• Member Since 27th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 27th, 2019

Picardy Third


T

The residents of Ponyville are unaccustomed to violence, but recent attacks are shaking up the normally peaceful town. On top of this, Twilight Sparkle has been experiencing short bouts of memory loss and is getting concerned with her own health. The truth in the situation may be harder to bear, however.

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 249 )

Well, this has an interesting premise. The prose could use some work, though - the breakfast scene's dialogue suddenly being interrupted by a massive block of exposition was very jarring, and it read a bit more like an outline or a rough draft, with the prose feeling rather stilted and jumpy. Try to work on making the events flow more naturally instead of snap one to the next. It needs some smoothing out and refining. Still, I'll keep an eye on this one.

Hey there, everypony! I've decided to post the chapters from this story that I've completed over on fanfiction.net. I'll try to put them up somewhat regularly until I've caught up with my progress (which is 8 chapters so far). Thanks for reading!

i'll wait for it here. no offense to fanfiction.net but i only go there for my non-pony fics... :pinkiesmile:

great chapter! looking forward to more! :pinkiehappy:
its fairly obvious by this point that twilight is the one who attacked rarity's boutique, probably sweet apple acres as well. why the attacks and why she cant remember it are the two questions that come to mind. :pinkiegasp:
i just hope that its not one of those 'some of them stay up all night and wait for the criminal to show up -> surprise surprise, it turns out its twi, which runs/teleports away, and then when confronted later at the library she doesn't remember any of those action', i mean, that part is fine in itself; what i don't want is that all of her friends blame her completely and don't think of the possibility that she may not be in control of her actions (especially after being told that twi suffers from amnesia from time to time), i mean normally; that would be the usual action, but how many years have they been friends now, its irregular behavior; something that friends that close aught to take into consideration.

Yea, I call bullshit on Celestia and Luna.

They see the escalation, and though they said they were going to watch, they don't? I'm still going to read, but really... What in the world is going on that they would be so hands-off and cavalier with everypony's lives and livelyhood? They pulled Spike out real quick.

I'm in full agreement with Obsidian what the hell did they think would happen. Twilight was attacking ponies homes how could it not escalate into an attack on the ponies themselves. So ya not going to accept this rendition on the princess and may just stop fallowing this story at all if it doesn't improve.

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Yeah, there'd better be a damn good reason behind their reluctance. Otherwise, Celestia is as guilty as if she'd broken AJ's bone herself.

heh, this has gone grimdark fast. can't wait... :flutterrage:

wonderful chapter!:pinkiehappy: looking forward to the next one!
im beginning to really wonder exactly what is wrong with twilight; one guess would be that she is possessed, but if she was possessed i imagine that celestia would have done something sooner, so im not so sure. maybe a long suppressed sadistic split personality that celestia 'sealed' when she was first accepted as her pupil; and that twi's strength has outgrown celestia's 'seal'.
after this celestia cant do much else other than to act, problem is; it might be to late. i gather that the reason for celestia's reluctance to act must be because there's a chance that the only solution is to put her down for good or some other drastic measure

I gotta agree with Obsidian up there. Weren't the princesses going to watch her? Did they do that just for kicks? Are they watching her wreck havoc just for kicks? This is pretty bizarre, tell her they'd watch her and then do absolutely nothing.

this has twilight writen all over this attack

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I hope you are not disappointed. Honestly, I am too far along in this story to go back and make changes, especially because that particular detail is somewhat inconsequential in the long run (also because I am what most scientists call: 'lazy'). I assure you that Celestia is not incompetent, oblivious, or having malicious intent, so I can only hope I have not ruined this story for you :fluttershysad: You guys critique harder than fanfiction.net, I LOVE IT!:pinkiehappy:

I gotta say, I love how some stories use the deathly overused AppleDash as a failed ship for another one. Feels a bit more refreshing.

another awesome chapter, im so glad you decided to update here as well!:pinkiehappy:

will be interesting to see what's going happen to twilight, if there was a cure i think celestia would have done something sooner; unless the cure involves something incredibly dangerous and that will almost certainly result in death.

