Fic recs, April 28th: Voiceguy edition! · 7:53pm Apr 28th, 2020
Yes, it's time for another reader-centric review slate, this time brought to you by Voiceguy Narrates Stuff! He's still active, but his content has been exclusively video game-focused for about the last three years. Also, he had a tendency to read the first chapter of stories and never continue, or read incomplete stories, not to mention he read a ton of just really bad fics, so I have skipped a whole bunch of his readings. Also, I have no idea why Zaid ValRoa makes an appearance at the end in his place, but since they don't have their own Youtube channel that I can tell, I'm not gonna give another reader review. Expected list:
darf's Alektrona and As the Days Go
roygbiv's Derpy's Lover
Horse Voice's The Writing on the Wall
Cereal Velocity's Accolade
jmj's Rainbow Dash Gets an Abortion
CCC's Changeling
PonyAmorous's Pinkie Pie Is an Eldritch Abomination
Fiddlebottoms's Giftgiver
MythrilMoth's Tuesday the Seventeenth, Part XXXVII: Derpy Lives, Applejack Calls Customer Service and Rainbow Dash Eats an Alien
PatchworkPoltergeist's Somewhere Only We Know
Wooly's With Teeth (which I found the other reading of thanks to)
Thanqol's The Faceless Pony
Kezraux's [blank space]
Winston's Black Lotus (though he never finished it)
TheLostNarrator's The Tale of the Lost Narrator
Casca's Fork Everything
Rambling Writer's Cant
PegasusMesa's Stagnancy and Tarry Not
Skywriter's Sun Princess
Mayclore's Two and Two and Two
TheNewYorkBrony's Love Sucks
MoonshadowLuna330's Betryal
RazedRainbow's Where All Roads Lead (part 2)
BleedingSequine's Twilight Sparkle and Spike and along with Celestia and Luna try to conceive the known universe.
Enjoy the rest? I sure didn't. Enjoy watching me say I'm done with things before I keep doing those things, then.
H: 2 R: 4 C: 8 V: 3 N: 16
The Meeting by Bleedin 3
Reading
Genre: Dark Comedy
Twilight and her friends meet in secret to worship their dark lord.
I have a feeling this was written entirely for shock value, but it doesn't even register a zap. The writing is slapdash and the jokes don't really hit home. I mean, if you want to shock people, at least put some effort in.
Not Recommended
Story that pretends to be a Story: The Story by SausageEquine (formerly BleedingSequine)
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
True to its title, this thing is a series of disparate scenes that would be completely unrelated if Twilight weren't in all of them. Lemme break it down for you. The first scene has just the right amount of randomness, and I found it funny. The second scene features Scatman John, and… Look, I don't usually go in for that kind of thing for multiple reasons, but it was hilarious? Maybe I'm just in a mood. After that, Moondancer shows up and things get regular random, though this does end on a big wtf moment. I'm probably spending more time on this story than the author did, but suffice to say, it was not what I was expecting.
Recommended If You Like Random Comedies
A Cold Day in Canterlot by Fossil-Dragon-Messiah
Reading
Genre: Grimdark AU/Action/Changeling Fic
Shadow Strike may not have to spend this Hearth's Warming alone.
Y'know, I've been thinking a lot lately about kids and creativity. They need room to express themselves, be creative, make mistakes and just explore the world on their own terms. Back in my day, I could do all those things without also sharing them, intentionally or otherwise, with a few thousand random assholes. But now, kids especially have it really hard, because if they want feedback, or just to show off their accomplishments and be proud of them, who knows who's going to see it? And those people won't know what stage of development the writer they're critiquing — or mocking — is in. Point being, this is a short, fairly bad fic that's really explainy and starts off talking about the protagonist's ebony katana, and now most of my audience is rolling their eyes. But it's not awful. There are some interesting ideas about changelings in here, and at the very least, you wouldn't expect an edgelord bounty hunter OC to offer to take in a homeless filly. Like, not even begrudgingly. So he's got a smidge more character than I would have expected. Long story short, I'm happy to give a negative review to a story like this and discuss it with the author later. I'm glad they kept writing.
Not Recommended
"Ewww, Granny!" by TheVClaw
Reading
Genre: Sexual Comedy
The Apple Family wake one night to strange sounds coming from Granny's room.
