether or not it’s an actual science.”
Derpy drew several stares. “What? I’m clumsy, not stupid!”
“Sweetie Belle, stop annoying the costumers!”
Rarity trotted over. “Alright, I have your orders, darlings, you can either pay now or pay when it’s finished.”
“And you’d better pay! Or Rarity is going to have to whine at you!”
The two mares both stared in confusion. “What?” Lyra asked.
“Well that’s how she took care of the Diamond Dogs and got payback for the others for leaving her in Dodge Junction.”
Rarity blushed. “Well...yes...I happen to have a very effective whining ability. It is enough to make Diamond Dogs give up jewels rather than endure it.”
Applejack was begging to have Pinkie’s chatter back after Rarity was through with her. Served her and the others (especially Rainbow Dash) right for leaving her in the middle of nowhere with Pinkie Pie.
“Of course I’d never use it for evil...only if I need to, understood?”
The two mares gave a shudder. “S-sure.”
“Now, what about Nightmare Night Costumes, I’m having a sale on them.”
“Uh, sure,” said Derpy. “I could go as Frankenstein’s monster...”
Rarity grimioused. Ugh, such a hideous thing. Had a nightmare where I made one to be my husband and I have no idea how something so grotesque and gaudy could emerge from my brain!
“Uh...sure...I suppose I can do that. What about you, Miss Lyra?”
“Hmm...how about a skunk?”
Everypony blinked. “Uh...why?”
“They’re my favorite animal, I think they’re cool, why else?”
Rarity nodded slowly. For some reason she imagined Pinkie would have one of her bizarre comments in response to that. “Alright, that can be arranged.”
“Uh...speaking of Nightmare Night costumes, are you ever going to finish taking measurements for mine? We do have places to be.”
Rarity blushed, looking to the little orange filly sitting on a table nearby, Rainbow reading Harry Trotter and the Chamber of Secrets nearby, and chatting with the filly to keep her occupied. “Um...yes, sorry...Ladies, I’ll get to work on your orders the moment I am able.”
Once the two mares were gone, Rarity resumed her work on measuring the filly. “...My, Rainbow Dash, you’re being well behaved, I thought you got cabin fever just from sitting still for 30 seconds.”
“Only if I don’t have something to do, I still have books,” the blue mare replied, looking up from it. “You doing alright, Scoots!”
The little filly nodded as Rarity measured her snout.
Suddenly, the door flung open and in ran Applebloom, Applejack following shortly. “Hi Rarity! Hi Rainbow Dash!”
“Hello, Applebloom,” Rarity said, measuring Scootaloo’s little wings. “There, all done!”
“Yay! So we can go now?!” asked Sweetie Belle.
Rarity gave a nod. “Yes, Sweetie Belle, we can.”
“Yay!” Scootaloo and Applebloom exclaimed. They then took a deep breath.
“Uh...can we not do the scream this time?” asked Sweetie. “My throat is sore...”
“From bothering my clients,” Rarity remarked.
Sweetie Belle blushed as the others nodded in agreement.. “Yeah...”
Rainbow Dash closed her book. “Come on, let’s get going.”
“I hope Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon don’t find a way to ruin this,” muttered Scootaloo as the three mares lead the way.
“Ah wonder what they’re up to anyway.”
“Thanks for holding my glasses, Mrs. Rich,” said Silver Spoon, respectfully as she and Diamond Tiara emerged from a rollercoaster as the older pink mare returned her glasses.
“You’re quite welcome, Silver, but please, call me Tender Hooves, Mrs. Rich is what Filthy’s business partners call me,” she replied, giving her daughter her tiara back and helping fix her and Silver’s manes from the wind.
“Dear, I-”
“You’re my husband, I’m not calling you Mr. Rich.”
“...Yes dear...”
“Your mom is cool, Diamond,” Silver said as the two walked after the adults.
“Yeah, she is, I guess,” Diamond replied, looking up to her parents. “Wish she wasn’t so hard on me when she finds out about the blank flanks,” she whispered.
Silver nodded, slowly looking over at the gate. “...Speaking of which...”
The pink filly looked over at the gate, seeing the three fillies in question emerge and enter the park. “Speak of the Draconequus...”
Silver gave a smirk. “Think we should pay them a little visit?”
Diamond gave it thought, and shook her head. “Nah, we’ve got premium passes, why waste time on the blank flanks? We’ve got better things to do.” After all, it wasn’t like their lives revolved around those three.
Silver Spoon gave a nod in return. “Bump, bump, sugar lump rump!” they chanted, doing their handshake and following Diamond’s parents.
“Wow! Thanks for takin’ us sis!” called Applebloom, looking around the part in excitement.
Scootaloo nodded “Yeah! What should we do first?!”
“Ask Twilight to look over her checklist,” Rainbow snarked.
