not bad i guess (im not much of a critic on clop), and i enjoyed it

Aaaah. Now THAT's more like it.

Great little clopfic, I'll admit though, I was rooting for Vigil to get reassigned to Ponyville.

CONSARNIT! Why must this be so short?

It was good, but one thing really bothers me: how did Vigil produce semen if he had a vasectomy?

I'm actually really looking forward to that sequel. I really like how you described everything.

2803023 semen and sperm are two different things, though often and incorrectly used interchangeably; something of which I am just a guilty of doing.

The white ejaculate fluid is semen. This is the delivery mechanism for the sperm - the actual reproductive cells. it is produced in the seminal vesticle. Sperm are produced in the testicles and are added to the semen in the ejaculatory duct.

Getting snipped in the vas deferens blocks the access from the testicles to the duct, but doesn't prevent semen from being released.

A man with a vasectomy can still ejaculate, but cannot impregnate. See here for more info.

2803293 The real question is which path I should go for the sequel. Have Twilight ask Rarity for advice, or jump ahead to the next month?

2804342

I say go to rarity with the whole Big Mac thing. Then after that you can go to the next month.

this makes me sick, but I cant stop reading. Thankfully I stopped. I'll like it thou, um... Lots of... Detail?

2846499 It's the way that I like to write - highly graphic to the point that the reader can actually picture the scene in their heads clearly.

It's not for everyone and I make no apologies for my style.
Thanks for not mindlessly hating it.

2847240 I decently don't hate it! I just don't want to keep reading :P

This is Kalash93 from Authors Helping Authors with a review for your story.

Grammatik: 10. I couldn't find anything wrong with it.

Pros:

1. It was damn hot.
2. You put effort into making the first time a memorable occasion.
3. The story was well written.

Cons:

1. It would have worked better as a oneshot.
2. The sex was not wholly realistic.
3. Characterization was flimsy.

Comments: This was a really good clopfic. I'm impressed. You made the story and the sex really hot. I'm no stranger to clopfiction, and this one is going to be in my top favourites. I like how you made Twilight Sparkle losing her virginity a memorable occasion. It didn't forced or crass, despite the engineered situation. You made it obvious that Twilight wantd it and that there was a small character arc in regards to her sexuality. The whole story was pretty damn good. Now, I would have rather seen this done as a oneshot. The chapter break interrupts the flow and seems rather needless. One can argue that it demarkates the split between which one of the ladies is participating and which one is watching, but it feels out of place. I'd almost dare say that it was done so that the really good part could be saved for a later chapter, thus netting this story two view spikes instead of just one lump when it was uploaded, but I'm being pretty cynical and hypothetical about that. The sex, while quite hot, was not wholly realistic, but I'll let that slide. This is fantastical porn and it's not excessively breaking with reality to the point where I have to start pointing out the problems. Lastly, the characterization seemed a little week and OOC to varying degrees for Twilight and Celestia. Your male lead was a good nice guy, but he has so little personality and draw that I have already forgotten his name and I don't care to go back and look for it. Oh well tt's a clopfic and I don't have much to complain about. Overall, it's really damn good. It was a hot, sexy blast to read and I found it to be very well done on multiple levels. You win 9/10 flutteryays, which is something I only give out to fics that really impress me. It's really really damn good, possibly great,, but falls short of perfection.

I hope you enjoyed your review..

Could you please go give my story, A Pleasant Surprise (URL: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/93809/a-pleasant-surprise) a read and review? Thank you very much!

As always I love your humanised work!
Let Lunaismywaifu keep inspiring you with their pics!

Is there a sequel?

3524048 Not yet. Other stories keep getting in the way.