Bloodershy

by Insert Clever Name

Let's begin, shall we?

I had been staring at the picture on my computer screen for 3 minutes now. The legend said that you had to stare at it for a solid 5 minutes, never looking away. Seeing as how I couldn't look at my clock, I decided to listen to a song that lasted five minutes. Leonard Cohen, my favorite musician.

Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. Hello, My name is Daniel. I live ... used to live in California. I made a little habit out of debunking internet legends. I never posted the stuff I found, lest I want people to think I don't have a life, or I offend those who made up said legends. Anyway, I heard about a picture. A picture that, if you stare at for five minutes, you will have a nightmare about the subject in the picture. Only the subject will be vomiting and try to take your soul, which is
how most of those internet urban legends seem to play out.

No matter how hard I looked, I could never find any information about the picture, other than the legend about it. Thinking it was just another hoax, I took a glance at my clock. 2:30 am. I decided to watch an episode of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic.

... What? It's a great show.

Anyway, the episode I watched was about Fluttershy having to take care of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Detecting the inevitable shenanigans, I paused the video on Youtube to let it load, and decided to read a fanfic that I had been tracking on Deviantart. Much 'something something' Nothing, I can't remember. The author had a poll on her page, asking what she should write next. Among the choices were clop material, fantasy, adorableness, and horror. Being a horror fan myself, I went to click the checkbox, but the icon the author had chosen to represent the genre had caught my eye. Seeing it for the first time, I couldn't make out what it was due to it's constant flashing, but I decided to click it out of morbid curiosity.

It turned out to be Fluttershy, but she had gone over a drastic change. Her wings appeared to be as sharp as a sword. Her teeth were fanged and bloody. Her eyes were small and of a bright crimson, and they dripped with a black substance. Her mane was messy and disheveled. Her whole body was covered in blood, and she was giving a wicked smile. I'm shamed to admit, I approved of this dark Fluttershy, or Bloodershy, as the account called it.

Below the picture was a small bit of text. My memory is fuzzy, but I think it said 'If you stare at this picture long enough, you will have a dream about a similar fluttershy, and she will take your soul and make you her minion' and all of that demented jazz.

Seeing as how I had been looking for this picture, I went to work to debunk it. Since five minutes seem to always work, or in this case not work, I put on my headphones, set my favorite song to play for the entirety, and began to stare.

Four minutes and 30 seconds. The picture had began to blur, a common side effect of staring at something too long. Finally the song had ended and I blinked. The after image was burned in my retinas. It would go away within time.

I looked at my clock again. 2:50 am. I yawned, fatigue beginning to set in. I closed the window, sad I never got a chance to watch my favorite episode, shut down the computer, and walked up the stairs to bed. I turned off the lights, and almost immediately after that, I heard something fall. I took a look in the darkness and saw nothing. I assumed I was paranoid and continued my ascent. I opened the door to my room, slipped into bed and fell asleep.

I awoke, and found myself in a dark forest. I realized I was in a dream, but this was the most realistic dream I ever had. I heard a rustle behind me. I turned to look, and I saw what looked like a pony, but it was strange. It moved about all weird, like it didn't have any joints. I was beginning to get creeped out, so I closed my eyes and imagined myself on a sunny side beach. I opened my eyes, and the strange pony was closer, looking at me. I closed my eyes again, and imagined myself in New York, enjoying a hot dog. I opened my eyes, the pony was closer, and I realized it as the 'Bloodershy' I saw when I was awake.

I was desperate. This time I tried to imagine myself in my dingy apartment, the job I work at, anything but this place. I was afraid to open my eyes, but I had to. Slowly, I found myself staring right into the eyes of the dark Fluttershy.

"This is just a dream. This is just a dream. Please god, let it be just a dream." I began to chant.

"This isn't a dream, I'm afraid." The dark fluttershy said, her voice was like the very hell she was from.

"Yes it is! There's no way this is real, you're not real!"

"Then how can I do this?" She took my hand in her hoof, and then I felt a pressure. With a loud snap, my wrist was broken.

"AAAGGHHH! HOW THE HELL DOES THIS HURT!? THIS IS JUST A DREAM!" I tried to run away, but Bloodershy broke my legs before I could get the second step.

In intense pain, I got on my back to look at the dark fluttershy. She was five feet away, so I tried to crawl. She laughed, and I turned to look at her again. Now she was six feet away. I was too tired to crawl, and I laid there, staring at Bloodershy. Then, without warning, she was directly over me, I didn't even see her move.

I used my arms to support my upper body. She took my chin in her hoof, I was afraid she was going to snap my neck. Instead, she did something I never saw coming.

