The Sisters's Passage

Celestia & Luna4,439 stories ·2,705 members

The Princesses have many influences of the world around Ponyville, these are just some, and how my thought are on how they both get their cuite marks (Luna's is coming soon!)

Chapters (3)

The Dawn · 8th Jul 2013 · 240 words
240
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The Day · 8th Jul 2013 · 369 words
369
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Luna's Night · 8th Jul 2013 · 472 words
472
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Comments ( 8 )

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JustSomeRandomGuy

JustSomeRandomGuy #1 · Jul 8th, 2013 · · · Luna's Night ·

Seems interesting so far.keep it up :)

RachWrites

RachWrites #2 · Jul 8th, 2013 · · · Luna's Night ·

Thanks so much how far have you read? Should i make it longer?

Eighth Note

Eighth Note #3 · Jul 9th, 2013 · · · The Day ·

Some dream of different worlds beyond there own.

*their

Eakin

Eakin #4 · Jul 9th, 2013 · 1 · · The Dawn ·

Okay, so you might want to work on punctuation. Also you have an extra space in the very first line. And you capitalized Her every time, which I get if she's divine but you aren't consistent with Her and she.

This is just me, but I try to vary my language up enough so I never use the same adjective or verb in a single paragraph, barring essential building-block words.

Her suns warmth

sun's

Maybe try to vary your language a bit more too.

RachWrites

RachWrites #5 · Jul 9th, 2013 · · · Luna's Night ·

Thanks guys! I will make sure to get better language skills sometimes I was really tired that's why I would put the same descriptive words in the same sentence also sometimes I would have brain farts and be all what do I do? lol :D