I like da ponies1
Once upon a time, a retard sat at his computer, hastily typing YouTube comments. His crooked fingers clacked sloppily against his keyboard as wave after wave of autism oozed all over the comments section.
As he typed, the retard thwacked his head against the wall next to him and began to hit himself in the chest.
"Durr, I like pudding," he said as he closed Internet Explorer and put on his Superman cape," look mommy, I'm a superhero."
"Yes that's nice, son," the retard's mom gave a slight glance past her newspaper, then threw up in her mouth a bit. Despite the years of being burdened with this stupid, unbearable beast, she had never quite gotten over his stupid, repugnant face.
The retard's sunken, crooked eyes disturbed his mother to no end, and the under bite, spaced-out teeth, and copious amounts of drool didn't help either.
After a few minutes of sprinting around the house, the retard decided to sit down and turn on the television.
Lucky for him, the retard was greeted with his favorite show: My Little Pony. He clapped and drool flew everywhere as the retard enjoyed the colorful horses on the screen. Truth be told, he didn't really understand what was going on, he just enjoyed the bright colors.
The retard's mother walked into the hallway and began sobbing. After years of dealing with such a stupid subhuman abomination, she had slowly broken down into an incurable bout of depression. The only time that the mother had to cry and cut herself, was when her retarded dipshit-son was watching ponies.
She thought back to when she first found out how retarded her son was. It had been a late summer day, and she had taken him for a routine check-up. The doctor had told them of the unfortunate news.
"I'm sorry, but we showed your son an episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic," said the despondent doctor," and he liked it."
The mother brought her hands over her mouth and gasped," You mean he's?"
"Yes, your son is a brony, and is therefore retarded."
That had been but a few years ago. It was on that day that her husband had left, stating that a retard had killed his father in the past, and he couldn't bear to be around the disgusting slime-ball. She had wept on that day, not for her husband, but at the thought of being burdened with a special person.
Now, two years later, she found herself on the verge of suicide.
The mother took one more glance at her son. He was singing that horrible "Winter Wrap Up" atrocity, and sounded more tone-deaf than Christina Aguilera and Will.I.Am. combined.
The sound of the retard song was simply too much for the mother, and she ran into the kitchen and slit her throat.
The retard continued to sing, and as it turns out, the vibrations in his voice were just autistic enough for them to mix with the song. As this happened, the glass on the television screen warped until it oozed onto the carpet and surrounded the retard. Being too stupid to notice, the retard kept singing, as his entire body was surrounded in magical, melted glass.
The glass pulsed and writhed as it pulled the still singing retard into the television.
The magical glass dumped the retard into a heap of snow, and when he emerged from the slush, the retard was greeted with something truly magnificent.
Hundreds of bright, colorful ponies were dancing and singing around him, and the retard laughed and clapped harder than ever before.
"Winter wrap up, winter wrap up!" sang the excited idiot, as several ponies began to take notice of the strange and annoying creature in their midst. Many of the ponies fled in terror for the millionth time, but like twelve or so remained out of sheer curiosity as to what the hideous beast might be.
"Why did you guys stop singing?" Said the stupid retard with a slow slur.
Twilight Sparkle, ever the adventurer, decided to approach the creature, if for no other reason than to find out what it was.
"Um, no disrespect," said Twilight as she tried to be as selective as possible with her words," but just who...and what are you?"
The retard jumped up, eliciting gasps from everypony. He pointed at himself and proudly proclaimed," I am Chunk, and my mommy says I'm special."
Twilight looked at the disgusting creature's ugly, misshapen teeth. Whatever it was, it clearly needed to work on its oral hygiene.
"Well um, Chunk...welcome to Ponyville," said Twilight as she approached the creature, now almost completely certain that it wasn't dangerous.
"PONY FRIEND!" Chunk said as he quickly grabbed Twilight and gave her a big retard-hug. Unfortunately for Twilight, all retards have the strength of ten men, so she found herself unable to breath. Eventually, the massive hug crushed Twilight's rib cage, sending skeletal shrapnel into her heart and lungs.
