Scootaloo is known for being a fervent admirer of Rainbow Dash, a member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and being wickedly fast on her scooter. But one question remains on everyone's minds when they think of her: where is her family?
Well, who better to ask than Scootaloo herself?
Warning: Contains character death (no gore).
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Before Reading: Was she in a box? *hint at title*
307143
I must be missing a joke here.
307143
Heh, heh. I see what you did there...
I'm not sure what to say. Part of me likes this because it's well written but the fact that A; you changed Scootaloos name and B; you make her not only a thief but apparently an amazing one at that makes me want to not like it. Maybe if it was an OC pony going through all this I'd enjoy it a lot more but seeing as it's Scootaloo I seriously can't see a correlation between 'Ace' and 'Scootaloo' cause they seem like totally different ponies. If you take anything from this take this: Well written, could use a lot more description though, not a very believable or likeable 'backstory' but I did sort of enjoy it.
All in all: Good job, could be better.
307166
Ever heard of Schrodinger's cat experiment?
If you haven't, Google it.
307236
Ah, yes, I've heard of that experiment. Now the joke makes sense.
307245
:D
8/10. Interesting, not perfect but close to it.
307408
What do you not understand? I thought my story was fairly straightforward.
It was pretty good. The first part with her parents was fantastic, but it went a little downhill from there. It is a good one-shot story, and was original, so ill give it 7 out of 10. Hope to see your work more often!
Fairly good but....
My problem is Ace's threats, knife pulling, and expertise as a thief. In your story you state Ace only steals what she needs to survive, food, some money, occasionally some silverware, ect...
BUT next thing she's after very rare an expensive diamonds instead. Her parents were both the MLP equivalent of police officers or military whom she apparently loved and honored, yet Ace acts like a brutal thug when Sweetie Belle comforts her. Pulling a knife and threatening To kill Sweetie Belle? Telling Rarity that even if she calls the police, Ace will break out and kill Sweetie Belle in revenge?
Then having Rarity share her diamonds and allow some pony willing to kill Sweetie Belle so casually to become close friends with her?
Instead (IMO) you should either have Ace's threats so comically fake that Sweetie Belle wakes Rarity due to her concern over the obviously homeless filly and not the threats. Rarity's response is more playing along with the obviously empty threats trying to gain Ace's trust.
-or-
You should have Ace just breaking in for some food and small random valuables needed to survive like claimed already in your story, have Sweetie Belle catch her in the act and feel sorry for Ace. Then, Sweetie Belle offers to get her something so valuable Ace wouldn't have to steal anymore, her sister's diamonds but Rarity wakes up before that happens. Then Rarity makes good on SB offer to give Ace some of her diamonds to get the orphan filly of the streets and back in school. This seems much more in character to me, doesn't have Ace/Scoots acting like a thug and doesn't have her going after expensive grand theft like loot.
This is all just my opinion. It is not a major flaw, it (the break-in) just doesn't seem consistent with Scooterloo's personality or her deep friendship with SB the way you have written it. Again this is just my opinion
Really good. 10/10.
I would like to see this story expanded, given the full third person treatment and documenting Scoot's development from traumatized child to thief and back to normalcy again. Its a good concept, just needs more meat on its bones to be filling.
Awesome story full of emotion. I give you a 4 out of 5.
Live Life to The Fullest, Carpe Diem, and Dare to be Different! /)(\
interesting