The problem with this story is the title, description and character tags give away the main joke. Thankfully, this is not a one-joke fic, and it approaches that given-away joke with enough force that it still had me laughing all the way through. You'll probably know ahead of time what you'll feel about this story, but damned if I didn't have a great time with it regardless. :D
Recommended
A Dying Wish by moviemaster8510
Reading
Mature: Sex, Gore
Genre: Shock Fic
A young man gets his dying wish to go to Equestria.
The reason I laugh at stories like this is twofold. First, the flagrant transgression of societal norms is meant to shock and disgust the reader, so there's a certain sense of relief by the end, a "ha ha, you didn't get me, whew". Second, it's a treat (???) to see just how crazy an author can take a story like this without going overboard. I mean, I was expecting necrophilia, and that happened, but the details were absolutely audacious. Plus, it's taking the piss out of "brony dies and goes to Equestria" comfort fics. If you don't think you would enjoy a story with a line like "The unicorn emerged from Troy's dick", you will not be missing anything if you skip this. Go, walk with God, but don't you dare look back, or you'll turn into salt. :B
Recommended for Terrible People
Thunderstorm and the flying black ponies of ponynam part 1 of ten by admiralthunderstorm
Reading
Genre: Warfic/PoE?
I have to question pretty much every choice the author made here. I can't even single out one in particular as a big thing done wrong, just… When does this take place? Where? Why are the Ponynam War and the Vietnam War the same thing? Did the author just want to write a Vietnam rant? Why stick ponies in it? And what's with that title? I'm utterly lost.
Not Recommended
Big Mac masturbates with razor blades by mrhappyface
Reading
Mature: Sex, Gore
Genre: Trying Too Hard
I honestly don't know what I was expecting.
Not Recommended
Oh, Fuck! Skeletons! by Noted Sir
Reading
Mature: Sex, Gore
Genre: Crackfic
Suddenly, a skeleton popped out.
I have already removed one story from this reading list; pray I do not remove more. So this is a story where the word "fuck" is considered funny in and of itself, and thus peppered throughout the prose as densely as possible. Also, how you will react to this will depend on how funny you think "And then she got fucked up by skeletons" is as a punchline, because you will hear it a lot. This almost isn't worth commenting on, but I did have a couple, like, half-chuckles, so that's not no reaction. But really, this was just dumb.
Not Recommended
Immortal's Retribution by ChaoticHarmony
Reading
Genre: Suicide Fic
Princess Celestia contemplates death.
This story has some interesting pre-canon ideas about Star Swirl the Bearded, which almost make it worth reading. But I really don't know how to feel about the rest. There is the element of "I'm immortal, thus don't know what it's like to die", which makes sense, but the way Celestia goes into her suicide attempt fits neither that nor actual suicidal ideation. It really comes off as "I'm suddenly sad about killing someone centuries ago, guess I'll die now." Plus, it doesn't seem like either her or Luna knew she would be able to survive it, which raises a lot more questions. So I guess I can say most of this just doesn't work; the background on Star Swirl is neat, though.
Not Recommended
Chocolate Twilight by SausageEquine
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
Twilight attains a new form to fight True Discord.
Well, this was remarkably silly. While I don't know if the Crossover tag really applies, this is at least riffing on Dragon Ball Z. It does get maybe too lolrandom in place, but overall it was just over-the-top fun.
Recommended If You Like Stupid Stuff
Something to be said by SausageEquine
Reading
Genre: Sad
Fluttershy has something to say.
Quick tip: Just read the comic linked in the description, it tells this story better. What this is trying to do is provide some more background for said comic, but the backstory it gives Fluttershy just doesn't really add anything of worth. Plus, reading the comic first gives away the big reveal anyway. This really just takes a huge swing from Fluttershy's dark past to that reveal, which I'm only holding back for the comic's sake. I just don't see the point.
Not Recommended
Weegee goes to Ponyville by SausageEquine
Reading
Mature: Gore
Genre: Memes I Guess
I don't even. I just… It was funny when he started making meatballs, but the rest was a combination of trying too hard, overused memes, and… I'm just tired.
