Why you no update faster! Don't make me smack you with the first post! I'll do it! I'll smack you with the:
1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg

There better damn well be a sequal!

Pff, of course there'll be more! Not right away, but definitely soon.

In the meantime, there's something else I've been meaning to work on that I'll be getting done that I'm sure some will enjoy a lot!

1657449
Good. I believe my exact thoughts were: "Huh, it's marked complete. There fucking better be a sequel, this story's too good to not have one."

This is one of the only stories that has a 'tragedy' tag, but kept me wanting more of it.

*room full of people and others in the xbox live party start clapping after the weekly fic read concludes*
Bravo, bravo indeed.

--RoamingHooves--

wait, i can for wonderful writing, yours is. wonderfully as always and im looking forward to more of your work

1657904
Wait....what? You were reading my fic in some kind of weekly reading group on Xbox Live or something?

I feel this bizarre swelling sensation in my chest. Is that pride? I think it's pride. Bad pride, get out of there! You have no place in an artist's body, you'll grow far too fast, then I'll get full of myself, then I'll write like utter shit and I'll think it's worthy of God's worship or something!

I would like to note to any readers that I made a mistake and forgot to include a semi-important detail about the Mane Six as well as Twilight, but I will instead bring it up later, it's not something that NEEDS to be known now, I had just originally intended it to be revealed now.

I'm getting an Armachan Technology Corporation vibe from that backstory.

1667329
No, this is nothing like F.E.A.R. Luna had no intention of turning her daughter into some kind of magical superpower or anything, she just wanted to make sure her daughter had full control over her magic before setting her free. She was just so powerful, Luna had a lot of work to do with her....but then her 'most trusted assistants' royally bucked up.

finally found two hours completely free of anything else to do!

awesome ending! im looking forward to the sequel more than ever now!

it was nice to get the whole story about luna's daughter, now we and the princesses have both the versions of the story, which leaves the nightmare, although she might be too insane to care.

celestia and twilight has one big thing in common which i hadn't noticed before this chapter, their angst; given how bad she expects twilight to react towards her after luna's little history lession + family tracing, as well as her self loathing for her usual manipulative actions and her priorities.

given what we talked about through PM's quite some time ago; im looking forward to see how you handle twi's new magic and it's "by-products". as im already seeing a few differences.

his leg was at least healed enough to walk on, the Red String having done its job very efficiently in healing his injuries as best they possibly could in such a comparatively short amount of time

.
am i the only one who find this part incredibly funny?

1671645
What was funny about the part regarding his leg?

1672141
his leg was healed by the red string, a synonym to string is thread, which means that his leg was healed by "the red thread", the red thread is a concept within writing, it means that what you read/write should have a continuous pattern. what i find funny is that you could say that the the red thread symbolizes proper story progression, which means that his leg was healed through story progression.

...i have a pretty lame sense of humor...

1673912
....Wow, I can't believe I did that completely by accident! That actually is pretty damn funny! I find it even more hilarious that I did it by complete accident!

1674731
hehe, the funniest puns are often accidental

Sequel?

1687072
We'll be getting to that soon enough! In the meantime, I'm working on something else that's gonna be a three-chapter piece of awesomeness. It will also be in a chapter format similar to how the sequel will work, since I know I will have readers that both like clop and don't like clop. Thus, such scenes will be handled in a method that allows for it to be entirely avoided, or you will be able to choose a version of the chapter that has zero censorship and contains the full scene in all its sexy goodness.

Enjoy, either way! Though, if you don't enjoy M/M clop, you may want to avoid the sex scenes in this three-chapter story I'm working on.

1693367 So kind of light university days? (If you have read it) where there is a clop sort of side story that you can read (called university nights) or just skip and continue without a gap. I like this idea.

1717341
Erm, I suppose?

What I mean is, there will be a clop and non-clop version of the chapters that have clop in them. One will indicate that sexy-times are happening, but will stop short of them, and the other will be just like the non-clop one, but will just lead right into the sexy-times instead of cutting off just before. You choose which one you prefer to read. No separately-named story just for the sex scenes or anything.

1721318 Ok I get it now. Interesting definitely will read.

There. Finally up to date again. ...and now I'm all out of fic to read.

2045072
Uh....she's not. Not completely, anyways, she has the slightest brown tinge to her fur, if you ask me. I might've written that color in haste, I dunno.

