Weeks after an accident, Rarity continues to make her weekly appointment with her doctor. But is she really as fine as she thinks she is?
Chapters (1)
thatfimficwriter
Joined 16th Jun, 2013 ·
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This is an interesting story, reminds me of the final episode of MASH where Hawkeye is in the hospital for a similar reason. You certainly do a good job of showing the mental trauma and its affect on Rarity.
So I take it that Sweetie Belle was killed and Rarity refuses to admit it right?
Regardless it's a good story. Sometimes we block out things because we don't remember them and the emotional tramua they inflicted upon on us.
2925442
Thanks for the kind words!
2925534
Correct, Rarity was not hurt in the accident at all, the previous few weeks have been her mind shutting down and refusing to admit what happened. Thanks for the comment!
Pretty sure it's supposed too read mental.
Anyways I liked it. A lot.
2925604
Thanks for pointing that out, fixed. Although, I do like the idea of Rarity attending a Metal Facility....
2925689 Than she's more Vinyl than Rarity. Or Rarity-Robo the proto type of Sweetie-Bot. Both need to happen or finished if any of them exist.
Wow this is sad but a good short story
Not bad at all
You might want to fix ( It appeared in her hands and she gulped)
2926562
Thanks! Still getting used to the pony descriptors.
Nooooo Sweetie why? You are so (Expletive) cute, you can't die...
She's in a rubber room with a fashionable straight jacket. I would say this is a tragic story, not sad. I mean going crazy after having someone die. Sad doesn't begin to hit that. Good Story not really my tastes but very powerful emotions going on.
Nice start, but there's no excuse for that jumbo paragraph. (The part with Rarity telling her story) Unless you're trying to give your readers eye strain.
As a general rule, try to keep your paragraphs six lines or less.
2927860
After rereading that section I agree. I will work on breaking it up a little more. Thanks for the help!
Oh, oh geez. This is terrible yet amazing at the same time. Good job. I noticed some errors in the first sentence, third paragraph...
squeaking...
heavy
One of the exceptions to the 's rule, it's a contraction standing for "it is". You'd think we'd have figured its tricks out by now...
2936159
Thanks for pointing those out to me, I went over it all again and found a few more spelling mistakes that have been corrected now.
As for the it's instead of its, I have no excuses. For shame.
2936196
Eh, you actually do have one excuse. You're human.
Heck, I don't get it right all the time either (though I try like the dickens to!
).
So she forgets and she doesnt know whats going on most the time
I felt like I was reading a twilight zone episode.
No chapter 2? Well eselle you now have 2 complete stories. Time to right a new one
3177225
It's in the planning and early draft stages ;)
Will hopefully have a blog post today or tomorrow detailing my next project. Will be a little different from my stories so far.
3177367 sounds great
All of your stories are quite original ideas so I'm sure it will be a wonderful read. And as always, keep it up