Not Recommended
Timer by SausageEquine
Reading
Mature: Sex
Genre: I Don't Care
I should have skipped this one, but nothing about it seemed particularly untoward on the surface. And, well, the reader sums it up when he breaks in around the two-minute mark: this started off actually interesting, and then the author ruined it. Granted, this more makes me question why Voiceguy kept reading these stories, but I am not so touched. I think I'm done with these, they're stupid and pointless.
Not Recommended
Spike's Arrest: A Sparity Romance… of Sorts by Wanderer D
Reading
Genre: Sexual Comedy
He's arrested for necrophilia, fyi.
I didn't read this, but if I had, it would have been somewhat reassuring to know that even someone like Wanderer D can write terrible, awful fanfiction. Granted, the ending is kind of funny, it's just the leadup to it that's… ehhhhhhhhh... That other story about necrophilia is somehow funnier.
Vaguely Recommended
Game Show by SwiftM0nkey
Reading
Mature: Sex
Genre: AiE Crackfic
Fluttershy has the perfect plan to get in your pants.
This was a lot funnier than it had any right to be. A few of the jokes are a little off, but the bold majority of them are a real laugh. That said, I do feel bad laughing at the core joke here. I mean, a girl creeping on a guy is no more funny than the reverse. Unless ponies are doing it. Especially when it's Fluttershy. Even better if Anon is the target. So I guess there's my answer.
Recommended for Anon Fans
Rainbow dash has to escape from the gala for young nobles! by mimnim
Reading
300th Review of 2020!
Genre: Rendered AU by the Slow March of Canon
If the title and author's apparent misgiving that Fluttershy is two words didn't clue you in, this is obviously a first fic by a young author and it's not very good. The whole thing comes off as "I hate my parents" vent fic, and it's not really worth going into the ways it fails. But kudos to the author for trying something new. Before we met Rainbow Dash's parents, I was always a fan of the idea that she came from an upper class family and her entire life was built around rebelling against them. It's nice to see someone put that to use, even if it's for something that really isn't worth your time.
Not Recommended
Moon Dust by Roobles
Reading
Genre: ...World-Building?
I mean, what else would you call a fic about how drugs are manufactured in-universe, alongside histories of the same? c.c This isn't really a story, per se, more the kind of thing a writer would post a blog about to give their readers a taste of headcanon. But it definitely works at what it does? And there's at least a character telling you the steps of how to make this hallucinogen. It's all right!
Recommended If You Want to Learn How Ponies Make Drugs
Bloodershy by Insert Clever Name
Reading
Genre: Creepypasta
Legend says there is an image that will give you nightmares if you look at it long enough.
This isn't awful, certainly not by the standards that have been set herein, but neither does it really have anything going for it. The cover art is creepier than anything that actually happens in the story, and even though the protagonist gets jacked up, it really didn't draw a reaction from me. So this isn't exactly "don't read" material like some of these other stories, but… why bother?
Not Recommended
Reenboe Dache n da qust 4 tha mgick brck by LunaScribbles
Reading
Genre: Trollfic
Gee, I've never read a story with zero upvotes before. :O It's easy to see how that came to be, however. There's a fine line between a badly written fic and a fic that's just bad, and this is distinctly the latter. There's very little here that even made me smile, let alone laugh. It was just rampant stupidity.
Not Recommended
Lost and Forgotten by Violent
Reading
Mature: Gore
Genre: Grimdark AU
A lone filly wakes in a broken world she can't remember.
You know, I had hopes for this one; considering all I've been through to this point, you'll be forgiven for wondering why. The writing is just atrocious. Words are constantly misused, and the author has a penchant for taking the most circuitous route possible to get to the end of an idea. It's got probably the second worst Zecora Test failure I've ever seen, made even worse by the entire scene being in rhyme. Like, the narration too, which is not Zecora's. Who even does that? As for the story itself, a zombie apocalypse is such a common idea, it wasn't worth the trouble of using the amnesia setup, not to mention what Apple Bloom does and does not remember is highly inconsistent. Plus the ending kind of… isn't. At least she didn't just kill Princess Luna with her gun. It's that kind of story.
Not Recommended
Twilight's Book Attack by SausageEquine
Reading
Genre: Random
Twilight's history book comes to life. This is not a good thing.