Our lips met, and my eyes widened. If I wasn't in such intense pain, I would have been embarrassed. Than my surprised turned to horror. I felt a liquid run into my throat. It tasted putrid. I tried to get away, but her grip was tight. Finally, the horrible tasting liquid stopped, and she let go. I turned over on my stomach, and threw up on the ground. The contents were the horrible liquid, which looked like black nothingness. I turned back to the dark Fluttershy, but she wasn't there. Then I passed out.

I woke up to the bed I fell asleep in. I looked around, everything was in it's place. I brought a hand to my chest and took a deep breath. It was just a dream.

I got out of bed, and went to the bathroom. I undressed and took a look into the mirror. I was horrified to see my reflection. My eyes were gone, and my mouth had black liquid dripping from it.

Now, everyone I look at, my friends and family, everyone looks like the horrible image that i saw in my mirror that day. I live alone, off the land in a place I'd rather not tell you, lest someone try to find me. Please don't look for me, I can't stand to see that face anymore. I just needed to tell the story, you don't have to believe me, but someone will believe it, which is good enough for me. Just, please, don't look for me.

Comments

[Insert Clever Name]

So, my first scary story WITHOUT a happy ending. how'd I do?

[Kintra]

Okay...uh... Let me just get this out of the way first, I dislike your story. Nothing to do with you im just not too big on grim dark involving the mane six, but since it was short I did read it and... Not bad. I mean, all things considered I liked it. Ill give it a 4.5.

[Bloodpool]

Nice! You should probably think about doing more of these.

[FunFiction]

As far as scary stories go, this wasn't too bad. It was like a pony take on a Creepy Pasta. I am not a huge fan of grimdark, but I like your writing style, and the way you started the story, although over used, seemed fresh and interesting. I think you've got alot of potential to write some truly "horrible" fics. Keep writing!

[Nightmare-sol]

MMMMOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR

[Lars]

It's...........um.....all I can think of is "nice" and "epic" but I have no idea how to fit those together in a way that does the fic justice.
Epicly nice? HORROR IS NOT NICE!
Nicely epic? NOT EPIC ENOUGH!

I'll just call it nicepic and be done with it. Heh.

[IronPuddinG]

220626
That is a nice pic indeed...

Now I'm going to stare at that pic and see if it works. Probably a stupid idea but meh.

[TimeRarity64]

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF It is cool. But, I like to say the character must have suffer internet insanity.

That's what happens when you disobey a warning. Now excuse me I must defeat the rainbow llama.

[Ethera]

Oh i just had the weirdest thought from this title picture, "flutterryuk"

[Lucefudu]

For a first story, this is very, very nice. I am very glad that you didn't write a Cupcakes spin-off for your first try at dark.

Some things that I would like to point out:
1: This was very predictable. On a dark fanfic, you might want to avoid that. You want to catch your reader by surprise, but you don't want to overdo the 'monster waiting in dark corner' cliché. Heres a very good example of what a dark MLP:FiM fanfic should be like: Salty Shores, by Garnot.
(Personally, I think that the [Dark] tag should be itself tagged with [Salty Shores], not the other way around.)

2: This was too short. You might want to increase the story's size just to better grasp the reader's attention. I know that in this particular story, this hint can't be implemented. But if you ever give more dark fanfics a shot, keep this in mind. You cannot rush us readers into the middle of the battle. We must feel the calm before the storm. Y'know, that strange/unsetting situation on which you just can't shake off the sense of dread. And be sure to make it one heck of a storm!
(A little hint, always show the reader the Darkest just before dawn. Even if the dawn never comes, give us readers the feeling of hope and crush it).

3: This is a first-person narrative, so I'll let you slip by with that telling, not showing. But if you ever do a third-person narrative, pay close attention to the details in each scene. You want to make your story feel alive.

4: The calmness in which the 'narrator' speaks is in almost irritating! I mean- come on. He's telling the story from a point in the future; which means that he already got 'Fluttershyed' (for the lack of a better word). And even though he knows what'll happen to him, he is almost nonchalant about it.

3.5/5

[The Escaped Phyco Hero]

Dear god. I LOVED IT

[MrMinimii]

219284 First of all, I loved the story. It was greatly written and dragged me in.

Now that I got praise out of the way, I feel I should tell you. Your picture, it makes me laugh.
If you've every seen Gerbil in a light socket from Joe Cartoon then you get the reference, but all I can think when I see that pinkie pie is, "Look at my eye-boobies. You're jealous of my eye-boobies."

But I loved the story none-the-less.

[Jumpitydude]

Yeah, this is a story for the horror fans.

[Insert Clever Name]

220521 So, you dislike it, yet you like it?
My brain hurts. stop it.

220533 Eh, I usually write stuff when the creative juices are flowin, and they decided to flow on that picture. next thing I write probably won't be as creepy.

