Spikuka Meguca
Spike's face started to turn blue as he pointed desperately at his throat. His eyes bulged out of his head, looking around wildly.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Something up, Spike? You look a little... y’know."
Jabbing his finger at his throat, he tried in vain to tell Twilight that he was choking. All that came out was a garbled mess of choking sounds, which given that he couldn't breathe, was basically just silence.
"Use your words, Spike," said Twilight, shaking her head impatiently. "I'm not gonna play charades with you."
With his face turning darker by the second, Spike rushed over to the nearby desk and grabbed a quill and some parchment. He scribbled out a few words and then shoved the note in Twilight’s face.
"Ohhhhhh," said Twilight as she read the note. "Why didn't you just say you were choking? Sheesh."
Spike rolled his eyes, still dying. He felt himself becoming weightless as Twilight lifted him into the air. Then, with a little burst of magic, the obstruction in his throat shot out, hitting the wall with a wet smack. Spike gasped for air, color quickly returning to his face. "Oh, sweet Celestia, I almost died there," he said in between gasps. "What the heck was that?" he asked, pointing to the scroll lying on the floor.
"I don't know," said Twilight. She trotted over to the scroll and picked it up with her magic. "Eww, it's all covered in your spit." She shook it, sending flecks of spit all over the room.
"Well, excuse me for nearly choking to death," said Spike, rolling his eyes again. "What does it say?"
Furrowing her brow, Twilight broke the seal on the scroll and unfurled it. There was a soft thud as an object fell out and hit the ground. It bounced once, landing by Spike's feet. He picked it up, examining it.
"What is it?" asked Twilight.
Spike shrugged. "Dunno. Looks kinda like an amulet, or something." Connected to a silver chain, an amethyst gem was set inside a silver pendant. It was cut to look like a star, and it twinkled in the light when Spike held it up. "Maybe there's an explanation in the letter?"
Turning her attention back to said letter, Twilight read it aloud. "Dear Twilight, it has come to my attention that always having to gather all the Elements of Harmony is extremely bothersome, especially since you seem to need them every other week. So, to make things easier, I've combined all the Elements into one form, this pendant, which I've attached to this letter—Oh, that's probably what you were choking on, Spike."
Spike frowned, thumbing the dangling amulet so it spun around. "Doesn't the princess know not to send attachments in her letters? My neckwidth isn't wide enough to accept it yet. Sheesh, she coulda killed me."
"Oh, quit whining, Spike. You're not dead, so get over it." Sighing, Twilight returned to the letter. "Let's see, where was I? Oh—attached to this letter, blah blah blah, and also included instructions on how to use it. Now, this is very important, Twilight, so pay attention."
Putting a claw to his chin, Spike raised the amulet a little higher. After watching it spin for a second, he started to slip it over his head.
"This pendant is extremely important," Twilight continued. "Once you've put it on, the contract is sealed, and you'll be the only one who can wear it. So, for the love of all things magical, whatever you do, don't let anyone else put it—"
A blinding light filled the room while a fierce wind appeared suddenly, whipping everything into a frenzy. Parchment and quills swirled through the air as Spike was engulfed in bright light. It wrapped itself around him, first lengthening his legs, then his arms, eventually rounding them off into hooves. His spines receded, replaced by a grass green mane and elongated ears and a single horn protruding from his forehead. Wings sprouted out of his sides, fully unfurled and quite large, even compared to Celestia's.
Fur covered his whole body, staring at his head and moving to his rear where a tail sprouted from his butt, the same color as his mane. Once his purple coat had fully come in, fabric began to wrap around his body. A frilly skirt appeared at his waist, and a matching top materialized at his chest. A red ribbon spiralled out of thin air and then tied itself into a knot near the top of Spike's mane, giving him a ponytail.
A white hat, to match his outfit, floated down from the ceiling and rested on his head, a bit of frilly lace dangled off the back. It was a round hat, like the one foals who went to private schools had to wear. Then, last but not least, a beam of light hovered in front of Spike. It stayed there for a moment then took the shape of a long rod, slowly filling itself in until a bright pink staff with a pony head shaped like Celestia was sitting in front of him. Without even thinking about it, Spike's horn lit up with a greenish glow and grabbed the staff. Then, just as quickly as it had appeared, the light dissipated.