one slight problem i have with the story, the "problem" is not really there yet; but im seeing the signs...: twilight learns a dark secret about herself and leaves, only leaving behind a note that explains some things in a vague way and clearly states "DO NOT COME AFTER ME". which her friends of course blindly disregards; thus ending up following twilight (up to here everything is fine according to me). when they do catch up to/find twilight, she is surprised (i honestly don't know how she could be surprised by this fact) that they care enough to follow her even against her own wishes, at least when they don't know the situation. she then explains everything right before leaving again, after this her friends are stunned and don't know what to do at first, that is; until they decide that they are gonna fight for their friendship with twilight and thus go after her AGAIN. its here the epic climax to the happy ending happens; meaning they team up with against the "enemy"; which at this point should be some super-powered evil clone of twilight that moments before split away from her. they defeat the enemy with some great imaginary cost (someone dies etc.); imaginary because this cost will be substantially reduced in size, by some greater ally (celestia, luna or someone like them), to the point of barely having an impact on their lives in the end.
everything after my parenthesis: "(up to here everything is fine according to me)" is the problem to me. it's incredibly cliche and predictable. thus i really really hope that it doesn't turn out like that.

So Celestia's lying and when twilight finds out she will embrace this other side and go on a killing spree. I still don't see how she is helping this situation by abusing Twilight's trust, or by letting her run around hurting ponies.

Still somewhat irresponsible of Celestia/Luna to leave a dangerous element un-watched... but whatever.

So... she's cursed. Ok... we'll I guess we'll have to wait and see how this turns out, possible resolutions? Maybe the EoH can purge it?

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One of my biggest problems is writing things that I think are clever but end up just being predictable and cliché (see "Miss Mary"), but that most certainly will not happen. :raritywink:
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It's funny because I have another story that is an AppleDash ship. To justify, it was just my 'test fic' so-to-speak, which I used to sort of ease into the MLP fanfiction world.

548273 Irony is always fun, so I can't hold that against ya :pinkiesmile:

And while I don't want to butt it on other's conversations, it would be just perfect if whatever possesses Twilight during her memory loss would be named Mary, or Sue.

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:rainbowlaugh: Funny you would say that, his name is MarySue BlackThorn, and he is an emotionally confused human-turned pony who is more powerful than Celestia. He decided to take over Twilight's body because he has a crush on her and thinks this would be the best way to get her attention, which ends up happening, and they get married and have a dozen kids. Did I mention that he is black with red stripes, red eyes, metal wings, and the most attractive pony in equestria?
Looks like I have some plot changes to make!

548401 We love you too! :heart:

Dawwwww. Poor RD, no luck in romance as of yet. But, still (Unofficial) TwiDash ship? Looking forward to the next update!

awesome chapter! :pinkiehappy:

I, the 64th reader, demand MOAR! Also, love TwiDash, and you, dear author, are doing swell.

Do not disappoint.

And with this you earned my upvote!
Evil Twi onto dash, thightly close, mocking her, hurting her, about to torment her~ :twilightoops:
Awesome! :rainbowwild:

I so wanna see an evil Twi in season 3 (or 4), Don´t care if red or white eyes or another coat color, as long as she´s evil and her friends despair how to change her back. Yeah, i´m a bad person, so what? Evil´s great and fun, especially if it´s evil Twi version! :pinkiecrazy:

I have to say, first of all, that I have no taste for lesbian ships. They just don't sit well with me. However, the rest of this story is most enjoyable and for that and the use of the shipping as a strong plot device, I believe I shall keep reading. It does truly amuse me.

Does this mean that Nightmare Moon was a product of the curse as well? That this is a... nightmare curse... of some kind? That would leave the elements of harmony as the most viable solution to dealing with them, but as we do not know when the curse was first afflicted upon her, it could have hung around since the nightmare moon incident, and therefore be somehow immune to the elements of harmony. On top of that, as it is inside an element of harmony itself, it will undoubtedly be hard to aim the rainbow cascade on the correct target to heal her... without the use of some kind of magical spell-reflecting mirror to bounce it over her. Then you have the question of the actual physical impact of the elements, which is notable in that it has myriad effects but the full extent of it's power remains untested against mortal-level individuals. An alicorn is supposed to be immortal, so the EoH can't kill it, and it petrified discord, but against a mere unicorn? For all we know it would erase her from existence. Most awkward as a problem... and that's even if the elements work at all!