220556 I'm flattered, but I would have to come up with a better pen name. General Sprinkles, totally original

220626 Let's just go with 'it's a good story'

220653 Don't do it, meester man!

220875 Thanks for the criticism. I'm personally tired of all the Cupcakes spin offs myself.

220926 Oh my god, Joe cartoon is still around? That shit is older than homestar runner

So, did anyone guess the fanfic I mentioned in the story?

[Kintra]

221137 Yep, I hate grim-dark, but only when its involving the mane six as the desecraters/ees I just cant do it. But as far as that goes, I actually kind of liked this, in some weird way. I don't know, my brain hurts too.

[wolfeprocter]

Moral of the story: Too much grimdark is bad for the brain.

[Antny]

@ Insert Clever Name

I don't know if this has been asked already or not, but i'm just curious. Did you make that bloodershy pic yourself? And what was your insperation? I hope
this is not a dumb or personal question. Reason i asked is cause i personally like it. :)

And i liked the story to.

[Insert Clever Name]

221238 No, I just saw the pic on deviantart, and at the same time read this comic. http://bit.ly/qfbzor

I get inspiration from the weirdest things.

[Silvers]

alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/surprised-reaction-guy.png
this is my face when i seen the picture.

[Lordlyhour]

Sooo... What? Basically some of the Tailsdoll Mythos but with ponies? Bleh.
It failed to be scary and it wasn't very good. If this was an animation, It Might've been freaky, but in story form the "OGODOGOD THINGS ARE HAPPENING OHGODOHGOD MORE THINGS ARGH" Method Doesn't work. If you want to scare the Bejeebers out of someone, you can't just say "This thing was scary, this is why it was scary" You need to Lure the reader in and Imply the Horrific. Never state outright what the scary thing is because what you find terrifying, others may find tame. Leave the Reader's Brain to do the work for you.

Another note: This could've been much better if it Wasn't a self insert. If you'd written this from a third person perspective about a pony or even first person Pony perspective, it would've been creepier. Less "ohnoes a picture has come to life argle argle argle", more "oh Crap, the sweet and innocent is actually eldritch and Terrifying and I will never be believed if I tell someone" A very good example of the latter would be "Suffer the Little children" by Steven King

The ending was also very tame for a purported Horror fic "I woke up and my mouth had gunk in it and also everyone had Goop dripping from them" So? Everyone looks creepy? if Their creepiness REALLY got to you, go sit in a room for a while. It's far from mentally Scarring. You'd get used to it a day or so. You'd be suprised what the human brain can deal with. Festering Face Goo would be fairly low on the oh-crap-o-metre, honestly

[Insert Clever Name]

228416 yeah, I don't even know why I made it a self insert. Just makes the story bad, and me look creepy.

Anyway, this is just my first attempt at grimdark. Probably wont be more for a while.

[Lordlyhour]

228955 Hey, don't get put off writing grimdarks by my post. If I hated it, I wouldn't have bothered to review it. I think you could certainly get to the point where your Fics are freaky as all hell, you just need to practice a bit.

[SwiperTheFox]

He got to kiss her but he didn't fuck her? Laaaaaaaame... Wake me up when there's a penis inside a black liquid filled hole.

...

...

But in all seriousness, I think that this was a good little story. I can't say that it really scared me at all, but I liked the way it was written.

220875
He makes good points. But, then again, I'm basically only interested in grimdark when it's grimclop, so I'm far from the target audience.

[Insert Clever Name]

231378 YOU AND GRIMCLOPS, MAN!
Not everything has to end with sex you know.

... I dare you to try to write a grimclop based on zombie mane 6.

Oh god, it would be a throwup fest.

[SwiperTheFox]

231443
The Pinkie grimclop will be coming soon enough, don't worry...

And for this story, come on now, all of that sneaking up on you on your bed and her positioning her body over you, and the deep kissing that basically becomes dark mystical oral sex... It's got clop undertones all through it.

[ScarlettBlade]

Hey dude can I read your fanfic, and post it on the tube? And also may I use your pic as well. This would be my first reading so yeah. BTW I love your story, and am testing teh myth right now

[Insert Clever Name]

244232 I assume 'the tube' is Youtube?
Sure, go ahead.
Just provide a link to the video.

[Obsidian Warrior]

Sweet Jesus have mercy on me

[lightenupmyday]

i kinda want to have this dream though that sounds gross but it's true even if she was devil incarnate i would still see her as flutter shy so please tell me this is it a real picture and did you have the nightmare?

[Errorness]

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc59ujKFtB1qmt85zo1_1280.png

[UfUnNyF1r3nd]

I-I-I-ts not real right?!.!.!,..!?!?!!?!?!?!?

[Insert Clever Name]

4313653

Oh dude, it's totes real

[TyriusTheVA]

https://youtu.be/QgXan6BkTUQ Hello everyone. I've done a reading of this if you're interested! :)