2072818
SPOILER WARNING: THERE ARE PLOT POINTS REGARDING THE END OF SEASON THREE COMING UP IN THIS COMMENT.
It's worth noting that it's only cliche in regards to fanfics. Personally, I think the show's going in a very interesting and potentially more action-y direction with basically giving Twilight friendship-based enlightenment, causing an ascension to Alicornhood. Celestia and Luna both crowned her as Equestria's newest Princess....heh, wouldn't it be awesome if she were the Princess of Ponyville, with Ponyville as the Capital(Capitol?) of her new fledgling nation within Equestria, Celestia's domain?

That's all guesswork and fantasizing though. Where I'm going with this, it' going to be distinctly different. Sure, Twilight will be able to give herself wings if she wants, but she's still naturally a unicorn and likely always will be in my story. I've never liked or hated the 'Twilight becomes an Alicorn' story angle, but I didn't want to use it with Taming the Rage.

2188171
At the risk of sounding stupid, will there be a sequel to your story and, if so, what will it be called?

how is the sequel coming along? (im in no hurry, just curious as i thought about the story just now)

2199366>>2276995
Yes, there is going to be a sequel, but I still don't know exactly what I want to name it. The first chapter is actually maybe a few paragraphs from being done, on Twilight's and the Mane Six's side of the story anyways, I still need to do the Shadow Guard and Wind Strider's side of Chapter 1 as well.

Because of this, I've been working on a special project with a friend of mine called Samantha Sprocket online. The name of this fanfic is titled 'Harmony on the Winds', and without giving anything away, I can guarantee that this fic includes something that almost no fic on this site that I've ever read has ever used as a main component of the storyline. It's such an important part of the story, it'll change the entire dynamic between the Mane Six, really. It's gonna be awesome~!

2425287
Sweet!

Wow... This was quite a read. Although I'm wondering, Am I the only one who feels that the more I read of the story, the more I am siding with Moonlight Star (The Nightmare). I mean she's thoroughly deserves to have her vengeance on Luna and Celestia for what has been done to her... Let's recap the events.

One: Created as a daughter for Luna who immediately starts fearing Moonlight Star, and therefore Luna imprisons the child in what can only be described as a research facility. Very nice place for a filly to spend her days.

Two: Luna gets pregnant and promptly abandons Moonlight Star in favour of a new child. Leaving her 'firstborn' in the hooves of scientists who want nothing more than to run who knows what kind of experiments on her. One or probably even more of the researchers also start using her sexually because... I don't know... they want to see if she can become pregnant or something? Which really is a wery thin explanation because she's so young when those experiments would have taken place.

Three: When Moonlight Star finally lashes out at her tormentors and kills them ( good on your nightmare, I would have done the same!). Her 'mother' returns, Moonlight Star tries to reclaim her the only way she knows how to, by corrupting her so that Luna will stay with her or even better, finally let Moonlight Star out of her personal hellhole. But NO! She is once again flung aside by her 'mother' who promptly runs off.

Four: Finally her aunt who has until this point done absolutely nothing at all to help Moonlight Star in anyway even though she most likely could have. I mean even something as little as, I don't know, visiting her sister daughter to keep her company and make sure nothing horrible happens to her while Luna is away would have prevented everything more or less. But once again NO! Here comes ante Celestia, and the first thing she does it's too try and utterly destroy Moonlight Star without as much as trying to understand what has happened to her (it was after all only now that they realised Moonlight Star had been viciously experimented upon, even though they suspected it, and raped by the scientists in the research facility all those years ago!). After trying to murder the filly, Celestia to her horror realise she can't kill Moonlight Star and therefore promptly goes with option number two. Thoroughly imprisoning her in the hell she's already in! I mean honestly, what the BUCK!!!

So yes... I find myself yelling "Go Nightmare Go!" at the screen while I'm reading. Moonlight Star thoroughly deserves to torment both Luna and Celestia for a millennium or two for what she's been through. The amount of fail Luna and Celestia had to go through in order to create Nightmare is mind boggling. Nightmare might be a monster, but the fault of her becoming one lies squarely at Luna and Celestia hooves!

Anyhow that was just some thoughts from me... by the way once Nightmare it's finished tormented the world for a millennium or two, all she has to do is say I'm sorry and everything will be happy dandy. that's at least the way it seems to be working for Celestia, who admittedly on more than one occasion, sent her supposed loved ones do battles in which they are more than likely to die. And the fault of the conflict was more often than not because something Celestia herself had done (once again by her own admission). So I'm off to read the sequel now I guess... Celestia and Luna better get their comeuppance in some from or another...

