Princess Celestia calls Twilight in to reveal one of Equestria's deepest, darkest secrets. This is definitely, absolutely the first time Twilight's heard of it.

Written for the 11th Quarterly Twilestia Contest. Platonic.

You've had your eyes set on Applejack for a long time. Maybe your best friend Rainbow Dash can help you earn Applejack's heart. You wouldn't see why not. Besides, she's your best bro. Right?

Previous Cover Art

Chinese Translation on Fimtale
Spanish Translation by Spaniard Kiwi

This story is contained in my book "Dash Tries to Win Your Heart and Other Short Pony Stories"

If you have interest in purchasing this non-profit book, check out my online store at this link: https://www.lulu.com/search?adult_audience_rating=00&q=flutterpriest

When Gaberdine is awarded a noble title by Princess Celestia, he soon finds out that his new lands contain several surprises. For starters, there is no land in his new barony. Secondly, his new castle turns out to be a broken-down riverboat. And third is… seaponies.

Baron Gaberdine has a lot to learn about his new barony. And himself.

Fortunately, he has a very young teacher.

Now with a sea-quill (sorry) Drifting Down the Lazy River

Cover photo by PhoenixSwift
Editing/Pre-Reading assistance by Tek, Shaleclaw, Peter, Seether00, Monsieur Connoisseur, GhostOfHeraclitus, The Masked Ferret, Blue Paladin42 and Admiral Biscuit

Note: Unlike The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian, this is a single POV love story, like Changelings, Love and Lollipops. Only with fewer cannons and fountains.
Now Featured on Equestria Daily
With a YouTube Reading of the first chapter by BigAsh
And with a dramatic reading by Neighrator Pony and company Full playlist here.
Thanks for a wonderful review by Paul Asaran
Available in paperback through Lulu.com at cost.

Its strange... to lay here with you, my daughter. Yes Midnight, I call you such, though not of clan nor blood, you are as my own. There is a question on your lips... it suits you ill to leave any query unasked, no matter the hurt or trouble it causes you.

You fear me? Why? Child, I cannot speak as to my heart if I do not know what might be abouts, so I may be angry, or sad, or...

I see... a bargain it is then? So be it... state your terms. You will speak in full... and ask in exchange I do the same. I don't understand. I have ever sought too be true in all things with you and your mother, so...

Ah, you mean my ways. You are not my only unicorn kin to take me to task on it... I should see your hide's tanned thinking to tell me anything you barely weened pups just out of den can say fuck all to my long toothed tail.

But so be it. Sit, drink. We will speak then of many things, and begin with a vexed filly taking offense at my countenance.

This story is a sequel to Aunthood Issues

Pop-cultural investigative reporter Coranto has heard some pretty out-there excuses for rumors. Some were even true. But when castle gossip says Luna has had a baby, and she claims she's created an entity to patrol dreams called the Tantabus, Coranto knows she's smelling a load of hogwash. The idea is absurd. Patently. Never one to let the truth hide, Coranto decides she will get to the bottom of these rumors, and nothing will dissuade her. Not anything Luna says. Not even the Tantabus itself taking an interest in her crusade.

...Wait...