"—On," finished Twilight, her jaw hanging open. She stared in silence for a moment then threw the letter aside. "Spike! What's wrong with you? Do you realize what you've just done?"
Spike turned his head to look at his new body. Craning his neck, he watched as he flapped his own wings. "Uhh... no. I have no idea what I just—Whoa!" He clapped a hoof over his mouth. Taking it off slowly, he spoke again. "I sound different, like... like..."
"Like a girl?" Twilight offered.
Spike sucked in his breath, or rather, her breath. He glanced at his staff, then up at his horn. "And I think I'm an alicorn..."
Twilight nodded slowly. "Yep. Good work, Spike. Hope you're happy, because now you're a girl, and also a pony." Pursing her lips, she added, "This is why you don't touch dangerous magical objects without first reading the instruction manual. You touch one pendant and bam! Next thing you know you're in a short skirt and cute boots with a staff in one hoof and a little sidekick guy in the other."
Spike glanced down. "I didn't even notice the boots!"
"Well, you got them."
Spike lifted the staff, staring into Celestia’s eyes. "Okay, so I'm kinda freaking out here a bit. Twilight, tell me I'm just dreaming."
"How I wish that you were," muttered Twilight. Putting a hoof to her forehead, she massaged her temple. "Okay, let's back things up a bit. Celestia sent me this amulet... but why?"
Folding her wings to her side, Spike said, "Doesn't the letter say something about that? I hope it does, or we're completely lost."
"Well, she says she sent it so I didn't have to keep coming to Canterlot to collect the Elements, but what I can't figure out is why she'd give me something that would make me transform." Twilight scratched her chin, gazing at Spike. "Doesn't really make sense, does it?"
With her staff hovering next to her, Spike tugged her skirt down, vainly trying to cover her mostly exposed rear. "And why would she make this thing so uncomfortable? The skirt is way too short, and this top is really squeezing the heck out of me." He sighed, frustrated at not being able to adjust the skirt. "It's not even like you normally wear clothes, and especially not..." she lifted the hem of her skirt like she was picking up a dead fish, "...this."
Twilight furrowed her brow. "Hmm, well it was originally supposed to be for me, and it's from Celestia, which must mean--Oh..." Twilight’s expression went flat. "I get it." She sighed. "Well, whatever, let's just finish reading that letter for now."
Spike watched as Twilight uncovered the letter from a pile of paper it had landed in and sat in silence as she read it. After a minute or two, she raised her eyebrow. "So," Spike said, "anything useful?"
Twilight frowned, pursing her lips. "Well... it says here that Celestia expects me to go out and fight monsters with this amulet. Apparently it gives you special powers, which is probably why you're an alicorn, and I'm supposed wait for the amulet to make a sound and then signal the direction of a new threat."
"So that means?"
Twilight shrugged. "I guess that means it's up to you now, Spike... since you put the pendant on without even waiting to see if it was dangerous. So, y’know, good work there, Spike."
Spike groaned. "Oh, my goddess, just let it go, Twilight. That was, like, twenty minutes ago. Anyway, it's not like I knew it was going to bond itself to me like that stray cat you found last week."
"Hey," Twilight said, her voice terse, "you leave Salem out of this. He's got nothing to do with you being an idiot."
Spike rolled her eyes. "Whatever, just tell me how I make this thing make its noise so I can go fight some monsters or something. Well, as long as it's not a tentacle monster again. The last one was bad enough, and I wasn't even wearing a skirt then."
Twilight waved her hooves in the air. "I don't know how it works! You stole it from me before I could figure it out! For all I know, it'll just start working by itself as soon as a monster--"
An ear-splitting screech filled the room. It sounded like thirty dozen klaxons going off at once, and they were doing it right in Twilight and Spike's ears. Spike clapped her hooves over her ears. "Gah! What the heck is that noise? My ears are gonna bleed!"