The hug continued for about ten more minutes until Chunk released Twilight from his vice grip. Twilight's dead carcass landed with a plop directly in front of her friend.
One week later:
"Chunk, for the murder of Twilight Sparkle, you shall die, any last words?" said a generic Royal Guard.
Chunk looked around. He was currently tied up, with his head under the blade of a guillotine. Chunk was still happy though, he was surrounded by colorful pastel ponies, and that's all that really mattered to him.
Clearing his throat, Chunk gazed upon the crowd.
"To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know? " With those final words, Chunk rested his head upon the small stool in front of him.
The last sound Chunk heard was that scraping of metal against wood, and the cries of bloodlust from the crowd.
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I think I just gained ten IQ points from reading this
That was a genius commentary on the brony fandom.
I especially like the ending, where it shows that when we are faced with certain death, we stop our autism and spaghetti-sperging to deliver a plagiarized speech.
Oh putain Jerry!
Dude, you go full Socrates, never go full Socrates!
What in the hell...
Well...
It was well written at least.
Dude...
That last dialogue...
HOW HAVE YOU NOT WRITTEN ANYTHING SERIOUS?
The education from that simple speech was well enough something I expect to hear from a student of Harvard.
Bravo.
2742118
I copypasta'd that from Socrates...
2742121
You fucker.
For a second there I actually believed in you.
2742128
You have no one to blame but yourself.
This is beautiful! This short story should be put on the reading lists for all schools as it contains a vital life lesson. Suddenly, all of life's questions have been answered for me, and I have become a new man. Thank you...
Why didn't you mention Equestria Daily or Tumblr?
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/30348848.jpg Your representation of the brony fanbase is uncanny in its accuracy.
THIS DESERVS A BIG ASS CLAP
NSFW
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This was the most amazing thing ever.
What the fuck did I just read?
~Skeeter The Lurker
2742060 you're a plagiarized speech
2742131>>2742128 ehe
...and that, nigguh, was just about the time my apple juice introduced itself to my computer screen.
2742344
I could tell you, but leaving you in the dark is more fun.
Oh god, this was fucking hilarious. I was expecting something half-assed and mildly entertaining, and I was pleasantly surprised. My only regret is that I have but one 'like' to give.
10/10
I don't even...
Embrace this.
Beautiful.
umm did everyone just forget the author said bronies are retards
60000000000000000000000/10
This masterpiece was in a masterclass class of its own!
2742272 Does she have balls???
2744422
30bananasadaysucks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Not-Sure-if-serious.jpg?aa4864
2744434 I'm completely serious
2744442
Nigga
do you even surf the net
those some fat ass LABIA
2743845
It's almost as if they found that to be funny.
Fuckin wow 130/100%
2745147
Jeez, where would one get that idea from?
2745147 well it's not
2747173
That's your opinion. Mr.Defensive.
2750202 i'm not i'm helping keeping the bronie name good and true
2750805
By bitching at me? Way to enforce the stereotype of the whiny brony.
You make me sick.
2752369 u dick headed motherfucker hate us then get the fuck off mlp fim
2752844
He is not hating, you are just fucking whining, its called a joke! This is in the fucking TROLLFIC folder! How can you in any way take it seriously?
2756986 fuck off
Today was the hub's singalong day and "winter wrap up" aired
2757015
How about, I was correcting you because you completely misunderstood, you don't need to get snappy -_-
2752844
There's a brony I'm really starting to hate right now.
2766050there's a guy i'm really starting to hate now
2767372
Now now, you're forgetting to love and tolerate.
2769077 what!!! forget this
2750805
HONEST AND TRUE
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lumss7SXMl1qzt1yyo1_1321242023_cover.jpg
2769350 ah
that was beautiful
2783088 simple fact is; bronies are retarded
2783088
Please stop. Your poorly-written comments in which you cry and whine about something unimportant aren't helping make bronies look better. If anything, you're spitting on the whole fandom with your hate and making us all look bad. I'd like to love and tolerate you, but honestly, I don't even want to be associated with you or anyone like you.