After falling down a chasm while on a hiking trip with Carrot Top, Derpy finds herself lost in a gigantic forest, where the plants are the size of trees and the bugs are more like monsters. Separated from Carrot Top, alone and scared in a world she doesn’t understand, she finds help in the form of loyal creatures called Pikmin. But while trekking through the dangerous wilderness she will have to learn what it truly means to be a leader, or risk losing all of her faithful friends, as well as her only chance at getting home.
This story is written in alternating chapters with Growing Tall ~ Carrot Top as a collaboration between me and JJ Gingerhooves. It’s possible to read this as a standalone story, but if you want the full experience then start with Carrot Top and follow the links at the bottom of each chapter.
What you two are doing is something new and SO AWESOME
Favorited Both!
This is looking good so far!
Pikmin crossover? :D
Wow, Derpy writes a lot of big words in her journal. Made me laugh to see just how intelligent she seems to be when writing
Two other things: In the third paragraph it says 'her saddlebag were lying short distance away'. I think it's missing an 'a' in the middle of that sentence. And the use of the spelling of 'faire', are you sure you don't mean fair? Because it's either a French word for something completely different than the subject or a strange combination of fete and fair otherwise.
Really liked this chapter, warrants a thumbs up in my book
One does not simply say that Pikmin are not cute.
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Thanks!
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Yesh
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Thanks for the heads up, all fixed now, and I'm glad you liked it too
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We're taking the Pikmin to Isengard!
... no, wait, wrong crossover...
Glad to see this chapter wasn't as long-winded as GingerHooves’s Carrot Top! That bit about one pikmin being left behind was excellent. Not only it was reminiscent of working the weighted platforms, but it feels so REAL. In nature, in a community or group, oftentimes a member can be observed being put in a risky situation, else doom everyone else. It seems cruel, but it’s a natural, logical role. It still seems a bit rushed in some places. It’s clear how you want to move along to crossover with Pikmin. Derpy’s decision to take care of these guys instead of looking for her friend seemed like too much of a snap decision. Derpy should be facing a little more anxiety and indecision for putting these strange creatures’ safety over the Carrot Top’s. Also, making the pikmin recognizable from a fairy tale felt far more natural than pulling a name out of thin air (again, like with Carrot Top). But this fairy tale is still obviously a device to bring in the name “pikmin.” It just comes up for a few sentences, and comes out of nowhere. Perhaps a flashback might be in appropriate? Maybe Derpy read the story to Dinky?
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Thanks so much for the praise and critisicm
Even though I'm mostly writing this for fun your points are all completely valid, I shouldn't be so sloppy
But that's basically the only excuse I can give, it seems a bit rushed because I wanted to hurry up and get to writing the fun part, same with Derpy's decision, and the fairytale device was just so that both Derpy and Carrot Top would come up with the same name almost immediately.
Dinky being her daughter isn't really my headcanon, but there will be flashbacks in the form of journal entries exploring their lives and relationship before any of this happened.
Thanks for the comment anyway though, you don't see many people going this in depth
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We loved Pikmin so much not just because of the pikmin themselves, but because it was immersive, and felt like a living, breathing world. It would be more fitting to see CT and Derpy name the creatures based on what's going through their heads. Try describing the world some more, and what emotions they inspire. Is the skyline blocked out by giant trees? Is the weather suited for spring, summer, or fall? Look at one of the best crossover fics, "Rorschach in Equestria." Several chapters went by before Rorschach even gave his name to the ponies, even though we all wanted to see the shitstorm that would inevitably occur when two different ideals collide.
Yeah, in my head, Dinky is actually the little sister. I don't think you need to remind any of us that this is the pikmin world. That's why we clicked the link in the first place.
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Good advice, damn, I should have taken this crossover more seriously
I'll definitely try to do that in the next chapters
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Are you and GingerHooves keeping close contact? It's best to share the comments you get, if you think they're useful. I wouldn't want you leaving your friend in the dust with your awesomeness.
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I doubt that will happen, but yes, we write the chapters in Google Docs while the other is right there watching
Aww yeah! Pikmin for the win!!
Best pony commanding legions of loyal plantanimals? Faved with the force of a thousand suns.
I just hope you come back to this someday...