Dominic is the last living human within 200 miles of his hometown of Evergreen Colorado. On a trip to find supplies he finds himself ensnared by some unknown force and ripped from his world. Where is he now? What will he do? Only time will tell.
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let the proofread-read commence!
dark magic, probably.
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That's all I caught.
Excellent chapter as usual! I have to agree with Nataniel, I spotted those errors as well. But all in all a great chapter, I look forward to seeing more of Dom's past! Oh, it's also great how quickly this new chapter came out after the previous one! LOVE IT!!
Whooohooo, damn boy.
I honestly can say I didn't expect that from Dear ol Celly~
... I like it.
Nice job man! Nice job!
Well...that was unexpected.
Wonder if this little journey into the mind will be the first step in building a bridge between Dominic and Celestia, or maybe upgrade his and Luna's relationship
Maybe I'm missing something, but doesn't that last part of this chapter feel a bit over-dramatic and comes kinda out of nowhere?
He's all fine and dandy when it comes to a shoot out, but cracks under Starlights execution?
Seems kinda forced, if you asked me. . .
5868876 I'm inclined to agree.
holy shit, PTSD to the max....
Now while I believe and agree than what happened to Starlight was fitting and required by the plot I do have issues with it.
Mainly because in a society of (mostly) peaceful individuals with access to vast libraries of magic her punishment seems a bit, pedestrian. I was honestly expecting something along the lines of imprisonment in stone, banished to Tartarus , Imprisoned in stone while in Tartarus, removal of her horn, ect. Outright death just seems a bit out of character for Equestria.
Though having it a punishment that mirrors those that Dominic would be familiar with from his world would be the easiest to trigger the final nail in the coffin for his sanity. I can go with that.
Keep up the good work, I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
This is a very good chapter.
5869839 Oh how Ironic...just saw these guys last night open for Nightwish here in Toronto. Never heard of them before, but damned if I don't like their stuff.
5870558
Great chapter. As a heads up, if you are referring to flowers or the like for tea, it is PETAL not PEDAL. Not sure which you were intending to use so I thought I'd point it out.
Good, celestia actually did something.
If she kept being all nice and pacifist, criminals would think they could get away with many things.
5893255
It was constructive, thank you. As for my punctuation and grammar, I'm not German. I have trouble sleeping and that affects how I write. That being said, I'd say that only accounts for maybe 15% of the problems (Putting it generously). As for pacing and flow, yeah, I know it's lacking substantially behind what I want it to be. This is honestly the longest thing I've ever written, ever, of all time. It's been one big exercise, I still pretty much have no idea what I'm doing, I've basically been winging it. I really appreciate the critique, and I hope that even if you don't read it you would consider providing a few more tips and ideas. This story does kind of hold a special place to me now that it's reached the point, I really want to make it the best it can be.
Again, thank you very much.
I feel conflicted, yet proud. Disturbed, but understanding the severity of the nature of these actions portrayed before me.
I just... I do not know. I have no words...
You should have brought Starlight's childhood friend. That could devastated her.
Starlight Glimmer. You done fucked up
Yes! Starlight hangs! Praise Faust!
Starlight deserved it. To put it plain and simple, it should have been a slow and drawn out death.
Also for you fallout 3 fans, guess who said this line
"Communism is a lie! All communists will be eliminated! Possibility of communist victory 0%!"
To be honest, with the knowledge of season 6 and all of her potential, I felt a pang of pity for Starlight... but then I remembered that she permanently damaged Sonar...
*on a distant balcony* "Now y'fucked up! Now y'fucked up! Now y'fucked up!..."
First of all, imma miss sonar, she was awesome.
second, kinda glad Celestia didnt fold like i figured she would, too bad it sent Dominic overboard.
7261900
Liberty Prime.
I wonder how you felt when starlight was reformed?
Finally, Celestia realizes how much Dom means to Luna, and is willing to go to extreme lengths to HELP.
And we have officially reached the full-time AU part of the story, nothing from the beginning of S5 and onwards will ever happen. No Starlight as a companion... just a dead hanged body... I suppose you could say her light ran out... too soon?
7688211
Unrelated note, out of the two reformed villains from the show, Starlight and Sunset situations from their past are different. Sunset story for being evil before meeting Twilight is that she was personally picked by Celestia to be her student; the reason Celestia started having personal students was to fill the void of Luna being banished, by having a personal student then later Alicorn-ify.
Sunset was forced to be this perfect daughter-like role, but due to strong ambitions and wanting to prove herself, Celestia’s plan backfired and she lost Sunset, resulting in Twilight replacing Sunset while also following her original plan... on the other hand.
Starlight reason for forcibly making every pony equal, taking their cutie arms, and becoming a dictator... was due to her best friend leaving because of a cutie mark...
You can see how comparing the two and using either for story material, Sunset has the more interesting backstory from the show and inspiration. Starlight is just... ehhh, so it kinda gets really dumb when Starlight does outrageously crazy things - like all crimes she did in this story, and possibly more - that doesn’t fit with her motivation.
It was one of the reasons I found it a shock that she goes so far but to change the past in the show. If both characters situations were compared to irl, with Sunset being somebody forced to follow a predetermined destiny not of their choosing, and Starlight being somebody life ruined from some childhood incident that was over dramatized, because of something that comes natural in life - no cancer, death, or a traumatizing event doesn’t belong in this example - Sunset life is more traumatic than Starlight... though this my opinion.
This thought has been in my head since the last few chapters, and the story is good so far, just felt peeved Starlight has to be cut off from the show due to the story’s genre and plot.
Let’s hope that things get interesting and Dominic gets back in good shape.
5869229
Starlight could of got away with just her horn being removed, but because she tortured a foreign member from another nation, and technically allowed several ponies to die for past few years, knowing removal of the cutiemark can result to death and being a dictator - she had her goons or herself silence troublemakers from the outskirts of town - death penalty was the punishment.
If she had not down the first and third thing her punishment, would been and lighter, and she could of gone with the excuse - true or not for her case - that she didn’t know that somepony can die by removal of the cutie mark, she could of gotten a life imprisonment while having her magic sealed.
Damned if you killed her off like this you must hate Starlight I'm okay with death and destruction but main characters who can change the story is something that most people don't really want to touch it around.
Ah man I was hoping Starlight would get horrible execution oh well at least she was executied