An Enderman wakes up in Equestria due to mysterious cricumstances, how will he cope with the fact everything is no longer Cubic and these new beings that he has never
met before.
Yeah I suck at these
Credit for pic goes to TheElusiveQuill
I'm Irish and I like ponies, hats and climbing, nothin else really
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This is a new and entertaining prospect of a story. I rather liked and enjoyed this first chapter. I'd love to see this continued
I think It would be beneficial to get an editor for this and see what you could do about your scentence structure (run ons) and text breakage (smaller paragraphs).
This is an interesting concept. Will read later.
Ah yes and this:
There needs to be a period at the end. These mistakes may not seem as too much of a deal but they really tick me off.
I read it. Fix the walls of text and this would be perfect.
This is going to be good.
Damn, not Ender's Game.
Clearly you've dealt with different Endermen than I.
Lucky bastard.
This entire paragraph is one gigantic run-on sentence. It would make more sense if it was written...
Great rhyme, I personally would change it a little. I would say...
“Eenie meenie miine mo, catch a creeper by the toe, if he hisses, let him go, run like the Nether 'cus he's going to blow!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This does not make any sense. Earlier with the Timberwolves he was pissed off because everything was round. Now he is disappointed to find cubes. Plus, the grammar is atrocious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Minecraft measurement system actually runs off of metric. All Minecraft blocks are 1 meter cubed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All in all, I have to say that your story is very "Interesting". I shall follow, however I will hold by thumbs up until a later date. You do not deserve a thumbs down, I just saw some things out of place that needed to be fixed (and a recommendation).
Have a .
Paragraphs tend to bunch up quite a bit. It can be very intimidating to come into a story and see such huge blocks of text.
Add some more line breaks. And also, since this is the first time it's come up with the last paragraph here, always start a new paragraph when a different person starts speaking. Every single time, always. Even if you clearly indicate who's talking, it's more proper and easy to read for most folks if you start a new line every time the speaker changes.
Anyway, I'm quite liking it.
Good lord. I don't like reading giant chunks of text. Indent your paragraphs.
Author, I have just contacted Lady Rarity. She said that, although she is highly confused as to what is happening, she is "very happy that such a misfortune fell upon that uncouth ruffian, Blueblood".
Ah the best introduction ever, trip over table and face plant floor then attempt to smooth it over like a boss.
I will never treat an Ender bad ever again...
MOAR
Beautiful.
Love the update
NO! Don't stop now!! I want more. Keep going! This is amazingly awesome-tastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANT MOAR!!!!!!!!!!
fuck twilight...
Twilight: STOP You Volated The Law
Ender: Nope
*sweetie and ender then run to the milkshake shop but after getting chased by the main six when the Benny Hill theme is on*
Ender: Please, oh please, Twilight. Under what terms am I arrested?
Twilight: Attacking Applejack...
Ender: She attacked me first.
Celestia: Due to the fact he acted in self defense that can not be held against him.
Twilight: ...disturbing the peace...
Ender: I walked into town with a flower and the pony-villagers had a mini-heart attack.
Discord: I "disturb the peace" all the time, but I don't get in trouble. Plus, in Ponyville, ponies scream and holler all the time. Shouldn't they get arrested for doing that, then?
Twilight: ...and breaking and entering.
Ender: At Sweet Apple Acres I was invited in by the red pony, and I entered a public library during business hours, plus I never broke anything.
Luna: If that's true, then he never broke any laws.
Discord: If you feel like listing off some more laws that are completely irrelevant to this scenario, I'm going to go put a bunch of alien face-huggers in Blueblood's chambers. Maybe ask my ol' pal Cthulhu to pay him a visit...
3302232 LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Don't worry about it dude everyone gets writers block sometimes
3301598
I'd pay alot to see that XD
So funny!!!!!!!
I'm doing something similar in a story of my own with how they attack on sight.
I'm faving this.
T: your under arrest!
E: For what?!?
T: Being black!
E: YOU RACIST BITCH!!!!!!!
I said.... MORE, MORE, MORE, MOAAAR!!!!!!!!
OMAKE?
Needed this for sooooooooooo long....
You said cats twice and skipped wolves. Great chapter, I await the next.
3555404 Thanks for pointing that out, and I meant Wolves by Dogs. Technically they still are, you just have to tame them
3556282
However, the same goes for ocelots and cats, yet you said them separate.
I like, it good job!
I'm really wishing that there was more separation of lines when new people start speaking. Conventionally you're supposed to do it every time the speaker changes, but at this point I'd settle for just like every other time it changes or something. Or every third time it changes. The paragraph lengths seem totally arbitrary though, and it gets hard for me after a while to be sure who's speaking in some situations.
That, and being used to the convention for so long, it all looks kind of ugly to me to see all the conversation bunched up.
I love this story soooo much!!!
I would like to thank everypony for the support they have shown with this story, don't worry it's not ending, but I would like to hear some of your ideas based on the last chapter, a bit of help would be quite appreciated, thank you.
Fucking fantastic
Bravo.
I didn't think the endermen thought of herobrine as evil
3776870
imgc.artprintimages.com/images/art-print/brainstorm-fucking-fantastic_i-G-67-6738-IS3Z100Z.jpg
Booooooooo! Drink some iced tea and I'll like it.
I would like to see him visit octavia again, meet the doctor,go to appleloosa or the crystal empire.
I'd like to see him fight a villain like Chrysalis, Sombra, Nightmare Moon, and Tirek that would be an awesome battle
I'd mostly like to see him battle Tirek
you bitch why you use cliff-hanger!!!
HIS NAME IS.....
Amethyst?
Rick? (hehe like brick )
Simone?
Docile? (See what I did there?)
Yurik?
Mov? (Greek for purple )
I DONT KNOW JUST MAKE IT COOL
Bob
Smooze
The destroyer of worlds (galacticus)
Lego
Mrs Cuddles
Void
Far lander
Bob The builder
He can't remember
I'm not going to fix all the mistakes so don't get hopeful...
Maybe I'll go through it properly later but right now I'm reading :U
As soon as his eyes had stopped travelling up my legs and torso
I took it as “stop” and “don’t like it.”
The native eyed me, with curiosity in his eyes.
(You probably can't see it, but the mistakes are the commas and full stops)
We made eye contact again and I could tell that he could tell that I wasn't a threat, “Alright, listen here for a moment,”
A barn? What’s a barn?
I think his name should be either Nohbdy or Dunno. But, if you are going for something a bit more serious, I would suggest Finem (it's Latin for End).
Thank you all for the suggestions, and to Warrior Kitten for telling me the mistakes I'm not sure what to name him right now, but I have had some ideas as to what he will be doing <-- he will also be meeting him. Thank you all once more, and I promise I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner
Frienderman? End E. R. Man? Ray Narvaez Jr?