I don't know if this story actually promised anything, so I don't know if I can be truly disappointed by it. It just was, y'know? I had no reaction. Well, at least it didn't make me hate my life, I guess.
Not Recommended
A Game of Hoof and House by SausageEquine
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
Luna enacts her yearly plan to keep from having to do the taxes.
So this is about the closest to a normal story I think you'll ever get out of this guy. Being able to approach this as something of an actual effort, I could see a lot of general issues, like word misuse and the way it strays from its primary joke into "mustard is inherently funny" territory. But I'll be darned if it doesn't end on a really stupid punchline that actually made me laugh. Still done with this author.
Vaguely Recommended
Flip a Coin and She Smiles by Aragon
Reading
Reading by Scribbler
Genre: Experimental/Romance
It's not how the story ends, but how you look at it.
I have never seen a story told like this before, and I don't think I could expect anyone but Aragon to pull it off. I can't really describe it to you, save to say there's a really intriguing temporal changeup in the middle that's only part of the gimmick. This is set up perfectly for a reading, so you'll just have to experience it for yourself if you haven't already. This is one of the most unique approaches to storytelling, to say nothing of ScratchTavia, that I have ever seen.
Highly Recommended
Hunches by PhycoKrusk
Reading
Genre: Changeling Fic/Sad
Rosewill had a hunch her husband was a changeling.
It speaks to the volume of PhycoKrusk's ability to write characters that I got to the end of this and had to take a few minutes to collect myself. This is not a mopey story, not in the least, but the ending will blindside you with feelings, so be warned.
Highly Recommended
What Goes Up by PegasusMesa
Reading
Genre: Horror
Faced with running Sugarcube Corner by herself, customer troubles, or the darkness upstairs, Pinkie Pie does what any responsible mare would do.
Oh boy. I love how this builds its atmosphere of anxiety with the single supernatural element honestly in the background. All the horror comes from simple, ordinary things, the way a ruined cake is described, or how Pinkie can't remember her customer's name. And then about halfway through, you realize this isn't just a metaphor for generalized anxiety. Something terrible has happened, and it is dark. Because of that, this won't appeal equally to everyone, but it still comes Highly Recommended If You Like Dark Fics.
Recommended
Lyra and Bon Bon Are Best Friends by Yukito
Reading
Mature: Sex
Genre: Sexual Comedy
Lyra and Bon Bon are such good friends. The best of friends. Watch them friend all over the place with their everlasting friendship.
I know when to admit I've been beaten. I wrote a story on just this topic a good year before this one came out, and yet Yukito explored the central conceit with considerably more skill and humor. You know where this is gonna go, but it's still really fuckin' funny. Highly Recommended If You Like Sex Comedies
Recommended
Spanksgiving by Regidar
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
This will be the year Spanksgiving ends.
I found myself thinking, gee, this has an awful lot of butt-related details for being a T-rated fic. And then I got to the end; I think this should have been M, and I have to say that final joke kind of ruined it for me. :/ Heck, it even could have worked if not for one detail. If you're not easily grossed out by sexual things being near children, the rest of this does have some good laughs, but… eww.
Not Recommended
Rainbow Blubber by Defecatus Piccolitus
Reading
Genre: Random Comedy
Rainbow Dash wants to be a walrus.
So, what Rainbow does after being transformed into a walrus is kind of funny. The bits describing the transformation are a little too caught up in trying to be 'majestic' or 'epic' or something, however, while the scene before the transformation is just bizarre. Ultimately, I'm not sure this works, but maybe someone will get a laugh out of it. Also, is that supposed to be faux Latin for "Piccolo shit"?
Vaguely Recommended
The Journey to Fashion Land by PegasusMesa
Reading
Genre: Shipping Comedy
Rarity never wants to go anywhere fun.
I don't have a whole lot to say about this, and that's not really a bad thing. :) It's cute, it's amusing, it accomplishes what it sets out to do with a minimum of fuss. The punchline is hilarious, and Raridash fans especially will find a lot to enjoy here.