Have a nice one! Leon out!!!

2551197
Coooongratulations! You have thus far been the only one to realize the main fact about ALL of this: Moonlight Star DOES deserve to get her revenge, and Luna and Celestia are NOT perfect in any way, shape or form!

They fear, they feel paranoia, they are in positions of power where they must think of the good of their subjects before themselves, something Celestia clings to with a 'Lawful Good' level of loyalty, AND Celestia's love for her sister has caused her to allow her sister to do something reprehensible ethically, solely so she'll feel better!

IF Celestia had been thinking clearly at the time instead of trusting her sister to come to her senses, she would've outright said 'Oh HELL no!' to such a project. But she wasn't. On top of that, Luna didn't seal Star in that facility because she was 'afraid of her'. She kept Moonlight there for her safety as well as the safety of all the ponies in Equestria. If her little project couldn't keep her powers under control, wouldn't you rather she be someplace where her powers can be quelled rather than being forced to snuff her out entirely to stop the onslaught?

Not only that, Celestia seems to have a very strong dislike towards taking life for any reason, though she has more than the basic 'I'm just nice like that' reason going for her in that regard. Even when her sister told her that the experiment was a success, her combined delight at seeing some amount of normalcy return to her sister along with the fact that she couldn't bring herself to outright kill what should be considered an abomination of ponykind caused her to continue to let things proceed as they were. The only reason she even attempted to kill Star after everything that happened was because allowing her to run free would cause her entire nation and the rest of the world to be at risk, and she is not going to risk the lives of her subjects just because killing someone will make her 'feel horrible'.

Nor did Luna outright abandon her! Luna continued to visit all throughout her pregnancy, and she only stayed away for a single week to recover from childbirth, and to spend time with her newborn. If Star hadn't cracked before she planned to return, there's a good chance Star would've either killed or consumed her newborn sister when Luna returned, in all honesty. As you said, she DID try to keep her Mother there by attempting to fully assimilate her, but it didn't work. I think if I had any semblance of my own mind left, I would've run and never looked back if I were Luna too.

As for Star being raped....that was not in any way any part of experimentation. One of the scientists was just a closet pedophile, and took the chance to enjoy himself by abusing his position of power. Sick, yes, which makes it all the more satisfying to know, as the writer, that she took her sweet time dissecting him while he was still alive.

As for what Celestia did to try to remedy the situation....she just finished fighting with and banishing her corrupted sister to the moon for a thousand years. If that's not a reason to think of a child as utterly dangerous and in need of being eliminated, I really don't know what is!

Still, the source of all this tragedy rests solely on Luna and Celestia's shoulders. If Celestia had been there more for her sister while she grieved instead of letting her sister do as she pleased, and if Luna hadn't decided to, y'know, create life from an experimental machine, none of this would've happened. Now both she and her sister have a lot of clean-up to do for a single lapse in sensible judgement, all because they feel emotions like all the other ponies in the world.

Oh, and you haven't even begun to learn of some of the many ways Celestia's utterly fail'd over the eons in dealing with national crises. You're going to love her 'sin journal', a complete record of every single error in judgement, blemish on her nation and tragedy that she has in some way held herself responsible for. Let's just say that the book requires an infinite-page enchantment, and by far her very worst 'sin' takes place a couple hundred years after Luna's banishment. Sure, she knows why she did it/allowed it to happen, but that doesn't excuse what she allowed in the first place. Trust me, it's so bad that it's awesome and sick all at once.

If you're expecting Luna or Celestia to retain their regal, near-perfect appearance that so many fanfics seem to paint them with, or their more lighthearted prankster personalities (which they do tend to do to liven things up when they get bored, don't get me wrong), this story is going to be one hell of a rude awakening! These mares have screwed up SO many times in SO many ways, like any rulers with eternal life would, I'm quite sure a lot of my readers are going to find both of them leaving a very bittersweet taste in their mouths.

2546391
Well, the issue you're having is that you're not giving the story time to flesh him out more. He's not the only one with this magic, he's not even a side character, but all main characters have to enter a story somewhere, at some point. I'm sorry you don't like him, but he's not meant to be fully fleshed out yet. Just because a story starts out centered on a single character doesn't mean it's going to stay that way.

