When an 18 year old human finds a mirror in a cave and ends up in Equestria, her whole world is turned upside down. Now, she has to learn to be a pony until she finds a way back to her home. On her adventure, she meets new friends and foes along the way.
But, Bubblegum has a dark past that she would like to keep secret. Will her past get in the way of her relationship? Or will she try to move on past all of her hatred and hurt?
Whatever it is, Starlight will do whatever it takes to see wether or not she is a good pony based on her who, or more preferably what, her father is.
WARNING: CONTAINS EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL HURT
Chapters (58)
i hope you like the story
By the God-Emperor...
This needs an editor.
There should be a thread for that.
what do you mean?
7221613
I guess what he means is that there are a lot of things that could be improved in your chapters.
For example, your first chapter was mostly a giant block of text and needs to be spaced out. Besides that, I guess it lacks a lot of details that would describe the background, the character's actions, and the characters themselves through the rest of the chapters. But if its your first time writing, its not too terrible, but it would not hurt to see if you can get a friend or a pre-reader to see how they react to the stories you make and see what can be improved upon. I would also say I am not much of a writer either.
Also, how familiar are you to Fimfiction? Because most OC alicorn stories are not that popular (At least its not black and red), but that's just my opinion. If you have a plan about where this story is going, go ahead and write it (Fimfiction is a place to write after all). Just be careful about other people who might put you down, but criticism is criticism.
Oh. Well I'm trying to make it interesting.
I do. just here's a tip that I learned in my English sometimes use she or her (if it makes sence ) instead of bubblegum.
Ok. I will.
7243960
If you want the person to know you replied to them, go to their comment and click the reply button at the top right. Otherwise they won't know you said something to them.
7244202 ok
Does anyone like the story so far?
Yes
7302484 OH MY GOODNESS!!! THANK YOU!!!! THAT'S THE FIRST THING THAT ANYONE HAS SAID ABOUT THE STORY!!! (besides on my grammar. which I think is really good)
You know, the title isn't grammatically correct. It should be "Bubblegum's Adventure," as it is an adventure which Bubblegum has. As it is theirs, and I assume their name isn't Bubblegums, because people aren't plural, it needs an apostrophe between the m and the s.
I put an apostrophe there, it just didn't seem to get it on there
Well that was... a single paragraph chapter. Split it up more. One idea per paragraph. Split up an idea into two ideas if it gets more than 5 sentences.
Do you think people would have any questions, if that's all you told them? Try to think up questions someone might have, and answer them. Like how did she get there? What's her life like? What did the cave look like? What did the beach look like?
7319296 I changed it
I love this story
it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!!
Well, the secrecy bit didn't last long, did it? Now there are... 3... 4... at least 6 ponies in town who know already.
Hmm.... so if i'm to understand correctly, this "Shadow Alicorn" is like the remnant of Nightmare Moon, but still has her person -or pony- ality intact. Kind of like Nightmare after being separated from Siegfried. (the still-humanoid and the obviously-a-monster.)
i.ytimg.com/vi/tJf2YBNaTko/maxresdefault.jpg
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/soulcalibur/images/b/b6/Nightmare-in-soul-calibur-4.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20081210173636
though, irl they will eat meat when they come by it.
BTW, if you need a proofreader, PM me.
dude! you mussed a thing!
i don't know. I guess i'll read more of it but the formatting is still kind of bad. but it still deserves a chance. every story does.
ehh. I gave it a chance but the grammar is bad the story is very simple and childish and the human is named bubblegum. evidence points to a younger person, likely in their preteens. but at least you tried and put your story out there. more than others can say. it's a wonderful thing to write and I admire you for trying but I'm moving on to windier plains.
Definitely a lone wolf it i've ever seen one.
7435641 Thank you. I will try and make the story better. But one thing that is already making it better, is all the comments XD
7433821 sorry. This was all based on a dream I had
7433821 OK, so my story and my grammar get's better on through out the story. Just give it a third chance. Please? I started this when I was either 9 or 10 and I'm 11 now and figured out how to improve my writing skills.
7568016 what's the video about?
7569242 Oh. It's a part of a scene from The Happening. More fully, the scene goes
7569429 ok then....
7572555 just... when i saw that line i thought of that.
7572633 its ok. besides, its too funny XD
7572633 wait, do you read my story?
7581630 of course.
7581703 that makes me happy
7585335 i generally don't comment on stories i don't read. that's just kind of.... wrong, somehow.
7585494 yeah...
No wonder she's often depicted as being kind of frosty.
You DO mean Fahrenheit, right?
felt, tingling
7937036 yeah XD
7937041 I will change it
Awesome!!!! I wonder who the Shadow pony..
Me: hahaha... Beastman sounds like a shy pony.
Beastman: sh-shut up!
Physco: >> Chrome Masquerade....NOT FUNNY!!! *pull out a revolver*
Beastman: "chill" bro.
*Physco kills Beastman*
8009840 That's his name, Shadow. He's Luna and Celestia's brother.
Ah, the classic choice between Honour and Duty.
Beastman: poor Bubbles...maybe I shoul- GAH!
Physco: Beastman?
Beastman: (whispers) no...not again... GOT TO GO! *runs off*
Physco: weird moron..