Twilight pointed at the amulet hanging from Spike's neck. "It's your stupid necklace, Spike!" she shouted over the inexplicably loud alarm. "Turn it off before you make me go deaf!"
"I don't know how!" Spike shouted back. She raised her hoof and then started hammering the amulet as hard as she could. Whatever she was doing must've worked, because a second later the amulet clicked, and the alarm shut off. Sighing in relief, Spike stood back on all fours. "Huh, I guess you just have to hit it. Whoa..." He stumbled back a bit as a light shot out if the amulet. It formed a perfectly straight line, pointing towards Canterlot off in the distance. Spike took a few steps closer to the window. "Uhh, I think this means we gave to go to Canterlot, doesn't it?"
Twilight turned her shoulder to Spike. "It means you have to go to Canterlot. I'm not going anywhere. This is your mess, so you can fix it."
Spike frowned. "This is hardly my fault. Okay, maybe the amulet thing, but I didn't make monsters appear. Plus, I can't go do this by myself. I need a sidekick."
Twilight rounded on Spike, fire in her eyes. "A sidekick!?" She stomped her hoof. "You're supposed to be the sidekick, Spike. I'm the hero. I do the magic. And I was already a girl! You're just... just... a... a... usurper!"
Her lips curling into a pout, Spike said, "Come on, Twilight, that's not fair. I never asked for this.” She gestured to her staff and then her too-short skirt.
“I don’t see you trying very hard to get rid of it,” said Twilight, matching Spike’s pout perfectly.
Sighing, Spike reached a hoof up to her neck. She tugged at the amulet, attempting to rip it off, but it stayed resolutely in place, as if held there by some magical force… which it probably was. “There, see? It won’t come off. Plus, that’s what the letter said anyway, didn’t it?”
Twilight didn’t answer.
“Whatever,” said Spike, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, let’s just go to Canterlot, fight whatever monster is there, and then we’ll talk to Celestia and see if we can’t fix this, all right?”
Turning her back to Spike, Twilight huffed. “I already told you I’m not going to Canterlot with you. It’s not my problem. Have fun fighting whatever it is you have to fight.” As she turned to walk away, Spike held out her hoof.
“Wait, Twilight, can’t we talk about this? I really need a sidekick.”
For the third time that morning, a bright, blinding light filled the room. From the amulet a beam of pure energy burst out, heading straight for Twilight. It collided with with, wrapping her in plasma coils and lifting her into the air against her will. She struggled, but no sounds escaped from her mouth, everything being consumed by the light. Spike covered her face with a hoof, blocking the bright light.
Helpless against the weightless ropes, Twilight watched as they began to transfrom her body, just as it had done to Spike. However, instead of making her into an alicorn—to her horror—it started to shrink her smaller and smaller. The shorter she got, the less of her horn was visible until it was completely gone, though her wings stayed where they were. Writhing around in, well, not pain, but annoyance, Twilight’s sprouted little digits, and in her left hand a staff appeared, similarly shaped to Spike’s, though much smaller. A tiny little tiara appeared above her head, plopping between her ears, and looking utterly adorable.
When the light finally released her, Twilight was only about six inches tall, hornless, and extremely annoyed. She looked at her new hands, then at the staff, then at Spike. Her eyes narrowing, she said, “Well… are you happy now, Spike? Guess I’m your freakin’ sidekick.”
Doing her best to hold back a smile, Spike snorted, saying, “Oh, but you look so cute, Twilight! Look at your adorable little wings and that tiny staff.”
Twilight chuckled mirthlessly, glancing out the window. “Oh hoho… I’m gonna have words with Celestia when this is all over. Because this—” she held out her staff and flexed her fingers “—is some grade-A bull.”
“Okay, well this was definitely not my fault,” said Spike.
Folding her arms, Twilight gave Spike a frown so deep it looked like it was going to fall off her face. “Really, Spike? ‘Cause it looked like light shot out of your amulet when you said something about me being your sidekick, and if I were a gamblin’ mare, I’d say the two are related.”