I will agree with the pacing issues though. Around chapter six, I started having an issue of not having enough time and wanting to write, but then having too much time some days and having no desire to write. So eventually I started forcing it and I started putting out both constipated writing and rushed writing, I realized. I may go back and re-write a lot of the first chapters at some point, but that's not likely to happen anytime soon. The story is as I want it to be right now, and I always made sure to get the important points properly written out and detailed where it counted.

Glad you liked Twilight's depression! I've always found it amusing how people think that 'depression' automatically means 'always feeling down, at all times'. No. No no no. Depression is in essence a constant feeling of sluggishness and almost always feeling down, but we also always try to fight our way through it and just have a normal day because we're tired of feeling like that. Only someone seeking constant pity would willingly wallow in it, preferably with as many people around as possible.

2559556

Now I am thoroughly intrigued! One of the biggest issues I had with your story so far was just how scratch free Luna and Celestia seems to get away with everything... and I was thoroughly angered by just how easily and quickly Twilight was all hunky-dory about what has happened, showing just what a willing little puppet she is seemingly turning into. Hopefully you have something up your sleeves to address this; I know how I would fix this issue, so it will be thoroughly entertaining to see how you go about it! There will be both ethical and practical issues to work through, so you'd better give me a shout when you start publishing the sequel!!!

2562295
Well, I'm hoping I actually get started on it sometime soon, but this sequel has to content with another story I'm working with a friend on called 'Harmony on the Winds' for my writing time.

Still, the issues aren't as cut-and-dry as you seem to think. Yes, Star got totally screwed over, though she mostly got screwed over by really bad, bad circumstances spiraling out of control. All things considered, if it weren't for that single week Luna left Star alone at the facility, nothing bad would've happened at all. Hell, she'd probably be another Princess by now, and the Nightmare Moon incident never would've happened either, despite it being a flat-out lie on Celestia's part. Well, it didn't happen the way she had the history books record, anyways. She can be devious like that when she feels she needs to be.

While in some ways they will be getting what they deserve for what they've done, Twilight will also be growing as an individual. Yes, perhaps she does seem like she's being a total puppet/tool here, but a general rule of thumb is that Twilight's a thinker, and if she has had any free time whatsoever, she's thought through this whole issue for herself already. She has already realized that it's Luna's and Celestia's fault entirely, but she ALSO realizes, thanks to her time spent making friends and being more sociable, that emotions can be a truly blinding thing, making us see and think what we want to believe is the truth instead of the reality surrounding any given situation. You know, kind of like when you feel in the pit of your stomach that your wife's cheating on you when you find some random guy's phone number in her phone, and it's been called a LOT according to the logs and she's been coming home really late a lot lately, but you just tell yourself 'oh, it's probably a co-worker or something'. You know you're lying to yourself and that's not what you really think deep down, but you don't want to face it because you can deal with how things are right now. Your emotions are screwing with your sensibilities. The same thing could easily be said for two immortal Goddesses who behave just the same as any mortal when it comes to their feelings.

That being said, Twilight thoroughly feels sorry for Star, which is going to make what Luna intends to do, with Twilight's assistance, all the more difficult for Twilight to come to terms with. This goes without even bringing up the other Elements of Harmony, all of which have a surprise in store for them right up there with the surprise Twilight got from Luna upon visiting her in her tower in the last chapter.

In any case, I can't wait to get started on it! I'm going to enjoy fleshing out more of the Shadow Guard, including Strider's unit. They get up to SO much crap over the course of this story, some of it filler, some of it not, but every bit of it gives me the chance to make them all grow and have more dynamic personalities over time, so I'm all for it.

2564999

It doesn't matter that star was screwed over by bad circumstances, the amount of neglect that filly had to suffer through began much earlier than that last week. It began the moment Luna started skipping out on meeting star every single day, remember she's just a little trapped filly in a research facility or machine as you call it, not seen her mother for a day or three as you implied is an eternity for a kid. Especially if left in the hooves of not to caring scientists, one of which is a child molester. It might be right that she cracked that last week, but quite frankly her suffering began much, much earlier… Both Luna and Celestia shrieked their responsibilities so badly, that one can’t blame it on that one last week. Those two really screwed up on such a profound level that you can’t just chalk it up to circumstance. It was quite frankly institutionalized negligence!

And when it comes to Twilight, I really hope you can turn her around, because right now I don't have too high of an opinion about this version of her, if she doesn't come away from this chapter of her life, with a healthy dose of skepticism to anything Celestia and Luna claims is the truth, she will truly have cemented my opinion of her being a tool and willing puppet. Especially if she has finally realized that the two goddesses are nothing more than any other mortal pony when it comes to their ability of making mistakes, and that's not even taking into account Celestia´s many manipulations throughout the ages.

