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Comment posted by Jphyper deleted Dec 29th, 2013

PonySlayer

PonySlayer #2 · Dec 29th, 2013 · · ·

Da faq did I just read?
Since i read your cry for help I read your story, but I didn't get the whole nipple dark matter thing. I kinda laughed at that part. all and all its was good... cured my boredom

SilverMistMLP

SilverMistMLP #3 · Dec 29th, 2013 · · ·

1. The fuck did I just read?
2. Why did I read this out loud?
3. I could not stop laughing. Holy shit.

CrimsonEquine

CrimsonEquine #4 · Dec 29th, 2013 · · ·

3698356
3698365
Thanks!

SilverMistMLP

SilverMistMLP #5 · Dec 29th, 2013 · · ·

3698406
No problem! I read this out loud to a friend of mine in our Skype call, and the faces he made were hysterical!

PonySlayer

PonySlayer #6 · Dec 29th, 2013 · · ·

3698365
nice to see you!

PonySlayer

PonySlayer #7 · Dec 29th, 2013 · · ·

3698406
Your completely welcome!

Tommy

Tommy #8 · Dec 29th, 2013 · · ·

WTF lmfao the ending was so random great story i love it.

Eater-of-Worlds Smooze

Eater-of-Worlds Smooze #9 · Dec 30th, 2013 · · ·

Twilight stood near the portal she teleported to

she had* teleported to

She looked at her portal, it was closing fast and soon disappeared out of existence.

She wasn't the young filly she used to be, her mane was white and streaked with one lone purple color.

She looked onward at the expanding darkness with a bubble of light shining off the distance, no doubt that was her destination.

The black ichor slithered out of the tree and made itself known, it was a snake, a black snake smiled at her entry.

Comma splices.

leaping off the land onto another and another leading her way until she made it nearer and nearer to the light.

So... is she leaping from one floating piece of land to another, or is she leaping from one world (land) to another? Also, I'm not sure how one can lead one's own way.

gods third species

god's third species

The god was screaming in pain

This really should be in active voice.

Twilight as she masturbated with her cross.

This line gave away the whole "troll" aspect of this fic a bit early, in my opinion.

I would have liked this fic (as a trollfic), except for the grammatical issues. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you intended to take advantage of our expectation of a legitimate confrontation between Sparkle the Bearded and Satan. However, the grammatical errors, and the giveaway line detracted from the seriousness of the charade you were pulling and made me suspect I was reading a trollfic long before you pulled the big reveal. Nonetheless, lovely try. I did not expect the crotch tit sin blasters.

CrimsonEquine