Bubblegum's Adventure

by MLP Sparkle Star

Chapter Four, Secrets Safe With Me

Vinyl Scratch was excited to be an alicorn and be royal, while Octavia was still wondering how she did that.

"Hey Octavia, watch this." says Vinyl Scratch as she flies in the air.

"We have to fix this. So don't get used to being an alicorn for long." Says Octavia as she turns to Vinyl.

Bubblegum was running away so that they wouldn't see her and try to follow. She was depressed because of what happened, so she hid in an ally and fell asleep. When she woke up, there was a white unicorn in front of her.

"GAH! Who are you?" Bubblegum screams.

"Oh why hello darling. I'm Rarity. I saw you were in this ally and I decided to come see if you were all right?"

"Yeah, I'm Fine."

"Well, whatever are you wearing? It's absolutely dreadful." Says Rarity as she looks at the cape. "By the way, what's your name?"

"Oh, my name is Bubblegum."

"Nice to meet you Bubblegum. Let's go to my place so I can get into better clothes."

So Rarity and Bubblegum go to the carousel boutique. Bubblegum was worried that Rarity would find out her secret. Once they got to the boutique, Rarity immediately got to work on Bubblegum's outfit.

"So I'm thinking since your pink and blue, that i should go with something dark blue. Like a starry night. What do you think?" Says Rarity as she get's out the material's.

"Sure I guess."

Bubblegum's wings started getting cramped up behind the cape. Then, her wings spread out of her cape and her mane started flowing, her eyes were white, and she started floating and glowing.

"So Bubblegum dear, how about some stars on the dress." Rarity then turns around and sees Bubblegum is an alicorn! "GASP! your an alicorn? How can this be?"

Bubblegum falls to the ground and everything turned normal. Rarity couldn't believe that Bubblegum is an alicorn.

"Are you OK Bubblegum? You were floating."

"Ow... I got a cut from a nail sticking up out of the ground."

"Oh, I knew I should've got that taking care of."

"Listen Rarity, I can't let anyone find out I'm and alicorn, so can you keep this whole thing a secret."

"Yes. Your secrets safe with me."

Author's Note:

What will happen next? Find out in the next chapter.

Comments

[MLP Sparkle Star]

what do you mean?

[Venatus21]

7221613
I guess what he means is that there are a lot of things that could be improved in your chapters.

For example, your first chapter was mostly a giant block of text and needs to be spaced out. Besides that, I guess it lacks a lot of details that would describe the background, the character's actions, and the characters themselves through the rest of the chapters. But if its your first time writing, its not too terrible, but it would not hurt to see if you can get a friend or a pre-reader to see how they react to the stories you make and see what can be improved upon. I would also say I am not much of a writer either.

Also, how familiar are you to Fimfiction? Because most OC alicorn stories are not that popular (At least its not black and red), but that's just my opinion. If you have a plan about where this story is going, go ahead and write it (Fimfiction is a place to write after all). Just be careful about other people who might put you down, but criticism is criticism.