• Member Since 11th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2016

Nazkan


T

After an accident with the Cutie Mark Crusaders leaves Scootaloo in Ponyville hospital, the doctor notices something strange about her. After a quick inspection of her wings, Scootaloo is allowed to leave. She wanders around Ponyville, wondering why her wings are different from everypony else's. Eventually, a mare notices her, and with a sigh, begins to tell her a story and a secret.
One that will change Scootaloo's life forever.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 17 )

Holy Fan-fic Batman, another cheesy sad fic!
So here's a short story that got a little out of hand, It may be a little too short, and I might have coped out on the ending, but I'm glad of how it went.
Also, does anypony know how I'm suppose to tag this without revealing the identity of the speaker? Or does the other tag just fill that role?
Other than that, enjoy the read.
Going to sleep
Nazkan

I wouldn't call that Cheezy. I'd call this as an easy qualifier for ED!

I don't usually read fics hot off the front page, as they are usually about as mentally stimulating as weeding a garden with a teaspoon. THIS ON THE OTHER HAND.

This is quite good, I must say. Here, have my like :D
Although I must admit, I thought the Mare-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named in the first part of the story had a lisp or something :/ That kinda put me off a little till I found out it was *REDACTED*.
But anyway, this is almost EQD front page material. Keep up the good work :D

Very good! Keep it up!

So...thats it?
Or are we going to see her win/lose the battle vs Enfeebled Airfoil Disability?
Good day.:moustache:

You sir are a magnificent bastard!

tbh, i want moar,
SPOILERS
is the father alive? will she ever fly?
you have some great plot points left to hit and I'd love to see you give it a shot

I honestly thought that :derpytongue2: was the one talking to Scootaloo, but what a twist. Good story.

270886 Likewise. It wasn't until her cutie mark showed up after a bender of legendary proportions that I made the connection.

This was a wonderfully bittersweet story. I feel that the only way it could be improved is if The Super Speedy Racey Speedmobile had an "of Speed" at the end. :raritywink:

Thanks for the comments, everypony, they mean a lot to me.
To answer a few questions, I have no idea whether her father is alive. I don't know if she will ever fly, and I probably won't write about her overcoming her disability, for the sole reason that no matter what I write, It most likely won't come out in a way that's satisfying.
The reason I left the ending open to interpretation is because that's how Sad/Tragedy should end, in my opinion. Sad fics should end making the reader sad, Tragedy fics should end with everyone dead, and a mixture of both should be open to different opinions. It's up to you to decide whether she goes the distance or not.
Also, yes, I am magnificent.
Finally, While I hope the story is good, it's no where near EQ good. EQ is for the writers who actually take the time to make sure that everything meshes cleanly together, and don't have to write 2000 words of filler.
And since I hate having to type up new comments all the time, the filler I'm referring to is any time Scootaloo does anything. She wasn't even in the original draft. My original plan was to have just a short fic about two ponies, talking about their problems, in the rain.
Happily smiling
Nazkan

Great story.

i honestly thought that was our favroite wall-eyed mare talking to scoots in here.
also this is a sad story, i nearly :raritycry:

Some errors I found while reading:

"Well yea, Even with these muscles I can't life three fillies."
Life three fillies? I wonder how that would feel... I believe you mean 'lift'.

"Oh, It's just you.", "Come inshide, It's warmer."
'It's' should be lower-cased in this case. In fact, anything after a comma shouldn't be capitalized unless it's a name of a person/place.

"You mentioned my mother, Did you know her?" Scootaloo asked, secretly hopeful.
Replace the first comma with a period.

I keep walking though, no monster is going to be scarier than the one behind me.
A semi-colon can replace the comma.

The rain pelts my face, and my mane runs into my eyes.
The comma here is unnecessary.

"It was a long time ago, nearly 3 years..."
Numbers like '3' can be spelled out to three. Makes it look more formal.

The mare untied the knife from her hoof, Odd, that didn't make much sense. and pulled the hood of her cloak.
This is an awkward sentence. Make it a little clearer. Since I can't explain it well at the moment, I'll just give an example.
Ex. The mare untied the knife from her hoof, which I thought, "Odd, that didn't make much sense." She then pulled the hood of her cloak off.

"After the wonderbolt?"
Wonderbolt should be capitalized since it's the name of an organization.

But I loved the story! I thought at first it was Ditzy Doo speaking to Scootaloo, but instead, it was Berry Punch! Interesting twist there. :twistnerd: Really well written!

617744

How could I let this happen? :facehoof:
Thanks for picking those out for me. I've been meaning to run back through this and tidy it up. Now I've got the perfect reason to.

619778 Just your daily editor running around some stories. Hope for your success later!

Nazkan if you read this know that this was one hell of a tale and I love it

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