Second Chances at a New Story

by Vulpibard

Chapter Nine - enter the Inquisition

"How foalish do you think I am?" She asked.

"Oh, now Chrysalis-"

"You will call me queen!"

"Nope! Anyway, what kind of queen loses at a game for foals?"

Cue chase scene across the castle, passing by shocked guards and nobles alike. She was originally intent on teasing me with her gloating and how I 'probably didn't expect to see her here.' Which I totally didn't. Eventually I had to bop her on the nose and say 'tag' to get her to shut up. The queen of the changelings had shrunken herself to half her original height and changed her hues to look more like a regular blue and white pegasus noble-mare before anypony recognized her. Eventually we settled down in the statue garden, where I seemed to be going more often then not. It was pretty peaceful with all the serenely faced statues and many hued flowers. And emotional leach who I was pestering with questions. We had a rule that if I asked too many she just needed to say one phrase and I would stop.

"And so you took her place in the wedding?"

Chrysalis rubbed the side of her head with a hoof. "Yes."

"Yesterday?"

"I already said that."

"Why?"

"Because my subjects require love to feed off of." She growled

"Why not just use the princess?"

"Because they would form a search party for her."

"Why not stop them?

"That's what I did." She was a bout to explode now, I could see it.

"Why not-"

"Ugh fine! I just came here to steal your emotions anyway, I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!"

Three white of stallions in red robes appeared from behind the statues of guard-ponies. One of them stomped their hoof threateningly before looking down to a note card and squinting to make out the writing. He read aloud;

"NO-PONY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise...." He looked up at me after trailing off.

I held a hand up as if to say 'this close', but realized it was a hoof an lowered it. Instead I just shared what I thought "Almost, you should try again."

The three returned to their hiding place and I looked at Chrysalis, pure shock was written all over her face.

"You- wha- I-"

"Come one, say it again."

"NO! You said you would come alone!"

"I said you should come alone, not me. Don't worry so much, they don't suspect anything." I grinned my best shit-eating grin and her eyes widened.

"Don't you dare."

"Least of all the Spanish Inquisition."

The three stallions appeared again.

"NOPONY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!" The speaker turned to the one next to him "I can't say it - you'll have to say it."

"What?"

"You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'"

"I couldn't do that!"

The three looked at me again and I signaled them to return to the statue.

"I could kill you right now, you know."

"Oh, you were asking for it anyway, with all that 'were you expecting to see me so soon~"

"Stop."

"'You couldn't possibly have planned this, after all~"

"Don't you dare continue!" The queens face was getting red.

"'I am the queen of the changelings, none can outsmart me and my telepathic powers~'"

Chrysalis visibly deflated as she let out a breath, "I swear... wait a minute, I never said anything about telepathy!"

"And no-one expects me!" The changeling turned noble lunged at me, tackling me to the ground. We sat there for a minute while she breathed angrily all over my face before she broke the silence.

"Where are they?"

"Well that's pretty forward, we only just met."

"Where are they?!"

"Were you expecting somebody?"

Chrysalises faced turned from enraged to worried, to confused. "Why haven't they come out yet?"

"You're expecting them."

"I was earlier, as well!"

I chuckled heartily, "You weren't voicing it, why? Do you miss them already?"

The queen took a few short breaths, "So they're not coming out anymore?"

"Not if you expect them." Her face twisted in thought, "Don't hurt yourself, anyway, where were we?

She shook her head violently, "You really remind me of some-pony."

"I get that a lot."

"Anyway, what did you want with my changelings and I?"

"No, that's incorrect grammar."

"What?"

"What did my changelings and I want with you?"

"Why would I ask that?"

"You are fun! But you're right, the question you'd ask first is 'how did you start leading the changlings?'"

Chrysalis closed her eyes and raised her hoof to begin rubbing a temple. "My head hurts, why am I even here?"

"Well, duh, take over Equestria!" She glared at me. "Okay, okay, I did ask you to meet me for a reason. You see, I'm a fan of studying different people, cultures, and history. I thought I could learn a lot from your subjects."

