Noi, a filly with a normal life, after a medical accident invlving an insane doctor, is turned incontinent, and forced to wear diapers; and to her condiction, the true colors of a "spartan sister", and hypocritical classmates shows up.
However, as soon Noi enters in her darkest hour, another filly, enters in her finest, and, while she is on the top, she decides to go down, help Noi in her quest for accept her condition... or fix it.
It should be noted that this story contains incontience, so, if you don't like it, please leave.
Also... not sure about the rating, I guessed that "Teen" was going to suffice.
EDiting credited to AuthorGenesis
Chapters (2)
you got a few spelling errors.
Is English a second (or third or fourth) language to you? The story reads like it was made by someone that knows the words but lacks the knowledge to put them together in a coherent manner.
>“So, how your morning went ?”
That right there summarizes the problem succinctly. Broken Engrish with a dash of too-fast-on-the-Space-key. Your punctuation is all over the place or, even worse, completely absent.
>. . . and said that my behavior is unacceptable for a filly of my age”
It doesn't take a high level of comprehension to know to put a period at the end of a sentence. There is no excuse for this; it's lazy editing through-and-through.
The plot itself is rather asinine, what with the nutty surgeon (a simple mistake during surgery would have sufficed) acting as a completely unexplained and ill-conceived plot delivery device. The narration is wonky and the children do not talk (or, in Noi's case [which is not in any way a pony name according to the show's naming conventions], think) like children. Also, Twist's lisp does not produce 'v's', it turns 's's' into 'th's'.
In short:
2955112
You have*
Oh, the irony strikes fast and cuts deep.
2955432
Let me say that, Darken: I already knew that you were going to get here, and puke on my ideas.
But, ok, you are right most of the time, so, let's get in the discussion.
You want to know the answer ? Yes, techinically it is, since I've learned languages in this order: italian-tuscan-english. Also, my editors are working on it.
That's a problem that I have also in m native tounge, and I'm trying my best to fix it.
YOur exaple is not clear at all.
When I say that I write after drinking a big cup of tea mixed with sakè (or, as they call it there "The Half-Stoner"), I mean it, it's not a joke. It's not an excuse for keep it as it is, but I can rework on it.
In this case...
I know that Noi doesen't seem childlike in temrs of behaviour, but that's what passed in my mind when I wrote it, so, in an eventual rewriting, I might be able of make her more belieavable as character (also, I'm basing on the fanname of the character, otherwise, it would fall in the perview of OC). But about the other kids... all seemed pretty correct.
I'm aware of it, but if I write like that, then I might NOT read correctly what's written. It sounds weird, a writer that sometimes cannot read what he wrote, but it happens.
Now that you have done your work there... the exit is there: use it, and let my "terrible" story get eaten by the lions.
2955577
>YOur exaple is not clear at all.
Your Example*
And there is little that needs to be understood. You ended a sentence without putting a period at the end or any other form of punctuation mark. That's stupid and there is no excuse for it. You obviously paid little to no attention to your story once it was written and didn't bother to actually do a good job on editing. And speaking of editing,
>Also, my editors are working on it.
No, absolutely not. An editor's job is to correct what you missed when you already did three passes (minimum!) of corrections, not to do the job you're too lazy to do yourself.
>When I say that I write after drinking a big cup of tea mixed with sakè (or, as they call it there "The Half-Stoner"), I mean it, it's not a joke.
imgace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Write-Drunk.-Edit-sober.-Ernest-Hemmingway.jpg
The problem isn't that you did the former, but that you didn't follow up with the latter once you'd gotten through the hangover.
Next time, use this program so you can at least avoid the most embarrassing and simple mistakes: http://auto-reviewer.appspot.com/review
I can tell you're somewhat new to English. Don't worry, no one likes English.
Here's some general story tips:
It's taboo to tell your reader what the character is feeling. Let the character's interpretation of the surroundings, the character's actions, and the character's thoughts hint at what the character is feeling.
When you are writing your story, no matter what point of view you're using (in this story case, it is the third person point of view) you need to tell it through the eyes of one character. This will allow the narration to come to life.
I'd make it a habit not to use too many rhetorical questions, but that piece of advice just comes from a personal pet peeve of mine.
Don't use big words (for example: impetuosity). The most powerful words in English are also the most common.
Plus, many here on fimfiction.net use the Google drive system as a way to help each other get better. You should set up your own account and get antiquated with it in general.
And as I always say, keep reading, writing a criticizing!
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Once I get back the fixed version, and I write the next chapter, I will consider your words.
Pity that I write like this, with more obsolete words, even in Italian. So you will "big words" A LOT.
2955432 no talking about the description
2956948
>and get antiquated with it in general.
>antiquated
>Don't use big words
D'oh. Wrong usage, too. That means "So extremely old as seeming to belong to an earlier period".
>When you are writing your story, no matter what point of view you're using (in this story case, it is the third person point of view) you need to tell it through the eyes of one character. This will allow the narration to come to life.
I would argue that a talented author can make excellent use of omniscient narration, but in this case Daxn here should stick to the basic third-person past-tense limited-viewpoint. Good advice, but lacking in context.
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Thanks for fixing it.
2958016
My pleasure.
Really good!
Keep it up 
This is going to be rewritten from top to bottom: stay tuned !
carrot top deserved that :P
Carrot Top finally got what was coming to her!!!
YES!!!
unbelievable, the story got cancelled. i loved it so far and i wanted to know what things might go on with noi. and it got cancelled.
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Sorry, ran out of ideas. If you have some, I might un-cancel it
I'm sorry but I can't understand your intro. It seems like English isn't your dominant language, or it is but you're really bad at it. I hope it's the former. If you can, please edit it. That's the first thing everyone reads and it could turn lots away by how it looks, as well as how it is read.
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I've edited that! Apprently, I got almost scammed...
And no, English is not my first langauge.
3732202
Well, I'm one to read regardless and give my opinion if it is accepted regardless of the writing; although my rating of it is focused on grammar as well but not entirely. Also anything with Silver and definitely Carrot Top in it? My interest was Climaxed!
Well very interesting buuut it needs something
3851982
What does it needs?
Jeez, glad carrot top's not MY sister. She'd tell me the brain injury I got when I as seven was no more than a scrap on my knee or soemthing
A Tuscan accent really doesn't suit silver spoon, though I am curious as to why she was the only one to defend noi
For the love of celestia, carrot top, your sister is suffering and you're treating her like shit! You're the worst big sister EVER
As for the next chapter, silver could come to noi house and talk with her, while at the same time telling carrot to piss off if she's not gonna say anything nice to her own sister who suffered at the hands of a crazy pony.
Ooooooooh, wait. Maybe silver could trick carrot into consuming some laxative and she'll be forced to wear diapers til the effects wear off
4248015
You got a brain injury at the age of seven? Wow
Well, a Tuscan accent would fit Silver Spoon... if only I could render it!
4248301 it's true. Ironically, I think it's why I don't look too much past each day. Back then, I was told I'd die if I didn't get the surgery and I think that effected my outlook on life.
Jeez, even saying that feels weird, but it's the truth
PIty it got cancelled, it sounded like it had potentional. Had I found this sooner, I had suggestuin that Carrot Top realizes what she did and regrets it. and that Silver and Noi spend more time together. Maybe even a happy ending where they can find a cure.
So, from what I can tell, Noi was having some operation (To do what exactly? Remove a full virginity?) when a fake doctor attempted FGM that got botched due to the other doctors?
4248015
try having 14 fucking brain surgeries, excuse my language but I've almost died from my surgeries