Spike shrugged. “Dunno, Twi. Can’t say for sure. The only way we’ll know is if we go to Canterlot and see Celestia, sooooooo…” Spike made a gesture towards the door, her eyebrows raised.
Twilight groaned. “Fine. Let’s just go. Hey! What the hell are you doing?”
Against her will, Spike had picked Twilight up and tossed her on her back. “There,” she said, “you can ride on my back. I’m sure it’ll be hard for you to make it to Canterlot on your tiny wings.”
Her eyes narrowing, Twilight said, “I’m gonna make you eat so many spiderwebs when we finish this…”
Ignoring Twilight, Spike cantered out the door and then leapt into the air, unfurling her wings. She launched herself upwards, then angled towards Canterlot, beating her wings as hard as she could.
Flying low, Spike swooped into Canterlot, skimming the rooftops of the houses below. It wasn't hard to figure out where the monster was once they got into the city. The massive beast stood a hundred feet high and was at least three times that in width. It hulked from place to place on a mass of squirming tentacles, dragging itself with hideous effort. A single great eye was plopped in the center of the creature, its veins popping out as it gazed around at the fleeing citizens. It would've let out some lugubrious howl had it had a mouth, but instead the only sound it made was the steady, and yet utterly gag-inducing, [schlik schlik schlik of its tentacles sliding along the ground.
Spike grimaced, her lips curling into a look of disgust. "It had to be another tentacle monster, didn't it?" She sighed. "At least this one is smaller than the last. Dude was like eighty stories tall."
Twilight shivered. "Ugh, don't remind me."
"So," said Spike, glancing over her shoulder at Twilight, "got any ideas for how to beat this guy? 'Cause I got nothing. I don't even know how to use magic."
With a 'hmph', Twilight crossed her arms. "I don't know, Spike. I don't have magic anymore, remember?" She jabbed a finger at her forehead angrily.
Groaning, Spike said, "Jeez, Twilight, let it go already. We're gonna get this sorted out once we beat this monster, so you being a pouty jerk isn't going to help that happen faster."
Her lips still curled into a frown, Twilight sat silently on Spike's back. After a long silence, she finally said, "All right, fine. I'll help you. But it's not like I know what to do either. I'm just as much in the dark as you."
"Well, usually it's the sidekick who has all the answers early on, so just, like, think about it for a bit. I'm sure it'll come to you. In the meantime though," said Spike, turning her gaze to the slimy monster, "I'm gonna try and fight this guy however I can." Spike picked Twilight up and dropped her off on the roof a nearby house.
As he flew away, Twilight grumpily folded her arms for the hundredth time. "I guess I'll just wait here then, shall I?" A thought occurred to her. "Wait, is this what's it like for Spike all the time. Wow," she realized, "this freakin' sucks. Poor guy... I'm still gonna make him eat spiderwebs though."
Her staff floating next to her, Spike approached the tentacle monster, wary of getting too close to one of its many appendages. "All right, so the amulet was supposed to give me all the powers of the Elements, huh? Let's see if this works." Spike flew in front of the monster's one gargantuan eye. "Hey, squid dude! Over here, ya lumbering idiot!" Flapping her hooves wildly,; Spike got the monster's attention.
It stared at him, its eye twitching, making tiny rapid movements back and forth. Its tentacles flopped around, completely without any sense of purpose. Then, when it had fixated itself on Spike, something changed. It shot out a mass of sticky tentacles. They flew right at Spike's face, writhing around like a bunch of gross worms.
Spike dodged to the side, narrowly avoiding getting nabbed by one of the thousands of limbs. "Nice job, idiot. You missed!" She pulled down one of her eyelids and stuck her tongue out, a move that only enraged the monster more. "Okay," she said under her breath, "this always works in comics, so let's see if I can't cast some magic."
Holding her staff out in front of her, Spike spun it around clockwise, faster and faster until it was just a pink blur. Her eyes went wide as a magic seal appeared before her, symbols and runes running all around its circumference both inside and outside the circle. "Oh, shoot," said Spike, realizing something, "I don't know any magic words. Uhh... buaya kecang pukulan!"
