• Member Since 19th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen April 16th

Insert Clever Name


They say that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you found a way to actually kill a gun, would you shoot bullets out of your hands? Cause that would be awesome.

T

Legend tells of a picture that, when seen, drives people mad. This is a story of one of those people.

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Yay, my first Grimdark! Even though it's not as gory as cupcakes, (or as good) I just felt like writing a grimdark. Written in a single day. sort of based around this comic, even though it and the story have nothing in common. : http://bit.ly/qfbzor

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 33 )

So, my first scary story WITHOUT a happy ending. how'd I do?:twilightsmile:

Okay...uh... Let me just get this out of the way first, I dislike your story. Nothing to do with you im just not too big on grim dark involving the mane six, but since it was short I did read it and... Not bad. I mean, all things considered I liked it. Ill give it a 4.5.

Nice! You should probably think about doing more of these.

As far as scary stories go, this wasn't too bad. It was like a pony take on a Creepy Pasta. I am not a huge fan of grimdark, but I like your writing style, and the way you started the story, although over used, seemed fresh and interesting. I think you've got alot of potential to write some truly "horrible" fics. Keep writing!

MMMMOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR

It's...........um.....all I can think of is "nice" and "epic" but I have no idea how to fit those together in a way that does the fic justice.
Epicly nice? HORROR IS NOT NICE!
Nicely epic? NOT EPIC ENOUGH!

I'll just call it nicepic and be done with it. Heh.

220626
That is a nice pic indeed...

Now I'm going to stare at that pic and see if it works. Probably a stupid idea but meh.

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF:fluttershbad: It is cool.:pinkiehappy: But, I like to say the character must have suffer internet insanity. :ajbemused:

That's what happens when you disobey a warning. Now excuse me I must defeat the rainbow llama.:moustache:

Oh i just had the weirdest thought from this title picture, "flutterryuk"

For a first story, this is very, very nice. I am very glad that you didn't write a Cupcakes spin-off for your first try at dark. :twilightsmile:

Some things that I would like to point out:
1: This was very predictable. On a dark fanfic, you might want to avoid that. You want to catch your reader by surprise, but you don't want to overdo the 'monster waiting in dark corner' cliché. Heres a very good example of what a dark MLP:FiM fanfic should be like: Salty Shores, by Garnot.
(Personally, I think that the [Dark] tag should be itself tagged with [Salty Shores], not the other way around.)

2: This was too short. You might want to increase the story's size just to better grasp the reader's attention. I know that in this particular story, this hint can't be implemented. But if you ever give more dark fanfics a shot, keep this in mind. You cannot rush us readers into the middle of the battle. We must feel the calm before the storm. Y'know, that strange/unsetting situation on which you just can't shake off the sense of dread. And be sure to make it one heck of a storm!
(A little hint, always show the reader the Darkest just before dawn. Even if the dawn never comes, give us readers the feeling of hope and crush it).

3: This is a first-person narrative, so I'll let you slip by with that telling, not showing. But if you ever do a third-person narrative, pay close attention to the details in each scene. You want to make your story feel alive.

4: The calmness in which the 'narrator' speaks is in almost irritating! I mean- come on. He's telling the story from a point in the future; which means that he already got 'Fluttershyed' (for the lack of a better word). And even though he knows what'll happen to him, he is almost nonchalant about it.

3.5/5

219284 First of all, I loved the story. It was greatly written and dragged me in.

Now that I got praise out of the way, I feel I should tell you. Your picture, it makes me laugh.
If you've every seen Gerbil in a light socket from Joe Cartoon then you get the reference, but all I can think when I see that pinkie pie is, "Look at my eye-boobies. You're jealous of my eye-boobies." :rainbowkiss:

But I loved the story none-the-less. :yay:

Yeah, this is a story for the horror fans. :applecry:

220521 So, you dislike it, yet you like it?
My brain hurts. stop it.:applejackconfused:

220533 Eh, I usually write stuff when the creative juices are flowin, and they decided to flow on that picture. next thing I write probably won't be as creepy.

220556 I'm flattered, but I would have to come up with a better pen name. General Sprinkles, totally original :trollestia:

220626 Let's just go with 'it's a good story':raritywink:

220653 Don't do it, meester man!

220875 Thanks for the criticism. I'm personally tired of all the Cupcakes spin offs myself.

220926 Oh my god, Joe cartoon is still around? That shit is older than homestar runner:rainbowlaugh:

So, did anyone guess the fanfic I mentioned in the story?

