Since the disappearance of the regal sisters nearly one thousand years ago, the world has been marred by war and devastation. Airships fly overhead carrying bombs capable of obliterating entire armies. Soldiers carry sword and pistol as they march from one battlefield to the next. It is an endless cycle of destruction that has carried on for nearly a millennium. Now, Queen Trixie's army marches east, planting the seeds for an evil that threatens to tear the world asunder. A librarian in search of her purpose, a politician who dreams of peace, a struggling farmer, a hyperactive philanthropist, a battle scarred soldier, and a pegasus shrouded in darkness are the only hope to putting an end to the cycle of destruction.
Note: Although the world presented in this story shares certain similarities and parallels to the culture and events occurring around World War 2, this story is not intended to be an historically accurate representation of the actual events of the war.
Note: I've removed the pov switch asterisk breaks from the previous chapters and replaced them with the cutie mark of the character whose pov is being presented. Also, just to clear up any confusion, Sharp's rank is now Colonel and Siegfried's full rank is General Field Marshall. The first change was done last night and the previous changes were done a few weeks ago.
will the royal sisters eventually show up
3092364 I don't really want to spoil too much, but I will say that you do find out exactly what caused their disappearance and what happened to them.
Hello, I'm your WRITE reviewer for today.
So far, I've just read the opening chapter, as I feel that beginnings are particulariy important in writing and are best reviewed almost independently of the story-proper.
I do tend to a very casual style of review, but I also fully intend to go over various aspects from technicalities to the more abstract concepts.
^ I'll go through this as well, be assured.
On to the review proper:
My favourite scene was actually that of Twilight Sparkle, the one which opens the whole show. There's a healthy dose of action, and plenty of things being alluded to and suggested without the narrative having to take time away from the story to do it. The initial war scene asserts very quickly the Dark and Alt Verse tags, not only in the large scale (the war going on) but also in the immediate frame, with the vandal youth looters. Their prescence in the story is brief, but useful in showing that all is not well in the magical land of Equestria
This is the very first thingie of a waking character. I found it very satisfying, because in a single sentence you convey a Twilight Sparkle that is scarred, resigned, defeatist, uneasy, likely with some extent of denial, etc. The scene goes on to establish several useful alt-verse facts; primarily who this Twilight Sparkle is, how she is the same and how she is different, most strikingly not being the Magus Ascendant of canon. The sudden, unanticpated arrival of the ironclad airship serves as a good image of what is looming on the horizon, but the narrative stays with the character's perspective and concerns of her own life and day.
From there we move primarily into Appljack's
P.O.WP.O.V, and it was also around this point we had the map of the world explained. I found the countries, their places and politics, became dreary fast. Solaria and Lunaria are interesting, and a word on them is useful as there is no exact counterpart on Earth, but the lengthy descriptions of Brittania, Prance, Ponland, Germaneigh, (and so on) seemed all too unncessary and distracting. Once it's apparant that the story follows as a real-world allegory with these, it shouldn't have been necessary to then explain to the reader what and where the 'real' countries are. This took away from page-space that I'd have rather seen applied to developing Twilight or Applejack's situation and character in a way similiar to the first scene.On an aside...
Three guess as to which country I'm from, and the first two don’t count.
Although that doesn't make the drinking thing any less true 
Applejack's scenes are hardly her scenes at all, rather, they are exposition minefields. We get some history, some genealogy, and some politics, and Applejack becomes something of a mouthpiece to lecture. The only distinct character traits I took away from this is that she's A) - living in Ponland and B) - she's Jewish
Well... I suppose it follows naturally that a story that uses real-world counterparts would use real-world history as well though again, the exposition used to convey all this eats up the pagespace that'd I'd rather have seen gone to establishing the character's or their immediate setting (as opposed to their global setting)
I imagine your Rarity as being Churchill. This pleases me greatly.
Whether or not this is your intent, that is the image I’m sticking with. 