Anyhow I can´t wait to see what you make of this, especially what you intend with twilights assistance to Luna, and the hint of potentially evolving the Elements further somehow.

Have a nice one!

2567142
Uuuhh....Luna made her position on performing research on her very clear, namely, she didn't want it happening while she wasn't there. It wasn't like the filly was kept in a tiny white room, she was given a very sizeable space to move around and play in. Sure, she was kept there for years, but the closest they ever got to experimentation is testing her control over her magic. She was a newborn with access to The Void, Luna was completely correct in keeping her in an isolated research facility underground, for the sake of everyone else in Equestria. There's no telling what could've happened if her powers went out of control outside of that place. Even if Luna wound up missing a day or three with her because of her pregnancy, she had several individuals she trusted keeping an eye on her. As I said: if it weren't for that week, things would've been fine, though a couple researchers would've suddenly found themselves on the receiving end of a very vengeful Goddess if/when Star wound up telling her what happened while she wasn't there.

As for Twilight, would it really be all that unusual if she did remain a complete tool? Twilight in all her time has been at Celestia's beck and call, and can't even seem to register anything Celestia chooses to do as potentially wrong in any way. She's been brainwashed both by herself and by Celestia, albeit without Celestia knowing she was doing it, to think that Celestia is perfect. When this fact is utterly destroyed, well, we'll see just how much if affects her....and I do so look forward to it.

So, here.
I liked the story, but it is weird. It might just be me, but whenever I expected them to talk, you switched to action, whenever I felt like having a piece of action you went into descriptions and scenery, and when I was waiting for scenery you switched to talking... In other words I almost always felt like the narrative is off a little. I can not describe that sufficiently to make that a constructive critique, though.
Thanks a lot for the story anyway!

2699232
Oh yes, I'm well aware, a little something that, if you can believe it, I was never even once taught through all of school. All writing lessons I'd ever had involved proper formatting for letters and the like. Thus, when someone finally pointed this out to me, it didn't take me long to alter my writing format. Things get much easier to read in chapter....four or five, somewhere around there?

I have to go back and fix the first few chapters at some point, trust me, I know.

Wow, this sounds so epic, I can't wait to dive in.

Hm, this was an interesting piece of a story, and I'm definitely glad I sat down to read it - once I got in to it, I could barely stop (not that I wanted to). I always enjoy all the different takes on Luna's backstory and what could have caused the Nightmare, and you wove a pretty powerful tale in that regard. Star's past and existence is indeed a tragic one, and despite her being a villain who has to be stopped, I can't help but feel sorry for her - nor do I feel particularly sorry for Luna and Celestia regarding the grief they have to endure from the Nightmare, because their negligence to what was happening right under their own noses is a directly contributing factor.

Especially Luna - I understand not vising for a week due to the end term of her pregnancy, but Star's problems didn't spring up during that week alone either. And honestly, keeping her in that research facility? Even if it was a pretty sizable place, a cage is still a cage, and a young child needs to be around her mother more than anything, and it's not like Star's Void magic was going out of control all the time - otherwise the facility would have been wiped clean more than once. And if they can ward the facility, they sure as day can ward Luna's bedroom with the same magic and have the filly sleep with her mother. And if there were outbursts, I'm sure Luna could have held them in check easily enough before Star's Void powers got empowered by boiling and seething in her own rage for a thousand years.

There was no real reason to keep her there, with a little more effort on their part Star could have spent the nights, at the very least, with her mother. But then again, the research facility was the most -convenient- option, wasn't it? Much like how the whole situation with Twilight - easier and more convenient to throw her under the bus rather than try and implement other solutions that require more effort. Seriously, Luna makes for terrible mother material, and Celestia would do well to listen less to her sister. No, I have little sympathy for Luna, least for all the parties involved (aside from the scientists obviously, but then again they already got what they deserved).

Speaking of Twilight, at least Celestia has the dignity to feel sorry for what she did to her ... Luna, not so much, and I hope her utilitarian mindset comes to bit her in the end, and perhaps cause her to learn something from it. The Greater Good is a pretty poor philosophy to live by, and was foolishly applied in this case anyway - risking Twilight means risking the Elements of Harmony, which, frankly, are more important assets to Equestria's (and perhaps the whole world's) survival than Luna and Celestia themselves are (and by far), if recent history is anything to go buy. Essentially, Luna's plan involving Twilight was a thoughtless one, and Celestia should be ashamed for allowing herself to be talked in to it (Celestia calling Luna smarter than her? Yeah, right).