221137 Yep, I hate grim-dark, but only when its involving the mane six as the desecraters/ees I just cant do it. But as far as that goes, I actually kind of liked this, in some weird way. I don't know, my brain hurts too.

Moral of the story: Too much grimdark is bad for the brain.:pinkiecrazy:

@ Insert Clever Name

I don't know if this has been asked already or not, but i'm just curious. Did you make that bloodershy pic yourself? And what was your insperation? I hope
this is not a dumb or personal question. Reason i asked is cause i personally like it. :)

And i liked the story to. :twilightsmile:

221238 No, I just saw the pic on deviantart, and at the same time read this comic. http://bit.ly/qfbzor

I get inspiration from the weirdest things.

Sooo... What? Basically some of the Tailsdoll Mythos but with ponies? Bleh.
It failed to be scary and it wasn't very good. If this was an animation, It Might've been freaky, but in story form the "OGODOGOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING OHGODOHGOD MORE THINGS ARGH" Method Doesn't work. If you want to scare the Bejeebers out of someone, you can't just say "This thing was scary, this is why it was scary" You need to Lure the reader in and Imply the Horrific. Never state outright what the scary thing is because what you find terrifying, others may find tame. Leave the Reader's Brain to do the work for you.

Another note: This could've been much better if it Wasn't a self insert. If you'd written this from a third person perspective about a pony or even first person Pony perspective, it would've been creepier. Less "ohnoes a picture has come to life argle argle argle", more "oh Crap, the sweet and innocent is actually eldritch and Terrifying and I will never be believed if I tell someone" A very good example of the latter would be "Suffer the Little children" by Steven King

The ending was also very tame for a purported Horror fic "I woke up and my mouth had gunk in it and also everyone had Goop dripping from them" So? Everyone looks creepy? if Their creepiness REALLY got to you, go sit in a room for a while. It's far from mentally Scarring. You'd get used to it a day or so. You'd be suprised what the human brain can deal with. Festering Face Goo would be fairly low on the oh-crap-o-metre, honestly

228416 yeah, I don't even know why I made it a self insert. Just makes the story bad, and me look creepy.

Anyway, this is just my first attempt at grimdark. Probably wont be more for a while.

228955 Hey, don't get put off writing grimdarks by my post. If I hated it, I wouldn't have bothered to review it. I think you could certainly get to the point where your Fics are freaky as all hell, you just need to practice a bit.

He got to kiss her but he didn't fuck her? Laaaaaaaame... Wake me up when there's a penis inside a black liquid filled hole. :rainbowwild:

...

...

But in all seriousness, I think that this was a good little story. I can't say that it really scared me at all, but I liked the way it was written. :twilightsmile:

220875
He makes good points. But, then again, I'm basically only interested in grimdark when it's grimclop, so I'm far from the target audience. :twilightsheepish:

231378 YOU AND GRIMCLOPS, MAN!
Not everything has to end with sex you know.


... I dare you to try to write a grimclop based on zombie mane 6.:pinkiecrazy:

Oh god, it would be a throwup fest.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

231443
The Pinkie grimclop will be coming soon enough, don't worry... :pinkiesmile:

And for this story, come on now, all of that sneaking up on you on your bed and her positioning her body over you, and the deep kissing that basically becomes dark mystical oral sex... It's got clop undertones all through it. :heart:

Hey dude can I read your fanfic, and post it on the tube? And also may I use your pic as well. This would be my first reading so yeah. :derpytongue2: BTW I love your story, and am testing teh myth right now

244232 I assume 'the tube' is Youtube?
Sure, go ahead.
Just provide a link to the video.

Sweet Jesus have mercy on me

i kinda want to have this dream though that sounds gross but it's true even if she was devil incarnate i would still see her as flutter shy so please tell me this is it a real picture and did you have the nightmare?:trixieshiftright:

I-I-I-ts not real right?!.!.!,..!?!?!!?!?!?!?:fluttercry::fluttercry:

https://youtu.be/QgXan6BkTUQ Hello everyone. I've done a reading of this if you're interested! :)

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