You stare into Rainbow's eyes. She's serious. You haven't seen her this serious before. And that pain, that hurt is welling within her eyes, her expression, the creases of her lips. This is important to her. She's finally going to talk about what's been on her mind.
"Alright. What do you wanna talk about?" you ask.
Dash sighs and takes another drink of her wine.
"I don't... I don't think I can be what you want me to be, Anon," she says.
You pause, as she she goes silent.
She cant be what you want her to be? What does she mean? You don't expect anything out of her. You don't force her to do anything. She isn't indebted to you. She's your best friend. None of this is adding up.
"I... don't think I understand," you say.
She shakes her head and drinks another gulp of wine.
"Look at me, I can't even just say it. I have to resort to alcohol," she says. "What does that say about me?"
Rainbow sighs and looks down into the white table cloth. The waitress comes by, but trots away after a quick assessment of the situation.
"I'm really not good about... talking about how I feel," she says. "I know that. And it sucks. I feel like whenever I talk about how I feel it... weakens me. So I bottle it up. Ask Twilight about how it was like for when I found out Tank hibernates. I was a mess."
She opens her mouth to speak, but the only sound that comes out of her mouth is indecision.
"It's alright," you say reassuringly. "Take your time."
She looks up to you, then back down to the table. You wish there was something you could say or do to help her through this. If you could lead her in the direction of what's hurting her... or use context clues to figure it out, maybe you can help.
"I just. I don't know... I don't know if I can be a good friend to you anymore, Anon," she says.
Something in your body phases out of you. Ice flows through your veins as you sit up straight. The room became much emptier to you. Much quieter. There was only you, Rainbow, and the gently setting sun streaming through the windows.
"I... what?" you say, totally dumbfounded. "What do you mean?"
"I just," she says. "I feel like... I want too much out of you. Things that're totally selfish of me and isn't fair to you. And every day that goes by and I don't say anything about it, or you don't do what I want you to do... it hurts me. And it shouldn't. It shouldn't hurt me. As a loyal friend, I shouldn't expect something out of you that you'd expect out of me... and that's not."
She places a hoof on her forehead. Then, she sniffles. She takes a deep breath as her body shivers. You reach your hand out to put it on her hoof. You feel the warmth of her fur as he leans backward, edging out of your reach. She looks back into your eyes, and you find her rose irises surrounded by tiny blood-shot veins, and tears.
"Sorry," she says. "I didn't want you to see me do this."
You shake your head, trying to make sense out of any of this.
"No, it's... it's fine. I'm just- I'm sorry. I don't understand. Why? I don't know where any of this is coming from."
She sighs once again.
"I'll. I'll try to spell it out. This... this is just hard for me. I've never really... done this before."
You open your mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. You want to say something. Anything that would make Rainbow feel better. Seeing her cry like this... wounds you. It hurts you in a way you didn't know you could feel pain. Seeing her like this feels like something's wrong with the natural order of things.
"When I saw you yesterday at the bar... I didn't know what to think," she says. "I know everything that happened with AJ was rough, but I didn't think that you'd actually turn to booze over it. I wanted to walk away and let you handle your grief in your own way. Because honestly, I wasn't handling it well myself. I just..." she sighs and places a hoof over her eyes, taking away a wetness that resided there. "I didn't want you to do something you'd regret later. And it hurt to see you like that. It hurt so much. And... I thought maybe helping you with your pain would... out weigh how much it would hurt me."
"Does... Does hanging out with me hurt you?" you ask, beginning to see what she's saying.
"No!" she says reflexively. "Well, yes. No. It's hard to explain."
She sighs, shaking her head.
"That's not what I mean. I just. I wanted you to feel better. And I think I did that. I wanted to make your world a nicer, better place. I wanted you to have good things. Great things. And I just. I'm not..."
She begins to quiver in her chair as she covers her face in her hooves. You rise from your seat and move around the table beside her. You feel the eyes of the restaurant locked on you, but you don't care. You kneel beside Rainbow Dash and wrap your arms around her. You feel your shirt become damp. You feel her shake into your grasp.
"I can't. I can't do this. I can't hurt like this anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
You sigh to yourself, feeling there's only one thing you can say.
"Rainbow, if it's what will make you happier. Do what you need to do."
Then, she breaks away.
She shakes her head as you let your arms hang limply at her side.
"I can't do this to myself," she says under her breath.
She looks back to you, less than two feet away from your face. You look into her eyes, and see all of her hurt that she keeps bottled within herself.
"Can you just... do one last thing for me?" she asks. "Then I'll go. I'll make it a clean break. You won't see me again. I'll make it easier for you."
You bite your lip and nod.
"Whatever you want, Dash. Whatever will make you feel better."
She looks down, and bites her lip.
"Close your eyes," she says. "Don't move. And don't follow me."
You take a deep breath and nod.
"Sure."
You close your eyes. The dark envelops you. You feel Rainbow in front of you and your ears are on full attention. You're hyper aware of the quiet conversation. The trotting hooves. The clink of silverware on plate. Then, you feel a hoof on your shoulder, likely the one of Rainbow Dash, by the way it's angled and pressing against you. You feel a warm zephyr against your cheek.
Then, something presses against your lips. You feel their warm, soft touch, press against yours. You fight to keep your eyes closed. You feel yourself tense up, utterly locked in surprised. Your voice floats away from the restaurant and out of Ponyville. She presses into you, holding the kiss for what felt like hours. And you feel yourself become warm. You lift a hand up but stop, not touching her frame. Your heart dances, but your mind screams. A war rages inside your soul as the two forces fight to the bloody death.
Then, she lets go.
And gently, you hear a whisper from an unmistakable voice.
"I love you, Anon."
Silence. Nothing.
Say something, Anon.
But you can't, the world crashes down on you. A million questions rise in your head, then fall one by one. The lake. The Christmas tree. The dance. The countless movie nights.
As long as that moment felt, as hard as you try to make sense of the conflicting war in your head, you couldn't pull yourself together.
Then, noises. Noises that imprint themselves in your mind as a horrible memory. The scooting of a chair. A whimper of her voice. The bumping of tables and chairs. The closing of the restaurant door.
Then, you open your eyes to see the setting sun in the distance. You feel the breath knocked out of you. You feel as if a dagger cleaved clean through your chest and left the remains in a landfill somewhere. Broken and dying.
Why couldn't you just... say something? Anything?
Rainbow Dash steps inside of her cloud home, tosses her bag at the door. Her hoof wipes away a dampness from her cheeks. She notices her home is dark, but opts to leave them off. She trots to the kitchen, like a wounded filly heading home to Mom and Dad. She stops in front of the refrigerator. Opens the freezer, and pulls out a tub of ice cream, unopened.