Little balls of fiery light appeared at the top, bottom, and sides of the circle. Spike's eyes widened as the balls fired out of the seal and burned through the air towards the monster. They swirled around each other, spiralling together until they formed a great streak of light. It hurled towards the great eye, growing faster every second until finally collided and a humongous explosion rocked the city like someone had dropped a bomb, which Spike more or less had. Unfortunately though, before Spike had a chance to celebrate his victory, the smoke cleared and the monster was still standing. It raised a tentacle and brushed a bit of rubble off what could generously be called its 'shoulder'.
Spike's shoulders sagged. "Aw, come on. Why can't it ever work the first time?" She sighed. "Welp, guess I gotta do this the hard way." Hefting her staff, she said, "Let's see if I can make this do more magic stuff. Um... Samudera!" A sheet of pearlescent liquid formed in one of the rings of her staff. Raising her eyebrow, Spike lifted the staff a bit, then blew into the ring. A stream of bubbles rocketed out of the staff, pelting the monster in the eye, causing it to go red. "Haha!" Spike laughed. "That was awesome! Whoa!" Just in time, Spike dodged another tentacle attack.
The monster rubbed at its eye with a slimy appendage, probably inwardly howling in rage as it tried to get the soap out. Swinging its tentacles recklessly, the monster knocked down a nearby building, causing Spike to grimace.
She grit her teeth. "All right, now that wasn't very nice. I'm gonna have to beat you before you cause anymore property damage. You're gonna wreck the housing market along with the houses at this rate. Holding up her staff, she said, "Angin!"
Miniature tornadoes, about a dozen of them, swirled out of Spike's staff. The wind whipped in Spike's ears as they encircled the monster, curling around its many limbs and obscuring its huge eye. It attempted to fight the tornadoes off, but it was soon trapped, tied together by all the tornadoes looping around each other. It wriggled like like a bunch of eels, but Spike's magic held strong. A confident smirk found itself on Spike's face. She grinned triumphantly.
"Oh, wait," said Spike, her smirk disappearing, "I still don't know how to beat it."
"Ah ha!" shouted a voice from behind Spike.
He turned to see Twilight carrying a heavy-looking book in her tiny hands. Lifting it with no small amount of effort, especially since the wind was raging around her, Twilight held open the book for Spike too see.
"I found the answer!" she cried over the tornadoes. "You have to seal it in its original form, Spike! It says right here!" She pointed to a particular passage in the book, though Spike couldn't read it due to the fact that the wind was blowing the pages around violently. Noticing this, Twilight said, "Right, well, you're just gonna have to trust me on this one! Here, I found this!" Producing a large black card from somewhere behind her, Twilight tossed the thing to Spike.
Catching it in his magic, Spike looked at the card. It was blank, save for some runes on the back. She glanced back at Twilight, and she nodded. "All right, if you say so, Twi!" Spike held the card out in front of her and brought her staff to bear. Spinning it around, she yelled, "Return to the guise you were meant to be in! Crow Card!" She swung the staff down hard until it hit an invisible barrier that the card rested upon. Light burst forth from the card, swallowing the monster whole, dissolving it into perfectly pure white light. A moment later, after the light had returned to the card, where it was once blank, there was now a picture of the tentacle monster Spike had just trapped, with the word ‘TENTACLEY’ written on the bottom in runic letters. She held it up triumphantly. “Whoo! I did it!”
Twilight fluttered up to Spike, landing on her shoulder. “All right, I do have to admit that was pretty awesome, Spike. But,” she said, cocking her head to the side, “how did you know what words to say?”
Spike shrugged, holding the card up in the sunlight. “It just came to me like I’d always known what to say.”
“Then why did you call it a Crow Card?”
“Oh,” said Spike, chuckling. She turned the card over to show the back. “Because it’s black.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “That’s just dumb enough to be believable.”
“What about you though, Twilight?” asked Spike, raising his eyebrow. “How did you know what to do? How did you even know I’d need a card in the first place?”
Lifting the book above her head, Twilight said, “It’s all in here. I found it at the library.”
“You just found that sitting around at the library?”