Recommended for Shippers
Pinkie Pie Eats a Pony by Ponyess
Reading
Genre: I Don't Know
This honestly seems to be a story — Teen rated, no less — about Pinkie Pie performing oral sex on a filly, one young enough not to have a cutie mark, but the writing is so bad, I can't be sure. I mean, the first scene seemed just fine, albeit slow and uninteresting. But then the characters start talking and… the dialogue just doesn't make any sense! People don't talk like this! The author doesn't know the difference between 'scent' and 'scene' apparently, and also apparently doesn't understand how scents work? I'm just really confused, but I also don't think it's worth anyone's time to figure this out.
Not Recommended
AppleTavia Sounds Like a Drink by TheWraithWriter
Reading by Zaid ValRoa
Genre: Crackshipping
Octavia visits Sweet Apple Acres.
The one thing this story is missing is the tale of how they developed a relationship. This is quite the odd couple, for all that we get to see them fitting together quite well. How this makes up for that omission is with a subtle twist right at the end. It was a nice moment to make this more than just a simple idea fic.
Recommended for Shippers
Schadenfreude by Daemon McRae
Reading
Reading by Poniverse
Genre: Comedy
Prince Blueblood's butler is the sort of pony who frequently finds himself in the dungeon.
I did not like this story, but it might pique someone else's interest. The fact is, perhaps unsurprisingly given his name, our main character is a real asshole. And though some of the ponies he's an asshole to definitely deserve it, I did not find his antics funny in the least. Unfortunate, since they're the entire story. So, again, not for me, but probably not the kind of story that needs warning labels on it either.
Recommended Only If You Find Jerks Funny
Wake-Up Call by Cyrano
Reading by Zaid ValRoa
Genre: EQG Sad Shipping
Sunset wakes up to an empty bed.
I love a good story where depression is baked into every word. This one's well-balanced, not making any overt ploys for the heartstrings, just letting us know how things are, how things were, and one thing that might not be. The confrontation at the end, if that word isn't too strong, pulls the whole thing together in case the details at the start didn't make it clear enough why Sunset is feeling this way.
Recommended
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/617/851/56d.gif
At this point, your rec blurbs are catering to me.
This is my Aristocrats joke.
Jeezuz, dude! Why do you do this to yourself?
Happy Clapping
Look man I don't know about you, but misplacing words and misusing vocabulary is the highest form of literature.
It's okay man, I never accused you of having good taste.
5252050
I was actually thinking of that while listening to it.
5252104
It probably speaks to a deep-seated martyr complex more concerned with self-flagellation than actually suffering for something.
5252163
Well, at least you are doing the rest of us some good. Even a "Holy carp, I'm glad I didn't waste any time reading that story!" moment is a valuable thing.
Man, the collection of genres was wonderful this go 'round. From "I Don't Care" to "Memes I Guess"
Mmmmmmmmm
5252029
Yes.
And there's another pack of stories for my already overflowed read later
Oh, hey, Flip a Coin. Before I wrote Hear the Baby Laughing (the other experimental thing I wrote that nobody else likes) I always quoted Flip a Coin as the favorite story of hipster Aragon fans. You could tell who was really into me 'cause they would mention that story. Fun stuff.
Glad you liked it! Writing it was easy, but settling on all the details was hard as balls. Due to what the story is about (and due to the twist in the middle) I needed a special kind of narration to make the story work, as you pointed out? And fuck me if I didn't go through many versions of it. I remember that one of them was in second person but "you" were the wind following the characters around. It was absolutely fucking unreadable. The single most boring shit I've ever written, that.
So I eventually settled on what the story uses now, because I thought "hey, what if I just literally tell it to the reader and there's no fourth wall," and that was it. Once it was posted, King of Beggars called it a "dramatic monologue", and to be honest, yeah, it kind of is that, isn't it?
Anyway, glad you liked it. Also wow, the majority of stories in this blog weren't exactly the cream of the crop, huh.
hey cmon man "big mac masturbates with razorblades" is a trollfic classic of the community. that's some og 2011 ponyedge
5253347
Literally all edge.
5253618
yeah man its that raw uncut shit
u gotta love it
This was quite the ride; thank you for putting yourself through the wringer there to both dig out some promising gems, and cordon off some of the others with your "enter at own risk" metaphorical PP police tape.