"So that's why you called me here? Why the chase? Why sit here and question me about yesterday? Everypony knows what happened." She looked down, "What a complete failure that was."

"Please, since when were first impressions important? In my old home it was my job to take an unbiased look at both sides of a conflict, I heard the Equestrian side, now I want to hear yours!"

"And what will you do with this knowledge?"

I opened my mouth to respond, then shut it again. I... hadn't thought it out that far. It wasn't my job to research any more, no one was paying me for information on the changelings, yet here I had their queen, who'd doubtless seen centuries of history and was ready to share it, and there was no reason for me to have it. "Um... I'd likely store it away for later use, being an unbiased observer means I can't do anything to disrupt events and interactions between cultures, so unless a third party needs the information..."

"Are you this thick?" Wat. "You claim to be unbias and only in search of learning how we grow, but you forget the first rule of observation."

"The mere knowledge your being watched changes your actions."

"Exactly! We changelings learned a long time ago we couldn't reveal ourselves en mass to the other races for that very fact. Which makes my failure all the more complete," The queen looked down again, "The only way I can see to fix this is take over by force."

For the first time since I arrived in Equestria, I genuinely frowned. Who knew villains could be this good? I mean justifiable, sure, brilliant even. But chrysalis right now seemed... resigned, like a would-be-hero who lost their first battle. Wait a minute... I grinned slyly.

"There might be another way."

"What?"

"~Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Crystal, looking so down in the dumps~"

"My names Chrysalis."

"Every on here'd love to be you, Crystal, Even when taking your lumps."

"Wait, what?"

"There's no mare in town as admired as you- You're ev'ryone's favorite guy,
Everyone's awed and inspired by you - And it's not very hard to see why!~"

"Is... what?"

"No one's slick as Crystal
No one's quick as Crystal
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Crystal's
For there's no mare in town half as coltly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on~"

Chrysalis' complaints where drowned out by the stallions, who ran around the statue to join the chorus, linking up arm in arm.

"No one's been like Crystal
A king pin like Crystal"

"No one's got swiss cheese for their legs like Crystal!" I held up one of her forelegs for emphasis. She yanked it back with a growl and I jumped away. "As a specimen, yes, she's intimidating!
My what mare, that Crystal!"

"Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Crystal is the best
And the rest is all drips!"

At this point I think I tried a pirouette, but being kinda out of practice with dancing, I fell on top of Chrysalis, prompting her to psuh me, rather forcefully into the stallions

"No one fights like Crystal
Douses lights like Crystal
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
For there's no one as burly and brawny!"

"What is this suppose to achieve?"

"Not a bit of her's scraggly or scrawny~"

"Will you stop acting so naive?"

No one hits like Crystal
Matches wits with Crystal
In a spitting match nobody spits like Crystal

"How'd you know I'm good at expectorating?"

We all paused at that and looked at her for a second, "What?" We shrugged.

"Ten points for Crystal!"

"When I was a foal I ate four dozen feels,
Ev'ry morning to help me get large,
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen souls,
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!"

"No one outlasts Crystal
Can make blasts like Crystal
Then goes strutting around the aghast like Crystal!"

"I use ponies in all of my decorating!"

"My what a mare, Crystal!"

Comments

[Naughty loki]

I, um.. b-u...we... WHAT?! WTF is even going ON?!

[Bomarck]

LSD...lots and lots of LSD, that's how this chapter came about.

[Vulpibard]

4810328 Don't worry, next chapter will be better, I was just trying to get back into the swing of things since my absence.
4810181

[deeed22]

Is this still being continued? I love this so far.

[Vulpibard]

7567620 Yes, yes it is. If I can get over my undying procrastination. xD
Just gotta do a once over of everything to make sure I remember where I was, then finish it.

[rikithemonk]

Im sorry, I couldn't even sit through the first chapter. I can't stand stories where the main character is an asshole for no good reason other than to be a jack ass. Personally I would have shot him in the head mid way through the interrogation. The man showed zero redeeming qualities up to that point.

The Monk

[TVAPotato]

Well... This is strange.

Never seen a story rushed like this, half the time I didn't know what was going on