“Duh. That’s what libraries are for, Spike, books. All I did was look up books about capturing monsters, and I found this,” she said, holding the book up farther. “Wasn’t that hard, Spike. I thought I explained to you how libraries worked once we moved into that one in Ponyville.”
Spike frowned. “Yeah, I know how libraries work. It’s just that that seems awfully convenient.”
“Convenient?” repeated Twilight, matching Spike’s raised eyebrows. “You think it was convenient hauling that thing all the way here from the library? Do you know how tiny my wings are now? Took enough effort just to pull it off the shelf. Ha… convenient.“ Glancing over at Canterlot Castle, she motioned towards it. “But hey, now that we’re done, let’s go talk to Celestia. I want to get this sorted out.”
“Oh, there’ll be no need for that, my little pony,” came the soft regal voice of none other than Princess Celestia. Floating down on sunshiny wings, she came to rest beside Spike and Twilight. “Twilight, my most faithful student, I saw your fight, and came as quickly as I could. I’m so glad to see that you got my letter and acted as quickly as you—Wait…” She paused, her brow furrowing. “Something’s not right here. Spike? A-are you wearing the amulet?”
Nodding slowly Spike said, “Uh, yeah… sorry. Things kinda just happened. Totally out of my control.”
“And so that means…” Celestia turned to the miniature pony sitting on Spike’s shoulder. “Oh my.”
Clicking her tongue, Twilight huffed. “Yeah, you’re telling me. You think I wanted this job?”
“Hmm,” said Celestia, her brow furrowing further. She looked Spike over, her eyes running across her entire body. “Well, things didn’t turn out too bad, all told. Spike, I must say, you look lovely in that outfit. It was meant for Twilight, but,” she chuckled, a smirk crossing her face, “you wear it pretty well, and you don’t look half bad as a mare. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I think I did a pretty good job on the enchantments.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, Princess. Your outfit looks amazing. Can we please fix all this now so I can become the main character again?”
“Oh, I’m afraid that’s not possible,” said Celestia, her eyes still on Spike’s body. “No, not until Spike’s contract is complete, since he’s the one who’s taken it on now. He, or she I suppose, will have to finish hunting down the rest of the monsters.”
“Whoa, hang on a second,” said Spike, holding out her hoof. “You’re telling me there’s more of these things?”
“Oh, yes, lots more,” said Celestia matter-of-factly. “I was in the library enjoying some… reading, when I accidentally—Well, you don’t need to know the details. Long story short, there’s about thirty-six of these guys running around Equestria now, and I’m going to need you to finish capturing them all, Spike.”
Spike’s jaw dropped. “What!? Thirty-six? Does that include this one?” She held up the Crow Card.
“Ah, no, sorry, my mistake.” Celestia cleared her throat. “I meant to say one-hundred and thirty-six.”
Spike shook her head, her features sagging. “Princess, I dunno if I can handle taking down a hundred and thirty-five more of these guys. I mean, at least they won’t be tentacle monsters, but—”
“Oh, they all have tentacles,” said Celestia in the same infuriatingly calm tone, the same tone one would use for calling out Bingo numbers at a retirement home.
Blinking a few times, Spike gave a short nod. “Okay, I quit. I’m not doing this.”
“Spike, you can’t quit,” said Celestia. “It’s called a contract for a reason. You’ll never go back to the way you were until you finish the contract.”
Spike threw her hooves up. “Don’t care. I quit.” Flapping his wings, he rose above the other two and then took off, soaring as far away from the sun as his wings would carry him, he skirt flapping in the wind.
Twilight watched Spike leave, a bored expression on her face. “Spike’ll come back. He always does. But in the meantime, you wanna tell me why there’s suddenly a bunch of monsters running loose, and why they all have tentacles?”
Clearing her throat, Celestia turned away from Twilight. “Um, yes, well, I suppose it’s time I get back to the castle. Lots of important things to do, what with being the princess and all. Goodbye, Twilight!” She was gone in a flash of bright yellow light, leaving Twilight all alone.
Twilight clicked her tongue. “Mhmm.”