Never the less, it will be interesting to see what Twilight takes away from all this, after having learned that the Princesses are just as fallible as anyone else, and just as underhanded if it suits them. She might have forgiven Celestia, but it would be very foolish of her not to consider the extension of the thought - that being, that they (Luna and Celestia) will do so again, the moment it suits their schemes and is the more convenient - for them- option. Luna implied as much directly.

She may have forgiven them ... but with that thought in mind, can she ever truly trust them? Especially for an inquisitive mind like Twilight's, I imagine that would be especially difficult. I'd expect her to be subconsciously analyzing and re-analyzing each and every word coming from the mouth of either Princess, trying to read between the lines, trying to glean more truth from what is being said (and from what isn't being said), attempting to puzzle out on real-time basis what sort of a possible scheme she might be unwittingly be guided in to this time. Yes, her love for Celestia is immense and will probably help, but ... could she not think that way after this incident? Paranoia wouldn't be unjustified in this case.

Regardless, on the note of Twi, I liked how you portrayed her 'depressed' state during the first part of the story. Her lethargy and anger and frustrations were brought out really well; I could almost feel the apathy she was sinking in to, and that went a long way towards establishing the somber mood of the story.

It will also be interesting to see where Twilight's newfond and growing Void powers will take her. How far will she grow? How will she end measuring up against Luna/Star? She might not be Luna's daughter, but then she is the Element of Magic, which has to count for something. Could it be possible for her to grow so powerful she becomes an Alicorn in the process? Cadence did have to come from somewhere after all, and with Celestia and Luna being the only goddesses, there has to be a more mundane way of becoming one. With Celestia being considered her aunt, I imagine Cadence comes from Luna's bloodline as well ... so perhaps the latent goddess genes decided to rear their head in that generation? Perhaps for Twi as well? Alright, I'll stop rambling now.

Overall your writing is quite good and descriptive as well, and you do well in painting a mental imagery that brings the writing to life. The start of the fic was slightly clunky to read because you were writing speech from several characters in the same paragraphs, but thankfully that practice ended as the story went on. Makes it much more easy to read when dialog from another character gets a new paragraph of its own.

If there is one thing I didn't really like about the story though, it would be the quartet of Luna's special guards. I feel those OCs are sitting pretty squarely in Mary Sue-ish territory, and that's a trap many authors seem to stumble into (and OCs like that are not particularly endearing nor interesting to read about or see in action). You have them as being super-close to the Princesses, being super-competent, super-awesome fighters who get their own super-awesome and super-overpowered brand of magic on top of their physical super-enhancement from Luna, alone capable of sweeping a way through an army of creatures of darkness, and one of whom can stand up against the Nightmare for a while while being deliberately drained off power beforehand (Yay to room for even more powerups!). Just ... urgh. This was the aspect of the story that made me feel as if I was trying to stuff myself full of Pinkie's cupcakes despite diabetes having kicked in a while ago and threatening to leave me writing on the floor any moment now. The less of them seen, the better.

That aside though, I'm definitely looking towards the sequel when you get around to it, and the events that are bound to unfold with Equestria under siege by the Nightmare and the cities magically walled off, Twilight's growing abilities and the effect that's going to leave to her, the infallibility of Princesses shattered and a thousand year old mistake that's spiraled out of control and needs resolving ... one way or another. Yes, I'm most eager to see the continuation emotionally captivating tale. Thank you for having taken the time and effort to write it!

2968122
Well, I'll get this right out of the way right now: there are always going to be readers that hate OCs, and while three of them won't have very extensive parts in the story, they will be there. Wind Strider, however, will be a recurring character, very much along the lines of a wetworks operative, that will move in and out of the main story, with his own stuff going on in a secondary story, when I feel like writing it.

Most likely, the reason the OCs are disliked by some is because they aren't as fleshed out as the rest of the characters so far. I fully get that, I didn't exactly have a whole lot of time for it. Three were planned, but just sort of phased in and have had almost no presence, and one, well....you like him or you hate him. Your choice, frankly, it's not my problem in the end.