“Thanks for the introduction, Rainbow,” the purple Alicorn added.
Rainbow blinked. “I was joking...”
Twilight cleared her throat and unrolled a scroll, much to everypony’s jargon, Twilight clearly the only one looking forwards to this. “One ride all the rides.”
“Ok...”
“Two ride all the rides. And three...have fun.”
They simply stood, waiting for a number four...and it never came.
“...Twilight...are you feeling alright?”
Twilight chuckled. “I love my checklists, but with this many ponies, it’s not exactly practical...and Celestia said a Princess needs to think with her gut, not just her head.”
“Don’t listen to her!” yelled a voice that sounded like a summer breeze...which made it very hard to hear.
They turned to see a mare with features as chiseled as a statue...which looked pretty dang creepy when you actually saw it...
Fluttershy asked. “Um...who are you?”
“I am Eclipse Summer Breeze Alexandria!” she announced, her voice still rather difficult to hear. Looking at her Cutie Mark was a picture of an ancient city with a summer breeze with an eclipse in the background.
‘My, what a gaudy Cutie Mark...’ Rarity thought.
“Okay...and why shouldn’t we listen to Twilight?”
“Because she is acting out of character! Therefore she must be a changeling disguised as Twilight Sparkle!”
“Uh...while I admit that Twilight not writing a long checklist is a tad strange, it’s not that strange...” Rarity remarked. “Plus how would you know?”
“Because I’m awesome! And Spike could tell you! that’s why he’s not here!”
“Uh, I’m right here,” said the baby Dragon, stepping out from behind the group of mares. “And I was there when the Princess told her that.”
The pony merely blinked. “Well...I know a Princess too!”
“How?”
“I was Princess Luna’s student! While she was on the moon!”
Pinkie Pie blinked. “How did you get there?”
“Or for that matter breathe?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Because I’m also her daughter!”
“Who’s your father then?”
“King Sombra!”
“...Then why are you trying to help us?” Spike asked. “We blew him up.”
“I’m just that nice!”
Rainbow did a cuckoo motion with her hoof. “Step away from the crazy pony...” she whispered.
Twilight nodded. “Well, I’m definitely not a Changeling, we must be going now.”
The ponies quickly got out of the way and high tailed it.
“Hey! Come back here and listen to my backstory!” Eclipse yelled, chasing off after them...then quickly becoming winded and having to stop. “...Somepony...listen to my backstory!”
Applejack gave a sigh of relief as they got away from the odd pony. “Well alright then, got a good schedule...but what about food?”
Twilight blinked. “Uh...”
“Twilight, I don’t know about them, but I’m eating whenever I’m hungry,” Rainbow Dash stated definitively.
Rarity nodded. “Quite right, if we had it scheduled, we have to rush, and a lady should never have to rush while eating.”
Spike nodded, having jumped on Twilight’s back as they ran. “Sounds good to me...”
Twilight nodded slowly. “Alright! Then lets have a good day, everypony!”
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One parody I would like to see is either, Immortal Depressed Twilight or my personal favorite-I became a princess so now I am completely evil Twilight.
Also, yes, I am having a goodtime spotting the cliches while just enjoying a good ol fansion slice of life fanfic
Trolestia
Main six as the Elements of Harmony (you knows, instead of bearers)
Dr. Whooves is same as the tv show, instead of born Equestrian
Sweetie Bot (just because)
Big Macintosh was presently letting Apple Bloom ride on his back to reach an apple for herself.
Aww, someone so needs to make a picture of this. And I liked that crazy Mare-y Sue at the end.
I would, but I'm too busy laughing at the idea.
Nice. Willing to visit their family for that, AND make take care of business as well. I'd imagine that after Applejack ran off, her relation with the Oranges was a tad strained, but it got better over time.
This works so well it's hilarious.
Nice.
You did that on purpose.
Thank you!
Thank You!
All my yes!
Not sure if that's a Take That to the Rainbow Can't Sit Still cliche, or a joke. probably both.
Huh, this is actually nice, you've managed to make them go from one note bullies to bullies, yes, but with MORE to them than that.
Fair enough, it's a good thing to have a few plans, but you do need to be able to think on the fly.
Sounds good. Wonder what cliches you'll be parodying next. The Marey Sue was fun, normally she'd be annoying or worse, but she's done in a way that's more laughable than anything. Have a magically mustached dragon for your effort.
This is absolutely beautiful
Just curious, but will this ever get a new installment?
If this is continuing, then Cheerilee's Garden, Anon-A-Miss, The Enchanted House of Comics.
Not a single chapter since 2013, it sucks when some fan projects don't see the light of day.
Guess dreams don't come true
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Life has just been chaotic here, I'll probably update some of these when I can.
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I completely agree with the good pone above the author's (you).