After months and months throughout the school year with bullying and being teased by the most hated filly in the show, Applebloom finally has enough and faces up to her.
(This is a spoof of A Christmas Story, where Ralphie beats the snot outta Scut Farkus. Rated Teen for language and blood. Photo credit goes to Thekaijunerd deviantart.)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Whoa.....damn Applebloom
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
m
2677845 Hey Diamond Tiara needs some blood outta her nose!
Woah... That sure is very explosive! That was nice! But the punctuations need some catching up. Their all over the wrong place.
Oh, since this is the end, please change the status to complete
HAHAHAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!! aaah... fucking awesome! /)
This amuses me
This needs a lot of work. The paragraphs should be broken down into smaller more digestible parts. The story telling was rather bland. Not enough description. Adding Applebloom's thoughts and feelings and describing her environment in more vivid detail, would have made the fic longer and better drawn the reader in
Plus the fact that Twilight just watched and then ran to get Applejack did not make sense. In the scene you are parodying there is only children in a secluded area. Applejack should have been the only grownup to come showing up.
I would be happy to try and fix this for you. Add more detail and change all but Applejack to well known foal characters.
also I don't think a bloody nose counts as gore, or censored words as foul language.. but I could be wrong.
3620845 There's not that many many children in the show.
3622265
sure there is. enough to create a small crowd of onlookers to watch the fight. But really all you need is the ones pictured in the title pic.
Have Scoot and Sweetie watch and make comments (as you did) and send maybe Twist to get Applejack. Or if you wanted you could have Silver Spoon fetch AJ instead of her father.
Twilight would have used her magic to pull AB off DT herself. She wouldn't have run to get AJ.
Also more realistic to have AJ nearby rather then have somepony fetch her all the way back from the farm.
3624170 No compliments!
3624474
"No compliments!"
was that a question?
I was a good concept, it just needs work. I was just not emotionally invested in it as much as I thought I would be.
3624930 What I mean is are you here to read my stories, or complain about my "poor grammar"?
3625896
I don't think I ever mentioned grammar. I have problems with grammar myself. I say if a fic can be read and understood it's good enough.
I liked the concept and the parody, it just didn't grab me like I thought. It could use some more descriptive detail and insight into Appleblooms inner thoughts and feelings.
sorry.