The exposition lain down before would have been more at home in her's and Trixie's scenes as, being global leaders, it's only more natural for them to actively put thought, action and dialogue into the schemes of whole nations. Rarity's moment with the attendant was a fine example of using tiny things that otherwise don't further the plot to effectively portray the character. Trixie, for her part, as yet to establish much of herself beyond Big Bad.
Right. Let's take a brief Scootaloo intermission from that before moving on to look at grammar and such.
There we are. Now: Grammar. I picked up a few typos and such as I read through, though on the whole you're comprehension and application of sentence and paragraph structure is commendable. While there are no indentations to be spoken of, it's my opinion that they're not particulary necessary considering this is FimFic, and the drudgery of going back to insert them all is not to be dwelled on.
Most errors I spotted were simple typos, particularily homonym confusion. "allies" should have been "alleys" in one early sentence. ...cobblestone street lacks a blank line for a new paragraph. "in tact" is usually writ as "intact". Filthy rich was missing a capitilization. A few other small errors were about the place, none of too much concern.
Here the entire sentence (and geography exposition) is confused, with missing words. Also, Germany is east by north-east of France, with Saudi Arabia being mostly east with a little south, if I'm not mistaken.
OVERALL - I liked how the story began, the very-very beginning. It suggested a scope and tone without having to stop and explain the scent of roses (or in this case, burnt out Canterlot homes and shops) and moves on nicely into Fillydelphia with that same trend of laying the background happenings without having to call attention to them. As the chapter progressed, this trend sadly died out and was replaced with too much and too frequent exposition.
Just from what I've seen, Harmony Arisen runs the risk of becoming more of a History Channel documentary than a story, one with characters and interactions and plotlines and conflicts.
There, I'm keen to say, a good potential to apply that Adventure tag. War is of such a magnitude that the characters could move any innumerable pathways and still be part of it and have it impact their lives.
My Own Opinions (where I be slightly persnickety...more persnickety, anyway) :
I'd have liked to have the scene's be longer, and to to focus more on the characters in them. I cannot emphasize enough that character development is, if not the key (and it may well be) than at the very least a fundamental cornerstone in founding a story. As it was, the jumps between scenes were a little too quick to come, all the more so after too little substance in each (all the pagespace having gone to exposition, recall)
Otherwise, an interesting story that's aiming high on the bar for world building, and shows a writing capacity capable of pulling it off.
If you would like me to continue reviewing additional chapters, please let me know by reply or pm.
P.S. - The story description is very nice as it is. I don't think it needs an overhaul at all.
3104980 Thank you very much for your review! :D I will definitely try to work on the things you mentioned. If you would be okay with continuing to help me through reviewing more chapters, it would be very much appreciated.
Yes, that introduction is solid. It's packed with action and energy, and it does a good job of establishing things quickly. That's how you hook readers on!
3115590 Thank you so much for taking the time to review this!
Seeing an unbiased opinion has helped me out tremendously in terms of finding flaws and thinks to fix. I'm currently taking your advice and working on how to flesh out Applejack and Trixie better in that first chapter. I'll definitely work on the things you mentioned on the second chapter as well, once I'm finished with that. 
You have my attention.
Seriously this is gonna be great, i can tell.
One word: DAYYYYYMMMMMMM!!!
3204937 Thank you once more for another insightful review!
I definitely agree with your review and plan on going back and rewriting that chapter. I'm currently rewriting most of Chapter 4 and will try and fix portions of 1 and 2, as well as the entirety of 3 in the coming weeks.
3253329 Thanks once again! I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond. I've been busy with school and reworking the entirety of the story so far, so I haven't had too much spare time until recently. If you're still interested, I would very much appreciate it if you could continue reviewing my story and giving me constructive feedback as I'm sure there's still much for me to improve upon.
More!
Ok, even though its been 5 years since an update, I`m gonna guess who is who:
A librarian in search of her purpose=Twilight
A politician who dreams of peace=Rarity
A struggling farmer=Applejack
A hyperactive philanthropist=Pinkie
A battle scarred soldier=Rainbow
A Pegasus shrouded in darkness=Fluttershy
I`m pretty sure everyone could guess this though.