Now, let's get to my favorite part: Celestia and Luna. OH, how I have so very much planned for them, Celestia specifically. I'm not going to give much of anything away, but she's the one that suffers the MOST from all of what's going to happen! Luna gets her lumps as well, but for the most part, comes away having already suffered a lot from the very beginning. You want to hurt a Mother, make sure she knows that she failed in every aspect of raising you, and turn all of that hate against her and her people, her family, and everyone she loves. Then try to say she hasn't suffered enough when the population of her country is decreasing every single day by the hundreds.

Yes, you should feel sorry for Star, because she's a child that has suffered, a child that has grown up a few years completely friendless aside from adults that have little interest in her beyond performing experiments on her and researching her abilities, with her Mother there every day. Sometimes, Luna was there for hours, sometimes she could only visit here and there on some days. Regardless, Luna made the effort.

Still, Star's imprisonment falls into a horribly gray moral area. Yes, it's horrible and wrong to lock a child away from birth in an underground facility. However, it's being done to protect from a potential catastrophe, because Star's powers are unrefined and unstable in the hooves of an emotional, prone-to-tantrums child. On top of that, how do you explain where the baby came from to the public? How do you tell them 'oh yeah I just sorta built a machine that can create Alicorns, I know, awesome right? Complete accident!' Once you open Pandora's Box, there's no containing it.

Yes, the facility is clearly warded, and the magic used to make it that way is still in effect, because while Star can create Shadows and other monstrosities outside of the facility with her magic, she herself can no longer leave. Otherwise, what's keeping her there? Actually, that's a lovely revelation right at the end of the story that I'm not going to give away. Doesn't make sense now, but that's the whole point: no eyes in the actual facility, no real clue as to what's really going on or what's really happened in there.

As for Twilight....oh, she's a whole 'nother bag o' worms. You're right, how can she continue to trust either of the Princesses, with herself or any of her friend's lives? Simple answer: she can't. More complicated answer: she shouldn't, but she will, at least for a time, because she's still got that bit of innocence and childish demeanor in her that will instinctually believe the Princess always has her best interests at heart.

I will say this though: Celestia's going through a lot more than she's letting on, about Twilight, about her sister, about the Nightmare, and even about her position as Equestria's ruling diarch. Don't count her out as a scheming mare and little else, there's still a beating, though cynical heart under all that age of hers, and it's really difficult to not be disgusted with yourself when you look in the mirror and realize you just played a loved one like a pawn on a chessboard. It went against every emotion she felt to let Twilight walk right into what was essentially a trap, and she's not done beating herself up about it.

This fact is true, though: where Luna is the smarter mare, Celestia is the wiser mare. This is the reason why even after Luna's return, Celestia is still mainly the one the entire population of Equestria looks to for guidance in running the country. Yes, Luna is kind, if abrasive, and is a good ruler, but Celestia's the one that seems easier to work with. She knows just how to smile, just what to say, just how to say it and when, to get her way while making sure the other pony(ies) get what's desired in some way as well. She has mastered the art of deception, and has employed it every single day of her life to make things work to her master plans. Some might say that makes her smarter, but rather, it makes her wiser. Luna is the one that can work out a plan and see all the numbers, equations, contingencies for it and how best to employ them; Celestia will take all that into consideration, and then consider how the people will react in the long run, how other countries will react, whether it will give her ammunition during debates and discussions with ambitious nobles, how she can use it to manipulate the ponies affected by it if necessary down the road....you get the idea.

You are correct, however: Twilight has taken more than a little of her paranoia with her, not to mention her painkiller addiction. There are going to be some really pitiful scenes regarding her, probably as many as there will be more interesting scenes with her picking apart everything she's told. Celestia has taught her just about everything she knows, and that wisdom has, however skewed, been passed down to Twilight. She's going to read between the lines, and she's going to learn, and thus, grow as a character and as an individual. She's going to shed that childlike demeanor that we all have during times of peace, and accept the fact that she needs to grow up and get with it, or things are going to get really bad for her.

I think you'll like how her Void magic's developing though. The first scene of the first chapter has her and Luna jumping off a balcony railing and diving into puddles of Void magic, then racing through Canterlot to try to beat one another to their training grounds. Not just standing on the puddles, like being submerged in a pocket dimension of non-reality that responds to their every command....and they're using these for racing. How quaint!