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This doesn't count as spoiler because I need to point this out.
1. I am a firm believer that Nightmare Moon was a product of Luna herself, not some curse. I believe she had a moment of weakness, but has grown as a result of it. From weakness comes strength, and that is why Luna is such an amazing princess.
2. I felt the elements of harmony were overused when they were used on Discord. There is NO way I am using them in this story :pinkiehappy:, but you have some interesting ideas in that paragraph of yours, you could turn that into a fic!

To all of my fantastic readers!!!
I decided to try my hand at working with some vectors and created some art for this fic, I hope it doesn't suck! I'm posting chapter 8 tonight. Thanks for reading!

Great damn chapter! Let's see what happens when Twilight confronts Celestia about the truth, that she have to be put to death.

I am loving this fic.

Esperanto, an artificial language devised in 1987 as an international medium of communication based on roots from the chief european languages. Hurray for ye old boring history! Now... About that cookie...I like chocolate
P.S. great fic

excellent chapter!:pinkiehappy:

Well, this storm of defecated matter just kicked up a notch. Wonder how long it will be until Twi gets suicidal... probably not long. She's read that it'ws the only option, she knows that Celestia knows, and she knows that the longer she's alive the harder it will be to resist. She doesn't want her friends... or anyone... to be hurt and die like that stallion, so she'd naturally reach the point where she'd go to save them all the trouble.

Let's just hope that she succeeds or that another option can be found before the curse's effects are irreversible.

Nice premise, good chapter, and downright wicked concept. Moar plz.

No.

Killing.

Twilight.

If you do, I will find you and I will sob openly on you.

You know how you can make this even a bit better?

Make it that Twi knew those guards, Stern and Wiley. It´s shown in the show that all guards knows Twi, heck even the always serious pegasi guards smiled when she arrived in Canterlot for the wedding. With making Twi not calling them Gentlecolts but Star and Wiley, it becomes much more personal. Add two or three sentences how they had once/a few times looked over her or brought her to the magical academy and from there home and such.
Make it that they promise her to make sure nothing will happen, after all her big bro is their boss and she´s also the faithful student of their princess, plus she basically their little princess they had seen grow up over the years.

That way you can make it also much more believeable that they both left their posten which they´re normally would never do cause of their strict training. But cause they knew Twi personally and she them, they trusted her and Twi would feel bad while doing what she thinks necessary.

I know that would mean to add some sentences and rewrite some dialogue, but that way it becomes even sweeter for evil Twi/more tragic for normal Twi. Plus that forgiving will held much more value if spoken by guards who knew Twi from the past/Twi knew names. It would also increase her sadness/make it even harder for the readers to take in.

Just an idea. Loved the fight and evil Twi. :)

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You, sir/ma'am. I love you.
You may have ALL the cookies!

Good luck with that Rainbow... good luck. As it stands... this will only end in sorrow.

Twilight possesses a curse... and at this rate, will become something worse than nightmare moon... magic itself is more powerful than a rock in space.

Please... don't let this drive them away. Don't let Twilight be driven to suicide. I grant it is expected though...

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Suddenly, that seems much less likely.

638330 what does? The happy ending or Twilight suiciding or the possession reaching high-levels?

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Twilight suiciding. I don't discount her dying just yet, but killing herself seems unlikely. More so now that we've mentioned it and started talking about it.

638654 Suicide, or getting killed seems like two of only ways out of it.

you...you killed off granny smith?...:applecry::fluttercry::raritycry:

damnit...i have to be up in six hours...but...i...want...to...go...on!!!!!

nice so far granted i think twilights going to attempt to kill herself but not succeed at the pace of things granted twilight can do alot of things if she puts her mind into it

Great story so far!

What if...now bare with me...what if the only way to save her other than death, is love? What if the only thing she needs is a strong kiss while under the influence of the curse from Dash to stop the attacks.
'...they held her down, forcing their hooves on every limb to keep Twilight still. Rainbow only wanted one more thing before Twilight went insane completely. This one thing she wanted was a kiss....' You can imagine the rest.

Otherwise my mind is doing another fill in for what I see in the story. Also I noticed the Romance and Dark tags, but no Tragedy tag. :twilightsheepish:

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thank you for pointing that out!

652952
Now I see that Tragedy tag! Easier to see a dark tragic future for our favorite characters. Keep up the work!
(Also what I wrote was supposed to be very cheesy.)

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Hey, I like my stories cheesy enough to be served on a cracker with a fine red wine.

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