Twilight has finally achieved her lifelong goal of having her article published in the local newspaper. It's been a long time coming, but now that she's done it, she's so excited that she runs around town shoving her achievement in everyone's face. It doesn't take long before Twilight discovers that no one cares if you get published in the local newspaper. After all, it's just the local paper.

Tired of always having Twilight come to Canterlot every time she needs to retrieve the Elements of Harmony, Celestia decides to expedite the process by sending Twilight a magical amulet that will allow her to absorb all the Element's powers at once, turning her into a magical girl who fights monsters and wears skirts that are much too short. There's just one problem... Spike's the one who ends up making the contract, not Twilight. So, with Twilight taking the back seat, Spike is forced to take up the hero's mantle—and skirt—and fly to Canterlot to save the city from a massive tentacled beast and seal it back inside the magical card from which it escaped.

When a dark, familar swarm descends on Ponyville, chaos ensues. What's happened to Mrs. Cake? Why is Twilight Sparkle so afraid of fixing the problem? Will the ponies of Ponyville ever be able to enjoy a Sunday afternoon in peace? And does a mixing bowl really make a good helmet?

Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, and hide yo husband too, 'cause they takin' errypony out there!

Flash Sentry parasprite created by Quilled Inc, modified by me.

Ponies hold nearly total sway over the world, from the sky to the earth and even beyond. Many of the races resent this, and scheme to claim a portion of that control for themselves. Some have even come close to toppling the ponies from their position of power.

This is not the story of one of those races.

Submitted for the Equestria Daily "Outside Insight" fanfic contest.

Having been kicked out of one too many bars, Trixie decides to try her hand at an open mic night at the local nightclub/grocers, Beets and Beats. Upon arriving she sees the most beautiful mare she's ever met. No, not Twilight, Princess Neon Boom. The two's bombastic personalities collide and they end up having a DJ battle to decide who's the most illest DJ in town. Twilight eventually shows up and can't believe how quickly things spiral out of control. Who knew that the power of music could rip apart an entire town?

Thanks to maskedferret for editing and junk.

The Everfree forest is just like any other forest—except it's full of monsters and weird magic junk, but ignoring that—it sometimes grows out of control and needs to be trimmed a bit. In order to keep the forest from growing too large, Celestia asks Twilight to start a controlled forest fire to burn a portion of it down. It seems like a simple request, but a series of mishaps and misunderstandings lead to some miscommunication and, subsequently, to Twilight setting fire to all of Equestria.

Trixie just met the class president, Twilight-senpai, and now she's got this strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. Is it love? Is it a crush? Is it the expired soba bread she ate for breakfast? Well, according to the nurse, it's something rather common: Senpai Fever. Just one problem... it only has one known cure.

Trixie has to get Twilight-senpai to notice her.

Yeah, I'm gonna blame Pav for this one.

Rarity's latest design, the möbius scarf, brings a new dimension to fashion... literally. Unfortunately for Sweetie Belle, she's about to experience this new dimension firsthand. Luckily Twilight and Fluttershy have a lot of experience in dealing with dimensional rifts.

Hope you kids like barely-passable science jokes.

This one you can blame on FloydienSlip because when I jokingly said the words Möbius Rarity, he told me to write it, not realizing that I'm me. The foolish fool...

Two guards overhear strange noises coming from Celestia's chambers. Upon investigating, they decide that perhaps this is worth looking into a little more.

Thanks to my editor alexmagnet for all his help!

It's Robo-Trixie and Mecha-Twilight fighting each other to the death, do you really need much more description than that? You do? All right, well how about this?

When an evil asteroid threatens to destroy Ponyville, Twilight steps into the save the day. Unfortunately, doing so accidentally causes Trixie to be zapped with SPACE RADIATION, which, as we all know, makes you grow into a giant robot with lasers and shit. Of course, Twilight then has to stop the monster she inadvertently created. Double of course, the only way to do that... is to become a giant robot herself.

Written because fuck it... why not?