As far as Golden Harvest is concerned, the newlyweds who live next door are fine ponies. But Carrot Top, the mean little voice inside Harvest's head, doesn't see them quite the same way.

Written for the 221st Writeoff competition with the prompt, "The Hugs Went Away Again," the original version of this story took 2nd place. It's been extensively rewritten and expanded since then.

Whether it was fate or an act of punishment, the spirit of the Dragon King survived his death, to be reborn as one of the ponies he sought to terrorize.

It has been a little over twenty years, and "Flint Hearth" has grown into an adult and is making his way in the world he once sought to burn.

After being away for several years he returns home one fateful night, and now...he is trapped there.

Note: This is a kinda sequel, kinda rewrite of my original story. Wrote it to get back in the swing of things. Constructive Criticism please.

Temporary cover by Mix-Up

After a tiring day at work, Carrot Top trudges home. As usual, her cross-eyed roommate, Derpy Hooves, has emptied the fridge. Nothing out of the ordinary.

However, when Derpy comes down with a case of incessant itching and what's colloquially known as "the herp walk," Carrot's day is about to become... not so ordinary.

Inspired by an episode of "2 Broke Girls". (Accordingly, Derpy is analogous to Caroline. Go figure.)

Thanks to Sage Runner, ValorlordV5, RoboRed, and MarineMarksman for editing.

Rated Teen for some language and raunchy humor. Sex tag is for sexual references in dialogue. Also, herpes.

After falling down a chasm while on a hiking trip with Carrot Top, Derpy finds herself lost in a gigantic forest, where the plants are the size of trees and the bugs are more like monsters. Separated from Carrot Top, alone and scared in a world she doesn’t understand, she finds help in the form of loyal creatures called Pikmin. But while trekking through the dangerous wilderness she will have to learn what it truly means to be a leader, or risk losing all of her faithful friends, as well as her only chance at getting home.

This story is written in alternating chapters with Growing Tall ~ Carrot Top as a collaboration between me and JJ Gingerhooves. It’s possible to read this as a standalone story, but if you want the full experience then start with Carrot Top and follow the links at the bottom of each chapter.

What may seem like an extraordinarily crazy day to any other pony is an extraordinarily ordinary day to Big Macintosh. This, like all other days, is the day he deals with his daily suitors.

Ponyville's weather is never quite the same without Rainbow Dash at the helm.

When a week of bad weather frays the nerves of Ponyville's farmers, they'll go to dubious lengths to stop one of their own from winning the heart of Rainbow Dash, and hogging all the good weather in the process.

Tcherno's Honorable Mention in the second AppleDash contest: Applejack, the Chaser!; Featured on Equestria Daily Aug 13th, 2013; Live reading by TheHollowSpectrum

Prereading by First_Down and Jackie

A ton of vectors in the cover art:
Applejack
Rainbow Dash
Berry Punch
Carrot Top
Daisy, Rose, and Lily

And, as usual, scene change markers from here.

Cutie Mash: A Chronicle of Cutie Marks That Never Were
How exactly do Twilight's friends remember their false lives during the mix-ups of "Magical Mystery Cure?" How does Pinkie Pie remember becoming an apple farmer, Rarity a weatherpony, Rainbow Dash an animal keeper, Applejack a dressmaker, and Fluttershy a merrymaker? How do they think they got their cutie marks?
Twilight didn't have time to ask them, but Carrot Top and Berry Punch did! Read the story of the Season 3 finale from the perspective of two background ponies who set out to record the Elemental keepers' false memories for posterity.

A love triangle is made as Carrot Top and Little Strongheart compete for Braeburn's affection, and life will never be the same again! Derpy gets a taste of cowpony life as she integrates herself into a new town and Dinky will never be taken seriously with her mother around to treat her like a foal. Join our favorite background ponies in some frontier life, adventure, and even romance?

There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.

A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Reviewed by Ghost Mike! "It features meticulously laboured-over prose, rhyming with actual metre for Zecora, perfectly-timed jokes and reveals that are often outrageous, a sneakily clever plot and character investment that works its magic throughout ... This is a phenomenally executed piece of work."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

Derpy gets an award for her...PhD dissertation? Find out what Derpy was doing in Canterlot before she came to Ponyville.