I'll make this clear about becoming an Alicorn, though: Cadance is not a blood relative of either Princess, and is just as mortal as any normal pony. While Celestia and Luna are both Goddesses, Cadance is not and never will be. Becoming the physical embodiment of all three races is something that you earn, in Cadance's case, and she ascended into what she currently is now from previously being just a Pegasus. I'm still debating with myself whether or not Alicornhood is something that either Luna or Celestia, as Goddesses with Alicorn bodies, can bestow upon those they deem worthy of such a life-altering transformation.

so is there a sequel to this?????

3156923
I am actually working on the sequel. I've just been sidetracked by my own personal issues and writer's block along with working on Harmony on the Winds.

That and I'm a chronic procrastinator. Like so many other writers, I'm terrible with procrastination.

3163798 well thats good to know gl

wow i rly loved this story! it threw me so many curve balls i predicted one thing and then another thing happend i was like WHAT!! but yea. great story! rly loved it cnt wait for the sequel!

WELP

I think it's about time I fixed this story up, wouldn't all of you say?

Those of you that even bother to pay attention to the comments for this more-than-a-year-old thing, anyways.

Since I'm currently working on the sequel once again, I figure I should probably go back and fix up some admittedly spotty areas of this story. Especially Chapter 4. Just....there's not necessarily anything wrong with what it presents, just how it's written.

With that said, here we go!

4282039

Pff-heh! Glad to hear you liked it so much the first time around. It's been a while since I've really sat down and worked on a story, this feels kinda good. Should get me fired up for the sequel!

It should be a bit easier on the eyes once it's all fully edited, though the last few chapters don't really have any issues with them. Just some things during the first ten or twelve chapters that don't mesh the way I want them to with the sequel, and some things that could DEFINITELY go for some better writing and structure!

4282471

I did say that these chapters need some revisions.

4283099
You know it's funny, this has come up before. Honestly, I don't see what the issue is. An OC gets a chapter dedicated to him and suddenly, a story that's been involving and focusing on multiple characters OTHER than Twilight is bad?

As for the custom armor thing, yes, that was unnecessary and needs to be fixed. One of several things I plan on changing down the line. Wind Strider's involvement in the story though, that won't be changing at all....shame you didn't stick around though, you probably would've liked what happened later.

Not to mention you're completely wrong about them dating in less than a week. They've been dating in secret for far longer than that (if you can call it dating), which you would know if you both paid better attention to the writing, and read further along into the story. Still, if you've already decided to hate a character, probably just because he's an OC 'getting in the way' of the characters that we all already know and love because the show has already significantly and deeply fleshed them out for us....well, there's nothing I can do for you. Hate away, I guess!

4283602
Yyyup! It's been on my radar for a while now. I still find it hilarious that, all my life, since THIRD GRADE, I've been writing at a college level according to all the state tests....but not once was I EVER taught how to format creative writing! Like seriously, I thought that EVERYONE ELSE was writing in some bizarre, backwards way the entire time.

Their negligence wound up creating more work for me, but whatevs! Things need changing anyways, in particular a more exact update to Strider's personality, as well as some adjustments to Chapter 4 in particular. SO much constipated writing, NONE of the flashback stuff was necessary. I felt like I was forcing it all the way through that chapter, I can't wait to cut that sucker down to size.

4283896
Yes and no. Sure, I'd like to be just posting the sequel right now, but this story needs to mesh perfectly with everything planned in the sequel first if I'm going to avoid a lot of plot holes and confusion. So I'm going to be taking care of this first.

Also, I'd like to get some custom cover art for when I post the sequel, instead of just finding and using a fairly appropriate image, like I did with this story. I'm hoping I can find an artist that's willing to do that for free, or at least for some paltry sum that I can maybe afford by next month, before I start posting the sequel.

4284975
I have it labeled in the characters involved in the story that OCs are a part of it. Why would it be out of left field? I'm giving all of the more active characters significant attention, with Twilight getting the most over the course of the entire story because she's the main focus.

That being said, I'm well aware of the 'issues' a lot of OC-haters have with Chapters 4 and 5, despite him being intended to be a major character. In particular, chapter 4 has never sat well with me not because it's all about Strider, but because I can only remember really FORCING myself to finish chapter 4. The flashbacks weren't necessary, not to the extent they were employed. When I finish editing it, it's likely that chapter 4 and chapter 5 will just be a single chapter. The violent encounter with the Nightmare will probably be expanded on better as well, I hadn't initially intended to have it focus on him. I don't remember what happened to make me not write about Twilight and Rainbow Dash's actions in the fight....I know I wrote it at some point.