When a murder takes place in Ponyvile, Fluttershy is to blame. The pony that was killed was friends with to Celestia In a way so she decides to banish fluttershy from Equestria and never come back, and fluttershy is horrified and scared for she has nowhere to go, no one to rely on not even her best friends. but in the end twilight believes the Pegasus and for once not Celestia, because dear fluttershy would never do such a thing so she goes and investigate. What will happen to Fluttershy?,where would she go? did she kill the pony?
Chapters (7)
I really enjoyed this chapter my friend!!! you did a wonderful job with the characters personalities. I cant wait to read more!!!
You have a lot to learn about the rules of grammar. First of all, the first letter of every name, sentence, and the word "I" should always be capitalized. Second, an ellipsis (the string of dots when a character's voice trails off) is only three dots- no more, no less. Third, a paragraph can only contain one speaker. If another character has something to say, you need to start a new one.
Also, "seven AM in the morning" is redundant. You only need "AM" or "in the morning". Having both makes it rather ridiculous.
This site has a very helpful writing guide that explains everything you need to know about writing in an understandable manner.
2647934
Thankyou I am happy that you liked it! I shall do more
2648004
I should take you advise as you know lots, I will try my best and all thank you
Perhaps you need an editor?
Good story though, if a bit choppy grammar-wise.
No! How could she banish Fluttershy and take away her cutie mark and element!
2648192 your welcome
Your story has a lot of potential.........don't abandon it
2654637
Is that a bad thing?
how could flutter do it!!!?? celestia is a fucking tyrant!!! flutter wouldn't hurt a fly!!!
2653696 fuck you dude!!! this story is golden!!! I fucking despise people like who think people are gonna hate on a story cause of a few misplaced words. the author from what I see is trying to construct an interesting plot line and yet you have the nerve to shoot it down as well!!! maybe it don't make sense to you but the key word is FICTION not NON-FICTION!!! usually I would of let your criticism go as its your opinion but... and this is where you pissed me off... you continued to fucking flame the poor person. heres a lesson to you dude... if you cant read a story without being a fucking prick with your criticism... DONT READ THE FUCKING STORY!!!!
2656256 hey I loved your story. don't let assholes like pendrake 72 keep you from finishing this... I will be with you every step of the way
2648854
thanks for your help I will try and do better!
2666516>>2666516 no need to do better your story is flawless!! pendrake is an asshole nothing more it was my pleasure to get him off your case. I cant wait for the next chapter. if you ever need me to lend you a hoof, weather it be incite on what to do next in the story or whatever. feel free to message me ok good luck with everything I know you will blow me away
finish itttt, it is starting off well
2757731
I will but this story will be just a bit long about 35 - 45 chapters or so, or maybe more.... BUT thanks!
2757747
ok :), well keep up the good work, its very interesting
This story has potential, but I believe an editor would do wonders.
I can try if you'd like?
Grammar. Please, use it. Also, why are you deleting comments?
keep going, i would wait till its all done to read it but that would be too many words to read, but moar chapters, i like your story, more pwease
very good job!!! sorry i havent been on to read it... ive had a lot on my mind...
2767155 ok im going to say this now. you grammer nazis piss me off. it shouldnt be about the damn errors in grammer witch mind you i didnt see any at all. and if there are any then whoopdy do!!! who cares? the story is awesome and i think disliking a story for grammer is bullcrap. thats just my opinion... fluttershy... keep going. this story is awesome!!!
2810843 you didn't see all the run on sentences in the description alone? I don't mind the occasional error, but this is ridiculous. I actually thought it was this bad on purpose at first.
Also, having standards does not make me a grammar Nazi. Like it or not, GRAMMAR IS IMPORTANT. Not quite the most important thing, but you need it to get people to take the story seriously.
2810894 like i said. your opinion. i could care less about grammer. not saying its not important, not signaling you out on this either, its just i dont believe grammer should be the reason people dislike a story
3050709 ok
Hope its okay.